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Back :: 23.April.2004 2:52pm Symbolism I don't know about about you guys out there but for me, I can see that my entire life is peppered with objects, events, memories which I classify as symbols, a representation of something important or dear to me. So is it human nature to assign significance to objects to give them a worth beyond their actual material value? The old SMS messages, a pseudonym, a secret nickname, we seems to hold on to these things so tight that sometimes it hurts as they cut into us. What's is the bigger picture that we could be failing to see? And the priceless question - What is the secret to happiness? Could it be love? Friendship? Money? Car? Buffy's DVD set? Life-time supply of FHM? Haha, think I'm grabbing at air here. Read somewhere "Why do we always say it was so good then but never it will be so good in the future?" "Because you haven't found the meaning of life" -excerpts from Tuesday with Morrie. What if we could all one day embrace these symbols of our life, give all our tears and laughter to them and in the end let them pass out of our life. Maybe then we will find our own version of happiness and we would have lived our life. * * * * Just a note here, like to know who are the people who are visiting my site. Just wanna check if most of you are my friends or random surfers. Maybe you guys could leave a note in the comment link? Thanks
19.April.2004 8:45pm Farewell Sweetness You see, Can you see? Like every ordinary day Sleep, A tired choice, Farewell, sweetness
18.April.2004 12:36pm First love. I guess for the majority of us homo-sapiens, our first love is often one of the most unforgettable experiences you might ever encounter in your entire life. A rollercoaster of sweetness, jealousy, passion, resentment and every single ups and downs you can find in life. Kinda like Soap Drama in a little red pill. For the lucky few (Hiplet and JF:P), they might get it right the first time round. But I guess without any experience or just plain effort, sometimes things just don't work out. And quoting a friend, sometimes " a crater is left behind" Ouch, call the medic, pls. Things happens in our life for a reason (is this fatalism?). We go through life, experiencing things and we come out of them wiser, better and ... sadder. But I guess all this just serve to teach us to treasure life. And that contrary to what the astronomers say, we are really not that insignificant, that we have a place here. A measure of of self-worth maybe? We can cry, reminisce about the past on how things were so good then. But after a three bucket of tears, it time to turn around and start walking forward again (although this takes a lot of guts!). Because the past is just a preview and better thing will come along. The last Act has ended. "I cannot say what the future will hold but one thing I am sure of is that I have become a better tiger *roar*" Tiggy "So take care, friend and thanks for wonderful times :)" Said Tiggy to Moosie
14.April.2004 9:19pm Belief. There is a need to believe. To understand where you are in this world and how you affect the world and how the world affect you back. You see, you don't need to be a MBA or a super athlete or even good looking to have a reason to be here because when you discover who you are, you are going to rock the world. Made a bad mistake a while back. Was something that I might regret for the rest of my life. But I realized it isn't healthy to dwell in the past (one of undesirable habits that I carry to the extreme) and it is the future that is important. Well, you don't get too many life-changing moment in your life so I am glad in a way that the bad funk came along. I could make a decision to change. To do better. But more importantly I should start believing in myself. Because although there are certain things to change about me (ooh its quite a list) I am not without talent. It might be a little undeveloped or a little weak but with the enough care, rain, and kisses (hmm) I believe I can do quite well. There are many reason to change yourself. Maybe to win the guy who had always beaten you. For pride, glory and the guts or just for the money. For me, I think it ain't bad that I can change for someone and it is enough to wake me up and take a step forward. So adios Jonathan Dash, its been a while and feelings aren't that easy to shake off but I believe the time has come for me to stand as myself. No more walls, please, those are for cowards. Atta Boy!
13.April.2004 3:04pm fresh air.breath. I've concluded that all those old sayings that we've always paid scant attention to are really gems in the mud. "Winners never quit, quitters never win", "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" and "there ain't no such thing as a free lunch" although I'm pretty sure some lucky fellow out there would like to debate that last one :P "To love is to give" Life's lessons condensed into one single easy-to-remember line of instruction. So why the snide remarks, the oh-purleese look? These are goood stuffs! "it is only when you lose something, that you will realize how important that thing is to you..." ahhhh. Was in a bad funk a while back, and I guess I degenerated into the type of person I hate the most - a whiny weasel. Incidentally, a weasel isn't really a likable animal also. But like they say (here comes another) "when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up", and in a sense everything for the past two days has got this quality of clarity (I'm wasn't trying to rhyme there, serious!), like how the world feels right after a thunderstorm, you know, bright lights and chirping birds. Someday Jonathan will walk out. Out of the shadows. Out of the gloom. Out of the past. ONE day, Jonathan will drop his name... But what he need right now is a good karabiner and some good rope to climb... note. So when can we print double-side again? and the world feels like blueish-grey...
