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Saturday, 11 October 2003

the whingeing retrouve

My head really really hurts today. Drinking didn't help much.
Thanks to the sage advice of many friends who undertook to calm my fury, I managed to rant, rave, scream and shout, but not to be violent. Which is good.
Ex-DH isn't a demon, in fact I get the impression it's all partly a delaying tactic, to be honest. But I've waited around for ten weeks, now, painful as it might be, I need a result. She finally agreed that her continuing to live here isn't the best idea in the world.
Sounds like either I get a lodger to stay living here, or I move out. I'll try the former, but it might not be possible. A solicitor is required. I'll get onto that.
So, I stayed in bed till four. Then ex-DH went to stay with Duch, today, to spare my feelings. She looked awful, she'd been crying all day, I think. I lent her the car to get her stuff there, but refused to come with her.
After that, I mostly cried a lot. At last.
It's like being a bit player in some awful melodrama. Well, two awful melodramas: the one where I desperately try to hang on to a place to live, as if that's the most important thing. The other where someone I love desperately goes away and I miss her.
Oh dear. Everything makes me cry now. Perhaps that's a good thing. My sister pointed out who'd want to be *good* at breaking up with someone?
I have to apologise to hundreds of people today for being embarrassing - getting them out of bed to scream at them down the phone, etc. How humiliating. I don't know why I'm blogging this, or blogging at all. I guess your mind returns to bad things on impulse, tries to make things safe for you, so you can think about painful stuff without the same gut wrenching feeling.
I had intended to go clubbing in SW London with yidaho tonight, but I think crying in a club is possibly even sadder than crying all the time at home. The house seems empty and scary now. Be careful what you wish for, eh?

If I could have anything in the world, right now, it'd be her. Maybe I needed her not to be here to have space to think about that.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 5:00 PM BST
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Saturday, 11 October 2003 - 5:45 PM BST

Name: dave

"who'd want to be *good* at breaking up with someone?"

You have a good point there. The fact that I seem to have managed it does make me wonder exactly what is going on from time to time.

If you need any tea/music/moan-listener tonight, I'll be in & you know where I am!

Saturday, 11 October 2003 - 11:47 PM BST

Name: Kev
Home Page:

Anyone who is 'good at breaking up with someone' would be dead inside, and likely to end up alone. From reading a few posts, you seem to have plenty of emotions and feelings to form proper attachments which, while it means breaking up with someone will be hard, you stand more of a chance of finding the kind of love you need :)

Sunday, 12 October 2003 - 1:47 AM BST

Name: Martin Sewell
Home Page:

Thinking of you (and reading your blog) in these troubled times. Found this.

Sunday, 12 October 2003 - 2:24 AM BST

Name: someoneSomewhere
Home Page: http://no

Sorry you hurt. Life really sucks sometimes.

Sunday, 12 October 2003 - 12:45 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

"If you and your spouse are owner-occupiers, it is often the case that only one of you is the actual owner. If this is the case, and you are the partner who is not the owner, you will need to ensure that you keep your right to live in the property and to prevent the owner selling it without your knowledge. Even if you actually move out when the relationship ends, you may want to move back in again with the children. To retain your right, you must register our ?right of occupation? by completing a form and sending it to either the District Land Registry or the Land Charges Department in Plymouth, or in Northern Ireland, the Land Registry or the Registry of Deeds, depending on where the title of the property is registered.
This procedure is not complicated and it is not necessary to consult a solicitor."

Cheers. I liked the list of who you have to tell about it. Bank, council, etc. I could see the advert lady saying it in calming tones as I read it...

Sunday, 12 October 2003 - 12:55 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Thanks. Will that offer extend to ten years of me whingeing on about it?

Sunday, 12 October 2003 - 12:55 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Thanks. What a nice thing to say on a stranger's blog!

Sunday, 12 October 2003 - 12:56 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Ah well. Trying to gain a sense of perspective, I'm not dead, and neither is she. Life goes on.

Monday, 13 October 2003 - 7:51 AM BST

Name: Pete C

As per usual, I'm late on this.

Sorry to hear that things are so crappy right now for you Van. It will get better, one way or another, but it takes time. I've gone through it myself and found that I was even crapper at it than you seem to be. Blokes aren't meant to be hysterical - it's not in the "How to be a lad" book.


Monday, 13 October 2003 - 9:42 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Cheers, Pete. You're right about time... it's just a matter of gaining some perspective on why it needs to happen, I think.

Sunday, 19 October 2003 - 12:32 AM BST

Name: Pete C

@#%$! Van, that was a really useful post I added to this thread. I'm sorry - it was about as useful as the 'plenty more fish in the sea' type comment that people pass about when you split up from a partner.

"Time is a great healer" must rank up there with "Don't worry, be happy" as one of the most useless comments that can be made..

My serious advice, far far away from all that type of crap, would be to decide for yourself what you want and to stick to that idea regardless. Don't fart about hoping that things might go back to the way they were - they won't. I spent a year or more arsing about hoping that I could just get back into an ex-GFs life when there was no real hope. I felt released when I got my head around that fact. Just move on and adjust, it's difficult but in the end it'd better for you.

Tomorrow, I'll write a note here to disclaim this opinion and produce an entirely different blokes are allowed do that on the weekend :)

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