Act Your Shoe Size
Topic: Creepy Lesbo
Tonight I was initiated into a secret corporate society of older Irish scary women. It was scary and hilarious, all wrapped up. The average age was 52, and they were more ribald and dangerous than most women a quarter of their age. And getting away with it. If I were passing out cold with my face in the curry at any of my local restaurants, I'd not live it down as fast, for sure.
I'm hoping if I hang around them long enough, I'll find out where the bodies are buried at work (taken me damn near a decade to infiltrate this far), and learn to be utterly dominating like they are.
When a taxi driver turned up, all scarlet too tight tracksuit, spiky blond hairdo and blaring ragga at a million decibels from his boy racer, speeding his tits off and giggling fit to bust, he was no match for them, no match at all.
"Are you Australian?" they grilled him as he took a corner on two wheels.
"I'm from Mile End, love." Giggle giggle. "Why do you think I'm Australian?"
"Ah, well, near enough," colleague spits, "you're all convicts."
It wasn't enough of a warning shot across the bows, though, for a nuthead cab driver quite this ripped off his tits, and the poor fool continued his manic banter, unaware of just how few strips had been torn off him.
"Final tip, love: you're a cab driver. Try shutting your trap."
Updated: Thursday, 8 April 2004 3:37 PM BST
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