(When this began I had nothing to say And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me I was confused And I let it all out to find/That I'm Not the only person with these things in mind Inside of me But all the vacancy the words revealed Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel Nothing to lose Just stuck/Hollow and alone And the fault is my own And the fault is my own)
I can still remember what I was like when I first joined the company. I was young, I was happy, and I was stupid. I used to think that I could be great just by being me, that no matter what, I would be great if I worked hard enough.
That’s a pile of shit. Being me just isn’t good enough any more. You can’t just be you in this company. It’ll chew you up and spit you out. Anyone who sticks around long enough figures that out.
When I started out, I swore that I wouldn’t end up like that. I swore that I would stay true. I didn’t understand why guys like Shawn Michaels and Triple H, even Chris Jericho, ended up the way they did.
(I want to heal I want to feel What I thought was never real I want to let go of the pain I've held so long [Erase all the pain 'til it's gone] It's gone] I want to heal I want to feel Like I'm close to something real I want to find something I've wanted all along Somewhere I Belong)
Now I’m different. I don’t see things the same way I used to see things, I can’t. Too much has happened to me, I’ve changed too much. All of us have. I suppose it’s a natural thing, to change, to evolve.
Sometimes, though, I wish I could go back to the way things used to be. I wish I could be happy again being a part of Team X-Treme. Happy being carefree, happy hanging out with Matt and Jeff.
But, then, I suppose that’s impossible. There’s no team anymore. It’s hard to pinpoint when it actually ended, but it’s definitely over. I suppose, it started with Matt, he was the first to change. He was the first who realized that what we had wasn’t enough, that it would never be enough.
Then, I guess it would be me. My injury was a catalyst. It made me realize that as much as I thought being me was enough, it wasn’t. I wasn’t essential, I wasn’t strong. I wasn’t anything but one of many wrestlers injured per year. I wasn’t even as important as the others.
Last was Jeff. He held on the longest. But, then, he cracked too. He slipped and he realized, like so many before him, that he wasn’t important, that no matter how hard he worked, he would never be a headliner.
At least Jeff had the guts to leave. I know that that’s not an option for me. I’m to ensnared in the business, too obsessed with finding a place in it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave.
(And I've got nothing to say I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face I was confused Looking everywhere/Only to find that it's Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind So what am I What do I have but negativity 'Cause I can't justify the Way everyone is looking at me Nothing to lose Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone And the fault is my own The fault is my own)
All I’ve ever wanted was to belong here, to be an important part of this. When I first started, I believed that I could be. I lost it for a while, though. There was a time when I accepted that I’d never be big; I’ll always just be eye candy for the masses.
Then, I realized something. I realized that I didn’t have anything to lose. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself gave me nothing to gain, but if I threw myself into it, I have nothing to lose. You see, I’ve already lost everything.
That’s when I went to him.
(I will never know Myself until I do this on my own And I will never feel Anything else until my wounds are healed I will never be Anything 'til I break away from me And I will break away I'll find myself today)
I was probably the last person he expected. We don’t have the best past, but then again, who does in this business? I was looking to succeed; he was willing to help me. A mutual partnership was formed. That was all it was, at the beginning.
Things changed gradually. My preconceived notions of him were disregarded; they were made by the old me. I had broken away from that part of myself; made myself stronger than before.
We became more than just partners, and it wasn’t long before we shared a room. It wasn’t love, I don’t even know if I believe in love anymore. It was something completely different from that.
We’re not that different, him and I. Because, in the end, all were both trying to do is find somewhere where we belong.
(I want to heal I want to feel like I'm Somewhere I belong)
“So let me introduce you all to the newest member of Evolution, Lita!”