In Bobby's house. Logan is standing behind the sofa when he bleeps.
Logan: "Oh... that's me." Into com device: "Hello?"
Com Device: "Hello, Neo."
Logan: Confused. "Morpheous?" (hahaha, I can't spell)
Com Device: "How do you know my name?"
Logan: "That's MY line! Wait... I'm not Neo... you're not Jean... what movie is this again?"

* * * * *

Outside Bobby's house. John is burning things. Rogue grabs his ankle and starts controlling fire. She ams for a tree and it goes up in flames.
Rogue: Singing: "Burn baby burn!" Continues singing and burning.
Bryan Singer (director, if you didn't know): "No! Cut! Cut! Don't burn the set! No! We spent months on that Dark Cerebro set! Somebody stop her!"

* * * * *

X-Mansion, late at night. Jones is watching TV. He changes channels with his eyes until it stops on someone familiar.
Jones: "Professor Xavier's on TV! I have to tell everyone!" Runs screaming through the mansion.
Siryn, hearing the commotion, sits up and screams. The glass everywhere smashes.
Bryan Singer: "No! Not yet! Stop her! That glass is expensive!"

* * * * *

Logan has just arrived.
Ororo: "Just in time. We need a babysitter."
Rogue: From off-screen: *starts singing "Bad Babysitter"*
Logan: Growls.
Bryan Singer: Sighs.

* * * * *

Logan has his head in Bobby's fridge. There is a sudden noise. Logan's claws shoot out and there is a howl of pain. Logan turns to find a cat impaled on his claws.
Logan: "We have a spare cat, right?"

* * * * *

Logan stealing beer from Drake fridge, take two.
Claws go snickt. Cat goes splat.
Logan: "Oops."
Rogue: From off-screen: Singing: "Oops, he did it again, he killed Bobby's cat, Mrs Drake won't be pleased..."
Bryan Singer: "Stop! Stop! Someobody find an adamantium fake cat, please!"

* * * * *

In Cyclops's car. John puts the radio on. Rogue begins to sing along with N'SYNC. Logan thumps the radio until it goes off.
Rogue: "Heyyy! Ah love that song!"
Bryan Singer: "Rogue, you don't."

* * * * *

Stryker is talking to his men.
Stryker: "Kill anyone who approaches. Even if it's me." Turns and walks away. Suddenly he turns back. "Oh, I forgot to--"
Lyman, one of Stryker's men: Fires his huge gun at Stryker. Stryker is blown to pieces.
Lyman's partner: "You sure that's what he meant?"
Lyman: "Probably."

* * * * *

The beginning of the film.
Xavier: "Mutants. Since the discovery of their... their... their uhm... line, someone?"

* * * * *

The beginning, take two.
Xavier: "Mutants. Since the discovery of their existence, their mutation--no, that's wrong..."

* * * * *

Take three.
Xavier: "Mutants. Since the... the.. something... of their existence, they have... uhm... I don't know... can't I read this bit straight from the script?"

* * * * *

Take four.
Xavier and Jean together: "Mutants. Since the discovery of their existence, they have been regarded with..."
Jean: "Fear."
Xavier: "Hostility."
Jean: "And even violence."
Xavier, now confident: "Across the planet, debate rages. Wait. I don't like this word, debate. Can you come up with a better one?"
Bryan Singer: Sighs again.

* * * * *

Tour guide woman is tour guiding.
Tour Guide Barbie... I mean, Tour Guide... uhm, Alicias Vargas: "We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies." Whips out a gun and opens fire on everyone in sight. "Hahaha! Fooled you! I must kill you all! All of you!"
Bryan Singer: "Alicias, stop! Those extras were very expensive, you know!"

* * * * *

Xavier and Stryker, at Alkali Lake.
Xavier: "You wanted me to cure your son, William. But mutation is not disease. It's..."
Stryker: "Liar!"
Xavier: "Okay, okay, so it is a bit like a disease. In fact... we'd all be better off without it. Tell me you found a cure, William! Tell me! Please!" He breaks down.
Bryan Singer: "Read the script, Charles! This is not how it goes!"

* * * * *

Later on, same scene.
Stryker: "You know, I've been working with mutants as long as you have Xavier, and the most frustrating thing I found is how everyone has cool powers except me! I want mutant powers! Help me, Charles Xavier!" He breaks down.
Bryan Singer: "No! Stop! Xavier, you are a mutant. Stryker, you are not. You are both happy with the way you are! READ THE SCRIPT!"

* * * * *

Logan has just returned.
Logan: To Rogue: "Did ya miss me, kid?"
Rogue: "Yes! More than anything! But you're back now... ohhh, I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and..."
Bryan Singer: "Stop, Rogue, stop! This is NOT a musical! Learn your lines and stop singing!"

* * * * *

Mansion attack. Logan is poised at the top of the stairs. He jumps. He lands in a crumpled heap at the bottom.
Logan: "AAARRGGGHHH! OOOWWWWW! Someone get a doctor!"

* * * * *

The adult X-Men are discussing the attack on the president.
Cyclops: "My opinion? I think Magneto's behind this."
Jean: "Don't be so STUPID, Cyclops! No! Why do you think that? That's discrimination against villians! You're a complete moron! You embarrass me just by living!"
Cyclops: "PMT again, huh Jean?"

* * * * *

The adult X-Men are discussing the attack on the president, take two.
Cyclops: "My opinion? I think Magneto's behind this."
Jean: "No, I don't think so, Scott."
Cyclops: "Then I bet it was the squirrels. The radioactive squirrels. They're everywhere!"
Jean: "NO! Cyclops, SHUT UP! We'll just skip your line! You're so STUPID!"

* * * * *

In the food court at the museum. John is arguing with two stupid ugly looking kids.
Stupid Ugly Kid #1: "Can... I... have... a... light?"
John: "Sure. Here. Be careful with my lighter though, it's very special."
SUK#1: "Thanks, dude." He lights his fag and hands the lighter back. "Nice lighter, man."
John: "Thanks."
Bryan Singer: "JOHN! You're one of the bad guys! You're mean to be difficult! Have an attitude problem! You sound like Kitty or someone!"

* * * * *

Rogue and Bobby are thumb-wrestling. There's a sound of a motorbike and Rogue rushes off.
Rogue runs out to the hall, and, finding it empty heads outside. Still no one.
Bobby: Follows her. "Rogue, for the last time, that was just a motorbike! It's not Logan! Logan said he's not going to be back for another month, you obsessive!"

* * * * * *

By Kalaki...

Logan and Mystique are... you know, getting to know each other.
Mystique: "Who do you want me to be?" Morphs into Kurt.
Logan: "Yep, that'll do nicely."

* * * * * *

By Kalaki...

Mansion Attack scene.
Kitty: Phases through bed and floor, and then falls down about three metres into a crumbled heap.
Bryan Singer: "Oh, that's just great, that's how we lost the last one."

* * * * * *

By Kalaki...

Pyro: "This is Cyclops's car!"
Logan: "Great." Pops a claw and puts it into the key hole.
Car splutters but doesn't start.
Logan: "I don't believe this!! WE'RE OUT OF GAS!!"

* * * * * *

By Kalaki...

Alan Cumming: Walks onto set, normal. "Right, I'm reading for my close up."
Bryan Singer: Sigh. "Alan, haven't you forgotten something?"

* * * * * *

By Kalaki...

Bryan Singer: "ALAN! You missed filming today!"
Alan Cumming: "Well, you try running a company AND acting at the same time!"
Just as a note, there's an estate agents called Alan Cummings and Co. We love that estate agents. We squeal at it. Yes, we really do.