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Wednesday, 30 June 2004

apolutrosis, or redemption

Topic: Creepy Lesbo
Reading and watching and listening and thinking has me, well, thinking.
You'll forgive a rambling, disconnected hiatus while I try to work out what to do with my life. It won't make sense to you. No apologies for that. The point has ceased to be intelligibility. Stop reading it.

I play this game.
It's pointless and annoys me, yet I'm compelled to play on

Searching for reasons isn't the point
The process is the answer
The journey, not the destination
We're all seeking redemption in some way

looking to forget our past

am I just here to be haunting the place?
depressed, trapped, helpless?
wandering about, unable to change

unable to change the situation

And what aobut my soul - do I even have one?

But redemption is a recovery
of something

something sold, or lost

"(Theol.) The procuring of God's favor by the sufferings and death of Christ; the ransom or deliverance of sinners from the bondage of sin and the penalties of God's violated law.
In whom we have redemption through his blood. --Eph. i. 7."

salvation from sin? What sin?

"the purchase back of something that had been lost, by the payment of a ransom.
The Greek word so rendered is _apolutrosis_, a word occurring nine times in Scripture, and always with the idea of a ransom or price paid"

A price paid.
A recovery
of what's been lost.
Yes, I can see that one.
But through blood?

Where do I have to bleed?
Where do I have to go?
How hard will it be to
move myself
to pay the future's ransom
to purchase my freedom from all this?

And if it can be done, then why can it be done?
And what does permanent mean?
What do I do?
How do I forget the things I did
but make room for the things I wish to do
How do I forget the things I am
and make room for the person I will be

And is it possible?
To change that much?
What is redemption, is it a bribe?
A serendipitous, spiritual bribe?
Blood money to shut your soul up for another ten years?
How is that possible?
Why is it possible? how is that fair?

Do I stay in this hole, hiding
haunting myself

Do I assume inviolability
That the past doesn't matter?

Do I plague myself
with questions
in the hope
the assurance
the inevitability
the hope of stasis?

What do I do / what did I do / what shall I do.
Here / there / maybe nowhere.

Redemption. Buying it back.

If nothing we do matters, then . . .

all that matters . . .

is what . . .

we do.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 2:23 AM BST
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Wednesday, 30 June 2004 - 4:12 AM BST

Name: PB Curtis
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According to Christian creed, Jesus is The Redeemer - it's him that pays the price, for everyone else's sins.

So, what to do? In that particular belief system, I'd advise doing some sins, so as to be sure Christ wasn't crucified for nothing. I certainly wouldn't go about trying to redeem myself; that would be getting ideas above my station.

Wednesday, 30 June 2004 - 4:33 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Also according to Christian creed, the legends are allegorical, a metaphor for human experience.

I'm not a Christian. If I believe in anything, I believe in metaphor. In moments of doubt, I go to a dictionary. Cf: above.

But fwiw, you're probably right. It's just that wanting to do anything isn't the most achievable thing right now.

Wednesday, 30 June 2004 - 11:51 AM BST

Name: madame finistere
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"We're all seeking redemption in some way"
You mix up redemption with unconditional love I think. (?)

Maybe we feel we are "unable to change the situation" because we are forced to see life as a linear movement. And we are told you can't go back, or maybe only with the help of God. Once the damage is done you can only try to mend it. But that's not true, we live in circles really. The past is the future. Maybe recycled again and again.
We forget and remember.

The only redemption is death, a recovery of your original state before birth. Paying for it is like saving up for your own funeral, it's fear of living.

Wednesday, 30 June 2004 - 7:08 PM BST

Name: billy
Home Page:

I play this game.
It's pointless and annoys me, yet I'm compelled to play on's a bugger cnps isn't it :^) me a 261, 262 and a 263 today :^)...wha'chu mean I've missed the point again!!!...

Wednesday, 30 June 2004 - 7:42 PM BST

Name: Cyn
Home Page:

In re: missing the point--I thought it referred to me.

V.'s writing is often cloaked in vagaries--so I don't sweat *missing the point* (much).

Thursday, 1 July 2004 - 12:10 AM BST

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page:

And what does permanent mean?
What do I do?

Permanent means as long as you want it to. Nothing is permanent in the sense of 'infinite' or 'for life'. You don't have to DO anything. Sometimes it's what you decide NOT to do that makes all the difference, believe me.

How do I forget the things I did
but make room for the things I wish to do
How do I forget the things I am
and make room for the person I will be

You don't forget, but learn and move on. If you forget, then what is to stop you repeating what you've already done? Who you've already been? You don't need to make room for who you 'will' be. It's a case of changing behaviours - or modifying them. NOT eliminating them. You behave the way you do for reasons only you will know. Eliminating that facet of your personality will NOT eliminate the event/s that caused you to behave that way in the first place.

Maybe you need to go back to the beginning - remember why you started on this journey in the first place? Do you WANT to change? If so - WHAT do you want to change? And most importantly - WHY do you want to change it??

Sometimes it takes just as much courage to do nothing.

Thursday, 1 July 2004 - 11:35 AM BST

Name: looby

Time to start drinking again Vanessa. It blocks all this sort of stuff out.

Thursday, 1 July 2004 - 2:33 PM BST

Name: Jennifer
Home Page:

Making sense is irrelevant. Although it does. Make sense.

It's watching the process that's so damn fascinating.

I hate fawning commenters, honest. But I'm going to be one for a minute. Your insightfulness is simply stunning, and your choice of words flawless. Always.

Friday, 2 July 2004 - 10:12 PM BST

Name: Lux
Home Page:

Maybe you have already paid the price.

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