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Friday, 23 April 2004

She Wants My Hot Beef Injection

Topic: Creepy Lesbo

Been having a very emotional week - always embarrassing when you cry snuffily and pink nosedly for an hour in public at work. I should have been able to tell it was coming, if from the frequency of occasions when I caught myself loudly referring to both colleagues and clients as "bastards".
One single scart lead had broken you see, and somehow shorted all the sockets on that side of the building. Well it seemed a disaster at the time - to the degree that I blurted out my resignation. Not just from genericjob, oh no, that would never match my mood, from the profession as a whole.
Ah well, I only threatened to throw the telephone "through the bloody window", I didn't actually do it. And when they asked if the resignation I'd tendered had been official, I hastily admitted it had been a mere tantrum.

I blame Creepy Lesbo.
I had really vivid dreams about her last night. Notable not for being blog dreams - I had one dream last summer about writing a blog post, and though this is the first dream about another blogger I've had, it's not surprising it was about Creepy, as her blog is possibly the most honest, emotionally truthful, somehow internalised blog you can read.
No, the real weirdness about this dream was that it kept rewinding like an old and very creaky video player, and resetting itself.
Creepy was very small and little, and boyish (and cute), and we were lunching in a Borough Market cafe full of unbearable leftie yuppies. She had extremely small bony bird-hands, but despite this, I fancied her. As we chatted, my mind kept drifting off towards this attraction, our eyes met, and she returned my gaze with raw fascination, our body language mirroring each other, both skipping a breath.
Then a squealing noise would begin, and the dream would rewind ten seconds. Like a Groundhog Day character, I would sit listening to Creepy chatter on, allowing my mind to drift off into wondering if she fancied me once again.
This time, Creepy's gaze was very clearly fixed upon the short annoying straight woman with the kids at the next table, her frank, broad smile was redirected to the snotty ugly kid mewling and puking on the annoying brunette's lap, and she looked back only to enquire of me animatedly what salt beef sandwiches tasted like.
Repeatedly. All night.
No wonder I'm an emotional shipwreck today.

I'll never recover from your cruel rejection, Creepy.

Turn Off TV Week ~ I'm spending a week living an imaginary life as a couch potato, to see if it's any more fulfilling.

Daily Selection: I might have watched ~

1. 7.30pm, BBC1, Top of the Pops ~ This week's best-selling singles, featuring live performances and pre-chart exclusives. You've got to, really, haven't you? These days, if only to laugh at the parade of scantily clad drama school ingenues flaunting themselves as if they'd never heard of a closet. Actually, I like turning on the subtitles, and laughing at the sudden revelation of unimaginably crap lyrics scrolling over the screen.
2. 8.30pm, ITV1, Inspector Morse ~ Morse takes on the case of a missing schoolgirl, revealing disturbing facts about her family along the way. I once moved to Oxford, but came back after a fortnight because the populace were so insipid I wanted to smash their heads in. The only area I could stand to be in was Burberry-Lite (the Cowley Road).
Still, not having to physically be there and put up with people ruining great atmosphere, great learning, great architecture by being so bloody uninteresting means that the place is visually rather lovely. Reading Philip Pullman's trilogies also makes you miss the dreaming spires feel of the city centre. So all said, I quite like a dash of Morse. Imagine, a genteel police inspector who solves his crimes by popping on a spot of Rachmaninov and asking the well heeled polite questions. What would Mr Conan Doyle have said?

