May 2004

5/1/04

We had no reason to get up early for a 4 pm train, in the morning I made French Toast (to use our honey) and I watched "The Red Violin" (say 6.5/10) a movie in five or maybe more languages- Italian, German, French, English and Chinese.  The movie follows one violin from it's creation until "today".  The time frame jumps back and forth between the original, the present day and a gradually growing closer to today series of vignettes.  The Chinese part was during the Cultural Revolution in China.  Karjam said that Chinese movies and TV never depict it that way.  

We rushed to the train, because Karjam hadn't packed or even washed his face until the last minute, despite telling me he was all ready.  We didn't have time to eat lunch, just grabbed some take-out, but mine was terrible.  As I was worrying about no real breakfast, no real lunch and being on the train till around 9 pm my student Yan Xiaoya (AmCult and AcWriting) came up to us, her seat was just two booths away!  Xiaoya's hometown turned out to be Zhongwei.  At first I thought that was great luck, especially when she gave us some fruit.  However, in Zhongwei after her and her father took us to three hotels, none of which had an empty room, we told them we'd be fine on our own.  We found a few rooms as we took a walking tour of Zhongwei.  We found a room for 488, 285, the cheapest was 150 until at last Karjam found us a dive- they overcharged, 40 instead of 20 or 30 because they knew everything in town was full, the bed was boards with a thin lumpy mat and not so clean sheets.  The walls looked like people'd wiped every kind of bodily fluid on them that exists and there was rotting garbage in a little triangle shaped pile behind the door (maybe they always sweep with the door open?).   Karjam found some pig ears to snack on, and I finished up a few more papers (I'd read papers the whole way to Zhongwei on the train).  

5/2/04

In the morning I couldn't sleep, but Karjam couldn't wake up.  For three hours I listened to the sounds of Zhongwei on an overcast dim morning.  When we finally go out under the heavy clouds (which later spit rain on us in little gusts) it was cold and dreary.  We ate the strangest eggs and tomatoes (they tasted just like my mom's scrambled eggs) and suanla potatoes (hot and sour, usually as the name says, but in this case neither spicy nor sour).  We walked around Zhongwei and stopped in a travel agency where we priced a trip to Shapatou and the Tengger Desert spending on night out there camping and riding on camels for an hour.  This would cost 200 each, if we brought our own food with us.  However, even the travel agent admitted if anything the next day's weather would be worse.  We took her card and promised to call at least half a day before we wanted to go.  We looked at each other, with Karjam complaining about feeling sick still, and I said "We could take a train to Yinchuan, or we could just go home."  As soon as the word 'home' came out of my mouth I had no doubt where Karjam wanted to go.  We walked to the train station, a train was leaving for Lanzhou in forty minutes.  So we ran back to the Giao Miao the only real tourist attraction in Zhongwei city proper (we'd been waiting for a  break in the clouds).  It was 15 each to get in, it's a weird place, a blend of Taoist and Buddhist and Confuciast...  first off we took a wrong turn and ended up going down under the temple when we wanted to go up.  We ended up in something like an amusement park "Fun House"- you know, the dark twisty halls and sudden surprises?  It was quite dark, you had to crouch to pass down the low ceilinged hallways and it was packed full of tour groups.  There were black lights and scenes of torture in hell- one had a revolving display of three creatures (demons?) grinding someone up or boiling them in hot liquid or something.  Only their legs stuck out.   Finally we got out of the maze (same way we came in) and found the way to the top of the temple, the view was nice.  We got on the train four minutes before departure, with nothing to eat but a couple rolls of cookies for the seven plus hour ride home.  

The train we were on was a 1980s number with minimal comforts and no meal service.  Twice they came around with instant noodles for sale, the second time Karjam managed to get some for himself.  I just ate cookies.   Back in Lanzhou I washed off the memory of sleeping in that gross bed

That is Karjam's dad, Lorae, and Dunmajhet, Norzuun's baby (Karjam's youngest sister)

5/3/04

I woke up and wanted to relax around the house, but a bit later Karjam said "Let's go to Linxia."  So I packed us back up (so much for my efficiency the night before) and despite a rocky spot at the bus station where Karjam was being much too touchy, we made it to Linxia by 6:30 or so.  We checked into the same hotel I stayed at in 2001.  For only 36 we got clean sheets, walls that looked freshly painted, a clean floor, etc.  We had a really lousy dinner, walked around town and found a market with a few shops still open where I found some stuff for Irene S.  

5/4/04

Karjam could NOT sleep, and consequently I had a hard time, too.  Especially since we were sharing a narrow single bed.  In the morning I dragged my butt out of bed and was on the street taking shots by 7:00.  I got some good ones of guys selling chickens, and took a lot of shots of mosques.  When I came back to the room with a hard roll of bread I wrote for a bit, corrected student papers and Karjam still wasn't awake, so I crawled back into bed with him.  We went looking at the things Tibetans always want that the Hui always have (as Karjam put it).  There were some really nice coral necklaces, multi strands with smaller coral beads for pretty decent prices (7-12,000), but Karjam doesn't like those, apparently they are not "in".  However he finally understood I will not wear ocelot or any other similar beast.  I explained that I don't see how he, as a Buddhist can possibly wear those animals either- animals killed purely for their skin and not eaten, what a waste, especially threatened and endangered ones.  This also covered the argument of to wear or not to wear elephant ivory bracelets.  He can do what he wants, but I am not going to walk around in a carnivore pelt!  Regular cow leather or sheepskin I can understand- the whole animal is used- but not these other creatures.  

We had a lame lunch in my case, very delicious apparently in his.  He had an entire half kilogram of pointed lamb (mutton?), no spices, no seasoning, not even any oil.  Just boiled meat, with all the fat and cartiledge and stuff all hanging off it.  But really it was not his meal that put me off mine, but just that mine was very poorly prepared.  After lunch we slowly walked to the top of the bluff (Karjam complaining all the way) and visited a Daoist (Taoist) temple there as well as walking around getting photos of the farmers.  In the evening Karjam said "As long as you tell me you got good shots I won't mind that walk." So, I lied.  I really didn't get anything, or almost nothing.  We drank guopi and talked.  Karjam has decided to go to Ahwencang, and I'm mightily annoyed.  I would have been happy to just go there from the start, from Saturday morning, if he'd just made up his mind then.  Cause for me it was impossible to go by the 3rd unless I wanted to stay for only ONE day... ugh.  And he won't tell me how long he'll stay there, just that it'll be a minimum two days, maximum one month.  We only have a little time, two months plus, before I go to Korea, I want him with me dammit!

5/5/04

Karjam put me on a bus he thought'd be leaving soon for Lanzhou, but it left 40 minutes later and took 5 hours to get to Lanzhou.  Then I had to take the city bus, and basically it took the whole day to get back from Linxia (three hours bus trip, sometimes 2.5 hours).  The house felt empty and I kept waiting for Karjam to call me, but he didn't.  (The next day I found out my annoying phone cord wasn't plugged in all the way, so if he did call he got ring ring ring, no answer).  

Thursday, 5/6/04

Dream

Each of the elements has it's own special place, and everyone has found the place for water but I am looking for the place for earth.  I know the Earth King a little bit, he knows me, from back before we all knew about the system and who was King and such.  First there is this big ceremony, all the elements, and someone is beating on a drum.  They call to me, and gesture they need other drum sticks. I run and find a pile of kindling and firewood and look for decent drum sticks there.  I find a few but when I come back the drum is gone.  I know they are earth people, so I go to their temporary palace.  I bow and present the sticks to the King (who is sort of pudgy, and not so handsome) but he says, "no, no, no I need ones that are all the same, many, and straight, not curved."  I leave again feeling chagrined.  I head down to this abandoned area with a brook and a stream... it's beautiful.  Mossy rocks.  I catch a few small critters in the stream and put them in a basin.  Then it dawns on me.  The forest, it's the magic place of the earth.  They are all looking for mushrooms and such, but this is it.  The forest has grown up, magically, in the shape of a giant cathedral, I know it.  I start to trace it's path, it's amazing, so beautiful. It's a pure wild forest that's grown as natural as can be.  No trees are planted in rows, but it was all created by the King's mother.  There is a twisty turny path tracing it's boundary.  Everything is overgrown, and I have to thread through, pushing boughs aside with my hands as I go.   When I finally make my way to the end, there are three people there. One is a kid, and two adults.  I tell them, "get ready, buy food and drink and set up here, cause soon many people will come to this place."  They just make me promise to let the critters I'd caught go free.  

I run off to find the King.  I am trying to climb this slope that seems almost like a giant starfish's back, it's slippery with uncomfortable spikey things in it.  I see the King raring around in a motorcycle with side car.  He's still screaming "mushrooms, find the place with many mushrooms!"  And I call out to him and he rares over and tries to pull me up, but even though I come up, he also tips out of his sidecar.  I tell him I found it, the perfect place of the earth his mother created, and he must come with me, and off we go.  We get back there and the two people and the boy have cooked up a storm, and everything is warm and cozy, and we're in a place that's like a chamber under the roots and then I lead the King into his perfect place.

