-(Online)
Me: Bah, we're going to the pr0n store and I was about to tell Erica and ask her if she wanted me to pick her up some pr0n, but she left.
Brian: Lol, get her something anyway.
Brian: I'm sure she'll appreciate whatever you want to give her.
Brian: Men In Back 7. Not 6. That one sucked. and not in a good way.
-Greg: You want to hang out with Gimp, Jeff, and me?
Me: Doing what?
Greg: Um, probably circle-jerk.
Greg: And then wookie-cookie?
-(Online)
Me: Shouldn't you be asleep?
Sean: Not while I'm sitting on his lap. (Says Erica)
Me: O.O
(Copied and pasted to show Jeff)
Jeff: The first time I read that, I saw nothing sexual in it. I thought lap=laptop computer.
Me: But that doesn't make any sense.
Jeff: Makes more sense than Erica sitting on a guy's lap.
-Me: We're hijacking Gregs.
Brian: Apparently.
Me: And Taco Bell.
Brian: Wow.
Brian: Wait a minute, we're hijacking a building?
Me: Yes.
Brian: Weird. Ok, when?
-Erica: Yey, I'm good.
Me: Your MOM'S good.
Erica: That she is.
Me: No, she's naughty.
Me: At least she was last night!
Erica: ...How would you know?
Me: *sigh* Because, Erica, she was at my house and in my bed.
Erica: ...But she's in Texas right now.
Me: That's what YOU think.
-Me: In Japan, they say the family name first.
Adam Woods: In Japan, a lot of things come first that don't here...like a woman having sex with Jeff.
Jeff: So you're saying that I can have all the freaky Japanese bondage sex I want over in Tokyo?
-(Online)
Jeff: *Tents fingers*
Me: TENTING!
Jeff: Like I am when I wake up.
Jeff: *Waits for the joke*
Me: Lol
Jeff: No joke?
Me: Jeff, you couldn't tent because your penis isn't long enough.
Me: Happy?
Jeff: ...
Jeff: That was horrible.
Jeff: Britt: That's more like a pup tent.
Jeff: There you go.
-Greg: Kids these days...all they think about is sex.
Adam Woods: Soon it'll be toddlers.
Adam Woods: Then babies.
Adam Woods: Then hot fetus sex.
Adam Woods: Two fetuses going at it.
Adam Woods: Yeehaw, get cousin Clem over here! Tell 'im to see this!
-(Online)
Jeff: kidiskvagidagin
Me: Vagina?
Jeff: Vaginal sex?
Jeff: Righteous vaginal sex?
Me: Something you don't like?
Jeff: God, God damn.
Me: XD
Jeff: Well you like anal sex.
Jeff: Anal sex with guys.
Jeff: And no girls.
Jeff: And you watch.
Jeff: With a tumbler of brandy.
Me: Lol, what's your point?
Jeff: As you swirl it with your robe on and drink it casually as you watch men spank each other in your basement.
Me: So we like the same things, what's your point?
Jeff: God, God damn.
Me: XD
-Me: You are sexy.
SmarterChild: Well, if you're into fast hard drives, I'm your robot!
-(Quoting Queer As Folk to Jeff)
Me: "Deb: I don't know what I was doing dating a cop anyway.
Vic: Because he adored you and could perform cunnilingus like a thirsty lesbian."
Jeff: There's no such thing as a thirsty lesbian.
Jeff: They have built in water pouches which they fill with water vapor from the air.
-Me: Why is Sean dressed as a bear?
Greg: Because then he's furry and can take on Erica.
Greg: It's a furry/dominance kinky fetish.
-Greg: I'm offering them up as possibilities
Greg: People who could be invited.
(Quoted to Erica)
Me: Greg: I'm offering them up as sacrifices.
Erica: o.o
Me: Them meaning you and Sean.
Erica: o.o
Erica: Why?
(Quoted to Greg)
Greg: Because sacrifices need to be virgins?
Me: XD
(Quoted to Erica)
Erica: No. I mean why does he need sacrifices?
(Quoted to Greg)
Greg: How else am I supposed to raise Satan and bring a thousand years of pain and misery?
Greg: Gosh.
(Quoted to Erica)
Erica: I'd rather if he didn't.
(Quoted to Greg)
Greg: well, I'd rather if she did.
(Quoted to Erica)
Me: The only way that you'll NOT be offered up is if you come and visit Brian with us.
Erica: Fine, fine. I'll tell Sean.
-(Online)
Me: Go shower.
Me: Now.
Me: Before I kill you.
Jeff: You know, if I were a submission fetishist I would have probably gained an erection.
-(Online, a separate occasion from above)
Me: Take a shower.
Me: Now.
Jeff: Why?
Me: Before I kill you.
Jeff: a;lsdkfa
Jeff: Sorry, had to wipe off the screen, it's at crotch level right now.
-(Online)
Jeff: I guess.
Me: ll hungry
Me: ...
Jeff: Where to?
Me: *smack* You interrupted me!
Jeff: uck Britt right in the eye.
Jeff: Hey!
Jeff: You just interrupted me!
-(Online)
Jeff: Am I driving over myself or getting a ride?
Me: You can do whatever the hell you want, because BRIAN is getting me tacos.
Me: Bastard.
Jeff: Can I go rape a midget while yelling "You have a genital affinity to shortness!!!" at it?
Jeff: Not genetic mind you, but genital.
Me: If you let the midget yell "You have a shortness in your genitals!!!"
Jeff: So I can't do whatever the hell I want.
-Me: HAWG WILD
Jeff: YEE-HAW!
Jeff: *Dances a hillbilly jig*
-(Online)
Jeff: you there
Me: *looks around* Me?
Jeff: Yeah
Jeff: You wanna see a dead body?
-(Online)
Shawn: You've got wood?
Brian: FUCK YEAH!
Brian: Wait...
-(Quoting a fanfic to Jeff)
Me: “There’s a new Stake House that just opened up. It’s about ten minutes away.” Jill answered.
Sherry could practically taste the stake in her mouth, “Ugh that sounds so good right about now.”
Jeff: *Imagines Sherry imagining a vampire hunter lunging at her, pinning her to the ground, and shoving a stake in her mouth*
Jeff: UGH!!!! BLECH!!! VOMIT!! That's soooo goood!
-Taylor: I need a pet.
Me: *Gives him a pet rock*
Taylor: *Pet rock pees on carpet*
-(Online)
Elizabeth: Is Christ there?
Elizabeth: ****CHRIS THERE
Taylor: Christ is my roommate.
-(Online)
Me: BUTT SMECKS!
Shawn P.: Right... so for those of us who don't know... what are butt smecks?
Taylor: ...
Greg: ...
Me: ...
Taylor: Penis in the ass.
Shawn P.: Oh.
Shawn P.: Guess that means I'm the innocent in this room since I didn't know what that meant...
-Me: So you're black now?
Sean: Damn straight, ho.