Spool and strings
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Ben Folds Five- Magi(Acoustic)
Topic: music
I spun you on a spindle and on the spool out come your dreams. A deep purple drenched in gold, no one dare rob me of you. Except you. You did and strung me on a wooden instrument, and strummed out a tune and drove me insane...a pity I never loved you more.

You wrote me a melody, inspired by my broke heart. I drew you a picture, show the world of your strange beautiful nature...it only broke my heart more. It broke the melody, it came out of tune and demolished the strings. They became dust, and we faded away. The picture stayed. With your dreams it stayed. To accompany my broke heart.
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*Quote of the day:"I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find. Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine? And if you'd 'a took to me like Well i'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well."(Shins-Newslang---Gardenstate soundtrack)*

Heart Felt Passage from "The Vampire Lestat".
And there were moments on that first night in this fetid little paradise when i first prayed that in spite of all my secret power, i was some how kin to every mortal man. Maybe i was not the exotic outcast that i imagined, but merely the dim magnificication of every human soul.

Old truths and ancient magic, revolution and invention, all conspire to distract us from the passion that in one way or another defeats us all.

And weary finilly of this complexity, we dream of that long-ago time when we sat upon our mother's knee and each kiss was perfect consummation of desire.What can we do but reach for the embrace that must now contain both heaven and hell:our doom againand again and again..."

Evolution of the human soul
Only seconds since my last post. But i don't think that matters to you all. I feel more alone then I've ever felt before. Here I sit in this dark desolate room. The lights have gone out and there seems to be only the noise of the silence to comfort me. To drive me ever more to the brink of mere insanity.And i have discovered that with time we do not change, but become ever more what we wore. No change just evolution of the human soul. With the so-called evolution we consume those around us, too help change them into the monstersity that they will become and were they only grow ever more in to the new ghasty skin.

From there comes the denting of the human soul that every one feels and also commites. With everyone you meet you leave a dent in the fabric of their soul. As they do you, but some more so then others. Some leave a dent, but it is not visble, those are the most incrpying, the true danger to the human soul. One day everything goes bad leading up there unto the damage....then it hits. that one memory; that one saving salvation. You know and only then can you understand the complexity of it now. There that one person you thought you'd never miss, that poor soul you at one time hated, is now the only memory you love and charish. Then you sit alone and wonder what their doing...and if you too made a dent so complex...and possibly you did...and they cry about it every night...possibly laugh out loud.

Unknown Feelings....
Right now I don't know how to feel. Not to sure what's going on, not sure that there is a thing called "God". Is that wrong? And will i burn for it? I want to believe because I am told to believe. But what about what I believe???Nothing.confusion.darkness...then i reach for the only light i've ever know. The light that is with in and consumed in darkness, with this mine own salvation to hell that is all earth can be. Our mortal hell, why not? Evil bad things happen everyday. This is hell. And we're all in it. And our father has seem to forsaken us, or is it that we have forsaken him? Either way we're all scerwed, i only wish i had done more to deserve this godless faith.

Grins.....
The mouth of a thousand grins now fades away. And now my heart of glass falls...falls to the ground. As it shatters my world does too. How my heart achs with despare at the thought of dying...dying friendships are all i've got...left to die...Die!!! I hate you all...I'm tried now...angry now...can't think...don't want to write anymore...sorry if this is angry...sorry if it hurt ur feelings.. I can't think...write anymore...

Stranger...
I woke up this morning and i knew the world was diffrent. I dressed myself as if gettting ready for my death day. All was odd and i did not like this day at all. I was a stranger to the world around me, as the world was a stranger to me. I just realized that the world is a vmapire and it has sucked me dry. It's left no friendly drop to keep me active and alive. it's funny how we all live our lives then finally one day comes when you realize that your life is a sham. Just because you think that yourin charge doesn't mean that your pulling all the strings. The only thing i have ever heard that is ever remotely true sounding is this and i quote it form a movie i saw once: "..It's always the end of summer and i'm left out in the cold...Throughout my life i have left pieces of my heart here adn there, and now theres not enough left to keep me alive... Where my skill didn't get me, my ambition did, and you see now, my luck has run out. And therer are no more pretty ladies and white horses at my door..."

Standing....
here I am standing amid the roar of terror in my life. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and no one seems to being hearing me. The tears comeout dry, and i am more confused then i've ever been in my life. In the middle of the chaos in my life, in the middle of a room. I scream till my throat is sore and my voice is gone. Everyone seems not to notice anything. Do they noticed that i have stopped? No, no one notices me here amid the torture and confuse of life. They push me off, an unatterative wench.

And now i sit as silent as silence can be. I am no longer standing but sitting....sitting....and i feel as if i may fall over and crumble into dust. The dust that is the pathic exist of my life. the very particles of matter that does not matter in the hearts of others.

It all reflects on me standing amid of a world that does not love me as i love it. I wish not to die. I fear it..I fear to fall off that chair that i sit in....and i fear the most that amid this room, no one will ever hear my terrified screams, that screams that turn not one head.

MSN is kinda gay...
my msn is being dumb. it won't let me get on.oh, crap it.

psychotic chrismas poems...
I was telling my best friend that I was going to write a x-mas poem. But i wanted it to be different. Not all happy go-luck like almost every other one is. so i wrote some psychotic ones. Don't think i'm like a psycho freak...their just poems...or r they?. jk...enjoy Just awarning they both don't have names.


"lil happy children , lying for dead. Poor lil things have nothing in their head. no happy thoughts of chrismas and joy. lil bodies lying...both lil gurls and boys.

and

"stanta die before my tree. Poor old man never was free. Slaved over toys. He had nno true poise. Poor lil old man. Yet they chopped off his hand.

~*~The Giaour~*~
But first on earth, as Vampyre sent,
Thy corpse shall from its tomb be rent;
Then ghastly haunt thy native place,
And suck the blood of all thy race;
There from thy daughter, sister, wife,
Midnight drain the stream of life;
Yet loathe the banquet, which perforce
Must feed thy livid living corpse,
Thy victims, ere they yet expire,
Shall know the demon for their sire;
As cursing thee, thou cursing them,
Thy flowers are wither'd on the stem.
But one that for thy crime must fall,
The youngest, best beloved of all,
Shall bless thee with a farther's name -
That word shall wrap thy heart in flame!
Yet thou must end thy task and mark
Her cheek's last tinge - her eye's last spark.
And the last glassy glance must view
Which freezes o'er its lifeless blue;
Then with unhallowed hand shall tear
The tresses of her yellow hair,
Of which, in life a lock when shorn
Affection's fondest pledge was worn-
But now is born away by thee
Memorial to thine agony!
Yet with thine own best blood shall drip
Thy gnashing tooth, and haggard lip;
Then stalking to thy sullen grave
Go - and with Ghouls and Afrits rave,
Till these in horror shrink away
From spectre more accursed than they...

~*~ Lord Byron~*~