Before all that, the water, at the end of a long long pier, but now everything is frozen.  I am helping someone, so I take this skiff that's supposed to be taken back to land, it's hard to carry and heavy, but then my helpers go away, so I slide it, and it's amazing, it slides so fast and easy, and I take the corners so well in it, I'm whizzing over the ice.  At the end it was so fun, I just want to go back to the end of the pier and help someone else with their boat.  But when I do, the slide isn't half as nice the second time and I'm not sure why.  I keep running, plopping down and sliding a little stretch as I lose speed.  I have lots of water friends.  At the main hall where everyone is assembling, the water people have set up a display.  They are wearing like survival suits (but one guy's suit looks like bib overalls that are momentarily going to flood) and sitting in this huge tub of water and calling out about how they love water and it's the place to be.  

 I had a pretty good day.  In the morning I used Jim's printer to print my cover letter to Sejong University and then we went out to lunch at a Japanese place.  I had been craving Japanese.  It was expensive, but very very good.   We walked to the big post office, stopping in the DVD place where I bought another 13 (to go with the 17 I bought yesterday).  At the post office I sent off my application documents with crossed fingers then we came back to campus.  I got nosey and asked Jim what was up with him and his married girlfriend, what he should would happen and all that.  He seems at a crossroad-  his girlfriend wants to divorce, so does her husband, but the families are fighting it and the husband refuses to divorce until she's resettled in Shenzhen (she can do that, and then he will be permitted to move there, but he can't move on his own- Chinese beaurocratic whatever).   So that would be years and years away from now.   Her husband is in Urmuqi, incidentally.  It's not like he's at home and she's running around with Jim anyway.

In the evening I did some, but not much, research for my next AmCult class (social movements starting in the 60s plus a bit of Civil Rights- so that means environmentalism, feminism, sexual revolution, anti-war a bit (though we already did Vietnam for two classes), etc.).  I also watched a DVD and wished Karjam would call. I miss him like crazy.  I don't miss him when it's time to eat, though.  It's so easy to just prepare something for myself.   

 Saturday 5/8/04

I had a hard time waking up because I was reading and taking notes in a book on Korean History last night until after midnight (see what I can do without Karjam around?).  My AmCult class was surprisingly well attended, if I had prepared a regular lecture I wouldn't have been sorry, but we still came back to my house and watched "Easy Rider" because none of the students had seen it yet (even though it's on their list) and a little interpretation with a film like that will help them understand as they watch it.  

After that I rushed back to the bike shop, Bolu Bike, and had them change the part they changed yesterday.  See what happened was when I was cranking I was definitely getting a clunk coming from the interior where the pedal cranks meet at the ball bearing thingies- so I had them change it, but first they changed it to one that was too narrow, and that meant I couldn't use all three chain rings in front, but I didn't have time for them to change it again, so I had to go back today.  After they changed that, they discovered a wobbly ring in my rear cogs, in fact, it was the whole set up.  At first I thought I'd have to replace it, but instead they unfurled a little wire, inserted it between the second and third to the smallest cogs and said if that doesn't keep it from moving (not moving now) then they'd replace it.  Those guys are so awesome!  

I made lunch and relaxed for a bit before three hours of class at the elementary school (didn't even get close to killing any kids).  After that I went to the photo place, Gucang Photo, which as usual was frustrating.  It's not that they do a bad job, it's that it's so hard to communicate with them.  I think they especially hire people with low brain function.  Okay, it doesn't help that I am lacking some specialized photo vocabulary words.  After that I went to cruise the Yellow River looking for the dirtiest place for our next foray.  I found several dirty places, but for a large group all working together, I'll have to go back and look again.  I think just West of where I started looking will be okay.

I'm missing Karjam like crazy.  I'm horny, it's true, and that's one reason, but mostly I guess I am so used to cuddling and talking with him everyday- he's been such a sweetheart most of the time recently.  Also, I admit, it makes me unnerved not to know how long he'll be gone.  

Sunday 5/9/04

My neck is stiff. It's been bad since yesterday morning when I watched the movie from a weird angle cause I had my students packed into my living room.  Then it was feeling okay (I massaged it with mentholate) but in the early evening on the way to Gucang Photo I wiped out on my bike.  There are hanging flower baskets by the main gate and they have perforated hoses that water them, but some water ends up on the road, anyway, as I came raring up to the gate area someone moved suddenly in front of me, I braked, my rear tire was in the water slick area, and I slid.  I have road rash on my arm, thigh, knee, etc. on one side of my body, but fortunately my bag was on the other side.  

Class today sucked cause most of the students showed up... I told them I wouldn't call attendance or have a regular class.. but with so many students we couldn't just talk casually, either.  

I made lunch and studied and used the Internet and all those normal things.  After lunch I went to Gucang Photo, they had my prints of the elementary school sports day. I dropped those by the elementary school and killed time until I could eat dinner with the Korean students.  I'd dropped a hint that I'd like to eat together when Hyun-sook was massaging my neck.  Karjam called around 3:30 and talking all in English said he'd been to Ahwencang, was now in Hezuo, would be home tomorrow and missed me very much. I almost cried, so I went downstairs to talk to Michael, and asked him to go to Mr. Liu's office so I could print out my Financial Aid form for my grad school, we shot the shit there, and Mina told me the professor whose paper I am proofreading twice (once done already) is paying me 500 RMB for doing it!!  Wow!  

Dinner was not such a worth waiting for thing.  When adding some sugar Hyun-sook lost control of it and dumped too much in.  The food consequently was sweet when it shouldn't have been.  

 I have just come back from the lecture room where you are delivering 
your wonderful speech. I have stayed outside the room and listened for 
fifteen minutes. Since I can not listen clearly so I come back to my dor and 
write you a letter.

  In fact I have to work as a tutor tonight for a high school student 
from  7:00 to 9:00, so I have not got time to go to your lecture 
tonight.  However, I  received a phone call at 7:24 tonight when I was just explaining the 
grammer to my student. My classmate phoned me to say that because the 
advertisment for your music lecture was not properly made and few 
people knew you were going to give a lecture. The result was thata very few 
people came at 7p.m. She said that you were very sad and frustrated. I 
explained to my student and cancelled the appointment immediately and ran all my 
way back to where you were delivering your lecture.I arrived at 8:05, only 
to find that the lecture room were full of people and what was worse, the 
back door was locked so I could not enter.I standed outside the front door 
to listen and heard your energetic voice and you were definitely doning a 
great job. Afraid to make you angry by being late and dared not to 
interrupt your lecture by entering from the front door, I had no choice 
but come back. By the way, there were many people who were listening your 
lecture outside the room.

Cai Yun

 Monday 5/10/04

I mostly got ready for Karjam to come home and prepared for class.  I also spent some time looking at other graduate school programs.  Now that I am just a few months away from starting graduate school, for some reason, I am suddenly questioning my choices about what to study.   This morning the professor who's paper I am editing wrote me a letter and said he'd like to cooperate on future projects and other papers... and wants to make me the third author on the paper I'm editing for the second time, now.  It just makes me think, yet again, "Why aren't I continuing with the environmental stuff?" But, honestly, I've just taken YEARS off it-- and Korean studies will be really interesting.  In addition I have become aware of just how easily I can become a great professor in the future.  Perhaps I'll need to fininsh a PhD before I am a professor in America, but on the other hand, it's so feasible, and if I decide I don't want to go to all that work, I can still continue to do stuff in Asia.  

I tried to get my errands done before Karjam came home.  One was to stop at the dry cleaners.  They ruined my shirt.  That is now the third dry-cleaner ruined or mostly ruined outfit I've had since I've been in China.  In this case the guy decided I musn't be serious about dry cleaning my shirt, he washed it, the colors in the frogs on the shirt (frogs as in fasteners, not as in amphibians) bled onto the shirt, and it's ruined.  If he'd just dry-cleaned it like they do in Korea, no problem.  FUCK!  

When Karjam got home I was on the balcony with Michael and Tom.  Tom had come over at my suggestion to tell me more about films and how I could teach "American Movies" to my class. I'm not actually sure that he told me ANYTHING I didn't already know, except a few stories that border on being movie biz gossip rather than something I can teach.  On the other hand, it was a brainstorming session and he is very funny, even if a pain in the ass sometimes.  Karjam was hot, sweaty, overdressed and feeling sick again.  But Michael and Tom shortly left and I got him into clean clothes and started getting him rehydrated before I went to Wushu, which was pretty ordinary.  

I was just super happy to see Karjam again. I know it's going to work out somehow, the connection really is so strong.  

