Teen Power Pop:
A Case Study in Chess Cheerleading
by Senzu Bean, with creative assistance by Catherine and Char
Characters:
Narrator/Grover O’Blossum
Beatrice Booster
Belinda McCraken
Edith Hickenbottom
Tracy Poindexter
Hilda Schwine
Donna Dinkus
Cindy Lou Hickenbottom
Frankie McCraken
about 6 Fighting Sables Cheerleaders
Scene 1
(Opening title sequence, “Take On Me” plays, fades into Grover O’Blossum.)
Narrator: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is Grover O'Blossum and I'll be your host for this week's edition of Teen Power Pop. On this week's episode, we'll be meeting a group of spirited young ladies whose passion is cheerleading. However, one thing about them makes their cheerleading different . . . . they cheer for sports not typical of cheerleading. If this sounds confusing, I'll let the girls explain it. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the cheering of The Majestic Manatees Cheerleading Squad!!
Scene 2
(Clip of cast cheering at a golf course).
Cheer: Use that putter!! Put the ball in!! And if you don't make it, do it again!! YAY!!!
(Golfer misses shot.)
Cheer: Ooh!! That's too bad!! We are sad!! Boo-hoo!! Let's go team!!
Beatrice: Come on team!!
Edith: Hip hip hooray!!
Hilda: Super job girls, let's go get some Evian!! (
Girls skip back to golf chalet. They drink water and giggle, gossip, praise each other, etc.)
Scene 3
(Beatrice's living room.)
Beatrice: Hi (blush) my name is Beatrice Booster. Gosh, I've been a member of the cheering squad since, uh, about 8th grade. Me and Belinda and Edith really enjoyed some sports that didn't get a lot of exposure, so we thought gosh, we'd go out and support them. Ha ha!! Our first cheering gig was a chess tournament.
(Clip of Beatrice, Belinda, and Edith cheering at a local chess tournament.)
Beatrice: Gosh it was a lot of fun!! We met a lot of really fun people, and gosh, that's where we met Tracy and Donna. Tracy's brother Simon was competing and Tracy and Donna were there to cheer him on. We all got to talking and we said gosh we should start our own cheerleading squad. Plus we knew we wouldn't make the real one anyways . . . ha ha!! So anyhoo, the group was really finalized when we met Hilda, the German exchange student, Frankie, Belinda's little sister, and Cindy Lou, Edith's sister. Gosh, when we all started cheering together, I knew we were all gonna be friends forever!!
(Clip of Beatrice eating dinner with her parents.)
Mother: Beatrice, who in the world are these people taping us eating?
Beatrice: Oh golly, Mother, don't worry. These are people doing a documentary on my cheerleading squad!!
Father: That's my girl!! Beatrice is going to be a National Cheerleading Champion one day, just like her sister, Lucy.
Beatrice: Stop it Dad!! This isn't about Lucy!! It's about me!!
(Beatrice storms off.)
(Interview with Beatrice)
Voice: So, what are your thought's on your sister Lucy?
(Picture of Lucy shown.)
Beatrice: (Sniff) Well, I think Lucy is a complete ninny!! Just because Lucy is perfect, doesn't mean she's (sniff) better than me!!
Voice: So, you hate her don't you.
Beatrice: Well, I . . . . uh . . . how could I?
Voice: It seems to me like your parents love her more than they love you.
Beatrice: Huh, I guess you’re right . . . I *do* hate her . . .Lucy Jane Booster, if you see this, I hate you, you old cow!!
Scene 4:
(Belinda and Frankie's house. Frankie is sitting on the sofa, looking nervous.)
Voice: So, Frankie . . . is that your real name?
Frankie: Uh, no, actually, it's Frances, but Frankie is more personal.
Voice: Well, Frankie, how old are you?
Frankie: I'm 14, I'll be 15 next month. I'm a Gemini, that means I have two sides to me. I'm a very complex girl . . . . hee hee.
Voice: Yes you are . . .so, what are your hobbies?
Frankie: Well, I really like Playstation. My favorite game Smackdown 2: Know Your Role, cuz I like the Rock. He is such a fox. Can you say sexay?! Yummy!! Man, what I wouldn't give to be his wife!! And Chyna is my idol!! I wanna be just like Chyna when I grow up!! Boob implants, Playboy spread, Triple H, he's so sexy, red roses, designer clothes, and everything!! Oh and I also LOVE Pokemon!! Gotta catch ‘em all!! Pokemon!!
(Frankie does a little dance.)
Voice: . . . Frankie, how about your thoughts on your older sister Belinda? Belinda seems quite peppy.
Frankie: Poopy is more like it. All Belinda does is watch Kids In the Hall reruns and drool over pics of Chris Jericho on the Internet. She has some sort of fetish with Canada . . . it's spooky!!
(Scene changes to Belinda watching Kids In the Hall.)
