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Back :: 31.July.2004 9:08pm Mad Dash Part Deux Drove to Geylang in the wee hours this morning for some famous Tao Huay. Didn't realized the hand brake was up because the car was able to travel smoothly!! Made a sharp swerve in front of some cab. I still insist its the fault of those backseat critics who were giving the direction. Ran through a red-light (it was bloody camouflaged lor!) Stalled the car a few times. Missed the entrance for the McDonald's drive-thru entrance. Exciting Night eh. The Beginning of the End. Can't wait to make longer driving trips again. :) P.s. to my cousin who might or might not be reading. Don't tell my driving exploits to my mum and dad hor :P
30.July.2004 7:12pm Social Creature So humans are in the most basic sense, social creatures? Meaning, we thrive on interaction among our species and it is this contact between people that keep us alive. Of course being alive doesn't just mean breathing. Can't talk well. Need space. Privacy. The comfort of isolation. A midnight waltz by myself. So why am I still alive. Sometimes, in examining the gathering of people in some social function, one would notice (if he was paying attention) the slight awkward smiles, the uncertain shuffling, the searching glances. So could it be we are more comfortable and relaxed in the company of our own mind? So this silent conversation with myself is essential need of the soul. The fulfilling of some requirements in us. Or then again it could just mean I am mad. Book, coffee, music. When is it that you are truly taking a chance instead of seeming to be taking a chance that isn't really a chance but a certain choice predetermined? That sounds confusing.
29.July.2004 12:18pm Imperfect. Are we fundamentally flawed? We do things we shouldn't do, eat things we shouldn't eat, think thoughts we shouldn't think. Like moths to a candle. 9 days left. Argh! 28.July.2004 10:45am Jade Its kind of disconcerting to actually see how our society moves from one type of generation mentality to the next. Being so involved in my hall's activities over the years, I've noticed how the way people think and work has changed between the different generation. Now this might be a rant about better times back then but then again maybe not. In today's world of throwaway fads and neck-breaking surfing speed, has the generation becomes more self-centered? The need to feel self-importance in insecure world? What's with the terrorists, the mad climate and the social upheaval, perhaps the need to feel important, strong is just another subconscious self-defense method we can think up. Or it might just be a growing up thing. 24 isn't really that big a number but I guess what matters are what made up that number 24. I am me. Comparison is the worst form of comments you can give. Because when it is bad, it means you are lesser than the other. And when its good, it just means that you managed to improve on the original. I still maintained that nothing in this world is original and ideas is just a rehashing of something from our past. I've always like the line "Do you tango?". I could be eccentric. I've learnt to recognize stress. Its that sneaky looking bastard opposite the road that jumps on you in the most subtle way possible. Need a teaspoon of Scrubs and a entire play list of rocking good songs.
26.July.2004 11:10am Did you? Early mornings are great for the soul. The soothing calm of empty places. The distant rumbles of vehicles dashing madly to work. Suitable for the tired guy who is badly in need of some breathing space. Drove my friend's car two days in a row. At this rate, with more progressive training I should be able to drive the 14-Footer by Rag Day. Isn't that super cool:P? What's up with people who think they are better than they really are. How they possess skills they don't have or the charisma that is so lacking? Wouldn't it be better to admit your own shortcomings and face them openly? Think there was a description saying Plato or Socrates was the smartest man around because he knows that he doesn't know anything. Hmm or was it Aristotle.:P Less than two weeks to Rag Day. Make or Break. The tingles in the toes, the butterflies in the stomach. Could anyone stand that feeling the second time around? Wants to go Michael Chiang's Private Parts. To be inspired by a local playwright that had make it good. Samantha says that I thrive on stress and work. Makes me sound like some fish specimen in an aquarium. "Okie on your right is the Henryisdamans, a local species that thrives in the depth of extreme stress and work. Irritable when stress and occasionally bites" So I admit I'm a workaholic. Am I becoming more and more detached from the people around me? Relating might be a problem there. Hmm, haven't told my parents I passed my driving. Bet they will be heaving huge sigh of relief. No more pouring money down a seemingly bottomless pit.
26.July.2004 12:51am Pieces of Me. Can you actually lose part of yourself? The intangible things inside you that runs the clockwork. The death of someone close, the breaking of your heart, the crashing of some treasured dream. Gone with the wind like the sands of time slipping through the fingers. Would you be less whole? Or even a whole that is lesser than the sum? Where the eventual result is a zombified you. Now I guess you would pay a small fortune to the treasure map that will lead you back to you. Moving On. Writing seems to be the best escape for those with a heavy heart. No criticism. No surprise revelation. No eventual inadequacy. Just black Arial Text and a blinking cursor. Therapy is in session. How high can you go? When is pre-requisite a danger and when is it something to prevent danger? Depressingly suicidal. Stress seems to be the obvious culprit. But did anyone see the suspicious oddball hanging round the corner?
