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Wednesday, 26 November 2003

narrow squeak

What's the definition of a narrow squeak? A thin mouse.


Today could have been terrible - three late nights, despite sleeping pills that punish you for late nights by making you feel godawful (a pavlovian approach that feels puritan enough to work for me); having to lead a shitty five hour training session which turned into five hours of me arguing with everyone, then saying "I'm sorry you feel like that; nevertheless, you're all going to do it my way."
Plus I can tell the next bit of Verbal from the bosslady is coming for taking too much time off this year. It's still bloody raining. It's cold and dark all the time. It had all started so despondently, the day looked reassuringly foreboding and hopeless.

Yet, traipsing out of the house this morning, I suddenly realised how great it is to be alive:

I dunno if you can see it very well, but the red car seven yards in front of the major natural disaster is mine. The large black spindly stripe of divine retribution across the centre is the three storey high tree that was outside my bedroom window. It didn't uproot - it snapped at the base. It's at least two feet in diameter, as the owners of those cars found to their horror. Those branches punctured directly through the roof and the seats below.
Poor old Woman Opposite had no insurance to cover it, and had just done a grand's worth of repairs to her car. It was all I could do not to grin in her face. I offered her some platitudes about how it could be worse, she could have been sat in it, and thanked my lucky stars.
I heard nothing all night. Blimey, but those sleeping pills must be strong.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 6:16 PM GMT
Updated: Wednesday, 26 November 2003 6:22 PM GMT
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Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 8:19 PM GMT

Name: Sarahspace
Home Page:

This is my greatest fear that one night one of the huge trees will snap and fall onto the house killing me in my bed. Now I am going to have to sleep on the couch until I forget that horrible picture.

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 8:23 PM GMT

Name: Hotline

If that tree was outside your bedroom window then it must have walked down the street so as to be able to fall over in front of somebody else's house. Probably hadn't got used to its new stilettos yet.

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 8:33 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

The tree is from next door's garden, but was outside my window. The one directly next to my window is a hawthorn, and would probably bounce - anyway, it's only two stories high.
Dammit, I'm going to have to photograph the bedroom window from outside, with arrows showing the site of the stump, aren't I? Gah, okay. Tomorrow's blog will be geographical in nature. ;-)

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 8:34 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Hmmmm. Sensing an eversoslightlyFreudian (read: obvious) undercurrent that you're not sure about buying that house, Sarah..... ?

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 8:41 PM GMT

Name: Hotline

Wouldn't do that, if I were you, that way mad weird strangers reading this blog who may already have identified which street you leave in would know EXACTLY which one was your bedroom window. And apparently there's a handy hawthorn for them to climb up to get to it...

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 8:44 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

You think Bloke Opposite has tracked me down?!? :-O

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 8:59 PM GMT

Name: Sarahspace

Yeah, I've pretty much concluded that I am not mature enough for the responsibilities of home ownership.

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 9:03 PM GMT

Name: hotline

Oh dear, I just noted the "live" written with South-American accent. Tengo que matarlo.

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 9:19 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

You're being subsumed into the Argentinian Borg. (Speaking of which, think of a pseudonym for him!)

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 9:33 PM GMT

Name: Hotline

Is that lit-crit shorthand for Borges? Pseudonym, that's easy: dulce de leche. It's disgusting milk treacle jam that is one of their national specialities, along with horribly bitter mate (or yerba, to be more accurate, a sort of "tea" you slurp out of a gourd) and, of course, various unusual cuts of prime beef. I take it this so that you can blog about forthcoming trip to see Toulouse and Dulce de Leche?

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 9:39 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Zigackly! Dulce de leche. It doesn't sound very nice!

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 9:54 PM GMT

Name: Hotline

No, especially when you consider that all the rivers I saw over there (the Rio Parana and the Rio de la Plata, to be precise) are extremely muddy and consequently exactly the same colour as dulce de leche; a bit like the Thames in winter only rather more treacly!

Having said that, I'm sure "rice pudding" doesn't sound very nice to foreign ears.

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 10:06 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

He's dangerously near to being termed Tapioca, right now...

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 10:36 PM GMT

Name: Hotline

Of course you know what you'll be if ever I start writing a blog...

Wednesday, 26 November 2003 - 10:55 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Oh Christ, yes, I do... banana.

Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 12:18 AM GMT

Name: ThePimpress
Home Page:

just such an incident happened in my mums neighbourhood.. only the tree was uprooted by strong winds. it went into some blokes house though. fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your point of view) no one was hurt. but the house was a bloody mess. put me off home ownership for awhile that.

Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 7:19 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

An act of log, presumably. (groan)

Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 7:41 AM GMT

Name: yidaho
Home Page:

Ooh, that's scary. I was stuck out in leafy Purley at 3am the night of the big storm in 86 (or was it 87?) and was less than 30 seconds away from being stuck by a big fvck-off tree which fell before us. It was at this point that we were thankful for the dragging exhaust pipe on my mate's battered old Cortina which prevented us from going that little bit faster..

Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 9:07 AM GMT

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page:


Well, I'm glad that you didn't get squashed to death until you were dead. That wouldn't be very nice. :-)

I must have missed that storm. Where was I? Oh yes, in a pit of pathetic self-pity.. (not a nice place, I don't recommend it - service is terrible! :-) )

Life sometimes does make you sit up and think "ain't it great to be alive!!" sometimes, doesn't it? (enter repeated plays of "ironic" by the lovely Alanis...) And if you had been hungover, would you have been able to see the glory that was waking up not squashed to death by a tree????

Noooooooooooooooo.. I think not....

Nice car, by the way :-)

Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 5:25 PM GMT

Name: Sie

I don't know, it's all covered int' mud.

Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 7:42 PM GMT

Name: e
Home Page:

Bloody hell! Is that the one you were cursing the other day ror providing too much cover in summer and not enough in winter? If so, you must be a Witch Who Should Be Treated Gingerly...

Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 8:10 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Lemonpillows said: Nice car, by the way :-)

Yeah, last night's car thieves thought so too!

Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 8:13 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Thankfully no, it's the next tree to the right. And anyway, I swore never to use my powers for evil.

Friday, 28 November 2003 - 5:15 AM GMT

Name: ThePimpress
Home Page:

what? that was funny really. i'm not sure what that says about my sense of humour.

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