Belinda: Well, my favorite episode of Kids In the Hall was the one where the two obviously insane people buy wigs and do a lounge act!! (Singing) Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree!! Oh, I also like the one when Queen Elizabeth writes a letter to Scott, I forget his character's name, but anyways, she writes to Scott cuz he's the only other queen she knows. Man that was a hoot!! Or the one everyone knows: I'm squishing your head!! (squishing head movement.) Ooh!! I take that back!! The hands down funniest sketch is when Scott decides he isn't gay anymore. My gosh I laugh just thinking about it!!
(Belinda bursts out laughing. Camera fades and Belinda is being interviewed.)
Belinda: Yes, I do have a fascination with our neighbors to the North. Canada is a glorious country. I love it deeply.
Voice: Right . . . so, Belinda, how did you get interested in cheerleading?
Belinda: Well, I really enjoy golf, tennis, and chess, but no one seems to want to cheer for them. So me and my friends, Beatrice and Edith, YAY friends forever!!, got together to cheer on those forgotten athletes. It's really a simple concept. We just cheer, no matter what anyone else says!!
Scene 5
(Cast cheering at tennis court.)
Cheer: Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy ball!! Bounce across the court!! When someone doesn't hit that ball, the other person scores!! 2-4-6-8 tennis players are really great!! Go team go!! YAY!!
Donna: Ladies, we looked totally fabu I must say!!
Tracy: We sure did!! All that practicing really made us look polished!!
Cindy Lou: Yeah!! We looked so special out there!! Come on girls!! Big hug!!
Scene 6
(Group hug as camera fades to Donna's bedroom where Donna is sitting on a bed piled with stuffed animals.)
Donna: And this is my Fluffy dog!! Arf arf!! And this is Muffy the kitty cat!! Meow!! And this is my most favorite stuffed animal, Tinkles, my teddy bear!! Hello Mr. Tinkles Teddy!! I love you!! Yes I do!! (Starts to sing ‘I Will Always Love You').
(Camera fades to living room of Donna's house, where Donna and Hilda are sitting on the couch.)
Donna: Well, me and Hilda met because my family is hosting Hilda while she's in America. Me and Hilda are best buds!!
Hilda: Ja, we are this close!! (hugs Donna.) Me and Donna are like sisters, or more!! We are like lovers!! No closer than--
Donna: Hilda!! Shhh!! Um, we aren't like lovers--
Hilda: We ARE!!
Donna: HILDA!!!! Shut up!! How could you tell every--.....I hate you!!
(Donna runs off crying.)
Hilda: I know not what is wrong with Donna. In my country lovers are good things. Lovers and mini golfing are good in my country.
Scene 7
(Tracy's living room.)
Voice: Tell us a little about yourself.
Tracy: Well, ok. Hello everyone. My name is Tracy Poindexter and I am a proud founding member of our cheerleading squad. I first got the idea when my brother Simon, that rascal, was competing at a chess tournament back in 8th grade. So, me and Donna went together and that's where we met Edith, Beatrice, and Belinda. The chemistry was instant. We all just knew that cheering together would be fantastic.
(Clip of Tracy singing ‘Like A Virgin' in karaoke machine.)
Tracy: When I'm not cheering, I enjoy practicing my vocal talents. I use karaoke and this guitar to pen songs that could make the top 40.
(Tracy improvises song using guitar.)
Tracy: Thanks everyone for dropping by. But my mom's home so we gotta go jogging!! I am a total fitness nut. I want to be a fitness model one day, or be like Tawny Kataen.
Voice: Who is that?
Tracy: Oh, you know, the girl from the “Here I Go Again” video!
Voice: Whatever you say....
(Scene fades playing “Here I Go Again”.)
Scene 8
(Squad stretching outside a classroom. They grab their boombox and run into the room where people are playing chess. One of the girls presses play and the song "Gonna Make You Sweat" plays as the squad starts to cheer.)
Cindy Lou: Ready?!
Beatrice: Set!!
Frankie: Let's go girls!!
Cheer: Move that pawn!! Move that pawn!! Cross the board!! And when you get across it, you make it a queen!!
Edith: Queens are the specialist ones of all!!
Hilda: They are big and they are tall!!
Belinda: Use your queen and beat them all!!
Donna: Did you know the others are small?!
Tracy: Queens are super!! Let's cheer it!!
Cheer: Move that pawn!! Move that pawn!! Cross the board!! YAY!! 8-6-4-2, chess is the game for you!!! Hip hip hooray!!
(Dance sequence, including Cindy Lou being lifted, lots of jumps, and finishing pose.)
Scene 9
(Edith and Cindy Lou's house. The sister's are sitting on a sofa playing Guess Who.)
Edith: Is your person wearing a hat?
Cindy Lou: Nope. Is your person a woman?
Edith: Yes. Uh . . . is your person Sam?
Cindy Lou: Sorry. Is you person Maria?
