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Thursday, 25 March 2004

True Love

Topic: Belle de Jour

Never done this before (repeated something from a dating website on my blog, I mean), and please forgive me for being so malicious and crass, grovel, grovel, but I must just share with you one or two traits I found unappealing about someone whom I was mailed by an online dating thingy as being a particularly good match for me. Far from reading as a potential shag, several things struck me as hitting bullseye on my 'cross the street there's a lunatic coming' radar.

I dunno, what do you think? Could this be my perfect significant other? Does she sound my type?

Strike 1: Gabrielle seeks her Xena
Strike 2: located in: Nottingham
Strike 3: my bust is 104ff
Strike 4: I am a huge fan of multi-culturalism, and make it my business to embrace as much of different ways of life as possible
Strike 5: When I go out, I dress in bright colors, such as sarees, & other eastern dress, however when I'm in all-female company, where allowed, I just go naked, it's very liberating.
Strike 6: I also indulge in white witchcraft, watch talk/reality tv shows
Strike 7: My big trademark, though is my fetish for other womens feet and shoes, which really turn me on
Strike 8: I have even learnt to use my feet as I do, my hands, writing & doing my hair & make-up with my feet.
Strike 9: I already have hundreds of pairs of sandals & mules, I'm a bit like a lesbian Sex & The City girl
Strike 10: The lady I'm looking for has dark/ish skin, is feminine, could be gay,bi or straight, If the latter, I'd still like friendship. I'd also like to get to know other white ladies, who are like me
Strike 11: I'd like to get to know other women with bi-racial children we can discuss the issues surrounding that
Strike 12: Oh and I 'd like a tall woman, with long hair or short hair
Strike 13: Body Art: Visible tattoo, Strategically placed tattoo, Inked all over, Belly button ring, Piercings you?ll have to ask about, Fanged
Strike 14: Best Feature: Feet
Strike 15: I practice yoga, & practice my pschic skills. I'm also into clubbing, & latin dancing
Strike 16: Favourite Things: Basically, womens feet/shoes, TV talk shows, like |Trisha, reality shows, the books I read are mostly about feminism, nature and spirituality.
Strike 17: Last Read: The Female Eunach
Strike 18: I keep Reptiles, Birds, Exotic pets
Strike 19: Education: PhD Post Doctoral - I garduated in Nootingham, UK [I *swear* I didn't edit that bit]
Strike 20: About My Date: only requirement is ehtnicity: Black / African descent, Asian, Latino / Hispanic
Strike 21: My turn ons: Tattoos, Body piercings, Long hair, Skinny dipping, Flirting, Thrills, Public displays of affection, Dancing, Sarcasm

Good God! And my profile appealed to this freako undoubtedly kind and worthwhile individual?!

This page graced by sarsparilla at 1:08 AM GMT
Updated: Thursday, 8 April 2004 3:49 PM BST
Post Comment | View Comments (34) | Permalink | Share This Post

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 7:07 AM GMT

Name: Missuh
Home Page:

"writing & doing my hair & make-up with my feet"
I can't even walk half the time with my feet!
You got yourself a winner, there, Vanessa!

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 10:57 AM GMT

Name: Cyn
Home Page: http://c

She probably would enjoy your sarcastic nature, dontcha'think?

Do you at least have nice feet?

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 11:05 AM GMT

Name: mike
Home Page:

That was so funny that I actually had to stop reading it for a bit, so as not to collapse in hysterics in the middle of the office.

Then I came back and got to "Best Feature: Feet", and almost completely lost it.

And she lives in Nottingham! Eek!

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 11:22 AM GMT

Name: billy
Home Page: see, this is why I admire you...I bet I'm not even worth a second of this woman's time and yet she is desperate to meet you :^)...

...when are you going to blog about your bi-racial child? this the result of the previous "virgin pregnancy" :^)...I'm having difficulty keeping up :^)...

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 11:29 AM GMT

Name: PB Curtis
Home Page:

That is wonderful. I want more.

Please meet her.

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 1:04 PM GMT

Name: csf
Home Page:

with boobs that big i am suprised she can even see her feet...maybe thats why she likes other peoples..

i agree with her.

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 1:17 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Ahhh, but she studied in Nootingham, so you may be safe. do let us know if you spy her in the street, please. and, erm, jpegs if naked at the time, yeah?

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 4:36 PM GMT

Name: Kat
Home Page:

Just be sure she keeps those fangs of hers away from your feet - you could lose a toe that way.

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 5:29 PM GMT

Name: sarah

I would appreciate it if you did not post my profile on a public website.

*cough* good god, I haven't laughed so much at someone else's expense for days.

"garduated" is my fave bit. And since when has Xena been feminine?

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 5:40 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

They weren't that nice to start with. After a month of walking four miles a day in unsuitable shoes, I doubt they've improved...