24.July.2004 3:14pm The First Cut is the Deepest - Sheryl Crow I would have given you all of my heart
24.July.2004 1:16am Mad Dash. Got my driving license today. The Rag Team gave a superb presentation to the alumni and seniors today. Good things seems to be coming. Yet something seems missing. Drove the designer gang to supper just now. Jittery. Anxious. Sweaty. "GOD! OH GOD!" That's just describing their behavior. Me? I was just enjoying the ride of my life. Drove into a rival Hall's compound. Several pair of eyes fell on us. Screeching tires, averted faces and the smell of petrol. Realized I am good at fast getaway. Want to share the good things that is happening to me now. Not having is better than having because there isn't any pining to do. Sleeping in my room tonight. The first night in a long while since I have relaxed. Want my sound system. Want a some aromatherapy candles. Want some good music and a cup of good coffee. Work occupies my mind now. What happen when everything is over? House of Flying Daggers looks good. Gotta catch it before the run is over. Rest. "Our days will come if only we wait a while" - Ruby and the Romantics
20.July.2004 12:46pm designer pukes. Caught this show, Designer Guys on TV mobile (irritating goggle boxes in buses) just now. One slick introductory segment and two easy-on-the-eye hosts, I've concluded this show sucks. Why? Because this show is the perfect example of what is term beautiful in today's society. MTV-esque angles, catchy pop music, all-America people, makes for a rather plastic looking barbie vehicle. Found a movie character that shares my sentiment - the police officer played by Will Smith in the coming I.Robot. The description for the character was someone who prefers older clothes, older music and older times. Judge me not. Do you know who I am? The inner child, the breathless soul? Every single secret thoughts, all the queer feelings and awkward posturing? The fragile psyche, the sensitive boy? Judge me not by your expectation and find
me lacking. Judge me not by what you think I should be. Brave the wilderness of life.
15.July.2004 11:16am Open Skies The stress from rag is starting to remind me of my last rag. Basically I'm at the juncture where I am reminding myself, there will be no more next time. But usually (for theatre at least) by the next semester, memories becomes blurred and I am taking up stuffs again. The wild laughing, the awkward jokes, the posturing the uneasy feeling that I have been showing nowadays, I think, its from the combination of stress, lack of people to talk or who really understand who I am. Remembered last year that I was on the verge of breaking down. And was really grateful for the silly Hippo for coming down and buying me a cake. Small things touch me. I guess for the moment, friends are the resident safe harbor. Need Scrubs. Need music. Want to listen to Accidentally in Love. Want a mp3 player (:P since I'm talking about wants) Everything is shaping up nicely at the
moment.
13.July.2004 3:35pm Met with an accident Rag Countdown: 24 Days Hmm so why the hell do I still have time for blogging? Listening to Counting Crows' Accidentally in Love from Shrek 2. Really love the tempo and mood that the song conveys and also the meaning behind the lyrics. Its like describing love as something that is surprising and ... ... accidental? A boy from Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors put it very aptly when he said "I fell for her like suicide from a bridge" I have always like such description of love. The wild clashing of fate and the big bonfire that erupts at the end. The feeling is akin to, well, an accident :P. Check out the first story in Tim Burton's The Melancholic Death of Oyster Boy. Again we are reminded of things. The mind do play vicious joke when it chooses to be inaccurate. Praying like hell for the radio to play Accidentally in Love again. Really perks me up. Wish to be [insert last four words from last sentence] bleat. Lenny went out for coffee. He has to cross the street in front of his house to reach the coffee house. Traffic usually isn't heavy this time of the day. Half a second, screeching tires and burning rubber later. Lenny met with an accident. The look on his face was kinda forlorn as he watches the blue Volkswagen drives away. Bad accident.
12.July.2004 12:45am Peter Parker. 'nuff said. Caught Spiderman 2 on the big screen just now and it was thoroughly enjoyable. The effects, the actors, the supervillian (DOC OCK!!) all makes for a really good movie. But what really appealed to me was the timeline from the comic the show was based upon. For a very long while, Spidey lived a somewhat sad existence where he couldn't commit to any relationship or tell anyone about his secret identity. And with the death of Gwen Stacy (his first girl friend), all that is left for Parker was the Aunt May and his friendship with MJ. My favorite period from the comic series was when Parker and MJ discovered they have feelings for each other and then subsequently MJ finding out about Spidey. Of course like all good romance, she decided to stay on and brave the big unknown with Peter. Well, a good old-fashioned romance story always warm my heart. I guess the appeal of Spiderman is his very human failings. No rich lifestyle, no super fraternity, no over-the-top grimness. Just human. It really endears him to me at least, and because of his failings, he seems so real. Real enough to inspire, to touch. What happened to the comic era then? Modern comic artists might be cooler with wonderful themes but I guess it is always the simple story that touches the most. Caught some cartoons on tv the other day. Wicked humor, outrageous premises but nothing like the sensibilities of Peter Parker. Well, time never stops. I hope it isn't goodbye yet to good ol' spidey.