3. 10.30pm, BBC1, Friday Night with Jonathan Ross ~ A mix of music and celebrity chat. Jonathan meets Terry Wogan, John McEnroe, Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen and Melinda Messenger. Plus music from Supergrass. Gwowing up in the eighties, I'm old enough to wemember how dully obsequious all chat shows were before the great Wossy wevolutionised them. Parky was on the verge of hard hitting in those days, but Wossy burst on the scene by laughing at the stars' sad attempts to plug their latest mediocre offewing. His taste in films is gweat, and by fwiends' accounts, he's a thowoughly lovely bloke, unlike that bitchy wife with the weally huge knockers. So to see him wip the piss out of Wogan, the pwevious holder of the chat show cwown, will be intewesting.
And then there's the battle of the forty something bouffant hairstyles when Wossy meets the equally self wegarding pweener, Llewellyn Bowen. Dammit, I'm wather tempted.
Verdict: Not bad, in a trivial, inconsequential sort of a way - but bliminy, man, this is Friday night! This is supposed to be the best night for programming all week. Sheesh (shakes head sadly).

This page graced by sarsparilla at 12:16 AM BST
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Friday, 23 April 2004 - 12:41 AM BST

Name: cacoa

hope youre feeling better. I am most impressed at how innovative you dreaming was, this rewinding thing, absolutely fascinating.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 12:44 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Mmm, I know, but I could have done with just five minutes of fast forward...

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 1:38 AM BST

Name: chrysalis

I have to agree on your take on Creepy's Blog. I too am a reader. The odd thing is that I found yours and hers through COMPLETELY different routes. Had to grin when first I saw her comment. I guess that it really is a small world....even in blogdom.

Being an empathetic saddens me even to read of other's down times. Ironically....I just passed this tidbit on to another......."In the end, everything will be fine. If things are not fine, it is not the end". I know, I know......sounds like some sort of 12-stepper malarkey......but it helps me keep my chin up in my gloomier moments. =)

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 2:16 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Here's the source of the link.

Ag, i can't go into what happened to piss me off so much because I try not to blog about work on here. Suffice to say there was blood.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 4:17 AM BST

Name: fridgemagnet
Home Page:

Unless I've really fucked up and missed a day, it's not Friday night *yet*.

I miss TOTP, you know.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 7:38 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Yeah, but I wouldn't have might have watched anything in the daytime on Friday, because I'm at work.
It was Friday here when I posted it. What I can't understand is that it was Thursday when I posted the second entry on Wednesday. But the lickle calendar thingy says I posted on Wednesday and Thursday this week, and not Friday.

I think my calendar's on PST.

PS. Only an ex-pat would miss TOTP. :)

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 12:17 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page:

*chuckling away to herself*

What can I possibly say to THAT??

Nevertheless I shall try.
I'm sorry I compelled you to insincerely quit your job, although I don't really see how I did that, but maybe that's a link I'm missing.
Thank you, and all who have agreed, for saying such kind things about my blog. We all know it'll bite me in the bum at some point and I'm sure you'll all thoroughly enjoy reading about it when it does, but until then I'll be blithering away as usual.

I'm short and boyish although 'cute' I can't comment on and 'little' is just wrong. Borough Market - I can see where you got that from but actually I've never had lunch anywhere near there. Although I have been drinking in The Southwark pub a few times.
I don't have boney, bird hands. I'm a Taurus and so I have practical hands - square palms and short fingers (I've lost lesbian readers right there for not being well endowed). But since i've never done any hard graft they are very childlike hands.
In fact, TwoHands used to constantly take the mick saying I didn't have any knuckles because I have dimples where knuckes should be.
The rewinding thing is weird. I'll give you that.
And the fact that I'd be looking at other things very right because generally if I really am liking someone I find it terribly hard to look them in the eye. And I am easily distracted - particularly by noisy and sparkly things. :-)
I have no idea what salt beef sandwiches taste like and I probably would be infuriatingly fascinated by the concept.
But that doesn't mean I'm rejecting you, Vanessa.

And we met through the DykeWrite ring originally (well, I used to do the rounds) and then we both joined the Gay Brits ring. But I'm on a lot of the same rings and sites Vanessa is on. Actually - the blog universe is painfully small if you are a lesbian in London. Teenager pointed out LemonPillows site to me the other day and I broke out into a cold sweat knowing that if she'd found LemonPillows she would no doubt have found my blog.
Hopefully she's paying attention and not mentioning that she's found it to me though.. which also makes me wonder how many of the others have found me because quite a few have said 'oh, you're a really good writer' when they haven't actually READ anything I've done - and when I ask how they'd know they stutter and say they were referring to my emails I send around....
Anyway, enough of my paranoia....
I'm flattered Vanessa.
Maybe one day I'll pop out to Penge. One of the work colleagues lives there, after all...

