Mission Impossible: Taking the Dream on Tour

Location: A non-descript phone box in Blacon
Time: Unknown
Date: Sometime in April

Voice: "Good morning Mr Coleman. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to infiltrate a football tournament posing as a entrant football team, Chester City ISA FC.  The tournament is due to take place in the north of England, Blackpool to be exact. The date of the tournament is 7th June 2003. Your mission is to enter and win the tournament and capture what we believe to be a highly valuable football trophy. Intel suggests that there will be eleven other teams in the tournament all vying for the same prize. In order to complete your mission it is imperative that you select 11 other I:M agents. We recommend your I:M Force consists of Agents Johnson, Edwards, Bailey, Wellings, Reynolds, Thomas, Hocking, Painter, Burke, Bartlett and Ditchfield, all of whom are specialists in this type of operation. Once you mission is complete you are to lay low for the remainder of the evening, raising as little suspicion as possible. As always, should you or any of your I:M Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions. This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds. Good luck Bryan."

And so it began...

Saturday 7th June: Having had a long lay-off after the end of the season a select few members of the team set off to the Blackpool 7-a-side tournament. With Bryan "the Cat" Coleman in charge and the likes of ISA reject Andy Johnson and stalwarts Scott Ditchfield and Steve Painter a lot was expected. Losing was not an option. Coleman had assembled a team of 12 players to take part and had taken the liberty of booking 8 of us in a hotel in Blackpool for the night, to enable a night out celebrating. We met up bright and early and travelled in convoy to Blackpool, stocked up on food and plenty of water to stave off dehydration. It was clear that the day would be long and hard, especially in the blazing sun which greeted us. The only absentee was Ditchfield, forced to work by a callous boss, who would meet us there as soon as he could. No doubt about it, the "Dream" was definitely going on tour.

Upon arriving at the pitches, earlier than expected despite "Miss Daisy" Kevin Thomas holding the rest up, a bit of practice was had before the tournament started. Our league consisted of 6 teams, the others being Blackpool, Watford, Wigan, Darlington and Blackburn. First up was Watford. Coleman went with a reasonably strong starting 7, knowing the importance of getting off to a good start. With Johnson leading the line all things were possible, and after a strong ISA start the inevitable goal came, Johnson the scorer. The lads then continued to press but couldn't find the second goal. With only minutes left the changes were rang and the role-on role-off substitution system was used to full effect. Whether the changes led to a bit of complacency or not, Watford were allowed to score an equaliser, the game ending 1-1. Next up was Blackpool, in what was now a must win game for the Blues. Coleman shuffled his pack once more, bringing impressive newcomer Andy Bailey into the starting 7. After a tense opening it was inevitably Johnson who opened the scoring. Blackpool hit back with a bit of pressure and, with the ISA on the back-foot, Johnson inexplicably stepped into the penalty box to concede a penalty. We were gutted, but Coleman stepped up to the plate and made the penalty save. The Blackpool James Beattie look-a-like had opted for power over placement and the diving "Cat" was able to claw the ball away to safety. Revitalised, the ISA found another gear and it was Bailey who scored the second, thus securing victory. A bit of sloppy defending let Blackpool get a goal back, but by then the match was won.

With that first win under our belts confidence rose and we went into our next two games against Blackburn and Wigan with a purpose. Two wins later we were flying. Against Blackburn goals by Bailey and, quite surprisingly, Hocking secured a 2-0 win. Good performances all around marshalled at the back by the ever-impressive Coleman, Wellings and Painter, coupled with the attacking flair of Johnson and Bailey and the team was on a roll. Next up was Wigan. The game started at a frenetic pace with the opposition doing their best to put us off our game by being quite physical and committing numerous fouls. The lads got over the initial rough stuff, and boosted by the arrival Scott Ditchfield, began to take control of the game. A couple of good moves eventually led to the Baghdad Bullet himself opening the scoring with what can only be described as, well, a bullet. As in the previous matches changes were made primarily in attack, although it was Ditchfield again who scored the second to top off a 2-0 victory. 10 points from a possible 12 and the lads were now certain of qualification to the next group stage, appropriately titled "The Champions League".

Attention now turned to the scoring system being employed in the final upcoming group. The league had been set up in a Super Sixes type format, whereby rather than play teams twice, points from previous games were carried through. Therefore, the lads went into the final group game against Darlington knowing a win would mean we progressed with maximum points. Unfortunately Darlington were a steadfast bunch, who defended deep and looked to hit on the break. A nil - nil draw followed and the lads were going through with 4 points. A look at the other table showed that Chelsea too were going through with 4 points, the others having either 1 or 2 points. We were definitely in a promising position. Given some timing problems with the fixtures it was a good hour before the Champions League got started, and with Johnson's injury playing up we knew we would be in for a struggle. Our first game was against Dublin, a jolly bunch of Irishmen who had turned up late and played all there games consecutively without rest. Lambs to the slaughter you might think? Well think again. Whether we were just complacent or not, we just weren't at the races and slipped to a 1-0 defeat, our first and only of the tournament.

We moved onto Chelsea in what seemed to be the decisive game in the tournament. Win it and the Trophy would surely be ours. Lose and that was it. Coleman changed the team around from the previous defeat and, although perhaps not his strongest 7, the lads gave a true fighting performance and came away with a 1-0 win, courtesy of Marc Edwards, who was starting to attract the attention of some young girls [ by which I mean 12 year olds] on the side line. The Dream was back alive, although it soon became apparent that Blackpool had passed under the proverbial radar and a crunch situation arose. With one game left each, us, Blackpool and Chelsea were on 7 points. Our only saving grace was Blackpool had to play Chelsea. A draw in that game and an ISA win and the title was ours. Unfortunately Blackpool won and due to their superior goal difference it transpired that we needed to win our last game by 6 goals. After a valiant effort we only managed to win by 2 goals to nil, Johnson bagging them both. We had come second on goal difference. Gutted. A distraught Edwards was heard saying, "I have dreamed a dream, but now that dream is gone from me". With heads held we went to the pub afterwards and had a drink with the other teams. After all, we had comfortably beaten the team who had won it.

It's fair to say that there was no disgrace in coming second and all 12 of the lads that went should be proud of their performance. Honourable mentions must go to 2 of the players [although of course I don't mean to offend the rest]. Andy Bailey and "Baldy" Bryan Coleman. The former played brilliantly the whole tournament, despite not being familiar with other members of the team and also weighed in with some important goals. Surely if we get the opportunity we can't let a potential signing like this slip through the net. Coleman played superbly in goal and as promised only let in three goals the whole tournament. He saved a penalty and was consistently good throughout. He was also the player voted as our best in the tournament, by his peers - us. Also some great support was received from Mickey and Julie, who we thank.

So there you go, with the football out of the way we moved onto what I like to call the business-end of the day: drinking, a separate report on which will follow. Believe me, a separate report will be required.

Tyler Durden