the whingeing retrouve
My head really really hurts today. Drinking didn't help much.
Thanks to the sage advice of many friends who undertook to calm my fury, I managed to rant, rave, scream and shout, but not to be violent. Which is good.
Ex-DH isn't a demon, in fact I get the impression it's all partly a delaying tactic, to be honest. But I've waited around for ten weeks, now, painful as it might be, I need a result. She finally agreed that her continuing to live here isn't the best idea in the world.
Sounds like either I get a lodger to stay living here, or I move out. I'll try the former, but it might not be possible. A solicitor is required. I'll get onto that.
So, I stayed in bed till four. Then ex-DH went to stay with Duch, today, to spare my feelings. She looked awful, she'd been crying all day, I think. I lent her the car to get her stuff there, but refused to come with her.
After that, I mostly cried a lot. At last.
It's like being a bit player in some awful melodrama. Well, two awful melodramas: the one where I desperately try to hang on to a place to live, as if that's the most important thing. The other where someone I love desperately goes away and I miss her.
Oh dear. Everything makes me cry now. Perhaps that's a good thing. My sister pointed out who'd want to be *good* at breaking up with someone?
I have to apologise to hundreds of people today for being embarrassing - getting them out of bed to scream at them down the phone, etc. How humiliating. I don't know why I'm blogging this, or blogging at all. I guess your mind returns to bad things on impulse, tries to make things safe for you, so you can think about painful stuff without the same gut wrenching feeling.
I had intended to go clubbing in SW London with yidaho tonight, but I think crying in a club is possibly even sadder than crying all the time at home. The house seems empty and scary now. Be careful what you wish for, eh?
If I could have anything in the world, right now, it'd be her. Maybe I needed her not to be here to have space to think about that.