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Thursday, 15 January 2004

Fools Seldom Differ

Gullible Twat: I'd like to arrange a bulky rubbish collection, please.
Council Tinpot Dictator: Could I have your postcode please?
GT: E3.
CTD: And your house number?
GT: 13.
CTD: I'm sorry, we have no record of you living there.
GT: Erm, I do. I pay my council tax and everything.
CTD: I'm afraid we have no record of you living there.
GT: It's a block of flats - perhaps you're looking at just one flat. There are different flats all at the same number.
CTD: What number is your flat?
GT: It doesn't have a number.
CTD: Is it flat one, two or three?
GT: It doesn't have a number. It's just the 'top flat'.
CTD: I beg your pardon?
GT: The one at the top.
CTD: You don't appear to live in any of the flats at number 13.
GT: But I do.
CTD: Do you live in flat number 3?
GT: I - ye - I don't know. There isn't a number. Flat number something. The top one.
CTD: Madam, we have no way of knowing from an address on the system if flat number three is top or bottom.
GT: But it doesn't have a number. It might be flat number 1, if you count down.
CTD: Could it be 'second floor' flat?
GT: Yes - that's it, it's the second floor.
CTD: How are we expected to know that the second floor is the top floor?
GT: But it says 'top flat' on my council tax bill.
CTD: We don't have any record of you here on the council computer. How long have you lived there?
GT: Five years.
CTD: I really wish you'd told me the flat number right at the start.
GT: But - you didn't -
CTD: What items do you want removed?
GT: A settee and a cat tree.
CTD: A what?
GT: A .. er .. a climbing frame.
CTD: Madam, I have no knowledge of what an item like that might be. A climbing frame? What is that?
GT: It's ... er .. a frame. For climbing on. It's tall.
CTD: A climbing frame? Spelt C L I M B I N G?
GT: Um, yesssss, spelt like that.
CTD: And a sofa?
GT: A Settee.
CTD: A sofa. Fine. We'll collect them next Tuesday. Leave them on the pavement.
GT: Is that Tuesday next week?
CTD: Next Tuesday is Tuesday next week madam. Is there anything else I can help you with?
GT: No. Yes. What time will you be here?
CTD: Please leave the items on the pavement the night before madam.
GT: So what time will that be? Roughly?
CTD: Madam, we will arrive sometime between seven thirty am and five pm.
GT: Oh.
CTD: Which is why we ask you to leave it outside. Goodbye Madam.

I can't decide who was the more stupid, him or me.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 9:09 PM GMT
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Thursday, 15 January 2004 - 11:06 PM GMT

Name: Brenda
Home Page:

Thanks for visiting my blog. I lived in the UK for a bit, didn't notice any rednecks there then, word must have spread huh? (grin).
Come back and visit my site any time. Thanks for the smile!

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 7:39 AM GMT

Name: wifflewiffle

I don't think stupid comes into it. He sounds like a bored, slightly angry bureaucrat, who's dealt with his fair share of idiots and has decided to assume that everyone who calls is evil, ignorant, or both.

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 2:13 PM GMT

Name: jatb

Move to Brent, the nice people in their Streetcare department tell you the date, book you in and then offer to come round and give you a hand with the cleaning. (And I exaggerate only slightly.)

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 2:54 PM GMT

Name: Anne
Home Page:

That's just incredibly rude. The man is a public servant, for christsakes! You should have gotten his name and number and reported the SOB.

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 4:22 PM GMT

Name: boz
Home Page:

I think I must be the stupiderest one, because this is about the fifth time I've read this entry trying to decide which of the two of you were the stupidester.

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 5:55 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa
Home Page: http://yeahokaysoioverdidthecatthingiadmitit.blogspot.c

I loved his gentle put-down technique, just for the line 'Madam, I have no knowledge of such a thing' alone....

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 5:57 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Is Brent your local council? I didn't think it was a London Borough. Actually, perhaps I'm thinking of David Brent, and Slough associations, there. Which is unfortunate.

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 7:14 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Lol, the el stupido one is.

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 7:56 PM GMT

Name: fridgemagnet
Home Page:

They contract this stuff out, usually. I temped doing that job when I was a student.

I can't remember whether I've told you this, I tell everyone, but the best way to get rid of something is to dump it on the pavement then call them up and say "someone's flytipped a sofa and a cat tree outside my house it's a bloody disgrace I pay my taxes". They have to get rid of it. TRUE. Although you might want to do it a bit down the road from you and make sure none of your neighbours dobs you in.

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 9:48 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

See, that's what I did with all the rest of the stuff - the longest the crappest piece of old crap has taken before someone half-inches it under cover of night is forty minutes. But I (okay, tougher butchier than thou Wickedex) had to rip the sofa apart physically before I could get it through the door, so I doubted its appeal as pavement art; it just wouldn't sell itself like the broken box with an old tomato stain on the handle did....

Saturday, 17 January 2004 - 11:26 AM GMT

Name: Lux
Home Page:

... but don't report that someone's left a cat tree, because how would you know what a cat tree looks like unless you used to own one but recently dumped it on the pavement?

Saturday, 17 January 2004 - 12:56 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Brilliant thinking, Batman. I'll report someone's left a hugeovergrown fur covered thing in pieces.

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