Disciplining a Child:

There are those who believe that children should never be disciplined physically (i.e. spanked, paddled.) There are also those who believe that extreme physical chastening is the only way to correct a child. I believe the Bible. Let us explore what the Scriptures reveal in regards to disciplining a child.

The book of Proverbs is a good resource for this topic. There are, at least, 7 verses that deal directly with this issue. Prov. 13:24 states, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” Webster dictionary defines the word chastise as “1:to inflict punishment on (as by whipping) and 2: to censure severely.” Censure is further defined as “an official reprimand.” This English definition is justified by the Hebrew word used in this verse, muwcar, which is taken from yacar, which means “chastisement, check, correction, discipline, doctrine, instruction, rebuke.” So therefore, it seems that we have two options: a physical and a verbal. Both are available and acceptable.

Further study of this verse brings one to the word, “betimes.” In English, this words means seasonably, early. It applies here to chastise the child soon after the incident occurs that incurs the chastisement. In short, do it now, not later. Reason, however, must be applied. If you have uncontrolled anger or if you’re in public, promise the child discipline in the not-too-distant future to be exercised when in private. But, do not fail to follow through on your promise lest your child take advantage of you.

Proverb 19:18 states, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” Chasten, here, is the Hebrew word: yacar. Again, this has been defined. But, this verse does not specifically state which method (physical or verbal), if either, is being referenced exclusively. For a child can, and often does, cry as a result of either method.

Proverb 22:6 states, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This, again, is not specific. Either method can be used to train.

Proverb 22:15 states, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Notice how this verse, like 13:24 mentions a rod. Note, it says rod, not hand. It is important to note that a foreign object is used. Note throughout history as God used foreign nations to physically chastise Israel for her disobedience. God has also verbally chastised Israel.

Proverb 23:13 states, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.” The Hebrew word used here for “beatest” is nakah, which means, “to strike (lightly or severely, literally or figuratively).”

The next verse (23:14) states, “Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” Again, the severity of striking is not described.

The decision of use of physical force or verbal persuasion is summarized in chapter 29 of Proverbs. Verse 15 states, “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” It is important again to note that both options (physical and verbal) are available and Biblical tools for parenting.

The ultimate command gleaned from the book of Proverbs is, as 29:17 states, “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.”

It is this writer’s opinion that a study of the book of Proverbs is useful, but not sufficient for a complete understanding of the issue of child discipline. Let’s examine next the teachings of the Apostle Paul.

Ephesians 6:4 states, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The word, provoke, in the original Greek text, means to enrage, anger alongside. It is that same Greek word as the word for wrath used in this very verse. Nurture, used here, means educate – train. Admonition speaks of a mild rebuke or warning.

Colossians 3:21 states, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” The word, provoke, here speaks of the bringing to an extended hostility. Discouraged, can also be taken as made spiritless, disheartened, dismayed.

1st Timothy 3:2-5 details the qualifications of a bishop or pastor. Such an elder should be an example of proper Christian conduct and behavior. “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?).” Speaking from the original Greek, striker, means given to fighting, pugnacious. A brawler is a fighter. Subjection, speaks of being peaceable. The word, gravity, here denotes deserving respect by reason of character. The word, rule, denotes standing before and presiding as a fair and just judge. Fathers have the responsibility of raising their children morally. Note that the emphasis is not on the actions of the child, although actions are important. The emphasis is on the child’s attitude.

A key difference between the Christian world-view and the world-view of a non-Christian is that Christians know that correct attitudes lead to correct actions. Therefore if the sole focus of our discipline is on the actions of the child, our attempts at discipline will fail.

Finally, let’s add the words of Jesus Christ in regard to children as recorded in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 18.

In verse 6, Jesus says, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” The Greek word, that here is translated as offend, means trip-up, entice to sin, apostasy (i.e. lead to unbelief.) Further cautioning by Jesus in verse 10: “Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Despise also could be translated as “to think against” or “lower the esteem of.” Children often derive their self-worth from the worth demonstrated by their parents.

There are many other verses that strengthen these truths. What can be concluded from these truths? Great care and wisdom must always be exercised when correcting a child. Each and every verse is a facet, a side of the big picture. If you fail to obey or heed one verse or aspect, your total picture will not be correct. If the result of discipline becomes abuse on the part of the parent or anger on the part of either, God will hold you dearly responsible. You will pay a great price. However, correct correction of a child is priceless.