OVERVIEW: A young eskimo seeks revenge by buying a magic beaver tail but between a crazed gardener with spoons and other misfortunes his plans go bad. FULL STORY: This is the tale of a magical beaver tail. Though this tale may scare you there is absolutely no truth to it all. In fact the only true part is the part about the young Eskimo boy who finds a magical beaver tail in Yugoslavia that grants him three wishes. Oh and the part about the crazed gardener with a spoon is also true. But besides that this tale is actually really just a story made up for a school assignment. In the year 12 an Eskimo discovered the wheel. 1245 years later, in the year 1257, a dorky young Eskimo boy was ran over by a wheel rolled at him by the popular Eskimo boys. Also in the year 12 the Eskimos discovered something called revenge and as you may have guessed, the Eskimos are still using it over 12 centuries later. So the little young Eskimo boy, whose name is Joe Eskimo, decided to get revenge by the way of magic. And to get the best talisman possible Joe decided to walk to Yugoslavia. Upon reaching Yugoslavia he decided to walk to the Brown Market, the Soviet version of the black market. At the Brown Market, Joe browsed through a mixture of magical objects. And even though he was tempted to buy a monkey’s paw he thought that doing so would be too old-fashioned. Therefore he went with the magic Beaver Tail, which was conveniently priced at three wishes for the price of one. After purchasing his revenge he took a brown taxi, the Soviet version of a yellow taxi, to the outskirts of Yugoslavia. He then started on his walk home. After walking a mere 1600 miles Joe was very tired. He decided to look for lodging for the night. He came across a very nice house but was dismayed when he looked through the window because he saw a dachshund asleep on the floor and he knew that he was very allergic too pets. Instead he decided to stay at an inn called The Bell and Dragon. Upon walking to the front desk he stepped in one of the many flowerbeds. Within seconds there was a gardener with a spoon chasing him around the street. After successfully running away he decided to stay at the place with the dachshund on the floor. When he was asked to sign the guest book he decided to lie about his name as to make it seem less like he is an Eskimo. So instead of writing Eskimo Joe he decided to put Gregory W. Temple from 27 Sycamore Drive, Bristol. Now if you were to ask Joe how he slept he would tell you that he didn’t sleep at all because the Landlady tried to kill him. So instead of hanging around he decided to move on and not sleep at all for the rest of his walk back to Eskimo country. On his way home he began to ponder what his first wish would be. He soon decided he would wish for the death of all the popular Eskimo boys. Joe also decided to make his wish now so that they would already be dead once he returned. And once reaching home he discovered his wish had been granted. The only problem was that the boys didn’t just die. It turns out they were murdered by what one Eskimo described to be, ”A mad gardener with spoons.” Even worse was that they were yet to catch him. Joe decided to get some sleep before he did anything else so he started to head for his apartment. While traveling through an alleyway he was suddenly cornered by the crazed gardener with spoons. “Why are you trying to kill me?” Joe asked. “Is it because I stepped on your flower bed?” “No, it is because you are the only boy Eskimo left so therefore you are the most popular and I must spoon you to death.” “Oh, that’s kind of ironic. Hey have you ever seen a duck driving a golf cart?” “No, not recently,” replied the gardener. “Well look over there!” said Joe pointing to a cat falling into a trashcan. As the gardener diverted his attention from Joe for a split second Joe decided to run for it. During his dash he remembered the magic beaver tail and quickly wished for the gardener with spoons to never have existed. As before his wish was granted. Later on Joe walked up to the rest of the villagers and told them that the crazed gardener was gone forever. The Chief Eskimo replied in a confused manner saying, ”But Joe it was you who killed everybody.” Just then Joe realized his mistake and decided to make his final wish. “I wish that the wheel was never invented.” His final wish was granted and Joe suddenly found himself in the year 12. So whatever happened to Joe back in the society without the wheel? Well thousands of years later the human race evolved into machines that decided to invade a world exactly identical to theirs. They were defeated because of one reason. They were yet to invent the wheel. Even further into the future a book was written about this event. It was called War of the Worlds and kids everywhere were tortured by being forced to read it. THE END
