I look up into the sky, staring at the eyes of the sky. Sparkling, beautiful, dazzling and magnificent. They used to be the ones that opened up my heart, giving me joy and heartfelt happiness. But somehow, today, as I lie on the grass and look up again, it fails to impress my soul.
Today is the 14th of August. Been weeks and days since I last updated this blog of mine. Many things happened in this period of time. Many, many things happened. It would take a long chapter of your brain cells if I were to name everyone of them. But I have to say that, each and everyone broke my heart in a gradual manner.
There are many times in life when, you realise how much you love a person and would really like to be with her. She may not be the nicest girl in the world, to your friends. But to you, she just seems to melt away the storm off your heart and sends her petite rainbow into your mind. Everyone has that, be it love towards your family, friends, lover, or even an item. But that feeling is very strong. Especially to your loved one, namely, the one and only person you see as your love partner. You really do love her alot, but she does not seem to want to accept you. You do not know the reason why. That is how sad everything can come out to be. It's like, she says you are a nice guy. But all that does not matter to you anymore. You may be Bill Gates, the richest man in the world. Or you may be Brad Pitt, one of the most handsome guys in the world. YOu may even be David Beckham, the most chivalrous footballer on Earth. But come to love, you may just crumble in the face of adversity. Why? Because the power of a rejection is so strong.
You know, the day when she asked me if I liked her, I was just totally hit off my guard. It was like, how did she know? Nevertheless, I admitted. I did not want to drag this on anyway. But she came back with the reply, that it was negative. That particular SMS just seemed to tear my heart apart. I was totally speechless and on the verge of a blackout. She meant alot to me. She may not have believed it. But that was not an excuse to reject me. But then again. She replied, saying that I was a nice person. And she said that she wished that she had known me earlier. But, what good could it do? I can tell that I would be rejected once again. I am not blaming her for rejecting me, or not loving me back. I was just so upset that, she rejected me. Well, I believe she liked someone else. After all, everyone has the freedom of speech. Whoever you like, go for him. No one would stop you
She was the second girl that made me cry. The first, up till today, I still treat her as a close friend. But at this point of time, She really meant alot to me. I asked for her hand in a relationship four times. None came back with a answer that I could really rejoice about. I loved her. I really did. Even if she was not ready for a serious relationship. I was prepared to love her truthfully. Wholeheartedly. Loyalty stood in my eyes and I knew that I had to treat her well. I loved her. I really did. But what could I do? Could I just accept the fact that she rejected me? That I was just some fool who tried to get her love? I was just mentally crumbled. Anyone who wanted to con me at that point of time would have gotten hold of my possesions in seconds. I loved her, I really did. I really wanted so much to be able to hold her hand and make her happy. I wanted to be there for her. But I was not given the chance.
Three days have passed since I last asked her again. Now we just greet each other in school, and never really talk. I really feel like dying. Dying is never a solution. But as the days go on I feel that I cannot take the pressure of trying not to ignite the misery in me. I appear happy, but in my heart...Even Victor does not know how much I am going through now. It is like. She is not giving me a chance at all. She does not SMS nowadays, and even when I SMS her i would never get her reply. It would all be so tense, so awkward. I just want to cry. But what can crying do?
From now on I should just fuc* off. It's just too hurting. I shall not give myself anymore chances anymore. I have to admit, I ain't smart, ain't cool, ain't handsome, and just not attractive enough. Maybe everyone feels that. I am just too flirtatious, nothing but a fool. Right. That's it. Since she does not love me, maybe does not even want to be friends, I must understand what kind of a person I am.
Jasmine, if you are reading this now, I would like to thank you for all the memories that you've given me. The joy I get when reading your SMS may never appear again, but I know that at least you were there for some time.I wish you all the best in getting your very own dream guy and always staying at your happiest. Thanks for every memory you've given me, and I hope that you've been happy knowing me too. We shall be friends, as usual, the usual greetings in school, and just smiles. Guess that would matter most to you. Thanks. Good luck in future endeavours....
On this note, I know that nothing can change my life anymore. You have been the nicest girl I have ever known and I will always be there for you. But well, I wish you happiness always. I love you.
Bryan
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