Tears again
I see her on her bed crying,
The way i have wanted to all year.

One more person has been lost,
One more reason for all the tears.


This life is just a little too much for us all  ,
How it just make us want to fall to the ground.

It just is a whirlwind of confusion,
The world spinning all around.


Just because I wasn't close to him,
dosen't mean i don't care.
 
Just because i don't cry,
Doesn't mean I don't feel the tear.


Nor does it mean that I don't have this hollowness,
In the middle of my heart.

But all year this is how I have felt,
All year, from the very start.


I'm numb now,
I can't react to any pain.

This type of thing seems to keep happining,
Again,and again.


I'm sorry that no tears,
Fall from my eyes.

I'm sorry that I'm the only one,
Who hasn't cried.


But I do care,
And I do miss you.

If I could feel anything anymore,
I would be crying too.


We all miss you,
But you will live on.

In our memories of you,
And your smile, shining of the sun.


You never really die,
Not in our hearts.

If you look at it this way,
You have a brand new start.

Addition to Awsome Week
The year turned out to be the worst... When I thought things could go my way, they went to hell. I've gone through 3 guys... the last was the worst, Lost my "best friend", Got kicked out of most my clubs, got kicked off the board of my main board,failed all my classes,The police came to my house cause people said i was planning a school shooting (I NEVER WOULD!), so i had to worry also about my moms credibility now, my friends mom died, and I found out my best friend in the world died a year ago the day i went to my friends mom's funeral. So I have the right to say that this is the WORST year of my life, and here I thought it would be the best.......

Publishing
As suggested by one of my family members i will be trying to get some of my works published in places such as teen inc. If anyone has questions about whether or not i turned in a submission email me at bloganonymous_91@yahoo.com

Why
Why do you lie....
I loved you so much.

You say we'll be together again,
Something I don't believe.

I have scars that will last a lifetime
caused by you.

People come to me,
Telling me of what you say.

How you brag,
When you told me you wouldn't,

how their is some one else,
Who knew of me.

How you don't want them to talk to me,
So I have no one left.


I know every lie you told,
I never believed any of them.

Some were cute,
Such as your tall tales.

But for you to actually think me to believe them,
Makes me believe you see me as stupid.

And every time yo told me you loved me,
They were all lies....

You never cared about me,
Only about you.

I was waiting for the time you could trust me,
And not feel you had a need to lie.

For you to trust me,
I knew I had to trust you.

I decided to put my whole self preservation aside,
And gave you my whole trust.

I'm lucky you didn't do worse,
Cause I gave you total controle.


I saw bits of who you really were,
And I wanted to see it more.

Even now, when people tell me how horrible you are,
I tell them it's not true.

I'm not like others,
I don't hate you.

No matter what you do,
I could never hate you.


I want to know the truth,
Please tell me.

Why did you do this,
Why did you hurt me?

You can't hurt me with the truth,
The only thing that hurts me,

Is,
Lies.

I loved you,
But not anymore,

But no matter what,
I will still be here for you.

There are so many things I want to say
But I just can't find it in me.

Do you love me?
Do you truly believe you love me?
Or are you just saying that?

I want you to,
And I want to love you back.

I want you to trust me,
Fully and completely.

You don't,
And I understand.

You don't trust people,
Well, neither do I.
But I want to trust you.

I can't though,
Not until you can trust me.

I look at you,
And you seem so alone,
Like everyone has left you,
And you feel so lost,
Isolated from this world.

Even alone with me,
You're distant.

I want you to know,
I'm here for you.
For whatever you may need.

I'm not like so many other girls,
I want you to feel loved.

I look for others,
And forget about myself.

They say your using me,
They say I can do better,
They say I deserve better.

I don't care.

If you are,
You will soon realize you don't want to,
Because I believe no one gets the chance to know you.

I believe that you can do better than you think.

Poems Unheard

TO ALL

All the things I want to say...
All the things I cant.

To him: I love you,
And would do anything for you.

But he doesn't know that...
And never will.

To the one who loves me:
In love, I am not,
I will only break your heart,
I will have to tell you goodbye.

And to my "best friend"
Stop pretending,
I know you don't care,
Just tell me.

All the things I want to say...
All the things I cant.



**************************************************
TO HIM

I'm not obsessive,
Just upset.

All I do
Is write what I feel.

Like thees feelings for you,
And the facts that go with,

A thing I'll never say,
And you will never know.

I Love you
But I can't tell you.

There is a problem,
An impassible obstacle

She loves you..
And you love her.

I will do anything to make you happy,
because of my love.

I've seen you apart,
And both of you had no life to live...

But back together,
You shine brighter than the brightest stars.

How much I want to talk to you,
But I'm scared of pushing the line.

To lose her trust,
Our friendship.

I want to tell you the truth,
But I can't.

Even if she left you,
I couldn't do a thing.

All this wouldn't seem so obsessive,
If only I could tell you.

But I can't,
So I write.

**********************************************

TO THE ONE THAT LOVES ME

I love you,
You love me,
But in love?...We are not.

You may think you're in love,
But that's not true,
You're in lust.

But because you're inching toward it,
I will end up breaking you're heart,
And breaking you down.