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 5:42 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

You @#%$!, I read the first line of your comment and nearly choked.

Seriously, I feel pretty awful about having posted it at all - it was just so far outside the box. It was before boxes existed.

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 6:02 PM GMT

Name: sarah

oh come *on* - Nottingham? Me? pah!

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 8:35 PM GMT

Name: chrysalis

Does that really say "104 ff"?? Good God. One must wonder how she can see to fasten all the shoes she professes to own. Belly button ring? One would imagine that it is hidden by her bodacious ta-tas. I would meet up with her.......though that may well be because I am the cat that curiosity is forever slaying.

Do let us know. ;)

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 9:59 PM GMT

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page:

OOh.. You MUST meet her! It's all part of the single lesbian online dating experience = you have to meet the nutters so you can appreciate the more 'sane' persons you may meet later on..
Just think of the blog material.. "Can you show me what you can do with your feet?" "what size are your boobs. REally"... I can't wait. Do it! Do it!

Thursday, 25 March 2004 - 10:27 PM GMT

Name: norman

Vanessa, it's those luvly slippers...

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 1:52 AM GMT

Name: Rose
Home Page:

Which site are you frequenting?

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 6:39 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Ha! I think you're on to something there...

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 6:41 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Bodacious Boobed Foot Freak Singles Online. Why?

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 9:56 AM GMT

Name: jatb

I'm going to repeat the advice you gave me when I was blogging - go on a date, you owe it to your readers.

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 11:22 AM GMT

Name: Laura
Home Page:

ppppplllllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssssseeeeeeee agree to meet her, and coz i live down the road, you and i could hide near sydenham station, and wait to see what she looked like... you wouldn't actually have to meet her...


or is that a bit cold, calculating and mean

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 4:33 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Yes and don't think that that flippant comment of mine hasn't haunted me ever since I decided to blog this.... damn me, damn my eyes.

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 4:36 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Lol, actually, you could vet all my possible dates from your secret Sema's cafe vantage point, and then I wouldn't have to wander around Sydenham wondering which one's Laura any more, either...

.... ahem, errr, I mean, no, not a chance.

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 5:16 PM GMT

Name: Rose
Home Page:

Cuz I wanted to join you... You're very private aren't you, in some ways? Eventually, hopefully, I'll build my own web site - :)

Friday, 26 March 2004 - 10:46 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Lol, there are a few corners left unblogged, yeah. It was on this site, Rose.

Saturday, 27 March 2004 - 2:16 AM GMT

Name: Pam
Home Page:

my bust is 104ff - and you turned her down ?!!! Is she using a different measuring system perchance ?
And waht exactly does she mean by fanged ?

Saturday, 27 March 2004 - 9:19 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I think you might be right, Pam. It's not the ff that shocked, it was the 104 - I presumed it was inches, and most women are around 32-42 inches there. So if she's 104 inches circumference, that meant the ff was quite small, I thought.
Do you mean centimetres? I think 34" is 75cm or something. Argh, now I feel mean. She just meant centimetres, didn't she?

Mind you fanged means when a dentist reshapes your incisors to make them more pointy like Dracula's, so perhaps I wasn't the meanest. Just second to the meanest.

Oh hey - you reminded me, Pam - Alyson Hannigan's 30th birthday this weekend. I thought she was about 23.

Saturday, 27 March 2004 - 9:30 AM GMT

Name: sarah

30? @#%$! off! that's way old. Bet she never smoked.

Saturday, 27 March 2004 - 10:57 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Pale Celtic skin, innit.

Sunday, 28 March 2004 - 2:38 PM GMT

Name: sarah

I also meant that 30 was way old for how she looked, not that being 30 is really old and a suitable time to join SAGA or something. That's just silly. 90 is, like, really old, not 30.

Sunday, 28 March 2004 - 9:52 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Well I wasn't insulted in the slightest, though I can't speak for the rest of the interwebnet. She's fit as a butcher's dog. And I chose that simile advisedly - give me Cordelia any day.

Monday, 29 March 2004 - 4:20 PM GMT

Name: sarah

The Polish delegate at that course I was on last weekend was the spit of Faith - mmmmm

I had a lass who went seriously mental with me because I didn't fancy Willow. Apparently I was letting the side down, or something.

Monday, 29 March 2004 - 6:05 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Mmmmm, Eliza....

Mental is the word. Sometimes you feel like shouting 'she's not really gay' as you hammer their heads against the screen. Mind you, better to marry Wesley than that wally from the Scooby Doo video I suppose.

Monday, 29 March 2004 - 7:51 PM GMT

Name: sarah

What? have you seen how she dresses? bet she listens to Dar Williams.

Monday, 29 March 2004 - 10:56 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I'm lost. Who we talking about?

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