The fish challenge

    Well let me start off by introducing a couple of my friends. Lawrence and Sofie. Lawrence is an indian but he is so white that nobody knows but he always uses his treaty card for stupid things like hunting and cheap smokes. He worked at Wal-Mart for about three years and quit for "a job with more responsibility" at Safeway. He later decided he didn't like working there and decided to quit because he scored tickets to an Edmonton Eskimo's game. Now he's a bum and never buys anything for himself. Sofie AKA "The Sexican" is a Mexican girl I know and sometimes we hang out but not too often at all. Not much to say about her really.

    So, on with the story. Lawrence and I were wondering around the mall when Lawrence explains to me that his grandma gave him twenty dollars to buy lottery tickets so he decides to stop off to buy some sports select and hopefully win a little money. Sofie comes walking down the mall and I flag her down to come chat. We started talking and she asks us if we are hungry. Me and Lawrence were both pretty full but I told her we could tag along and just have a drink or something. So Sofie says she feels like having seafood tonight and asks if we wanted to go to Joey's only seafood (the seafood place in the mall). I told her I didn't care since I wasn't eating but I can't stand eating fish. So we went in and got seated in the booth, which of course is the most comfortable place but the one the waitress always forgets about. We all order drinks I just got a water and so did Lawrence and Sofie. We looked at the menu for a bit and when the waitress came back she asked if we were ready to order. Sofie said she was going to have the fish and chips at which point the waitress explained to her that the special on Tuesdays was all you can eat fish and chips. Sofie asked if there was a record to beat and the waitress told Sofie that the current record being held was 18 and if a person was to eat 19 pieces of fish they would get a travel mug and their picture on the wall. I started toying with the idea of going for it jokingly and then Lawrence started telling me about how funny it would be to beat that guy and take the picture with me chugging a beer so I, of course, couldn't refuse the chance to look like an idiot in front of everyone and ordered the all you can eat fish and chips.

    The food finally arrived no more than 5 minutes later. The chef even came out and gave technique pointers. I slowly began explaining to him that I had been eating for nineteen years now and I could handle one more night of it. He then told me he was going to give me the bigger of the fillets. I told him I didn't care. Anyway, I started off very well. The waitress was right on top of everything, keeping them coming 2 at a time of course in case I was a pussy and couldn't eat 3. I made it to 6 and told my friends I was only kidding about going for the challenge and I was going to finish my plate and leave but then my friend started calling me a wuss for not being able to eat more. I wasn't about to take that. Rather than tell him I COULD have eating more and that I just didn't want to eat that much fish, I ordered another 2 deep fried fillets. I got to 8 without a problem but I noticed the waitress was forgetting about me. I needed more water. I actually almost puked off the disgusting flavor but instead I yelled out at another waitress, "Hey I'll have another water over here, a big glass, no make it 2 big glasses". So after my short break from eating fish I finally got to taste some water. only problem was that she only gave me ONE SMALL glass. I was a little disappointed by this act of ignorance but continued despite my lack of water and hate for fish. I got to 9 and started feeling sick again. I knew I couldn't make it to 19 but some people at another table found out about what I was doing and decided to come introduce themselves. An Asian man in his mid-twenties came up to us and explained that his friend at the other table was famous and asked if we recognized him. Sofie said she had no clue and neither did Lawrence. He looked at me next at which point I told him I knew he couldn't have been too famous because the girls he was with were too ugly. REAL famous people do not have to put up with girls like that. I told him I wasn't impressed with his failed joke and told him it was time for him to get back to his supper. The waitress came right in time to slap 2 more fillets in front of me before I could tell her I was calling it quits. Oh well, I guess I had to eat them even though I still had one more left on my plate. this would bring me to twelve, so close! I finished my plate and began my next one. My friend started bitching about how he was going to miss the game and he wanted to go home soon. Finally, an excuse to quit eating fish. after my twelfth fillet I told him I was tired of him bitching and I was going to sacrifice my big day just so he could watch hockey. The only other way out was to simply puke and come back to eat more but I'm sure somebody would have smelled it anyway.

    The moral of this story is to never let anyone think your a pussy even if you really are. That's your business and only yours. Look for any excuse you can to not look like a pussy even if it means making your friends feel guilty for spoiling your moment. Everyone was quite impressed I even finished 12. The cook even thought I would only get to eight. So to recap, I had twelve pieces of my most hated entrée on a full stomach and didn't even get a fucking travel mug. Totally not worth it.