Monday, 17 November 2003 - 9:34 AM GMT

Possible solutions (in reverse order): Alexander technique, goat's milk and a poorly dressed scarecrow. There's no cure for @#%$! Mondays.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 9:53 AM GMT

Goat's milk doesn't go off? That sounds too satanic for comfort.
I am that poorly dressed scarecrow.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 10:17 AM GMT

Hmm.. powdered milk? Though I hate that stuff. You have to use tablespoons of the bloody stuff and, no matter how vigourously you stir, it still leaves lumps in yer cuppa. Yeuch..

We always kept some 'long-life' milk in the cupboard for such emergencies. Not bad in tea and coffee, but not much good for anythin else.

Mondays stink. And the smell gets worse all the way to Wednesday. Then, on Thursday, when it's nearly the weekend, it doesn't smell as much.

But Mondays will always smell... (probably because of all the veggies at Sunday lunch...) :p

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 10:39 AM GMT

Powdered milk must be some wartime invention, from way back when they had no money for real food and had to make do with sawdust shavings. (cf Typhoo tea, semolina, and Brazilian manioc for foods that are actual sawdust - not taste like - ARE.)
It has no place in a modern world. And this is a woman who *likes* eating Spam telling you that.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 12:01 PM GMT

UHT milk? Though (according to some of the fussy people who drink tea with me) that goes off too.
Those tiny milk capsules given out on the train, which helpfully explode over you when you try to open them? I've got a few journeys planned, I can stock up if you're interested?
Dulux emulsion?

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 1:28 PM GMT

My dear, after such a weekend and an absolutely horrific Monday, I would recommend a weekend long binge filled with booze, violence, and wretching in very public places. Where you go and what you do doesn't matter much on Friday and Saturday - as long as you are blindlingly drunk - but come Sunday you must position your drink-sodden body somewhere near a church.
Please don't think that I am actually advocating GOING to church - I may be an ordained minister, but it's not a religion many know and its dogma centers around the spiritual cleansing and rejuvenation that can only come from the type of weekend I am recommending - but just get yourself near a church and make sure that your are either:
A) Still drunk from the night before
B) Drinking heavily when you arrive near the church

Why is this important? Well, it gives you a number of options of outlets for your anger and frustration. My favorite, although it's really only appropriate for Easter weekend, is to shout "GIVE US BARABBUS" at the people entering the church. Another good one is to stand around - or slouch around with a definite slur in you body language from the booze - casually and trip old ladies.
Whatever you do, though, PLEASE get out of that flat and makea public nuiscance of yourself. It'll do you no end of good.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 1:59 PM GMT

Past experience of living with a Vicar and several monks tells me that no-one notices the stench as most of it is emanating from the still inebriated men of the cloth, though. Many's the time we had to remove a spread eagled god-bothering prelate from the dinner table, prop him against the font before the Women's Institute arrived clucking, and mime the words to the day's marriage service as he swayed. Before the News of the World scandal that meant the Rector had to flee to the Netherlands for buggering all the choirboys, that was.

Whatever you do, though, PLEASE get out of that flat and makea public nuiscance of yourself

Bladdy good advice. But the assumption I'm stewing in my own mental filth in here is incorrect.
Although it's not been blogged, I've actually been out on the piss every day since last Thursday, with six different friends. I just blog fast, and, it seems, furious.
Cheers for the thought, though!

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 2:00 PM GMT

Or spit? That might do.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 7:14 PM GMT

1. @#%$! all birds, they @#%$! and hop and annoy me.
2. Buy smaller amounts of milk. Or buy it when you need it.
3. God, I hate @#%$! sleeping and the @#%$! that goes with it. I don't want to sleep. But it's worse when I don't sleep. @#%$! not sleeping, but @#%$! sleeping for us having to need it!
4. I don't get this one.
5. This is why I take a day off and make an appointment for 8:00 when I go to the dr. That way, at about 1:30, when I'm finally seen, I have the whole day to read.
6. Only certain veggies, unless you've got 2 stomachs.
7. I think I caused my own because I like to look all the way behind me before I merge into the next lane for fear that my lack of depth perception will lead me into an accident.
8. My mondays are usually fun. Because I'm all hopped up on reds.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 8:51 PM GMT

4. I don't get this one.

Pub landlords are thick as pigsh|it, in other words.

7. I think I caused my own because I like to look all the way behind me before I merge into the next lane for fear that my lack of depth perception will lead me into an accident.

Lol! I'm enjoying the ongoing hatred of last minute lane mergers on your blog....

8. My mondays are usually fun. Because I'm all hopped up on reds.

Somehow I feel naive for assuming this means Smarties.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 9:45 PM GMT

I was @#%$! too. No surprises there, then.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 11:55 PM GMT

If they were actually able to spell "you're f|uck", I might have taken some pride in it. :o)

Tuesday, 18 November 2003 - 12:28 PM GMT

I tried to -- but couldn't -- reply to a post which includes the phrase "@#%$! vegetables" without Googling and giggling.