If you've ever been to a section D game and heard strange noises coming from the nearest bushes, then chances are the Section D super scout is watching the game also. Here is his definitive guide to all the sides the ISA has played this season so far....

Marks and Spencers Financial Services

Garrison Fields is where the M&S boys play their home games, an ideal setting in the heart of the Cheshire countryside - when you eventually find it-. It's rumoured that M&S have been plagued by crowd trouble all season as fans have turned up wearing nothing but black leather, carrying Whips, Chains and Handcuffs ever since a local newspaper got the Initials of the team the wrong way round one week. On the Field M&S are a team trying to come to terms with life in Section D, after being relegated from C last season. On what I saw of them they are of similar quality to the Custom House and were given a close game by a battling ISA side.

Bulls Head

A game away at the Bulls Head is the closest any Section D player, manager or supporter is going to get to a taste of playing in Europe. Deep in the Heart of Frodsham is where the Bulls play, and for any fans who can't be bothered paying the admission fee to get into the ground, I recommend a trip along the M56 with a convenient breakdown just near the Runcorn turn off as this has excellent views of Bulls Head home games. The dressing rooms here have to be the smallest in the entire league and have moved a good 6 feet to the left since the ISA turned up with it's tour party of 26 and tried to get all of them into it at once. The Bulls were another side to score 8 past the ISA, but it's hard to say how good a side they were that day as the ISA were totally awful, making it hard to judge.

Lock Vaults

Remember the advert on the TV "I liked it so much, I bought the company"? Well the ISA liked playing at the Vaults home ground so much they made it home too. For those of you who know the local pubs in Chester then be warned that if you wanna walk to a Vaults home game from the pub itself then set out about Noon on Friday, as the team actually play on the other side of Chester in Saltney. A black and Very Bright Yellow striped shirt wins the Lock Vaults the award of brightest kit in Section D, and as a result of that there's rumours flying round that the kit man is being lined up for a big money move to the Highfield Reserves to try and work his magic on them. The Vaults have not been able to beat the ISA side this season, with the ISA gaining a draw and an impressive 4-0 win against their groundsharing rivals.

Probably the finest side in the whole of Section D, certainly the most impressive anyway. The Ferry are hot favourites with the bookies, to take the Section D title this season, and many a professional punter can be seen putting them in a double with Global Travel to leak 100 goals for the season. With the ISA moving to Saltney the Ferry is now a local derby game for the ISA, and you can now expect close games between the two sides as the derby atmosphere sets in. The same way you expect a close game if Rangers played local rivals Partick Thistle or Celtic played near neighbours Queen's Park.

"The Trav" are the Eric the eel of Section D... Whilst everyone admires their spirit and determination, they're finding it very hard to keep their head above water. The ISA v GT game at the Roodee earlier on this season was an 18 goal classic, with the ISA getting their first win of the season scoring 11 of those goals. The main aims for Global for this season will be to get themselves a win or two on the board, and 22 matching socks.

Custom House

The hosts for Chester City ISA F.C's first ever game, so nerves may have got the better of them on this day. The team play home games at Westminster Park in a Black and Red stripe little number. A.C Milan they certainly are not but do have a number of trick cards up their sleeve, namely the bloke with the exceedingly long throw-in.

Highfield Reserves

A mixture of Experience and Youth is what you get on a Visit to Blacon to see the Hife Reserves in action. One of the more established sides in the Division as the faded colours in the kit will tell you. A Very pale Yellow Shirt that's seen more washing machines than a comet repair man, and Blue shorts is the order of the day for the Highfield.

The above reports were prepared on behalf of the site by SDSS for the 2000/01 season, and may now be out of date (slightly!)...