 Tuesday 5/11/04

Karjam helped me wake up, and so I made us bananas and oatmeal with soy drink.  I used the honey for sweetener, oooy very good.  Class was just fine, except I didn't have time for them to write, because I was teaching them a list of solecisms... I picked out the very best and most important ones, and ignored the rest, but it still took nearly two hours to get through.  Some of the solecisms surprised me- for example did you know that "decimate" means to destroy a part, originally a tenth (dec)-  it does not mean widescale destruction?   Also, oxymoron only applies to intentional combinations of words with opposite meanings, like bitter-sweet.  Therefore military intelligence is not an oxymoron.   You can't use cusp to mean right about to start, cusp means right about to end.  So Japan is not on the cusp of an economic recovery, but it may be at the cusp of it's recession.  Several times the students looked at my like I was crazy- but if it wasn't a common mistake, they wouldn't have heard it incorrectly so many times.  

Also, and I must remember this forever cause it has confused me:   

Which informs, that defines.  

When class ended I was walking downstairs with Ding Xuihui and he told me he's had six foreign teachers in his school career and detailed for me why I'm the best:  it came down to preparation for class.  So, everyone who teaches, there you have it.  The difference between a good teacher and a bad one, is one who is prepared.  It kind of made me sad, because there are just so many idiots that teach English overseas, and it's really not fair to the students.  They need qualified, competent professionals.  I told him that teaching boils down to a combination of innate skill and experience, and at least I have a lot of experience.  Anyway, I suppose he didn't need to tell me he thinks I'm good, so it shouldn't make me sad that he's had poor teachers in the past.  

After we did solecisms we had a conversation about Kashmir, India and Pakistan.  Most of the students HAD prepared by reading something to understand the problem a bit.  Unfortunately only Shan Xuemei and Ding Xuihui really had anything to say about it.  I surprised myself about how much I know, though.  I may still not have the whole Bosnia thing straight, but at least I can talk Kashmir backwards and forwards.  Considering how close Lanzhou is to potential nuclear weapons explosions if those two ever go nuts on each other, these Chinese students should have more awareness about the problem.  I told them that it is our responsibility, because blindness to problems allows terrible things to happen like the torture of the Iraqi prisoners by their American jailers.  

Karjam and I went out to lunch, and during lunch he told me about how he'd told Jabu's littlest sister (about 17 years old) to stop throwing things on the floor, then he looks at his chopsticks (almost all chopsticks are disposable and wood in China.  Many Chinese don't like washable chopsticks cause they don't trust the washing job) and says, "This really is a waste."  and then he asked me to bring a set of chopsticks for him, too, after this!  (I carry a reusable set in my bag).  I'm so happy, it seems like we're really getting on the same page.

Then after I came back from the elementary school (where I threw a handful of chalk bits at the 6-2 students who decided that instead of helping their team win the game, aboiut six of them clustered in the back of the room to talk together) he told me he's decided it is wrong to kill the carnivores for the clothes trimming, and he almost inferred he wouldn't do it, either.  He suggested he wanted to perform while wearing the -real- traditional style, from before Chinese occupation, even saying maybe he shouldn't wear shoes, which they didn't have back then and that instead of a big gaudy coral string, he should wear several strings of beads like one uses for counting chants.  

For a long time, I have thought to write you a letter. But you know, I am lazy. I don't know where to begin, from the first lesson you gave to us? You are so strict, most importantly is you are so responsible a teacher. To be honest, I haven't met resbonsible teachers for so long until you came. You know responsibility means spending more time preparing lesssons, means spending more time correcting our compositions, besides so many unexpected things. I remember at the first lesson,you told us you take teaching seriously not lesiurely. Actually you do, However, in most of Chinese's view, responsibility means troulbe, endless trouble, more responsible and careful, more trouble. So we try to avoid take resbonsibilty, or take less. On the other hand, we expect others treat us more respnosibly and seriously, Selfish, aren't we? What you do is not only teaching, you try to clean our envirvoment every weekend. But as a Lanzhou native, what did I do for my city, nothing but make waste day after day. I have lots of excuse for delaying my participation in weekend activity. Today you talked about kashmir problems, fewer students responded, It seems it's not we Chinese'problem ,who cares? I see you are very disappointed . Maybe you think Chinese guys are numb to death, I admit Chinese philosophy is don't bother sleeping dog. Everybody's business is nobody's business. Such ideas have immersed in pur thought and behaviour .We seldom realize they are some problems. That's why China is in present situation. I mean,not developed. You, as a outsider see these clearly. You are shocked by our numbness. I am shameful . Anyway,I am very lucky to have you as our teacher. i learn not only from your teaching, but alse from your thinking and doing. Thanks a lot. Best wishes for you.

Well, that's nice.  How can I impress my students with a lesson I thought was a bit boring and too much solecisms and not enough participation in discussion?  Hmphh.  I don't try to clean the environment every weekend.  It's more like 3 times in two months, maybe almost four times.    

 Friday  5/14/04

Damn I'm glad it's Friday.  Wednesday night I was preparing for class till much too late, then on Thursday I didn't get half way through my material.  I was so tired, and by the time elementary school classes were done, I just wanted to fall over from exhaustion but Karjam and I ended up going to our favorite restaurant and bought some DVDs afterwards.  

This morning's classes went just fine.  After class finished I helped Karjam with his English until he went to his Photoshop class, then I marathoned the last three episodes of Season Four of Sex and the City.  Now I don't have Season Five, so I can check email. I also have to go on my bike again scouting for good spots to pick up garbage tomorrow with the TV camera(s) watching us.  We can't go to just any old place, and a lot of the places that need picking up now are spread out, like a small chunk, then a chunk that's okay (or we did) then another dirty chunk... Even the ones we have done recently would be fine for ordinary picking up, but I'd like to go someplace particularly dirty if I can find one that's just super gross.  

When I went to the river, I cruised all up and down, the dirtiest places are really hard to get to, both no bus and we'd need a LONG ladder to get down.  The river is really high right now, and that means sometimes you can't walk along the bank and get to every place easily once you've gotten down the wall.   I have decided we have no choice but to go to the other side of the river.  On a positive note I -did- see some gov't workers down there listlessly collecting garbage, perhaps next time we will have an even harder time finding a place to clean up.  Perhaps next time we should clean up the middle of this little park we have on our campus- it's totally littered.  After scouting I went to the Wushuguan where we had a -really- good work out for once.  Back home I bathed and we watched "Mona Lisa Smile" which I did -not- want to buy.  But Karjam -loves- Julia Roberts, so I had no choice.  Besides, it's less than one dollar.  It was really seriously crap.  1st degree crap.  Terrible.  Worse I had to translate the entire movie.  

Saturday 5/15/04

In the morning I couldn't sleep in because the track (next door) was hosting a sport's meeting with lots of beating on drums, cheering, starting guns, etc.  Starting at 7:30, no less!  I worked on the computer for a while on the job hunt (stress, stress), after we had lunch and I put together application documents for yet another job, at 4 pm we met to go to the Yellow River for another clean up (number eight!).  It was super sunny and beautiful in the morning, and also sunny as we finished picking up trash, but unfortunately much too rainy, very seriously pelting us with cold rain during the pick up.  TV was supposed to come today, we didn't see hide nor hair of them, but surprisingly we had 18 people, a record so far, and we did get quite a lot of trash picked up, without going to the North side of the river.  I figured since we were so cold, we'd be better off just picking up quickly and going home, so we went to the area under the bridge we've already been to two times.  We got lots of garbage and quit by about 5:20.   Han Zhijian didn't show up for the first time ever, I hope he's okay.  However Zhao Xuefeng (letter above) did come and so did Shan Xuemei, who ever brought her high school aged nephew.  Naturally my other regulars, Lee Tau, Harfei, Weiqiong, Hu Xumei, Gao Yan and Luo were there (Luo with his niece and nephew).  

Sunday 5/16/04

Dream:

There is this huge mountain but not so huge we can't climb up it in a day.  It has clouds on top, and snow, and I'm not sure how far it goes. We take kayaks, me, Scott C., Andrew F. and Yahanni and we paddle kayaks down this really darn narrow little stream until we get really close to the route people take up the mountain, then I decide maybe we should hike it, at least a little, since we're so close anyway.  We pull up our kayaks, me and one other kayak, Scott's?  We pull all the way into some little shack.  The other two kayaks, Yahanni's is a really poor quality green plastic molded one that rides high, are down near the water, but they disappear, did someone steal them?  I lock mine to the other, but the three have gone off, and so I wait until Yahanni comes back before I take my camera bag and start going. First I go kind of the wrong way and cause problems for Scott and Andrew.  It turns out we are at the India/China border and the only way to go up is to temporarily  go through Indian customs.  So I need to go that way, so I do, but I can't understand.  They tell me to take some acorns, so I do, and then I am told to go in this hut, sort of more like a wooden screen thing, and there is this woman (doctor?) in there, and she holds out her hand and I hold out my hand open with five acorns and she gets angry and hits my hand and I lose three acorns, and I think she wants money but this is just a necessary part of her job, so I shouldn't give it, so I go to walk out and she is angry, so I give her the bird, so she picks up this brush type thing, dips it in cowshit (runny) and sprinkles it at my back as I walk off.  I walk through a building with sick people and animals, so disgusting, it's hardly fit to be a chicken house, and I think, if we have to walk through this, we'll get sick just from that!  There is a bizarre bird at the end of the building and until it sits down I am nervous to walk by it, because it looks like it could peck and eye out, and it's too close to eye level (it's on a platform).  When I get out, I'm out of the whole customs area, but have no stamp in my passport, but I decide it's not important, and look, there is this great outline of some cactus type plants against the sky, so I whip out my camera and my tripod, not taking someone's help who wants to take it off my pack for me, but realize I have no film in this camera.  

