BBheebeegeebee

Now Playing: BB live feeds (SHUT UP Michelle)

Topic: Yidaho

Famous blogger Mike suggested an obsessively BB influenced post:

I've been getting into the unfortunate habit of leaving a full screen Big Brother web feed on, with the volume down low as I sleep, or if I leave the house. Till I realised I've already pissed all my neighbours off by shouting half naked in the car park at stupid times of the morning on a weekday.

It has a weird effect - you start to get irritated by the housemates as if you actually have to share bed space with them, and it makes the Channel 4 show bizarrely distorted.

Given how often they mute the feeds to replace anything tasty they want saved for the TV show, you become convinced your house is haunted by birdsong at times.

Last night, I was drifting off to the weird accompaniment of

• Cameras zooming into extreme, pore opening close up of Daniel's nostril as he stares into space.
• Ahmed's scary dark open eyes on the night vision camera as he lies in his bed 'asleep'.
• Stuart rubbing the fake tan into his entire upper body in the den at 1am, his eyes closed, heavy sighs, and rather too much attention paid to the nip area (I counted twelve nip applications before I felt too pervy to keep watching).
• Another hour of Daniel sipping tea in the cold night garden, alone with his thoughts, while in the background, Kitten's animated indoor discussions (IQ level: "Brighton's brilliant, innit?") went completely ignored.

If you want to watch the uncensored web feeds, you need to sign up here - it costs about #4.20 a month by the time they charge you.
If you want to watch without all the assorted onscreen crap of realplayer, then Craig Pickles' BBviewer has been a nice simple bit of design for a few years now. You still need realplayer installed for it to work, but it's a much simpler interface, no adverts, and should they offer more than one camera stream, you can watch different feeds simultaneously.
If you're into betting on the show (not with money, but you can win a T shirt...), then Fantasy Big Brother is about to start - email Eddie before June 3rd to take part.
If you want to go to a BB eviction night, sign up here.
Alternatively, perhaps you just want to peruse some computer generated diagrams that reveal nominating patterns - and therefore spot which factions are forming before anyone else at the watercooler? Check out Igblan.
Finally, if you want to laugh at the contestants, the spectacular movie poster spoofs done by blogging's very own Yidaho have been meming the tabs for years now.

Yesterday, Ahmed was pissing me off - he let Jason and Victor wind him up, then toddled around the house doing their bidding, winding up Marco. Stuart was pissing me off - just for his naivety, by day's end - but for his manipulativeness earlier, in winding up Kitten and setting her off.

Kitten seems universally hated on lesbian messageboards - who needs a psycho lunatic like that representing their demographic onscreen? - but also appreciated - we need the mad ones to stay in, if we don't want some dull wanker like Cameron to win again. I read somewhere last year the cities with the highest density of gay inhabitants:

The highest gay populations in the UK are: 1 Brighton and Hove; 2 London; 3 Manchester; 4 Blackpool; 5 Bournemouth; 6 Cambridge; 7 Nottingham; 8 Bristol; 9 Oxford; 10 Lewes, East Sussex. Source

Add the BB house to that list.

My favourite stupid quotes so far (I've resisted the temptation to quote Emma, as she's growing on me):
Michelle Am a thrill seeker me
Victor Like what?
Michelle Whatever, anything
Victor What like Bunjee jumps?
Michelle Noah, ah doant like heights.

Best Blo'te of the Day So Far: Madame Finistere
"Sometimes I completely forget the reason why I'm not calling you when I feel like it, or sending you a birthday present, or writing you a pretentious e-mail trying to display my so-called literary capacities and trying to make you laugh. I forget why I'm neither responding to nor deleting your cellphone messages.
The reason is love.
I try to tell myself that as long as I do not forget this, you will be ok."