I love to rollerblade. I have been rollerblading for several years now, as long as I have been quit, and possibly before that. In my area of the world we have some excellent bike trails that are paved and safe for rollerblading. I recently moved, so I have a new trail that I blade on now. It is in a metropark and it is out in the country, about 7 miles from my town. There are miles and miles and miles of trails in that park.
The land that surrounds it is owned by people who have horses and they also ride through the same woods on different paths, sometimes crossing the bike trail. So there are bikers, horseback riders, rollerbladers, runners, and dog walkers in that park. And there are enough trails for all of us to be secluded. Last night I was there in the evening after work. And it was warm and sunny and just about perfect for rollerblading. I pulled my van into the parking lot and sat in the back getting my blades on and wondered how the trails were, if there were a lot of sticks from the trees overhead, or if there were a lot of dog walkers, which is also catastrophe to rollerblader. Ha ha
Anyhow, what I want to say is this … I fell twice last night. I chose to fall. The trails were wonderful, and I was able to go very fast. They twist and turn and have small mild hills that weave in the deep forest. It smells like pine and fresh rain. The birds are singing as I fly through their world. And I was taking the turns way too fast and wrecklessly. I came to a hill that looked like it was too steep for me and tried to brake, but couldn’t, tried to slow down, but couldn’t … and finally I decided to just step off the pavement into the grass, knowing that would take me down a lot more gentle than the hard pavement. So I chose to fall.
We choose most of what we do in life. I could say that it was an accident, but it wasn’t. I knew I was going way too fast, but I loved it. I loved the feel of the wind in my hair and the way the wheels moved under my feet. I loved the way my body leaned with the curves and became practically airborne. I loved it too much to stop or to be more careful. I chose to fall.
When you are in a quit and you slip, you too choose that fall. You choose it because of one reason or another, but nevertheless, you choose it. You choose to pick up that cigarette in your fingers and lift it to your lips and light it. And you choose to inhale it.
Whenever I think about how hard life is on me and how much I want to smoke to take me away from it, I think about all the steps I have to go through in order to smoke. I have to stop at the store on purpose. I have to walk in and ask for the cigarettes, on purpose. I have to carry them to my car and then find a light (because I’ve long ago lost all my pretty lighters). And I have to make the conscious choice to inhale that cigarette. I have to choose to fall.
But, I know that the fall I took last night was softer and gentler than the fall I would take if I chose to smoke. If I smoke it’s a bad fall and it leaves scars that might not heal so easily. So far I have sailed along without falling once in my quit. And I have had some very very rough roads along the way. But so far, I have made the conscious choice NOT to smoke.
As you progress through your quit, keep choosing the healthy choice and keep breathing the clean air around you. Keep your eyes ahead and know that whatever comes in front of you, whatever the obstacle is, you can handle it. And you can handle it without smoking.