Did I climb the mountain?  I don't know.

We all have sort of like whistles we can communicate with, but they are so loud and irritating to my ears, when Andrew blows to summon Scott when we decide to stop for a break, I have to cover my ears.  

I spot the two missing kayaks, they've been pulled up into someone's yard, right down the river from where we pulled in.  

I lock up two bicycles, together, with three locks, the last one it's hard for me to find how to lock it, finally I am just locking the tires together, which is not a very effective way to keep from having your bike stolen.  

I'm at a coffeeshop, I always go there, the mountain is in the distance, I say I've climbed it already, but I haven't and I know it.  I always go to the coffeeshop.  I have a conversation about cooking in a hot kitchen in the summer.  Does Andrew work there?  We are planning our trip?

I live in a small narrow one bedroom room, but I have a new parrot.  When I come home, I carefully open the door and push aside the curtain, where's the parrot?  The first day I come home, the parrot is in his cage, he felt bad.  The second day he's waiting right at the door.  He's scratched the walls some, with his wings, or what he trying to roost on a bare wall?  I clear off some roost type places and set the parrot on one of them.  The parrot is really beautiful and glossy, red.  Not too big, not too small.  The room has white walls, and a sort of balcony type room like in Korea at it's far end.  

Yahanni, Scott and Andrew are people I've known since 4th grade in Yahanni's case and preschool in the case of the other two.  They are all people I've always gotten along with fairly to really well.  

Well, it was an emotional day.  I don't mean we were fighting.  I think it means I'm getting close to my moon again.  Jesus Christ, I am like a prisoner of my body's caprices, still at my age!  I thought it was only when you were a 15 year-old teenager that you couldn't control your own hormones.  

In the morning everything was all normal, in the afternoon we decided to go out and look around.  First thing we did was walk out the back gate into Thieves Alley.  When we reached the end of the alley (where the electronics market is) I told Karjam I wanted to go see if the DVD stores on the 3rd floor had "Himalaya" because I am still trying to find copies to give to -everyone- especially my mom.  Karjam wanted to visit the noodle restaurant instead.  So we agreed to meet at the restaurant as soon as I checked the DVD store.  I (as quickly as possible) ran my eyes over the entire shelves of two stores, at last finding the only copy of Himalaya, they searched but didn't have more in storage.   Then I went out to the street.  But in the area Karjam had indicated there were a good DOZEN noodle restaurants, and contrary to my expectations, Karjam was -not- visible sitting in the outermost area of any of them.  I walked up and down, up and down, finally going into each restaurant, standing on the street corner for about thirty minutes in between.  The time it took me to find the DVD was approximately equal to the time it took to order and eat noodles.  At last, choked up and very frustrated with all the local street sellers speculating that I was lost I walked home and took my bike to buy the 5th season of Sex and the City and drop off empty DVD cases (since I don't use them, and they're hard plastic and the guy said he'd reuse them) and check in on the photo place (still not done scanning).  When I got back Karjam was home.  He'd gone looking for me.  Probably the first few times up and down he'd been in the restaurant and when I was up, he went out, didn't see me, he checked the two DVD places I went to, plus another two in a different part of the market, but didn't bother to ask anyone if they'd seen a white woman, cause he was embarrassed.  So it was both of us clear of blame, but I was still emotionally fragile.

After that we went to the square, I ate squid on a stick, Karjam ate lamb, chicken and beef on several sticks.  We ended up eating dinner in an okay restaurant and went to the new Tibetan place, as we'd planned.  We had a 30 RMB pot of tea- at least it was a big pot, but honestly, dinner was 15 and we went to a fairly nice place and had three dishes and rice!  We arrived around 8:30 and their singing and etc. wasn't due to start till at least 9:30, so we ended up not going home till after 11:00.  However, two of the women sang very well, and Karjam even sang one song, accapella.  He got four hada scarves draped on him for the song, too.  They were impressed.  He would have sung with the music to a song, but they didn't have any songs he has memorized.  They seemed to have a selection of songs that were mostly of the singing in Chinese variety- the majority of the bigger budget productions do sing in Chinese, but we also have a good selection of VCDs in Tibetan now, too.  The place is owned by a (Han Chinese) family from Xiahe.  It looked really nice, and if we have time we might take mom there, too.  Despite coming home, stripping and washing off the cigarettes.  You just CANNOT go out at night in China and avoid cigarettes.  Oh, I suggested we give a tip for the singers, and we did (another 30 RMB).  Karjam really liked that.  

We talked all the way home, then sat at home on the sofa and talked till 12:30, then talked in bed with the light on, then with the light off... we're getting along so wonderfully.  We made a pact awhile back that I wouldn't scold and he wouldn't suck his teeth.  Do you know what I mean by sucking teeth?  He has three false front teeth (remnant of a fight in Linxia) and there is a little pocket above one of them, and he SUCKS to clean it out.  It's the sickest sound, ever.  Anyway, he's sucked four times now (without covering his mouth until the sound doesn't emerge) but I haven't scolded at all.   We've had a lot of problems during this time since August, but the love is really strong, and gradually my doubts and reservations are all disappearing.  He's got an open mind, he knows I'm great and the relationship feels really -solid-.  I guess the biggest test coming up is, what does my mom think of him?

Monday 5/17/04

Dream:

We go to some outdoor restaurant and they have selections of fruit on a tray (metal) and Karjam chooses one and hands it over to the people, who slop vanilla and chocolate pudding allover the fruit and add candy sprinkles on top.  I'm a little irritated I can't eat any of the fruit myself, but instead I say "This (dipping finger in vanilla pudding) is the most fattening food." (not so neatly inserting finger into his mouth) "You've ruined perfectly healthy fruit."  

I can't remember anymore of the dream now.  But Karjam is on this --big-- not get fat kick, but it's really funny, cause he just has -no- concept what's fattening and what's good for you and what's not.  For example, we were sitting down to a meal at home and at his request I said the least healthy thing in the meal was the (white) rice.  So then he's afraid to eat rice, and after that he wants to eat --cookies-- with his meal.  And there isn't vanilla or chocolate pudding that I've ever seen in China.  Though if there was, I bet Karjam would like it.  

 I woke up and got right on the computer, trying to answer a backlog of emails and do a bit more AmCult research (though not finishing what I'd prepared for last week sure was a big relaxer for this weekend!).  I also worked on some photo marketing stuff, all activities handicapped by an incredibly slow dial-up modem of course.  

It's long after midnight and I am freaking out.  I can't sleep and I am tired.  I tried watching two episodes of Sex and the City, but all I can think about is "What if I don't find a job?"  "What if I decide to go on a student visa and work a bit illegally on the side?"  What then?  Can I make enough to

1. Save up for next year's tuition if I don't get massive scholarships.

2.  Pay for a decent apartment, food, get my STUFF to Seoul, and support my boyfriend in China?  (Hey, look, the cost of Karjam for one month will be lower than my combined phone, utilities and Starbucks, so don't even hassle me about that)(not including his hopeful future need for tuition).

3.  Support myself during vacations when I need to travel to China?

How could I make more money?  Could I try to get the hagwon I worked at in January to offer me regular blocked hours a couple days a week?  Could I sell more photos?  My rent in Seoul will be MINIMUM 400 US a month and that will be living with someone in fucking skanky-ass Itaewon that I don't even like and isn't close to my school.  

I need:  300 (??) per month food, 150 per month utilities, 100 per month transportation if I only go to Daegu once a month and don't take taxis and ride my bike to classes often, the cost of my cat, the cost of developing and film, the cost of rent (let's say 500), plus I need 10,000 for the following years tuition, 120 for two travel visas to China, minimum 600 for two roundtrip boat tickets to China, plus money to spend in China.  200 per month for Karjam's rent, food, phone, etc. Plus I need books, massive books, and I'll need part of a new computer when I get back to Korea...  I need at least a little clothing once in a while.   I need a few concert and show tickets.  Fuck fuck fuck.  So, I'm at 950 costs per month, living on the skimpy side, sharing a skanky place, and not saving for my boat tickets or next year's tuition.  Karjam says "Don't worry, honey, I'll sell my yaks and sheep to pay for your university!"  

