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Back :: 31.March.2004 11:07pm speak. The Misguided Adventure of B4-Q (a robot)!! She-robot-story-adventure-strangest-evil-sharp-travels-Earth-seek-the magic-ignite-souless-question-worth-dream-one-burns-whipped-tongue-met-X-confrontation-defenceless-sad-fell-victim-laughter-next-city-music-fled-battle-dragon-truth-love-beauty-freedom-inadequate-with the wind-domination-pinky-plan-scour-President-barrage-thorns-no one-alive-the end?-awry-need-hero-miracle-reality-bites-non-existent-But-fate-cross-street-roaring-jaguar-bang-bang-nearby-cashier-chitty-bang-bang-toss-ragged-doll-bang-black-veil-lifted-tunnel-light-save?-peace-hope-cellophane-life goes on... :P
30.March.2004 2:21am tread a thousand steps A number of recent events has started me thinking. It seems despite the efforts I put into changing myself for the better, some part of me remain the same. So is this what the Chinese proverb "a leopard can never changes his spots" means? Maybe I am more responsible, better at managing projects but now it seems all it means is that I am a more efficient "machine". What about being a better human? I realized my anger still gets the better of me over petty things. I remember the smallest slights where bygones aren't really bygones. My attitude towards people in general could be friendlier and less arrogant. I shouldn't be so sensitive. And the list goes on... Having this revelation here, I suddenly remember this book on Buddhism teaching, about how if you examine closely past the many layers what is the thing that irks you or makes you angry, often enough you will find that it should be some insignificant non-living object. (e.g. getting worked up over a lost bag) where there are more important intangible stuffs that you should be concern about like friends. If I could really follow the teaching strictly, I guess would happy most of the time, without such a knot in my heart. One day I shall tread a thousand steps
28.March.2004 12:47pm simple day. Dawn by Shin is playing on my winamp. Images of evil corporation draining the soul out of everyone runs rampant inside my head. Birds chirping, flying. The sun's ray falls upon us. School projects on my laptop. A lone figure walk past outside my door. Is it easier to live a solitary life? One quiet respite. Maybe. Me belting out loud to the voices from my speakers :P
25.March.2004 5:09pm kabooey! Anyone familiar with exploding head? You know, uncontrollable shakings, veins popping out followed by a grandiose display of flying brain matters, eyeballs and little bits of meat. Well, that is how I am feeling right now. Partly because of me doing that thing called procrastination and that I am really hopeless in prioritizing my life. Hmm or maybe its just that I tend to give priorities to the wrong thing. For example hall activities, theatre, fun and every other stuffs that makes me happy instead of more important and serious things like studies, projects and other social undesirables.. I used to pride myself on hardly ever getting really stressed out, but nowadays, perhaps due to my long association with my course mates, I have caught that Singaporean bug called Kiasuism. Life really hits rock bottom when your entirety can be summarize in one single Singlish word. What I would kill to have at the moment is more time. Time to pack my bags for the trip to Sabah, time to come up with the concept for Rag, time to get ready to move out of hall and oh yah, time for studying. If only we have more hours in a days and only I don't need to sleep. But then since I'm at it, let's wish for world peace and 1 gazillion US dollars in my bank account. Sheesh. Think instead of spending more time here writing, I should get back to the real world and start doing my work before my head expllloooooodeeee... *splat* *the eyeballs bounce against the LCD and went ptui...*
17.March.2004 11:21am sam tv watches the mirror...
It pours, Random thoughts there, just bear with me:) Met up with a bunch of good friends last wednesday. It was really nice to finally found time to go out with them, especially after I been turning them down repeatedly before due to work. Really like these moments shared with friends, feels like I am recharging myself for the next phase in my life. Kinda miss my old friends from OAC, been so long since we have a proper outing, although I did saw them at my production. Sigh loyal fans :P I have always thought that because I do not socialise that much, my friends are most likely my good friends and that they come from all over the place - my JC, hostel, classmates. So I guess the day I get married, I would be doing a lot of introduction between groups. Should makes for some hilarious fun. Anyone like Calvin? Personally I think he is one of the luckiest kid on earth (albeit a fictional one) To have such a close friend in Hobbes, life could be close to perfect.