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 3:53 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

It was an awfully *frustrating* dream. :D

Yes, the scene's small enough to track anyone down if they're determined enough - but I'd have thought most people wouldn't want to; it's better to enjoy the writing, and the mystery, surely, than to spoil it all by 'outing' a blogger?
Anyway, if anyone at drama did let slip they read your blog, you could always claim it to be ficitonalised in a writerly manner. (ahem)

I actually first ever found 'Creepy Lesbo' by following a link from the first blog I ever read: the sadly defunct Joy of Bex.

The lesbian UK blog scene - if we can close our eyes and pretend it's actually a scene - is appallingly small. Given most lesbians' affinity for the arts, for creative stuff, and for reading, it's quite shocking. I know of a few London dykes who blog, but they're expat Aussies, so they don't count, no matter how long they work here, damn them. In fact, the six UK dykes scattered across my blogroll are the only ones I've found.

There must be more.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 5:48 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page:

Arsebiscuits. If I'd known it was THAT small I definitely wouldn't have announced to anyone in RealTime that I have a blog...

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 5:49 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page:

Oh, but then again, there must be a lot who don't come up on searches etc - especially the Live Journals and ones which can be made friends only etc.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 5:52 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page:

Oh, I'll just talk to myself.

Anyway Vanessa, you never know. One day, I'll be sitting in a crappy gay pub in South London, you'll walk in, you'll give me the evil eye and I'll fall in love. You'll be thinking "I wish that fat, scary, butch lezza would stop staring at me" and I'll be planning the big gay wedding mentally and it will all go wrong when Bitchface or BigSmile walks in and EVERYONE falls in love with her and she rejects us all.
I should be writing bad lesbian movies....

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 6:34 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Sorry, I was resting my eyelids temporarily, after having to catch some escaped cats.

I road test my powers on the REALLY fat scary butch lezzas who run the Sydenham Pet Shops. Currently, my powers are languishing at 'Vanessa is invisible'.

Yeah, I'd drop heavy hints about private blogs, that's a good idea. I read loads of those (while shaking my head sadly at their shameful lack of exshibitionism), so it stands to reason there must be more.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 7:23 PM BST

Name: chrysalis

Ok, watching you two banter is somewhat sureal. is like.....Wonder Woman hangin' with the Bionic Woman(I do not know if that is flattering or not...heh). You always knew they had a lot in common(the whole super power gonna save the world I am woman hear me roar thing)....but you never expected them to know each other socially. Ya dig? =)

I found Creepy's site by bouncing over from Call Centre Confidential. I found that site because it won some award or something and I checked it out. I honestly do not remember how I came across your site though......perhaps linked from another blog or challenge??

So, your both having the same preference in eye candy was purely coincidental. I just kept reading because both sites made grin....frown....laugh out loud and occassionally cringe! And, as with Call Centre Confidential, they are both decidedly British...which is entertaining in it's own right.

I still say that it is a madly small world. Keep wielding your powerful pens(figuratively speaking), both of you!!

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 7:31 PM BST

Name: chrysalis

Er.....make that 'surreal'. ;)

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 8:37 PM BST

Name: Kat
Home Page:

Fits at work will bite you on the ass every time. Luckily they gave to a chance to admit it was a tantrum and not a real resignation. Having a genericjob is better than having nojob any day.

The rewind dream is pretty creative although I know it would have been oodles more fun if it had continued. Maybe now it will, since CL has had to set you straight on some of her physical characteristics.

And "Arsebiscuits" - what a fantastic word!

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 9:55 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Now, that's a blogmeet I'd attend - if we were all disguised in badly fitting superhero costumes.