Oh well, I ranted here, and I wrote an email to Yonsei asking them what the heck... so we'll see, maybe that's enough to allow me to fall asleep?  

Prostitutes in China by Liang Juntao (History Department) (His mistakes)

There were many brothels in old China.  They were public, and the government taxed them.  They were restircted.  But there are more and more prostitutes in China, not only in big cities, but also in small cities.  They are sercret.  The government is in a dilemma.  They don't want prostitutes to exist.  But they also don't forbid them.  Recently I made an investigation in Lanzhou City.  Maybe it was a good sample.

1.  More and More Barbershops

Recently there are more and more barbershops in train station and bus station in Lanzhou City.  Once I went to the train station to meet my classmate.  There I saw many barbershops.  These barbershops were very near.  I thougt if these barbershops all gave hair-cut service, the profit was not good.  I felt strange and looked into the room from the window.  I saw a sexy woman and a man were making love.  I fightened.  I do not see again and run away quickly.  I also watched other barbershops.  There sat an sexual woman by the door.  When you look at her, she would smile to you and wave to you.  According to police there were nearly 60 barbershops at the train station.  The police once closed some barbershops but they came back soon.

At night, the lamp light divided the barbershops into two.  One was red, where offered sex service; the other was white, they are clean where offered hair-cut service.  The former was simillar to the red light districts in the west.  But they are not legal in China.  Some people didn't know they will offer sex service.  In April I came to a barbershop.  It lies in red-light district, but I didn't know.  After washing the hair, the girl smiled to me.  I didn't know what she want to do.  I also smiled to her.  Suddenly, she began to take away her clothing.  I was frightened and forbidden her not to do this.  She asked me if I want sex service.  I said I don't want to. She was very angry.   After finishing hair-cut service, she asked me to pay 20 Yuan.  I know I was in danger.  I gave her 20 Yuan and ran away quickly.

2.  Barbershop Should Do What They Should Do

The hair-cut service should be legal, offe3ring legal service.  But in fact, many girls in barbershops didn't do.  The Lanzhou local newspaper reported a case.  Mr. Zhang who came from Guangdong Province for a busienss trip wanted to have his hair-cut and entered a barbershop.  But the girl didn't offer hair-cut service, only asked him if he wanted to sex service.  He refused.  The girl was very angry.  They were quarrelling.  Suddenly, serval young men rapidly gathered with knives.  Mr. Zhang was killed.  

According to Chinese traditonal thining, the sex service is degenerate and not legal.  If more and more barbershops offered the sex service, people would dare not to enter the barbershop.  Now, as long as people hear the two words "the barbershop" they will think they only offered the sex service.  The prostitue profession should have their own name, bu thte Chinese government didn't acknowledge this profession.  

3.  The School's Sex Transaction

The sex transactions was universal.  According to the newspaper, from slums, hotels, inns to video ahlls there offered sex service.  Even in university, some students are also offered sex service.  In evening some femal students were taken away from the university by merchants.  According to the Gansu Province TV, the school students and the little girl's price were very high.  Many sex customers only want school girls and little girls.  Becauswe they are "clean" and safe.

4.  How to Think Prostitute's Activity

The prostitute's exist reduced the rape crime rate.  Now sex services could be bought by money and it's cost was not rich.  So many people don't risk raping.  But the safe service is a big problem.  Many prostitutes offered many times services.  They are not cleans.  They may infect the sex customers.  Many man didn't want to wear condom.  Lanzhou is a city with a high AIDS.  Everyone must be cafeul.  If someone did want sex service, he must wear condom.  Only this, he was safe.

In Lanzhou a hair cut in a little place (that's not lit with a red light) should cost like 6 Yuan or so.  This paper is indicative, believe it or not, of the better papers.  Most of the papers contained a lot of "prostitutes are lazy girls that like sex".  Anyway, he wasn't the only student to mention the contradictions between China's laws (against prostitution) and the prevalence in any major city of hundreds of places offering sexual services that are left open because they use another name for their establishment than brothel or whatever.  

After my afternoon classes at the elementary school Karjam wanted to go to the big street market, and he does really need shoes, so I agreed to go, but of course we just looked at shop after shop and he didn't even barely slow down in any of them-- three stories of independent shoe shops.  At last I suggested if he didn't find any perfect shoes, he could buy two pairs that weren't so perfect, and after even more time he found two pairs:  230 for the two pairs, though, so not too much and I really think he likes both, he's just not overjoyed about either.   

Wednesday 5/19/04

I'm stressing non-stop about Korea.  Michael says if high grades are my goal, then I must just be a student and try not to stress over money.  Otherwise he advocates me working, even at a hagwon if need be, at least in the beginning before I am doing my thesis, and trying to save money for later.   Kim says, if Daegu Tech needs a teacher, with the new bullet trains, I should just go back to Daegu Tech.  (Of course even if they do need a teacher, they may not want to have a teacher that will be gone from her office half the time).   Karjam says "I'll sell my yaks and sheep, and not go to college myself".   Mark mentioned a teaching site I didn't know about that lists tons of illegal part-time teaching jobs- you know, Tuesday and Thursday evening from 7-9 near such and such subway station.  It lists not many legitimate jobs other than hagwons, though.  The site is http://englishspectrum.com in case anyone wants to check it out.  I posted on Sperling's Discussion Forum asking people's advice about what to do, today.  We'll see what the answers are...  nothing.  In the three hours since I posted not one person has enough of an opinion to answer my post.  Well, perhaps this evening when people get bored sitting around home...

How to See the Other Side of a Coin by Cai Yun

Last Saturday night, my friends introduced me to a Canadian and we had a very interesting chat that night.  It somehow changes my views on some issues.  

Coincidentally, we were talking about the Falun Gong, which was discussed that night and my Canadian friend did give me some very different opinions on this issue, just like what you have mentioned right now.   During the discussion I was shocked and frustrated because my views on the issues were totally different from their's and what they said and provided also seemed reasonable and solid.  They asked me to try to see the other side of a coin and do not get narrow-minded.  They said that I am a very Chinese and have been brainwashed by the government.  As a matter of fact, I don't get mad because of their different opinions.  There is still much room in my mind to embrace new ideas.  I realize that we should be open to different ideas and informations and try to view an issue from different perspectives.  Only by doing this can we enlarge our scope of world and can make sure that we hold a fair attitude towards thing and the informations we get are not interpreted ones.  

We Chinese students are easily got mad when people are providing different ideas about politics.  It is not only senseless but also harmful of doing that.  Things are still there even though you close your eyes and shut  your ears at them.  Facts and truth are things that we should pay respect to.  

 Friday 5/21/04

Dream:

We go to PCC in the middle of the night.  It's not that we really want to steal, but we have no time and we just have to get the stuff we need.  Everything is dark inside the store and we're wandering around, maybe five or six of us.  We aren't acting like crazy thieves, grabbing everything, we're being very selective.  One woman comes over to tell me that the only organic muffins are over by the door.  Later, for some reason, shoppers and workers are in the store, too.  It's early morning, why hadn't we finished before they came?  A kindly older man busts me for shoplifting, and I say, "Look, let's just be civilized, I have the money to pay for all this, let's just do things that way and forget the cops." He agrees, and I am taking muffins and other things out of my pockets.  Not all of my group of people pays for stuff, some leave the store with stuff that they'd taken before the lights came on and the staff arrived.  

Wilbur is always home, so many people go to visit him in his house, but I worry how can he be active enough to fish successfully, he's getting so big and fat.  

Zack has never liked to use many bowls, and I list off which bowls he's always liked to use, including my rabbit Nancy Bingham bowl and others.  

I go back to PCC, and buy more stuff.  It's a holiday, they have had three shifts, so people don't have to work for a long time on the holiday.

I'm getting ready to go somewhere far away.  

There is a room next to the store, but now it's like QFC or Thrifty, and the room has an old friend of the family in it.  Drinking.  

I give away something.  

PCC= Puget Consumer Co-op, it's a natural foods store.  Zack is my brother.  Nancy Bingham is a potter and ceramic artist on Lopez.  

I've been reading in my Korean history books, and also studying the Chinese characters as used by Koreans, at least fairly often.  I have mostly decided I should go on a student visa, it's easier, then figure out later on if it's viable to continue on a student visa.  There are many jobs I can get more easily if I am in Korea than if I am here in China using the Internet.  I'll probably change my mind about this twenty more times, though, before I go.  Or, especially if I see a really good job advertised.  And if I am there in August, I could get a last minute opening and get them to agree to all my requirements on schedule.  Alternatively, I should be emailing Gabriel, owner of the hagwon I subbed at in January and asking him for about 6 hours a week or so at a decent rate, two days a week... something like that.  Something guaranteed to cover my rent plus a bit more, so that even when I arrive I won't be sweating too much.   Gabriel, or perhaps someone he knows should be able to accommodate me in that way.  

