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Wednesday, 12 November 2003

Fruition 10: "virgin gynaecologist"

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Guest blog by Vic Jameson

I've read my fair share of pornography, thumbed through discarded copies of 'Razzle' and 'Electric Blue', and well before the age of sixteen I had seen my fair share of punani. No matter how often my mother found and promptly binned my copies of 'Mayfair' I would always manage to find replacements from one place or another and it simply served to increase my poontang-tally. Naturally when I reached the age of sixteen and of legal age to observe real life ladies in the nude and interact with them I assumed it would happen. None the less I would still keep my magazine collection close to my bed for those odd occasions when I couldn't find a girl to interfere with, if indeed that were ever to happen. Sadly reality and expectation were two complete opposites, and my magazines were there to show me what I was missing, and so I became rather attached to them, as some of the pages were to each other for some reason. I started to notice the idiosyncrasies in the vaginal structure, the differences between coiffured mounts, their curved buttocks without a hint of tan-line, it was fascinating. This state of sexual interaction with women of a printed nature was surely as educational as any kind of medical degree on the external characteristics of minge. By all rights I should have been a professional gynaecologist practicing on the most beautiful women alive, but I wasn't, what had gone wrong?

Years later I was to discover the truth with my first sexual encounter with a real life girl, who wasn't in my mind or on a bit of paper, she was real and there and in front of me. I knew what to expect, I had educated myself well in the way of the gigolo in theory if not in practice, I knew exactly what was beneath those clothes, I could close my eyes and literally see it. The moment of unveiling came, and to my horror I realised I had been lied to. Breasts should be pert and perfect surely, not like fried eggs nailed to a plank. Pubic hair should be trimmed back and well maintained, everyone knows that, not a ravenous brush scrub running down the inside of the thighs and across the buttocks. I can't even bring myself to write of the further disappointment when my patient revealed that the labia is not always a well behaved small strip of flesh just budding from its hiding place. Needless to say I have well and truly learned my lesson and the number of partners that have allowed my interference truly do qualify my for my position of gynaecologist now. My practice is open from Wednesday to Friday, and my fees are very reasonable.

Dr. Vic Jameson

Google Fruition Frission: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

This page graced by sarsparilla at 2:31 AM GMT
Updated: Thursday, 13 November 2003 2:04 PM GMT
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Wednesday, 12 November 2003 - 1:10 PM GMT

Name: Looby

Have you exceeded your bandwidth or whatever the term is, and this is why the text of each entry doesn't appear on the front page? Or is it a "feature"?

Wednesday, 12 November 2003 - 5:05 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Give me a BLEEDIN CHANCE, mate!

It's a lot to write and I have a day job, you know, what with opening the windows and getting you your cups of ficking tea ..... :D

Wednesday, 12 November 2003 - 7:47 PM GMT

Name: Aesthete

Phew. Glad I'm not alone. I was in an emperor'snewclothessituation there, thinking I was the only one who hadn't understood why there was nothing of particular interest under "Greek Nudist Colony".

Wednesday, 12 November 2003 - 10:53 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

There's always something of interest under a Greek Nudist Colony, albeit beneath the sand that gets into the cracks, annoyingly.

I decided to fulfil the search terms which my blog figured on the lists as a potential match for - thus ensuring should they ever be searched again, I'd get first ranking (and wanking, too, presumably, judging by some of them). This means I have to actually blog about them, and this being one of the hardest days of my life and all ((tm) Things Unblogged And Unbloggable ), it's taking me a bit of an age...

Getting there, though.

Thursday, 13 November 2003 - 12:19 AM GMT

Name: dave

This was good.

Especially when I thought it was Vanessa until I reached the end.

Though only having the words in the title is cheating, I feel!

Thursday, 13 November 2003 - 2:12 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I have changed everythig Icoul to make it more fair, but you'r eright, the root problem is that it's good. He writes well!

(and took the least persuasion - although, that's not to say that unlimited sexual favours are not on offer to all today's guest bloggers - mine, my friends, whatev!)

Thursday, 13 November 2003 - 2:36 AM GMT

Name: Dr. Vic Jameson
Home Page:

In the first paragraph I was a virgin, in the second a gynaecologist. Virgin gynaecologist, it follows naturally, like time dilation from relativity theory.

Praise indeed that you thought it was Vanessa, my job here is done.
Don't you just love it when a plan comes together?

Thursday, 13 November 2003 - 12:24 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

You will insist on chomping that cigar, no wonder you don't get customers...

Thursday, 13 November 2003 - 1:39 PM GMT

Name: dave

You can chomp my cigar any time you like, "daaahlin".

Thursday, 13 November 2003 - 2:00 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Fnarr fnarr.

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