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Tuesday, 30 September 2003

BAD Mexican Maid!

Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: care in the community blokes making screaming noises in some dialect outside

Dammit, angelfire seems to have been up and down more than a tart's knickers this afternoon.

Blogwarning: I have flu, and therefore I am entitled to whinge constantly without recrimination.
I find it a little bizarre that I was more than happy to accept that I was skiving without any real excuse, but had to be forced under pressure to admit I was actually genuinely ill. Perhaps I'm even more arrogant than I thought.

Last night, when I retired to my [shitty little] [spare box] room [crammed with the ex's stinky spare washing] [and no space to stand], I had that awful feeling that you're not asleep, you're dead. You know when your limbs feel heavy enough to pull down through the bed? Mine felt like someone had lassoed them and they were shooting groundwards at high speed.
So, to take my mind off the snivelling and self-pity, I decided to mentally blog myself to
sleep, with a spot of whingeing, snivelling self-pity, and thought up things that feel deeply scarey about being single again:

    I'm not sure if I have anywhere to live;
    Never going on holiday again;
    Or if you do, then being the person the waiter pities in the restaurant (I know this is a stupid thing, but something jatb said once in an amusing diatribe about Israel made me think of it);
    Living with an ex-DH is sending me insane;
    Particularly since it's me who has to do all the cooking, shopping and cleaning so far - I've renamed myself: the Mexican Maid;
    Actually, that should be: the Bad Mexican Maid - while suffering the worst flu / mild cold ever, I only managed to provide three breakfast options this morning.
    Bad, bad, bad, BAD Mexican Maid!
    Christ! Perhaps *that* time was the last sex I ever had?!
    My mates have already set up two blind dates. Bastards;
    Which is hypocritical of me, because I've already chatted up four women;
    Actually, the Bad Mexican Maid thing has all the hallmarks of a Future Fetish;
    If ex-DH opts for the best case scenario and offers to let me buy her out of the joint mortgage, then I need to come up with something like seventy thousand knicker to stay here;
    Which means opening letters from banks ever;
    Oh, how DULL;
    Never being hugged back to sleep after a nightmare.
[end maudlin tosh]
For the record these fookin stupid emoticon things at the top of each post are ARSE and NOT TRUE! So there. :o)

This page graced by sarsparilla at 6:02 PM BST
Updated: Tuesday, 30 September 2003 8:12 PM BST
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Tuesday, 30 September 2003 - 7:34 PM BST

Name: dave
Home Page:

I was gonna comment on "I was more than happy to accept that I was skiving without any real excuse, but had to be forced under pressure to admit I was actually genuinely ill", cos that is just where I am this week, after skiving off to Ikea last week and having flu now. However #1: I dragged myself to work. However #2: The rest of the post made this bit seem kinda inconsequential. Ah well... er, there you go then.

Tuesday, 30 September 2003 - 8:09 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Lol, I would *never* drag myself to work. I love my |Genericjob|, but a stubbed toe is enough for me to take an extra week off.

Am currently trying to sign up to to avoid starvation, since under no circumstances would exDH do shopping, and enjoying the choices that face me this evening:
Straight gin or Night Nurse?

By the way, you have a musical porno going on in that email address.....?

Tuesday, 30 September 2003 - 9:30 PM BST

Name: jatb

Night nurse. In case you were still pondering.

Tuesday, 30 September 2003 - 9:31 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Thanks. You are, as ever, right.

Tuesday, 30 September 2003 - 10:01 PM BST

Name: yidaho
Home Page:

?usted mujer sucia le tiene que aspira mi cepillo de dientes?

Tuesday, 30 September 2003 - 10:25 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

That reminds me, must brush my teeth.

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 1:00 PM BST

Name: Looby
Home Page:

Don't worry about being single - it's a fantastic liberation after the first few tricky weeks. The joy of being by yourself and not having to answer to anyone gradually supersedes the gloomy bits in the immediate aftermath.

Try this (always works for me): lots of red wine and crying - a mixture of one third genuine sorrow at splitting up, one third gratuitous self-pity and one third existential fear of being alone. None of these last for ever.