When I came home from class Tsang-ger, the guy I've had the crush on was in the house talking with Karjam.  The three of us left to go eat together, ran into Melody in the lobby and ended up making it a four-some which meant I mostly talked with Melody.  Tsang-ger is leaving for Maqu tomorrow to do two months of field studies.   Melody was not asked to renew her contract which is ridiculous, because she may be mousy and quiet but she can teach the pants off some one like Amaya who doesn't even bother to show up for class for a month at a time.  (Supposedly Amaya was too stressed, but she still went to Xiahe to be in the movie and get that extra money!).  

A student approached me on Wednesday about going to this small town near here to guest teach a couple classes, so yesterday when talking to the teacher there we discovered that's the gateway to Binglingsi, these old Buddhist caves up a river... so Karjam and I will be taken to Binglingsi as our payment!  

Dear Buddhanet;

I'm a university professor and this term I decided to have students study articles from many newspapers, magazines and the Internet.  I chose your article "Buddhism in Korea" as one of my selections because the content was interesting to me, and I felt it would help the students have an interesting discussion. 

However, I later regretted my choice because of the large number of errors on the page.  Not only are there spelling mistakes, but there are incomplete sentences and some passages are very difficult to understand. 

So, I am sending you the corrected text.  PLEASE, do not ignore this email.  Please, take a look at the revision, and then replace the text on your website.  All changed sentences should appear in a different color.  If you don't change this on your website it not only looks unprofessional but it also sends a bad image of Korean Buddhism to the world.

Yours in the Dharma,

Prior to the arrival of Buddhism, the main religious practice in Korea was that of Shamanism which still holds a significant place in Korean life.  Shamanism holds that human beings as well as natural forces and inanimate objects all possess spirits which must be appeased.  Even the highly educated and devout Buddhist Koreans have a strong belief in spirits and regularly visit the Shaman for a protective ritual. 

Since Shamanism was not seen to be morally in conflict with Buddhism, the two religions blended to produce a form of Buddhism that is uniquely Korean.  It is assumed that Buddhism first arrived on the Korean peninsula in 372 A.D. when a monk arrived from China bringing Chinese texts and statues.  It was an elementary form of Buddhism that he taught, consisting of the teaching of Karma and the search for happiness which seemed to blend well with the indigenous Shamanism, so it was quickly assimilated. 

At that time the peninsula consisted of three separate kingdoms of Koguryo to the north, Paekje to the southwest and Shilla on the southeast.  It was in Koguryo that Buddhism was first established.  In 384 the King of Paekje was converted to Buddhism and decreed that his subjects should follow suit.  It was not until 527, however, that Buddhism became established in Shilla where it flourished.  In 668 A.D. Shilla conquered the other kingdoms and Korea was unified.  During the United Shilla period the arts flourished producing such magnificent items as the Sokuram image, a beautiful Maitreya image in a cave near Kyongju, and Pulguk-sa Temple in Kyongju with its famous twin stupas (sa is the Korean word for temple).  The Koryo Dynasty, which gave its name to present day Korea, assumed power in the 10^th century.  Its era heralded such important events as the creation of the Koreana Tripitaka, the most complete collection of the Buddhist scriptures carved by hand in Chinese characters on over 80,000 wood blocks, as well as the birth of the famous monk Chi-nul who stressed a balance between the “mind only” meditation practice of the Son and the study of the scriptures which is today the main feature of Korean Son practice.  Chi-nuil founded Songgwang-sa Temple on Mount Chogye.  This temple remained the headquarters of the Chogye sect which is the main sect of Korean Son to this day.  From the 14^th century, with the assumption to the throne of the Joseon or Yi Dynasty and their adoption of Neo-Confucianism, Buddhism fell into decline.  They destroyed all Buddhist temples in the main cities and banished the monks to the mountains where, even today, the main temples are to be found.   With the Japanese occupation from 1910-1945, Buddhism was again tolerated but the formerly celibate monks were forced to take wives.  Today, roughly half of the population in this once leading Buddhist country practices Buddhism.

The daily routine in a Son temple usually commences at 3 a.m. when the monks awaken to the sound of the Moktak, wooden hand drum shaped like a fish.  The legend tells of a naughty monk, who, after he died, was reborn as a fish.  Out of his back grew a tree which caused him much pain.  One day, his former teacher saw him swimming in a river and recognized him.  He begged his teacher to remove the tree and carve a fish shaped instrument from it.  The master did so and the sound of the Moktak has inspired people whenever it is played in the temple.  

Monks in the meditation hall sit in straight lines so as not to look at each other, but only concentrate on the process of meditation.  The monks are summoned to the meditation hall by the sound of a large bell which calls all humans, a drum which calls the animals, a cloud shaped gong which calls creatures of the air and a large log carved into the shape of a fish which calls all creatures that live in water.  These sounds invite all sentient beings to listen to the chanting of the words of liberation taught by the Buddha. 

Buddhism holds as sacred what is known as the Triple Gem (Triratana in Sanskrit), which is the Buddha- the teacher, the Dharma or his Teaching, and the Sangha or the order of followers- the clergy.   Korea has temples devoted to each of these Gems.  Tongdo-sa is devoted to the Buddha as relics of the Buddha are enshrined there in a sacred stupa.  Haeinsa represents the Teaching as it houses the famous wood blocks of the Tripitaka Koreana.  These wood blocks which are held in the library are, perhaps, the oldest wood blocks still used for printing which exist in the world.  The third temple of the Triple Gem is Songgwang-sa. 

Early in the twentieth century the great master Ku-San established the International Zen Centre at Songgwangsa and it attracted students from all over the world, who live and practice the Zen way of life there.  The only important temple in Seoul, the capital city of Korea, is Chogye-sa, which is the current headquarters of the Chogye sect founded by Chi-nul and the largest of the more than eighteen sects of Buddhism currently operating in Korea. 

April 8^th by the lunar calendar is celebrated as Buddha’s birthday and is considered an important holiday in Korea.  Large Buddhist murals, which during the year are kept in storage, are hung in the temple courtyard.  Painted with pigments these murals have been uniquely developed through the history of Korean Buddhism.  Also on this auspicious day large paper lanterns are bought by pilgrims and hung in the temple courtyard.  At night candles are placed inside the lanterns.  The glowing lantern symbolizes the effort of pilgrims to light the way for ignorant people to seek Nirvana. 

 Saturday 5/22/04

Dream

"Nice atmosphere and a lot of Revenex" - blurb about place on the Internet, but what place?  

We are outside our house.  Three people- two men and a woman who are -NOT- our friends come to visit the neighborhood, part of our house(?) and park their huge vehicle (like an RV) badly, across someone's driveway, etc.  We tell them "It'll be towed, it's Saturday, you'll have to wait till Monday to go to court to get it back."  They didn't care or believe.  The married housewife comes out to collect her 60$ for tipping off the authorities on where this towable vehicle is.  She has her hair in curlers and a robe, she's running fast up to them to make sure we don't take the money she "earned" by calling.  

Spend the night in jail.

All the old ladies feeding them, but they get angry and break the plates, so the old ladies bring their food on tin plates.  

I approach their house, half basement, tell them to get out, they won't I angrily sign through their window, eventually I go in the door.  They are young, messy, drug-using, long-haired, having sex all together.  

I'm sleeping alone.  Everyone has run off to their boyfriends except me.  

Chris O'Bryant is caming and then arrived but he wants to be my boyfriend, but I don't want to take what he's offering for a feeling of obligation.  Trip to somewhere?  I call his secretary and tell her to come help.  She does but goes straight to helping the kids in jail.  

I was half asleep when I scribbled it down and went back to sleep.  I have no idea what Revenex is.  Chris O'Bryant is a long time good friend from Lopez.  

Karjam has been pleading with me to watch "Gandhi" for a very long time.  It's more than three hours long, and has no Chinese dubbing, in other words, it's a serious three hour movie I have to translate.  So, I've been understandably less than thrilled.  Today we finally watched it, half before lunch, half after.   My translation may not be so perfect, but he understood everything, and was very impressed with the film and of course with its subject.  I can remember how much it effected me the first time I saw it.  We took our boat to Friday Harbor to watch it in the movie theater, a bunch of us.  People figured it was something special, not like usual movies.   And at that time a three hour movie was almost unheard of.  

Sunday 5/23/04

Is the real question, rather than is Karjam bad for me, the one you identify with, because you know me and because I'm the one writing this, am I bad for Karjam?  It certainly wouldn't be an illegitimate question.   I have an incredibly poor relationship record.   As one episode of Sex and the City said, what do all your ex-whatevers have in common?  You.  So, I'm bad with relationships.  I'm pretty good with long-term no-commitment sex with inappropriate men who also know it's inappropriate, but all my long relationships tend be things like Karjam (in China) and Sarfraz (in India).  I've had relationships that have lasted quite well, plenty of them, but not often when we're bumping shoulders -all- the time.  

