-(pretending to be me) Dear diary, Jeff is being an asshole cause hes jealous of my hot body...
-I all you hate!
-We're a guy full of tables!
-Black slinky dress *drools*
-I like lucky charms, but when I eat them I burp and the burps burn my throat and smell like diarrhea.
-(talking about a mini-game in Mario Party 5) "Merry Poppings?" That sounds like a porn movie.
-(while translating an Italian sentence out loud) And who is this for cocktail for you... signorina?
-(an answer Jeff wrote on a test) Cardinal Richelieu was a bishop...
-(talking to me) Well, my half foreksin is still bigger than your clitoral hood *sticks tongue out* ...Remind me to never follow a sentence involving your clitoris with me sticking my tongue out *shudder*
-Top Ten Reasons to Have Sex With Babies
10. Portable for a quickie anywhere.
9. They'll put anything in their mouth.
8. Constant drooling makes for excellent lube.
7. No teeth.
6. They're always shaved.
5. They're always screamers.
4. They make you feel huge.
3. Easy access soft spots in head.
2. They won't tell anyone.
1. Disposable diapers take care of incriminating semen.
-It's the internation symbol for "shoot my disc out!"
-Blasphemer...much better than that glass femur I had.
-Blowing my nose smelled like holidays in Iowa.
-HAWG WILD! *Hoes down*
-Menses fight! *Throws imaginary used tampon*
-*Jumps out of the closet adorned with strap-ons* Surprise!
-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/co-ed_sleepover at Erica's!
-Check out the package on Amadeo the First of Spain.
-(Online)
Damnt, making an emote of someone getting jizzed in one eye is hard.
-(Online)
Jeff:Wouldn't it be weird if you saw Dom DeLuise's penis come out of your anus and then slide back into your vagina and impregnante yourself?
Jeff: You have to imagine it happening really slow, like he thinks you don't notice.
-Little Kimmy wanted a bathing suit like all the other girls, but her bulging man junk couldn't possibly fit in the latest fashions. That's why CWDKids offer bikinis with patent pending straps and pockets to secure and minimize unsightly freak-of-nature penis.
(Speaking of www.cwdkids.com)
-That sure is a rockin' roll.
(Speaking of a ROLL AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD at Pine Cone)
-(Online)
Jeff: hah, crazy ass pirates
Jeff: ...crazy-ass pirates
Jeff: not crazy ass-pirates
-I think your quotes page should feature more me, including pictures, random bits of poetry, and quotes of other people admiring me. In conclusion, I rule. Jeff C.