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Tuesday, 2 September 2003

Fat Bob. Bob the Blob. Fat Blobby Bastard Bob.

Don't worry, my Site Stats Psychosis can't last much longer. All it takes is someone in the real, offline world to explain quietly how silly it is or give a disapproving look, and that usually quells the thing for a whole month.
But not yet.......... he he.
I dickered with the Guestmap ==> Free Guestmap from Bravenet and turned everyone's icons into something different, amongst other things. I'm a pink rabbit now.
It seemed funny at the time.

Today I knew I had a huuuuuge amount of carrying very very heavy things to do. Enough to fill most of the day.
So, eager to get started and prove my mettle, I sat in the general office and read my newspaper frantically from 8am till 1.30pm in the hopes that I was a senior enough figure for nobody to question this (tee hee! Worked! This is A Bad Sign).
But eventually, Peachykeenyboy pointed out that if I simply asked absolutely everybody to help, it wouldn't take long. I agreed, and voted to wait another hour while I worked up the strength to ask; so he, being peachykeeny and all, went and asked everybody for me. That's helpful, but it's also just too peachykeeny.
I pointed out that it was really lunchtime-ish and I should wait till I'd finished the whole paper, so they all started it up without me. That gave me guilts, so I had to join in.
It took about four hours or so of really really hard physical work. We carted up around 8000 chunky A4 sized hardback books. (yes, it's actually part of my job to count the things... ffs - thankfully it's such a ridiculous concept that nobody can ever be bothered to check.) That's up four double flights of stairs. when you've pretty much walked to the car and back three times a week all summer it's no joke.
At one point the stairs were chocka with 6 people who were hot, tired, carrying too many things too far. No words were possible in that stifling muggy heat, so the entire stairwell sounded like a bad porno movie.

In fact, after three and a half hours everyone else (i.e., those who had no vested interest in carrying books/shortening natural life span) quite understandably sloped away, leaving me with about 400 books left. I did two more super huge piles, then nearly had an aneurism on the stairs. Like, proper puffy! I had to climb out of peachkeenyboy's window and sit on the roof till I could breathe again. (Christ, what's the point of never having smoked if all those 20 a day bastards don't have to lie on the roof for 20 minutes to calm down?)
I had no idea I had gotten so bloody unfit again. Well, okay, slight exagg: I knew I hadn't moved far for weeks; I knew I had put on six pounds - a Bad Thing - but to come across as Buster Blood Vessel for walking up and down stairs a few times?
This might be serious. This might involve Actual Exercise. . . . .

This page graced by sarsparilla at 11:47 PM BST
Updated: Wednesday, 3 September 2003 12:39 AM BST
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Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 12:02 AM BST

Name: Vodka Queen
Home Page: http://I'

Avoid Actual Exercise at all costs! It will turn you into an annoying fanatic who spends more time at the gym than watching telly and drinking like normal people. You'll go on to 'encourage' (nag, whine and bully) people to become interested in A.E. and often spend most of a party boring someone about how 'Fitball/Boxercise/ABSolution/Random Stupidly Named Class changed my whole life!'
Just say no.

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 12:35 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Lol, this would be the woman I over-excitedly promised a Tae-Bo video to, some three or four years back....? ;-)

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 1:03 AM BST

Name: Vodka Queen

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I realised exercise was evil and would doom me to the firey pits of hell where Satan and all his little pixies would poke me with hot things. Or at least it would make me sweat which is never a good thing.
And you can't remember things from years ago - that's just cheating ;oP

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 1:25 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

When I was a fat pig, I sweated like a pig, I walked like a pig, I grunted at staircases like a pig, I failed to exercise, again like a prime bacon porker. In actual fact, I once tried to jog gently for two minutes and had to stop after 90 seconds to projectile vomit. While I agree with your general AE avoidance premise, these days Must Never Return.

Tangential issue - if we have another meet up north would you come along? There seem to be many Northerners about, and a @#%$! up calls to me........

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 11:16 AM BST

Name: Looby
Home Page: http://the usual

Van - your blog's getting quite wide - you have to use the mouse to move the page from side to side to read it. Is it just my screen or have you noticed the same thing?

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 11:17 AM BST

Name: Sie

8000 A4 sized books? That's pretty knackering! How about lugging 15000 comics in boxes containing 300+ each down from a top floor flat (My old home) with a wonky staircase and up another flight after transporting them to another place. On that exhausting day I decided that when I eventually moved house that I was not doing that again as there was a further 20000 to move on that particular day along with many boxes of books, records and videos.

On my moving day I made the removal men do it all, I now have an attic room full of the bloody things and I can't face sorting them out even after five years of deliberating the matter. I now question the wisdom of collecting so many useless items.

Maybe you should expand your collections of tat in order to aid you in your fitness regime?

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 3:56 PM BST

Name: Vodka Queen

Very well. If you *must* do AE, then at least confine it to your own home, away from the bright lights and sickening grins of the gym.
I'm up for a meet. Let me know when and where, and I'll try and sort it. I'm looking for work at the minute, so depending on that and on my exisiting appointments, I'm there.

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 6:15 PM BST

Name: Briar
Home Page:

testing. Coz I am getting no where fast

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 8:38 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

It's because of the picture of the demon cat eyes. Once it drops off from the top page, it'll be back to normal.

Just scroll right, there's nothing much to read on the left column!

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 8:39 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Yayyyy! Your comments finally work!

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 8:55 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Hello Sie! *big grin*

What shall I collect? You never see white dog poo lying around any more.

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 9:35 PM BST

Name: Briar
Home Page:

I was being impatient and not reading things through. A common complaint about me... but yay I am in comment land now!

Wednesday, 3 September 2003 - 10:02 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Settle in and have a cuppa, then.

Thursday, 4 September 2003 - 3:19 PM BST

Name: Sie

Allergies permitting, I believe dust could prove to be an assured choice.

Thursday, 4 September 2003 - 6:52 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Right. Collect dust. Sounds active. [...]

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