Karjam just hit me with "being around me can be like being afraid of fire, not wanting to get burnt, but being in the dark and unable to see the stove."  Or something slightly less poetic but it meant the same thing.  Am I that hard to be with?  Is this why I have a series of "relationships" that never get off the ground?  Is it not that I attract fuck-buddies but that guys realize once they know me a bit that that is the closest they want to come to me?   What the fuck!  He's crying, kept it up for like an hour.  You don't listen to me (obey?) and it makes me so angry, and some of the things you do and say, and then I look at  you and I'm so angry I don't feel love, and that scares me and I feel like everyday you do all these great things and I pack them away in my heart like treasures and it gets fuller and fuller and then you do something and it just bleeds out of me.  

So, what do you think when someone says something like that to you?  Of course you can say "It's the mood of the moment, and it doesn't mean he usually feels like that."  But, you know that fire comment?  That's painfully close to what -too many- people have said about me, including my dad.  Of course then again, dad's not objective.  

As for your question, what happened on Sunday to make this all blow up, well, not that much.  On Saturday night neither of us could fall asleep.  Karjam looked up some words in the dictionary, and I checked email and finished correcting the papers from Academic Writing, after we'd been in bed with the lights off for about 45 minutes and neither of us felt sleepy yet.  So then on Sunday morning Karjam won't wake up, and when he does he's grumpy and slow-moving making me stress about being late to meet the folks at the front gate.  We're both irritable and snappy, but nothing big.  

The day was up and down.  Karjam stayed pissy all the way to this town where I taught the students, about an hour and a half drive away.  The car was pretty quiet despite having a driver, an English teacher from that school and the two of us in it.  However he loves watching me teach, I guess I impress him then, so by the break between the two classes he's happy with me again.  The classes went fine, except they were outside and that meant I had to talk pretty loud and there were a lot of students (a hundred in the first group, the low level group and about the same, perhaps less in the second group).  The students were very good, though, and well behaved and the second group had a trillion questions.  

We went to lunch (ordinary food) with seven of them, including one teacher's mother, the photographer guy who'd documented the day, and five teachers.  After lunch we lost the photographer and one teacher and the rest of us went to take a boat to Binglingsi.  This is the first time Karjam had ever been on a boat. It was an enclosed speedboat, two rows of single seats down the two sides of the boat, driver front right controlling a large Yamaha outboard motor.  There was a small place you could stand outside the confined inside area and before falling over the rail onto the motor.  So after awhile I went and stood there.  This made Karjam (who also can't swim) very nervous, and he asked me to be careful and come inside.  I didn't, and later I even sat on the canopy (over the other people) for awhile until we got into an area of "shallow water" which meant the driver thought I should come in (why? was he afraid we'd run up on something and I'd get thrown off?  I don't think so, cause he didn't reduce his speed).  Anyway, it was gorgeous outside.  Bright and sunny, and the Yellow River there was green-blue and absolutely gorgeous.  We were upstream of Lanzhou and heading farther upstream and into a channel.  The river was so broad I felt like I was in an archipelago like my hometown except for the fact that there wasn't any smell of the sea.  The river was enclosed by rocky cliffs, not much growing on them or on the bluffs above them.  A few gov't tree planting programs in effect, but otherwise we're talking a desert landscape with brown sometimes red streaked cliffs and gullies, very beautiful.  I immediately started missing my hometown and the PNW and wanted deeply to move back to America.  I also realized Western (Washington University in Bellingham) has a great Asian Studies BA, perhaps someday I could teach there and be pretty close to my family!  That's the effect being on the water has on me.  

Karjam repeatedly mentioned that I don't listen to him when he was doing all this crying, using this being outside on the boat as an example.  

Binglingsi was disappointing.  Perhaps if we'd ponied up 300 RMB to see everyone of the locked grottoes in addition to the ones on the normal route (that cost 30, which Karjam and I didn't pay, the school did) it would have been better, but then I would have felt like I'd spent 300 awfully fast!   What we could see they hassled me about taking photos of.  They didn't hassle a guy who videotaped everything, but it did bother them to have me stop and take good photos. They wouldn't let me use flash or reflector, which meant they won't be great photos, anyway.  However, eventually I did get some good ones of this massive Buddha carved into the cliff with the catwalks around it to the other grottoes and the blue sky above and pine trees down below (I was looking up through them).  Karjam was a little pissed at me for bothering to argue with the people about taking photos, but what, I can't take photos of the most commonly accessible stuff on the route?  I can understand no flash, even no reflector, but no photos just cause they thought the tripod and big lens were too serious and I might be able to market the shots (of course I want to), that's ridiculous!   Video-taping and snap shots allowed but not me... that pisses me off.  Then at the end there was this guy that said the actual temple is up this wash, he'll take us up in his jeep for 30.  It's a Buddhist Tibetan temple, right, so Karjam wants to go and up we do, but there was just this one poor specimen of a monk there, a Han Chinese guy who couldn't even chant the Buddhist chants as well as I can and couldn't speak, read or write Tibetan.  In addition he asked for money for us to walk around there as we left, which was rude because we'd already dropped offerings in the spots in front of different Buddhas etc.  Karjam figured he was a fake monk running a racket because no one else was around the temple.  So that had him in a dark mood.  

On the way back, with low angle light I stayed outside shooting the whole boat ride, it was great.  Karjam again told me to be careful but didn't ask me to come in.  

We rode back just the two of us with the driver and back home after washing feet and eating some quick Korean Ramyun we watched "Lost in Translation" which contrary to my expectations of a comedy turned out to be a bleak and depressing film, well-acted and written (it won an Oscar for that, I believe) but leaving one feeling empty and sad.  Then Karjam started crying.  

Eventually (he even sobbed at one point about how good I am, but how angry he can get) he fell asleep and I curled up in a blanket on the living room floor to cry until I could sleep, too, much after 3 a.m.

Monday 5/24/04

I woke up when Luo called, I'd asked him to introduce us to Professor Du Guozhen, the Tibetan professor leading all the studies of the grasslands in Gannan esp. in Maqu.  We went over there and talked with the two of them for quite a long time, though I only know a bit of what was said since it was in Tibetan.  I did learn the new word "Rama" which means goat.  Professor Du is really impressive.  He's also doing some great work.  

I worked on the computer.  Someone wants to use two of my photos, some people did give me some encouraging notes about studying and living in Seoul on  Sperling (one guy said I could find a place for a price lower than I've been estimating).  I also prepared for my classes.

Tuesday 5/25/04

We're doing just fine.  We resolved that Karjam needs me to be more polite to other people which of course I should be, and he got done with the crying/depressed thing by mid afternoon on Monday.   Maybe a sort of male equivalent of PMS?  Who knows, but he did say he's never been in another relationship that could make him cry, for whatever that's worth.  We're too sappy?  Tonight we took a bath together with candles by the bathtub, and Karjam said we looked like art.  

We went with Michael to the jiaozhi (dumpling) restaurant that Jim introduced to us.   We even managed to pay, which with Michael can be a real battle.  The jiaozhi there- they have TONS.  I mean they even have more than 25 vegetarian jiaozhi.  Michael was impressed because they even made lamb/mutton taste good, which Michael thinks it doesn't usually in jiaozhi.  I ordered three different ones, just by randomly pointing.  One was green pepper and cilantro, it was the best.  The other two, I'm not sure what veggies they were, but one had mini mini shrimp (like krill sized mini) inside.  In the afternoon after I got done with the elementary kids Michael invited me to go DVD shopping together, and I bought too many, mostly cause I bought the first episode of "Friends" which was six disks right there.  They did have "Old Boy" the Korean movie that won grand prize (not Palm d'Or) at Cannes two days ago.  I bought two so I can give one to mom, I'm sure it'll be great or it wouldn't have won at such a prestigious festival.  Besides, it doesn't have US distribution yet, so how else can she see it?

Oh, I had an interesting Academic Writing class.  I read Cai Yun's paper above, and then asked the students "So, why are Chinese people so defensive about politics?"  I didn't get a response right away, so I said "Hey, I'll say something to make you angry and defensive, are you ready?  Taiwan will never become a normal part of China."  Oh, that was like throwing stones at a hornet's nest!  Whoo-eee!   Two people besides Cai Yun were fairly reasonable, and they were (no surprises to me) Xu Jing and Zhao Xuefeng.  Xu Jing mentioned that people could formerly be persecuted for non-conformist political beliefs, and Zhao Xuefeng introduced the constant barrage of information on the TV and in the newspapers.   The rest of the people tried various things from semi-reasonable "If you scold your child, that's okay, but if someone else wants to, you get angry." (Leng Yuhong) to downright laughable "If I tried to separate your part of America from the rest of the country what would you think?" (Yan Xiaoya, who gaped when I said "I'd join your movement").  In general they expressed a lot of "People look down on Chinese people and when other countries people criticize our government it's because they think Chinese people are less than they are."  The rest of the class was also interesting, as we had a reading on homosexuality (the history of) and discussed that sensitive topic (fortunately no one was stupid enough to think there aren't any homosexuals in China).  Class writing assignment for the day was to work on their research papers, but some students hadn't prepared to do so.    

