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Monday, 27 October 2003

Easily Ignored Clues that you haven't RECOVERED yet

Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: The Chemical Brothers

1. You can't focus your moth-attention on a teev, but [sniff] you reckon that you can [cough] follow a [splutter] recipe alright.
2. Any recipe that calls for one large egg can just as easily be made with three small blue coloured ones from mutant chickens, right?
3. When cooking scones, you realise after that you forgot to include any fruit, cherries or sugar. So you dump them all on top.
4. Your tea keeps going cold.
5. Your scones are meant to look like the ones on the left. But instead, they accidentally come out shit. Like this:

6. Just one scone is enough to give you diarrhoea. You eat three, out of stubbornness.
7. You zip through pages of the shit novel you were reading, but you can't concentrate enough to read even a half page article of the Spectator.
8. Similarly, you zoom through an old piss-stained Cosmo with not one of the usual my-brain-has-been-vaccuumed side-effects.
9. While driving at 35 mph to the shops, it seems safe enough to take off your specs and fish out an eyelash.
10. If the clocks have gone back an hour, it must therefore be alright to stay up till 5am.
11. The |bankmanager| asks if you have any life assurance, and you respond: "Hunh? Eh? I have flu."
12. Everyone else in the world sounds very far away.
12. You allow the shopmidgetlady to paint a stripe of dark orange flaky foundation along the left side of your jaw.
13. And thank her for the attention.
14. Everything you see or haer begins to connect up. People ring when you think about them. The muzak in the cafe refers back to a film you once saw before you slept with someone you've not seen for years. You read a book with 'four'in the title a day before buying a Dylan CD with 'four' on it. Like, your whole life is a pattern.
15. Yup, exactly like that acid trip in '92.
16. Uh-ohhh.
17. You say to |bankmanager|: "Sorry. I'm shit at adding up." Then you steal their calculator when you think they're not looking.
18. Of course they're bloody looking. You've been miswriting the number three and crossing it out for the past 90 minutes in front of them.
19. A cup of tea seems to magically last three hours.
20. The |bankmanager| tells you you're going to be poor for some years to come, so it seems logical to spend your last coins on a few trip-hop CDs.
21. And some Radiohead. Even though you've always loudly pitied people who listen to Radiohead.
22. You invite your ex of ... oooh ... fifteen days ... over for tea. Surely you should both be past the hysterical stage by now?

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 7:10 PM GMT
Updated: Monday, 27 October 2003 7:47 PM GMT
Post Comment | View Comments (10) | Permalink | Share This Post

Monday, 27 October 2003 - 11:06 PM GMT

Name: paul
Home Page:

1. I'm always like this.
2. Of course. Size doesn't matter.
3. This makes perfect sense. You should have put them in cream or something first though.
4. Microwave.
5. Those don't look too bad if you give them a quick look. And you happen to be blind.
6. Hahahaah, I will eat stuff that looks like cat vomit, just because I cooked it.
7. Novels are better. Always. I'm reading the story of O right now. Err... it's rather electrifying but I can only read it a half hour at a time, then I need a break.
8. Cosmo is only good if you're sick, young or both. Maybe insane.
9. This frightens me.
10. Yeah, I did that too.
Skip ahead:
21. Oh yes, I know the feeling. I said the same about Dave Matthews. And here I am buying his work. Dammit.
22. This had bad idea written all over it.

Tuesday, 28 October 2003 - 12:43 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Originally a mere Blog God, now a Comments God, too.

Thanks. Number 22 made me stop crying. Without hiccups, too.

Tuesday, 28 October 2003 - 11:14 AM GMT

Name: tess

But was the snot still streaming out of your nose and onto your top lip?
Why can't I cry prettily, like film peopel do. My lips and eyes go all red and swollen, and my face goes all puffy and I look like a horror film extra :(

Tuesday, 28 October 2003 - 12:00 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I switch the lights off, then I don't have to know. I cried my way through every tissue, bit of kitchen towel and bog roll in the house. I managed to eke it out to cover the morning poo safely, but it's quite important that I begin to stop snivelling now.

Tuesday, 28 October 2003 - 3:54 PM GMT

Name: paul
Home Page:

Did I really help you to stop crying? I'm honored, and glad to hear that. I was actually just trying to make you laugh.

Tuesday, 28 October 2003 - 4:30 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Yeah, you did. For a while! And I laughed, too. Cheers.

Tuesday, 28 October 2003 - 10:33 PM GMT

Name: tess

You English and your poo fixations. I know I have mentioned this here, and other places before - but you are all bloody well bowel obsessed!

Tuesday, 28 October 2003 - 11:37 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

< sh|t eating grin >

Wednesday, 29 October 2003 - 10:27 AM GMT

Name: tess

when you said you had been eating shlt for a week, I htought you meant junk food. Please say you meant junk food?

Wednesday, 29 October 2003 - 1:45 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I was just drafting a blog entry about your poo theories about the English, that grin was meant to say.


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