12.March.2004 2:06am sam tv watches the mirror... I guess everyone has felt unappreciated in their life before. Like how you put in lots of effort for something, only for it to go unappreciated. "Oooh, that's nice. I love it..." and that's it, kapish, end of story. Mr Perfect would most likely say that giving is better than receiving and that clamoring for recognition is well, uncool? And since I am a guy, I'm suppose to act just like every other guy: Be a man and take it in your stride. Hmm or maybe they that I should be like the other guy as in digging my nose in public and scratching my crotch whenever no one is looking eh? Well, just my luck I've a sensitive soul that I cried as often in reel life as in real life. Its a fact, titanic did made me cry! I can be a lot of things: responsible, creative, fun, kind and the whole of repertoire. But stop saying I should be like Mr Stoic-Guy or My Should-broad-enough-to-hold-the-sky! I'm me. Simple. Lol, its hard enough that we go through our life searching for ourselves only to have others impose their thinking on you. Sigh. Feeling inadequate, like some character in one of my stories...
10.March.2004 4:45pm reality bore. Sigh. Lately, been finding myself sinking into this ugly cycle of sleep-ignore schoolwork-eat-sleep routine. Everyday, waling up at 9am, I would just sit there staring at the computer... staring...staring. Think my eyes popped out there. Sorry. *shrug* I'm not exactly sure but I think sloth would be the word to use on me at the moment. I'm like this totally different person from the me when I was in the middle of my production. It so exasperating that its.....zzzz Sigh. My life story as it is at the moment. Makes for great material for some prize-winning novel? No? lol Jon wakes up and open his eyes. He stared at the ceiling. He stared at the walls. He stared for a while before closing his eyes. It was two hours later when he did the whole routine again. I wouldn't really say it but are we seeing a pattern here? The lights flickered and the whole slinks away into the blackness of sleep. And then comes the weird man with his bag of sand... Sprinkle. Twinkle. Tinker.
9.March.2004 10:18am Brand new day.. Often enough, life bogs you down and you get entangled in all those ugly thing and you start turning into the type of person you hate the most. Don't feel tiring just going through life with an axe in you? So it may be human's nature to be imperfect but sometimes don't you wish that she should have left all the nasty things back in box eh. Been raining for the past 2 days. Well, the day-dreamers might say its all for cleansing and washing away all the bad things. The pragmatic ones would say "urgh!! need to bring umbrella again, grrr" Lol. But nevertheless, it was a welcome change to what I'd considered a forgettable unpleasant period. The sun is just breaking out of the clouds, let's hope this isn't just a hiatus to another long rainy spell. Got a few new ideas for script-writing, hmm guess I better allocate some time aside to write them down properly. Read somewhere "Every hour wounds, the last one kills". Kinda morbid eh, makes you want to run out naked and try out everything in life before it all ends. Urm okay maybe not the naked part. :P Oh do check out some of the sections here, there are some updates in case you guys don't know about it. ttly
4.March.2004 7:58pm Jade is the color of me.. Have you ever felt the urge that the world is pretty screwed up? Where things ain't running the way they should be. Well, welcome to the club. I figured it started with them, them being the people who said so, did so but actually are just so-so. Why is the world so full of pompous idiots who think they are bigger than what they really are and tries to act like the anointed one, destined to rescue us commoners from the mundane thing we called life. I have always felt that the people around my age, here in Singapore, are a pretty immature, self-centered delusional bunch of wankers (ooh british). Often enough, they are pretty much contented in their small little corners in the world, lording over it, dismissing fantastical tales of faraway places without 24-hr net access. Could it be the education system or some genetic traits imbedded in all of us that had screw us up so?? Recently, SOMEone in my hostel had the audacity to tell my girl that if I was to run for this cultural post in my hall, she would run for it too because she felt that I wasn't passionate enough about culture. Hrmph, quote, my butt-cheek is more cultured than her! Sigh, I did not slogged, bled for three freaking years as a director, to be labelled by this upstart as "uncultured". Go be a bottle Yakult, if you want to be so cultured. Sigh. I know, by right, we should be bigger than this and just do things for sake of realizing dreams. But I guess I am not perfect and this little heart of mine is affected by all your earthy emotions and sometimes, I think to myself, why should the good people be the meek, the ones who are nice and try not to create a scene or an unhappy situation. Well, I don't see them trying hard to keep their trap shut. So maybe, one day, secret corresponds and midnight meetings later, the meek shall rise up and overthrow these pretentious fools and peace shall reign forever. ever. And we can all go live in another dimension. Sigh. =/ Oh btw one last note: Up yours.
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