 Wednesday 5/26/04

Morning classes went fine, my lesson plan is too long for the time period, even with today's students (better than Friday's two groups).  However, it was fun and things moved fast.  We talked about Anna May Wong after reading an article about her (Chinese-American actress, 60 films, starting in the 20s with silent pictures), then discussed emigration of Chinese, then wrote.  The first group wrote about a memorable first date, the second group about their favorite childhood memory.  

Got a good offer to buy two shots a couple days back, then I sent out a negotiating letter on prices that may have started too high, and didn't get a reply. Now I've got to send the "This is the lowest I'll take, but please give me more."  letter.  I hate that!   Well, the group is non-profit.  

Thursday 5/27/04

I forgot Karjam's birthday, if it really is when we think it is, it was the 25th.  I only remembered when Michael and I were talking and he mentioned Woojing was soon to be 22.  Woojing is playing with Michael's head, seemingly enjoying it and making him into an emotional mess.  She takes a phone call in bed with him this morning, talks all soft and sexy, so when the call ends, Michael asks who it was.  "My second boyfriend."  Now the second boyfriend is a sore spot, because about a month ago Woojing told Michael that second boyfriend is her dearest truest love, even though she was with him for four months at the same time as he was with another girl, when she was 18.  So, Michael asks "What did he want?" and Woojing smirks and says "Me."  Apparently he's dumped his girlfriend and wants to get back together with Woojing.  She told him "I'll think about it."  Karjam met Michael on the street and managed to figure out that he'd broken up with Woojing and so when I got home from class I went down to meet him.  He was so sad.  He just about fell apart "I'm going to lose her, I know I will!"  Eventually later in the day she told him she needed a month to figure it out, which coincidentally means she can stay with Michael and all he offers her until the end of the term.  I really dislike that hussy.  Michael is a good guy!  

As for my day, Lama Tserang, Lumbu and one other of Karjam's dancer friends came over, I thought they'd stay until after I got back from the elementary school, but they didn't, so I hardly talked to them since I'd thought we'd all go out to dinner together.  Elementary school went just fine.  

Friday 5/28/04

After I got done with classes Professor Soeng came home with me to sign recommendation letters that I wrote.  One is for my scholarship application the others (ten copies) were for future jobs.  They do that in Korea, too.  "Here, check this recommendation letter, how does it look?" or "Can you just write it and bring it to me to sign?"  

Saturday 5/29/04

It was raining cats and dogs from Friday evening, and at about 1:30 I wrote my Yellow River students and told them we'd have to postpone.   However, I still had to go to the main gate, because not everyone was going to have time to check their email before 4:00 p.m.   Karjam came with me and the only people that showed up were Harfei and Yali, the student I met on the train coming back from Harfei's hometown.   Harfei still wanted to clean up, so we went to the park like area on campus and picked up a ridiculous amount of really disgusting garbage- I mean, is it appropriate to take your garbage bag full of dirty sanitary napkins and halfway bury it in the middle of a campus park?   After that they both came back with us to our house, where we all washed up as well as we could (it was gloppy mud out there, really bad) and had tea and coffee and talked for a while.  

Sunday 5/30/04

We woke up way too late, but I still finished reading my Academic Writing papers before we left the house.  We went to the photo studio, where I got my Binglingsi photos back and we took ID photos, but their digital camera was sort of broken and the first two times they took our photos they couldn't download them to the computer, so we wasted a lot of time.  Karjam's photos weren't even very good, mine were okay.  After that first we thought of going to this buffet restaurant but it wasn't quite ready yet, so we went to Cowboy Junction, the restaurant with the Malaysian owner.  The food was very good, we had this great tofu dish, and delicious potatoes plus an okay curry noodle soup and Karjam had a hamburger with fries.   After that Karjam went to visit his friend who's in the hospital.   

I thought I'd take the bus, but instead I walked all the way home, first because I had a few shots left on my camera (I took a lot of photos on the way to the photo studio of kids painting murals on the walls) and it was 7 pm with great light, then because I thought I'd stop and buy a couple DVDs (I didn't have much money on me).  Then from the DVD store, of course it made more sense to walk... so it took me over an hour to get home.  There wasn't much of anything interesting at the DVD store.  I bought the first season of a TV show I've never heard of, but then Michael said it's not any good.

At home Michael and Yeung-yoon both stopped by, Yeung-yoon checked some of the Korean exercises I'd done.  Michael and I talked for a while, then I worked hard on reading student papers until Karjam came home around 11:30.  Unfortunately he came home in a very talkative mood.  I wanted to sleep but he had to tell me blow by blow everything he'd done and seen and heard when away from me, none of which was very interesting.  Then halfway through Michael shows up.  He was head-shaking bemused.  Why?  Because Woojing has had a boyfriend for the last two years and she broke up with him today on the phone.  So, she's never told Michael about this guy, but been livid that he was with Susan (even though he is mid-divorce and has not had a relationship with Susan since he met Woojing) while she was still going home and having (reportedly bad) sex with this long-term boyfriend.  So Michael didn't know if he should be happy that he was in a three-way fight, and now it's a two way and the best contender has been eliminated or if he should be angry she was playing him so badly.  Karjam surprised both of us by being totally involved in the conversation, and coming up with very timely and appropriate English comments on the situation.  Karjam thinks Woojing will pick Michael in the end and it's all just a test.

Monday 5/31/04

Happy birthday, dad!  

I woke up, washed clothes, washed dishes, cooked breakfast and managed to get to Michael's second class right at the start and I took photos of him, then Professor Dong In (a Chinese woman with short hair who also teaches English), then Jim.  Jim's class was apparently a lecture, the students couldn't say anything at all... I just don't understand why the students all like him so much more than Michael.  Michael knows what he's doing and Jim just seems to muddle along.  

The very last paper I'm likely to receive for the research papers in Class Nine seems pretty accurate, so I'm typing it in here for you:

The Imbalance Between China's East and West  by Li Xianyue

In China, it is easy to see the imbalance between the east and the west from any aspect, such as economy, education and culture.  In my opinion, the most serious aspect is the imbalance on economy.

From the following datum, we can see that the gap on economy between the east and the west become larger and larger.  In 1985 the absolute difference of per capita GDP between the east and the west is 474.1 yuan, the relative ratio of difference is 45.4%.  Seven years later, the absolute difference is 1514.2 yuan, the ratio is up to 49.9%.  And in 1998, the difference is up to 5490.9 yuan, the ratio is 57.7%  The other examples are shown in the table.  

The rank of per capita GDP of China (31 provinces) (I had to adapt the table to this format)

Eastern Provinces and their ranking: Shanghai, 1; Beijing, 2; Tianjing, 3; Guangdong, 5; Shandong, 9; Henan, 18; Jiangxi, 23.

Western Provinces and their ranking:  Xinjiang, 12; Qinghai, 21; Ningxia, 24; Sichuan, 26; Shanxi, 29; Gansu, 30; Guizhou, 31.

 The last province in the east is Jiangzi, with ranking 23, but the highest rank in the west is 12, Xinjiang Province.  So we can see that the first 10 ranks are all in the east, and the last 9 ranks are all in the west.  

Why the big imbalance exist?  I think there are three main reasons.  First the base of economy between the east and the west is different.  Before 1949, the main base of economy in the east is industry, but in the west, it is agriculture, and economy in the east is much more developed than that in the west.  So after 1949, the pace of developing in the east is much faster than that in the west.  Next, the east has better conditions than the west.  The east has more convenient traffic, more advanced techniques and better climate.  So the east encounters less hinderances in it developing than the west.  Finally the average quality of the people between the east and the west has a very large gap.  Per 100 perople, the are 18 technical personnnel in the east, but only two in the west; the average time for person educating in the east is 10 years 8 months, but in the west only 3 years, 6 months.  Furthermore, so many people of ability in the west go to the east to work every year.  Thus, the ratio of people of ability between the east and the west is 10:1.

How can we reduce the big imbalance?  First the government should make some mesasures to help the west to develop its economy, such as setting up basic structures, introducing advanced techniques and experiences and providing investment.  And it is most important that the west must reserve its people of ability and absorb them from the east constantly.  

Now the government has carried out a series of measures to develop the west economy.  For instance, "the big development of west".  This is really a good opportunity for the west to catch up the east, since itw ill be a very long time.  As a graduate student in the west, I hope that I can dedicate my life to developing the west.  I think by our efforts, the imbalance between the east and the west will be smaller and smaller.  

Actually I suspect his girfriend who audits the course may have helped him with the paper.  But that's not my business.  

April 2004

June 2004

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