I don't want that to happen,
So I want to go
to leave you.

But I know, you will still get hurt.
And with what with all that is going on,
Make others suspicious.

I don't know what to do,
Like I said, I don't want to hurt anyone,
But I always do.

I'm sorry,
I need to leave you,
Because I love you.

**********************************************

TO HER

So, "Best Friend"
How are you?

Mad at me again?
For something I did not do?

Or maybe it just that,
I'm not staying in my place...

Secluded
And
Lonely

I help you with your problems
You refuse to help me with mine.

I am nothing to you,
But you're everything to me.

You're my queen...
I'm your server.

Only thing I hear from you,
Is orders to me, your lowly servant.

"Help me do this...
Don't do that.

You'll never get him,
Or any one for a matter of fact!

Follow me this way,
Now go away!"

Well my friend
Or "Majesty" if you prefer.

Just tell me one more time,
Just to make sure I heard you right,

Then your order,
I will obey.

Gone
Gone as far away as she can,
She will never come back...

I thought she was my friend,
But now I know.
She never was a friend to me.


I still wish it wasn't true though.
But even I can't turn back the tables of time.

What do you do?
Now Playing: actually a late post
What do you do whien it backfires?
Something that's woven in such a beutiful & complicated pattern
Falls appart.

What do you do when it didn't happen to you?
But someone you care about
And someone you love?

Now they're apart
And you're in a whirl of confusion

What do you do?


What do you do when you're being torn in two directions?
Help your friend
Or jump at the chance?

What do you do when you're so unsure
About what to do
And who for?

You're so wrapped up in their problem
You forget your own.

You Know it'll work out in the end
But you're still worried.

What do you do?


I don't know
So I'm asking for help
From you.

So...

What do you do?

Young And Lost

She looks at the mirror
She looks at the blade

Tears stream down her face
As she thinks of today

About how her mother screamed at her so loud
And all she wanted was to make her proud

She used to be so perfect
Her will so strong

She doesn't know exactly
Where she went wrong

"You're a horrible child
I don't love you anymore!"

Those were the words spoken
By a slam of the door


All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die


She looks at the mirror
She looks at the blade

Today was the day
That her friends went away

All her friends left her, and she doesn't know why
Even just thinking bout it, makes her cry

Now she hasn't anyone
That she cant trust

Her life has come crashing down
It's all turned to dust

Everyone hates her
It's so easy to see

She thinks to herself
"Why has this happened to me?"

All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die


She looks at the mirror
She looks at the blade

She can't turn back now
Cause she has set the stage

A note lies on the table, written with care
She's hoping that someone will find it there

She has carefully written
About her life

In it, all the reasons
She wants to die

"Goodbye to you, Mother
Goodbye to all my friends

I'm sorry to tell you,
This is the way it will end."

All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die


She looks at the mirror
She looks at the blade

She says to herself
"This is the only way

To escape all this pain that lies inside.
The only way to do it, is to die."

She thinks of what awaits her
Beyond death's door

She'll be with her lost ones
Together once more

She looks at the mirror
Now she's picked up the blade

Again she tells herself
"You know it's the only way."

All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die


On her wrist
Is where the blade lies

Then the phone rings
She collapses
And cries

Her friend had called
To see how she's been

Broken down,
She tells her what she almost did

"I'm glad that you called me,
You saved my life.

To tell you the truth,
I didn't really want to die.
At least not now
I don't want it to end.

And you've done so much for me,
You're my very best friend."

All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die

Lay down for the last time...

And ,
Die...

Forbidden Feelings
I sit here looking out,
tears building up inside.

Here I am crying,
and I don't know why.


I look to the other side,
and see him sitting there.

He's holding her,
with so much care.


Their bond woven tightly,
by love and trust.

A bond so beautiful,
I don't want it to bust.


I love him,
but I care for her.

I want him happy,
even if I get hurt.


I look to him,
and see in his lap lay,

A note to him,
cause she had something to say.


"You are!"
"I'm not!"


Beautiful that is,
I agree with him.

She's beautiful,
and his.


I cry on his shoulder,
he doesn't mind,

He's always willing to comfort me,
he's always so kind.


I cry so softly,
I don't want them to hear.

I don't want them to know,
I've even sheded a tear.


Now I know the reason,
to why I cry.

She probably does too,
from the look in her eye.


It's my feelings for him,
this forbidden love.

My heart's being played with,
by the minds of above.


To her,
He belongs.

To me,
I long.


But this is a greedy wish,
To which, I want not.


I want to tell her,
so very much.

But she would yell,
and say "DON'T TOUCH!"


I never would,
never will.


I want them happy,
thats the best I can do.

I know I'll never be able to tell him,
"I love you."


But to see them together,
smiles on their face.

I know to stay her,
and keep my place.


I know to change,
the love between them,

I'd still be unhappy,
even though I love him.


She'd be upset,
no matter what I'd say.

So the best for us all,
is to keep things this way.


If she were to read this,
I hope she understands.

And nothing will change,
and we can still be friends.


Knowing that with her love,
I will not interfere.

But that doesn't mean,
that once in a while,


I can't shed a tear.