7.April.2004 10:06pm flesh wound. Sometimes life hurts. When suddenly even in a crowded room, you can feel alone. Knowing that back at home, there isn't anyone. The same ballads playing on the same radio. Time passes by without a word. One grey shroud day. One could wish to fade away. Is there a balm for ailing hearts? An overcast sky above our heads. A season of rain, for the cleansing of souls. Anyone caught the fluttering of dreams in the morning? Past the blue meadows, round the corner blocks. Please, could you rub a little salt here? Let the sting of the flesh takes away the ache inside. A pile of hollow hearts.
7.April.2004 8:28pm the devil strikes again. Weird Tim wants a lot of things. He doesn't see anything wrong in that. "What's wrong with being good to myself?" he said. But of course, everything could be considered frivolous compared to that single most important thing. What is it? Well, Weird Tim has no idea yet, because he is still searching high and low for it. Of course don't forget the old clich¨¦ "I'll know it when I see it" And the search continues. * * * * * Grak. Can't focus. Mind wanders. Pupils
dilate.
5.April.2004 8:57pm jump.boy Boo. Everybody loves a pleasant surprise. The murmurs of secret planning, the furtive glances, the plastic denials put up, everything culminating into one dark quiet room and that golden word "SURPRISE!". Of course one "Oh you guys shouldn't have" later, the mass partying starts and the bodies start rocking. (hmm sounds like some cheap porn flick) Well, this entry can be considered a lament. For me throughout my short meaningless life, sad to say, I haven't had anyone sprang a huge surprise on me before. Usually good surprises are reserved for special occasion like birthdays, anniversary etc. but for poor me, my birthday has always fall upon the exam period. The usual excuse would be "no time" - to buy a present, to plan, to organize or even just to think about it. Just once or twice or maybe a few times, I hope that I can have a great surprise party thrown in my favor. And for that special moment, I can be the centre of the universe. Not that I'm not the center of the universe on ordinary days as well, at least according to my arch-nemesis. But more often than not, reality bites. real hard. I still remember a birthday where my ECA group was preparing for a camp that starts on birthday. Well, no surprise there and to top it off, the guys decided to do a quick celebration(?) at the camp and promptly run me into a tree with my legs spread-eagled. Sigh, abrasion and sore heart wasn't exactly the presents I was looking for. At least a lesson learnt over the years - even after the blatant whining and hankering, sometimes things still don't really turn out the way you want. Even if they do, its never exactly what you wanted. So, the bottomline? Get a grip.
4.April.2004 10:29am I'm a little off tangent. It started raining again this morning, (although technically it had never really stopped since this is the monsoon season for us here) and the day seems to have acquire this dreamy faraway feel that tugs at old memories. Been listening to Vertical Horizon's Best I Ever Had for the past few days. Realized I have this fetish(?) for melancholic songs and strangely, despite the dull sting I get whenever I'm listening to them, I've never stop liking them. ever. *cough* freak! *cough* :P Now, for the really bored few, if you surfed back far enough in my archives you would have come across this entry about the cyclical mood of moi, of how like the waxing and waning of moon, my feelings (without fail) follows a somewhat predictable routine: content -> happy -> angry -> sad. Dang, I seems to come across as a pretty shallow person eh? For the casual surfer, after reading the previous paragraph (or maybe even some of the older entries) would have come to a conclusion about who I am, what I like, my favorite drink and my gramatical proficiency level :P. You see, humans are a pretty judgmental lot, we tend to jump / leap / bungee-dived to conclusion easily. "Ooh he is so smart!" "Such a fucker" But for we know the smart boy might just be another mugger (IQ 88 but with a memory of 3 trillion gigabytes) or that so-called fucker just a simple pain-in-the-ass and is probably still a virgin. I would like to believe that we are more than mere adjectives, that our entire existence isn't going to be summarize in just one 8-page PowerPoint. That's the whole point of love isn't it? To spend a lifetime knowing just one person truly. Shouldn't that be hard enough? One long lesson in the classroom of life. (somehow that come across like some old clich¨¦, hmm) Fifty years down the road, I would be more than satisfied if I can say I know 5 person well enough that I could go on for one whole year just talking about them. Let me see, they would be my two children (girl + boy), my girl and two best friends. Now, don't get the wrong idea that I am some sentimental control-freak who has planned out his entire future, how many children he is going to have, and that his children would be named ... ... :P Break us down, we might be just another interesting bowl of chemical gruel but like the saying goes, the sum is greater than the parts. So, even if you do get one aspect of me right, just remember that is just one electron in a sea of electric flame. (So all physicists sue me :P)
1.April.2004 5:11pm Changes. I hope to step away See the pained Sunday's noon Could we ever change? Burn the self-worship I wish to break away Can we have a real restart?
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