Learning to Achieve Emotional Control

            Throughout life your behavior is influenced by the conscious and the subconscious parts of your mind. The conscious part is the mental activity you are aware and can control. The subconscious part of your mind has been described by William Menninger as a "storehouse of forgotten memories." It is mental activity that goes on without your knowledge.

            Research conducted by Eric Berne helps us understand the influence of subconscious mental activity. He developed transactional analysis, a way of analyzing the transactions that take place when two people meet. Berne discovered that everyone's personality is composed of three distinct parts called "ego states": Parent, Child, and Adult. People do not remain permanently fixed in any of these ego states but may fluctuate from one to another depending on the situation.

            The contacts you have with people at work involve a series of transactions between ego states. With practice you can learn to analyze transaction is one that determine which of your ego states (Parent, Adult, or Child) is speaking and which ego state the other person is using.

           Transactions between people can be classified into three major categories: complementary, crossed, and ulterior. A complementary transaction is one that occurs when a message, sent from a specific ego state, gets the predicated or desired response from a specific ego state in the other person. A crossed transaction occurs when the sender of the message does not get the response that was expected or desired. An ulterior transaction occurs when the message says one thing but has another meaning. Both crossed and ulterior transactions often cause breakdowns in communication. Making the correct response to each transaction requires considerable control over your emotions. Emotional maturity is an important key to success at work.