Bagsy The Thing, or Flameboy.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 9:58 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

You should read Creepy's blog for the swearwords alone: cuntymints is another Creepy original.

Nojob is actually my ambition. If I can agree a sale within 6 weeks, I can emigrate in the autumn, and frankly, I have lots of reason to be serious about that as a possibility.

Saturday, 24 April 2004 - 4:51 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page:

Actually, I think I got cuntymints off of B3ta many eons ago.
I think...

Oh. And I DO own a picture of me dressed up as Superman/girl. Very scary.

I don't get the 'same taste in eye candy' thing. Do we both go for the same women or something?

And what's surreal about us two chatting? Technically I don't know Vanessa 'socially' but blog-wise I drift over and take a peek and wonder what's happening which she isn't saying. At least, I'm pretty sure I don't know her in real life. But you never know.. I can't help but be curious.
Did I mention I emailed a real pic of what I really look like to Emma Kennedy? I didn't receive a comment back. I'm trying not to take that as a bad sign despite my largely insecure subconscious screaming 'U.G.L.Y. you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, uh uh, you ugly!' at me. I'm trying to assume she's just busy or she already knew what I looked like because she/ the police/private detectives has been stalking me but my neurotic undertones like to come out to play on things like this and persist on dancing on the tables like the errant little pixies they are.

Saturday, 24 April 2004 - 4:56 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page:

Oh. Ironically I ALSO own a picture of me dressed up as Wonder Woman. Spooky. That was for a ballet performance. I showed it to someone the other day and pointed out that the stars on my blue knickers were very painful as the sharp points kept sticking into my child flesh. He said I made a very cute Wonder Woman though. And then said 'what happened'? Gitazoid.

Saturday, 24 April 2004 - 5:53 PM BST

Name: sarah
Home Page:

glad someone else noticed that, especially when until a few months ago it seemed like every other weblog was written by a gay bloke. I thought I was just particularly useless at finding british dykes online, which makes sense, as I'm bloody awful at it in real life.

Sunday, 25 April 2004 - 10:10 AM BST

Name: Lux
Home Page:

Have you ever seen Mystery Men? Eddie Izzard's in it, so naturally it's fabulous.

Sunday, 25 April 2004 - 5:41 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I keep finding new ones - like these, and then they immediately abandon posting.
I guess lezzas just aren't very New Media.

Sunday, 25 April 2004 - 5:43 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Oh - that used to be in the DVD rental shop. I'll try it. Cheers Lux.

Sunday, 25 April 2004 - 5:48 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Awwww. My sister used to dress as Wonder Woman entirely too often to be healthy.
I think 'same taste in eye candy' is an elegantly phrased euphemism for gay. I can understand it being surreal that you're chatting on other sites - because I'm one of your readers. If a blog is well written, you start to feel like you know the blogger in a weird, inside-your-head way - and that makes it feel like they're ficitonal. I mean, I know I've left comments encouraging people to date or do something silly, just because I'd like to read about it, entirely forgetting this is a real person or this is a real life, even when I've known the blogger IRL for 24 years, frankly (sorry jatb!). Perhaps it's because the only other time you get inside someone's head is when you're reading fiction.
So to go to comments and see someone you've known as a blogger for ages chatting may seem surreal, because it feels like a favourite character in a book just came to life.
Of course, all this is true of your blog, not mine. I'm just your vessel, Creepy. (fnarr)

Sunday, 25 April 2004 - 10:32 PM BST

Name: sarah
Home Page:

I remember seeing both of those a while back - that one seeming worth keeping an eye on.

bloody lezzas, give them an acoustic guitar and it'd be a different story.

Sunday, 25 April 2004 - 10:59 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

They're all too busy with their five a side football, I reckon.

Monday, 26 April 2004 - 11:56 AM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page:

No - it's like the scene in real life - as soon as they get girlfriends they stop going out / writing/ doing anything on their own.

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