11.July.2004 1:33am Urban Dreams Watched the show Metade Fumaca for the second time just now. It was a critically acclaimed show from Hong Kong quite a while back that touches on the life of an old gangster who returned to HK to see the most beautiful girl he knows one last time before he succumbs to the Alzheimer's disease. The show reminded me of my love for the streets of Hong Kong, stories that possessed that gritty, melancholy feel. For a long while, I spent my money on plenty of Hong Kong flicks that depict the tight urban spaces of Portland Street to Temple Street. Maybe it is a romanticized view of the place but I guess we all have our own fix. That is perhaps why I wish so desperately to go to Hong Kong, to visit the winding streets, the quaint bookstores, the roadside stores from the old movies before the the march of progress transform Hong Kong into another Singapore. I once wrote a story that is part biography part novel. It was about a boy who lived in Temple Street and the people he knew and met before he died. Semi-biography, because you see I'm still alive :P. I guess what I love about shows like Metade Fumaca, Lost and Found and even those silly cringe-a-minute romance movies is the beautiful urban landscape of Hong Kong (and recently Macau). Maybe because in Singapore, I am surrounded by the sleek buildings of modern times, I longed(?) for the grey taste of a bygone era. In case you haven't notice, I'm a pretty retro person, from movies to lifestyle to music (Fei Yu Qing rocks), I have always believe that in our fast march into the future we seem to lost that quality that makes life beautiful last time. But then again everything looks good in retrospect I think. Caught Scrubs just now. and J.D. said something that was pretty meaningful - "nothing sucks more than being alone, no matter how many people are around" Class Dismissed.
08.July.2004 2:14pm The Strange Places we visit... Life is full of paradoxes. I don't think I am the first one to say this or that I am going to be the last one. It just is. Life is .... different. It has to do a lot with how we interact with our world and how we let this world affect us. Often, we believe things that are false (Macs are good!), or that we visit places we shouldn't be visiting (arcade and the porn section in VideoEZ). To go boldly where no one has gone before but what about those places we knew about and we should have cordoned off with a police line? Don't really understand what I'm writing here. But I think the stress might be getting to me. Or maybe its the reality of school reopening. So do we believe there is always enough time or is it just a self-delusion? Went for driving lesson today. A note of warning if you ever see a mild-mannered bespectacled boy behind the wheel, drive away fast, very fast. You see I was caught in a traffic jam and I spent half the time nodding off, I wonder if my instructor knew. Hmm. You know, we might travel the world but it is often home that we know the least because it is like a deep well of emotion and memories that takes a lifetime to cover. Places I've been to: Vietnam (adventure galore. The late nights bus ride on some beaten mountain road.) Sabah (well, it was the company that made the trip so good. Do try the rafting though and in the words of Enoch "I thought I was going to die when the raft capsize!") Sibu (Idyllic retreat for the very close of pals. Lounging, sun tanning and bubble blowing) McDonald's (Its a wonder that despite the distance you cover some things never change. One Fillet-O-Fish meal please!)
06.July.2004 7:59pm The Intrepid Diner Realized that for the past few days, I have been having my meals in the company of those people from my committee. There was the awkward lunch at Pastamania, the depressing non-rousing committee dinner. And I find that I miss eating alone. A book (bad habits), a cup of ribena, some delicious meal is more than adequate as companions on my meal break. Does this trait stem from my inability to socialize effectively? The bumbling self-defense mechanism of a organism that doesn't know what to do in a social situation? I remembered a line from Next Stop Wonderland (my favorite film) said by the female lead "I like being by myself. I'm don't feel lonely when there is only me around. What I find lonely is being caught on a crowded train, where the press of strangers overwhelm everything. Do you tango in the dark? Slippers. Recognize. Leave. I suspect I am mildly paranoid, with a dash of schizophrenia and a pinch of depression. A wonderful recipe for a character in some dramedy. That is if I look like some chiseled Greek god of course.
05.July.2004 1:04pm Live. Move Sometime you see things that remind you of things that remind you of things that remind you of things that remind you of things that you don't want to be reminded about. Seniors in the hall are starting to check back already. The hall is gradually transforming into a lively place. Jonathan isn't saying whether this is a good thing or not. Sinhui recommended Windstruck, a korean movie to me. Apparently it is so good it hurts. Highly recommended for lovelorn idiots. Countdown to Rag Day: 32 days *silent scream*
02.July.2004 11:10am This Uncommon Life Got a call from a good friend the other day and found out that one of our friend from our college days is suffering from some mental illness. Depression, schizophrenia. Its a little scary when things you see in the movies or read in the books happen so close to you in real life. What is the point when your mind breaks down and gives in to chaos? Is it an invisible thing whereby you have no control over as you wake up one day and decide that the world is full of bad grammar mistakes? Or is it a conscious thing where it is decision on your own part to just let go? So if this is so, wouldn't the strength of character or the support of family and friends help? I know there are period in my life where thoughts of suicide, dementia and gluttony (:p) has gone through my life in particularly bad period. But I have always felt that all these are stupid notion and the right thing to do is to shoulder on. Feeling worn out, stretched. Shin's Abandon is playing on the media player. The lights in the room are down. Daylight is streaming in through the blinds. The urge to run. The need for a hug. The want of an uncommon boy. Made an agreement with my best friend that I will go and support her should our friend needs to meet up. Just hope that I will be able to do that at least and be always mindful of the rocks. Enrie thought that its the end of his life as he knows it when he read the medical report. Boy, was he wrong.
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