The drive to New York City is smooth, up until the New Jersey area. I am a genius so I always use MapQuest, but it doesn't matter since you still get lost. So we got detoured somewhere in New Jersey. Let me tell you, the traffic there is god awful (rush hour). After asking for directions like a bitch several times, we finally found the way to the city, through the Lincoln Tunnel (like cave-dwelling hermits). The traffic in New York is every man (especially taxis) for themselves. We were lucky that I am such an awesome driver.

Out of all the budget and economic hotels I've stayed at in my life, this place we stayed at was defiantly the worst. There was literally 50 plus layers of coated paint on the walls - they would never strip the paint, just keep painting over it - even on the doors and stuff. Bunk-beds, with mattresses of a sponge-like foam, covered with one white sheet. I'm pretty sure the A/C didn't work well. The only thing protecting us from a crackhead robbery was a single fishhook lock that had definitely seen better days. Did I mention the floor shared a bathroom? Did I mention $79.95 for one night? Did I mention we were staying in Harlem? Well, it is only for sleeping.

That night, we decided to be dumb tourists and go to Times Square via the subway. I love the subway. It is so fucking cool! However, Rochelle did not. It made her violently ill (or something did). I hate that everything in New York requires walking. You have to fucking walk everywhere. You have to walk to the subway, you have to walk to the stores, you are ALWAYS walking up and down stairs. But anyway, we were at Times Square at night, but you couldn't tell at all. It is unreal how much neon and electricity illuminates that section of town. The city never sleeps. It's so true.

Rochelle puked like eight times that night - once in the middle of Times Square so bystanders probably thought she was a drunkard or crack-addict - and like three times at least in the bathrooms of Planet Hollywood. In other news, Time Square has a huge Toys 'R Us (this company is going bankrupt anyway) with a lot of dinosaurs. And there is a Hello Kitty and MTV store (cause mainstream music is SO COOL!) and a Watch Store and a lot of T-shirt stands and shit. Lots of commercials everywhere.

I WAS going to put a picture here, but Nancy won't DEVELOP THE PICTURES! WE WENT IN FREAKIN' AUGUST, IT'S DECEMBER NOW!

Hey! She developed the pictures (actually I did) - too bad the awesome picture of the throw up is on Rochelle's camera (here's a temporary picture)

Oh, we took a taxi back since we are stupid and don't know how to use the subway at night - plus it would make Rochelle sick again. So Nancy had to hail a taxi since I was only trying to flag down the ones with passengers cause I'm a dumb ass. And the driver was a stereotypic Arabic - who drives more aggressively than me (Arabians are the ONLY group of people that seem to drive more aggressive than me).

Next day, saw all of Manhattan, even though there are 'terror alerts' everywhere. Central Park is just a big park. There are some hills and a lot of joggers and serious bikers. Manhattan is not confusing as a city, the layout is quite simple, but we still got lost in the park. I have no sense of direction sometimes.

Another debunked myth of New York - things there aren't that expensive. Well, I'm sure rent is through the roof (shitbag hotel cost $80), and driving must be a hassle, but McDonald's still has a dollar menu. Gas was only like a quarter more expensive. The price of groceries is barely higher - the same with clothing and most everything else.

I think this is when Nancy and Rochelle found some clothing stores or pretty ponies or butterflies and teacups or something, so I had a random conversation with this black guy about how the government cheats you. We saw China town (lots of Asians, who would have guessed?). Some interesting local shops with jewel-encrusted cat statues. We saw Green Village? What was it called? Well, Rochelle got a weird piercing in the back of some dirty tattoo parlor - a lot of punk rockers and Sid and Nancy types hang out here. Little Italy - no Sopranos in sight. Thank god no one could find Madison Avenue which would lead to MORE SHOPPING.

Well, no terror attacks, so we went to the financial district anyway to see the ruined Trade Centers. It wasn't what I expected. Of course, I could never relate to what the people of New York went through - and I never saw the Trade Centers when they were up in the first place. It was almost surreal, like they had always not been there.

On the drive out of the city, and had to have missed the exit like 4 times before I caught it. I think police were searching cars for bombs on the way out, and they stopped like every car but mine - hell, they probably were trying to stop my car, but I wasn't paying attention and didn't feel like be frisked anyway. If they really wanted me to stop, they would've made a better effort.

When you are driving on the highway and the person you've been tailgating for a half mile starts to hit their brakes, you think to yourself 'hey dumbass, go slower!', but you never realize that they always stop for a reason. This semi-truck had caught fire on the side of the road, and you could feel the intense heat all the way from four lanes over. I kept waiting for it to explode or something.

Here's a picture:

I almost forgot - New York, for the most part, smells funny. Not ha ha funny - like backed up sewer funny. I did not enjoy the smells of New York.

Would I go back to visit? Maybe, it's likely. But I definitely would not want to live there. It's too crowded and noisy and you have to WALK SO MUCH! But it's a nice place to visit.

Back to Main - Sorry I'm still missing a picture - wait no I'm not