You don't need a partner for going on holiday, (think - you'll never have to worry "#is she enjoying herself?" and as to restuarants, why not organise fondue parties instead? Well, without the cheese that is.

I know it's a bit difficult for you lezzers because you have a slightly more restricted pool to choose from, but I wouldn't worry about getting attached again too soon. Enjoy being single again. If I could bung a load of money at my domestic situation, I'd be off tomorrow!

Good luck!

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 1:20 PM BST

Name: Tess

I have been newly single after a long term relationship, and it is @#%$!. I dunno what to say cos it all sounds like trite crap, but you will get through this.

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 1:37 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Thanks for cheering me up - I was on exactly the same wavelength (see Wednesday's blog) regarding the gratuitous self-pity.

Now I have a weird, possibly flu-induced hallucinogenic vision of a pool of holidaying 'lezzers' (small reptilian creatures in this visual) eating melted cheese. I think I might revert to the Bad Mexican Maid fantasy, if you don't mind.

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 1:41 PM BST

Name: Bad Mexican Maid

Cheers, Tess. Don't worry about cheering me up, you already did a sterling job unassisted on me once this year, and still haven't lost your halo for that one yet. :o)
FWIW, your last bloke that I met wasn't nearly a flea-infested scratch on a patch on the current one, so there's a hopeful gleam for me....

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 4:45 PM BST

Name: Sie

I like that chart but they mispelled bukkake.

Sorry I can't cheer you up because you've just increased my miserableness.

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 5:22 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Must have been one-handed typing.

It would take nothing more than an alka-seltzer to cheer me up after the gorgeing food-fest I just enjoyed.

For cheery-upping content, I recommend Martin's blog, for cheery-downing, the addictive Creepylesbo.
Both manage to blog a lot more sex and wanking than mine ever does.

I sublimate my desires by watching the Labour Party Conference (freeview channel 45! wa-heyyyy), and playing political jargon bingo. I couldn't in all honesty recommend it, but the nightmares that follow are exciting.

Card 1:
basic legal right
democratic society
justice in an unjust world
the 21st century
shoulder to shoulder

Card 2:
full defence counsel
settle for nothing less
innocent people
as it is, not as it was seen

Card 3:
freedom of choice
18 years of Tory rule
succeeded for years
sexing up

Card 4:
the Euro does not need sexing up for me
no matter what you think of Margaret Thatcher
aims of equality and opportunity
we must be realistic
not just in the UK, not just in Europe

Card 5:
er, er, er
could everyone sit down for the moment
conference I invite you to consider
i fear disastrous consequences for the whole world

Card 6:
life three hundred million people out of poverty
it was great, to hear, that
this is crucial
getting ready and getting organised
the US would not concede

Card 7:
outward looking internationalism
UK must bear some of the blame
the courage to choose
reformed more deeply
this is a crunch time

Sorry if I miserablised you!

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 6:47 PM BST

Name: Sie

Tra-la-lah, I can't hear. Tra-la-lee, I can't see. Tra-la-loo, I'm fortunately rather regular in that department thank you.

Oooh Mistress, may I have some more?

Miserability is a fundamental right of all members of the inhuman race.

I do a mean fried egg though.

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 7:17 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I just destroyed a spanish omelette by making it with no cheese at all.

This Cheese Thing must stop!

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 2:54 AM BST

Name: Martin Sewell
Home Page:

Blog about sex and wanking? Me? It's a myth I tell you!

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 5:07 PM BST

Name: tess

Yay, I'm an angel in one persons eyes!!
And yes, I tend to agree with you on the current bloke, he's fantastic! If I hadn't had my heart broken a year and a half ago I never would have met him, and would have been happyish some of the time in a relationship that was struggling along instead of magically happy all the time with a brill man! (God that sounds so smug, but I don't care lol)

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 5:14 PM BST

Name: tess

I really can't understand why anyone wouold want to wank with anything as minging as a bloody hoover. Mine sucks up all the crap of the day, it's getting nowhere near my minge, tyvm. And if I was a man there is no way I would stick my most prized possession in there, never know what I might catch!

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 9:36 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

That's right. Women are far cleaner creatures. They blog about shampoo bottle wanking instead.

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