Fools Seldom Differ
Gullible Twat: I'd like to arrange a bulky rubbish collection, please.
Council Tinpot Dictator: Could I have your postcode please?
CTD: And your house number?
CTD: I'm sorry, we have no record of you living there.
GT: Erm, I do. I pay my council tax and everything.
CTD: I'm afraid we have no record of you living there.
GT: It's a block of flats - perhaps you're looking at just one flat. There are different flats all at the same number.
CTD: What number is your flat?
GT: It doesn't have a number.
CTD: Is it flat one, two or three?
GT: It doesn't have a number. It's just the 'top flat'.
CTD: I beg your pardon?
GT: The one at the top.
CTD: You don't appear to live in any of the flats at number 13.
GT: But I do.
CTD: Do you live in flat number 3?
GT: I - ye - I don't know. There isn't a number. Flat number something. The top one.
CTD: Madam, we have no way of knowing from an address on the system if flat number three is top or bottom.
GT: But it doesn't have a number. It might be flat number 1, if you count down.
CTD: Could it be 'second floor' flat?
GT: Yes - that's it, it's the second floor.
CTD: How are we expected to know that the second floor is the top floor?
GT: But it says 'top flat' on my council tax bill.
CTD: We don't have any record of you here on the council computer. How long have you lived there?
GT: Five years.
CTD: I really wish you'd told me the flat number right at the start.
GT: But - you didn't -
CTD: What items do you want removed?
GT: A settee and a cat tree.
CTD: A what?
GT: A .. er .. a climbing frame.
CTD: Madam, I have no knowledge of what an item like that might be. A climbing frame? What is that?
GT: It's ... er .. a frame. For climbing on. It's tall.
CTD: A climbing frame? Spelt C L I M B I N G?
GT: Um, yesssss, spelt like that.
CTD: And a sofa?
GT: A Settee.
CTD: A sofa. Fine. We'll collect them next Tuesday. Leave them on the pavement.
GT: Is that Tuesday next week?
CTD: Next Tuesday is Tuesday next week madam. Is there anything else I can help you with?
GT: No. Yes. What time will you be here?
CTD: Please leave the items on the pavement the night before madam.
GT: So what time will that be? Roughly?
CTD: Madam, we will arrive sometime between seven thirty am and five pm.
CTD: Which is why we ask you to leave it outside. Goodbye Madam.
I can't decide who was the more stupid, him or me.