Edith: Darn it. You win again Cindy Lou.
(Cindy Lou jumps up and down.)
Cindy Lou: Hooray!!
(Scene changes to Edith sitting alone on the sofa. She is chewing on a large wad of gum.)
Edith: People never assume that me and Cindy Lou are sisters. I mean, we look so similar, I don't know why people can't tell.
(Picture of Edith and Cindy shown hugging.)
Edith: And we're the best of friends. Me and Cindy Lou love each other to pieces!! Nothing could make us not close!!
(Clip of Edith and Cindy Lou playing with Barbie.)
Edith: Our mom says we play together so nicely!! She says if we're good, she'll get us a horsey!! I just love horses!! They are such majestic animals. I love unicorns too!! Ooh!! Just thinking about unicorns makes me feel so special!!
(Clip of Cindy Lou being interviewed.)
Voice: So, do you get along well with Edith?
Cindy Lou: Well . . .promise not to tell?
Voice: Of course . . .
Cindy Lou: Ok. I don't like Edith at all. She's so bossy, she thinks she's the star of the house!! I'm the one with straight A's, people!! Edith got all B's, and one A in home Ec..!! Not only am I smarter than that moron Edith, I'm also way cuter!! (Flash pageant winning smile).
Voice: It says here that one of your hobbies is creative dance . . .could you perhaps demonstrate your dancing skills?
Cindy Lou: Sure!!
(Cindy Lou prances around "dancing". She strikes a finishing pose.)
Cindy Lou: I think I should be the captain of our squad. I'm the only one with actually dancing abilities!! And, I'm so much more attractive than all the other girls . . .especially that ox Edith and that gopher Frankie!! Ugh!! I think a cheerleading squad should have cute people only . . .like me, and Baby Spice!! Don't you think I look just like Baby Spice?! She is totally cute!! Just like me, hee hee!!
(Cindy Lou dances around again. “Say You’ll Be There” is played until fade.)
Scene 10
(Squad getting ready for a cheerleading competition with the Fighting Sables, a fellow tennis cheerleading squad.)
Donna: The fighting Sables are from South High. Man are they good . . .
Tracy: They may be good, but we're great!!
Beatrice: Yeah, those Sables are nothing but trash!!
Frankie: Let's put them out on the streets where they belong!!
Sables: Yay, yay!! It's ok!! Fighting Sables save the day!! Go South High!! Hip hip hooray!!
(Sables dance to “Hot In Herre”. The crowd cheers. The Sables walk by the girls and look snotty.)
Sable 1: Good luck, you losers!!
Sables: Ha ha ha!!
Belinda: We don't need luck you snot nosed weasel!!
Edith: And we aren't losers!! We're winners!!
(Sables look evil and run off. The squad gets into position and their music starts.)
Cheer: Here's a sport that's really great!! Why don't you participate?! Everyday you hit a ball, everyday throughout the fall!!
Hilda: Sound off!!
Cheer: Tennis!! Cindy Lou: Sound off!!
Cheer: Is cool!! Tennis is cool!!
Edith: Ready!! Give me a T!!
Cheer: T!!
Donna: Give me an E!!
Cheer: E!!
Belinda: Give me an N!!
Cheer: N!!
Frankie: Give me an N!!
Cheer: N!!
Beatrice: Give me an I!!
Cheer: I!!
Tracy: Give me an S!!
Cheer: S!!
Hilda: What's that spell?!
Cheer: Tennis!!
Cindy Lou: Tennis!! Tennis!! It's super cool!!
Cheer: Yay!! Tennis rules!! 2-4-6-8!! Playing tennis is really great!!
(Dance sequence with lifts and final pose. They dance to “Copacabana”. Crowd goes wild. Judges mark down their scores. Girls gather into group. Sables return to cheering area. Head judge stands.)
Judge: We've made our decision. This year's winner is . . . .the Fighting Sables of South High!!
(Sables starts squealing and hugging. Frankie and Cindy Lou start to cry. Donna gets angry and walks over and punches the head Sable in the jaw.)
Donna: You stupid weasel!! You only won because your parents are judges!!
Sable: How dare you touch me!! Ewww!! Daddy!! Dispose of that loser!!
(The girls are chased out of the building and told not to return. The girls are mostly quiet. You can still hear Frankie sobbing.)
Tracy: So . . . .
Beatrice: Yeah . . . .
Hilda: Want to go to Baskin Robbin's for some ice cream?
(Camera fades back to Grover O'Blossum.)
Scene 11
Narrator: And so we have the twisted and demented story of 8 unbalanced young ladies. They will remain friends through the good times, and through the bad. These unique young women will continue on their journey in life, their mission to promote and support the activities that others have forgotten. So, as long as there are sports some people consider nerdy, there will be the Tennis Cheerleaders. You've been watching Teen Power Pop. I'm Grover O'Blossum signing off.
(“Rio” plays as it fades to credits.)
