for those damn Video Music Awards. Yes, the show that MTV claims that everybody watches. Me and Twig decided that since there's such a crap list of nominees, why don't we predict the crap winners. On with the show!
Video of the Year:
Blink 182, "All the Small Things
D'Angelo, "Untitled (How does it feel)"
Eminem, "The Real Slim Shady"
NSYNC, "Bye Bye Bye"
Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Californication"
Well, since this is MTV, I'm gonna say NSYNC or Eminem since they love them so much. What do you say, Twig?
We all know "Crap Crap Crap" and "The Real Shit Shady" are guaranteed at least three since they each got six nominations(!!!) I just know if "Californication" doesn't win this (which it probably won't), I will get to slicing.
Best Male Video:
D'Angelo, "Untitled (How does it feel)
Eminem, "The Real Slim Shady"
Kid Rock, "Cowboy"
Moby, "Natural Blues"
Ricky Martin, "Shake Your Bon Bon"
Eminem or Kid Rock---the MTV darlings. Twig?
If it's not Eminem or Kid Rock, Carson will have a fit. But if I was picking the winners, I'd go with Moby. That video was nuts.
Best Female Video:
Aaliyah, "Try Again"
Britney Spears, "Oops...I Did It Again"
Christina Aguilera, "What A Girl Wants"
Macy Gray, "I Try"
Toni Braxton, "He Wasn't Man Enough"
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera. That's a gimme.
They ought to give it to Macy Gray since she was cheated out of the Grammy! But this is MTV we're talking about. It's Britney since they like her better. Plus, Christina doesn't need an MTV award. She has a Grammy. This is for the people who will never win anything.
Best Group Video:
Blink 182, "All the Small Things"
Destiny's Child, "Say My Name"
Foo Fighters, "Learn to Fly"
NSYNC, "Bye Bye Bye"
Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Californication"
I'm not even gonna try to pick. NSYNC or maybe even Blink 182.
I want Foo Fighters or the Chili Peppers--but it's MTV. NSYNC will win and I will cut my finger off.
Best Rap Video:
DMX, "Party Up"
Dr. Dre f/Eminem, "Forgot About Dre"
Eminem, "The Real Slim Shady"
Eve f/Faith Evans, "Love is Blind"
Jay-Z f/UGK, "Big Pimpin'"
I want Eve to win 'cause that song and video had a message. If MTV doesn't give it to her, they suck even more than they do now.
I'm with Jerry. I want Eve to win this. Don't give it to Dre or Eminem 'cause I will catch the next flight to New York and kick ass all over the place.
Best R&B Video:
Brian McKnight, "Back At One"
D'Angelo, "Untitled (How does it feel)"
Destiny's Child, "Say My Name"
Toni Braxton, "He Wasn't Man Enough"
Well, MTV has the gall to nominate Toni Braxton, don't they? They didn't play her enough to get that nomination. I say that this is the award that Destiny's Child--oops, I mean--Beyonce's Child will win.
Jerry, you are funny. I say D'Angelo (even though he shouldn't get it--all he did was stand around with no shirt on. That's right! I'm telling! He was not really naked! All he had on was pajama pants pulled down just a taste!) or Beyonce's Child. Actually, MTV has the gall to have an R&B category since they don't play those videos.
Best Hip-Hop Video:
Juvenile, "Back That Thang Up"
Lauryn Hill, "Everything is Everything"
Limp Bizkit f/Method Man, "N 2 gether Now"
Q-Tip, "Vivrant Thing"
Sisqo, "Thong Song"
Damn. Lauryn Hill is still getting nominated for s@#%? It has to be Juvenile or Sisqo but knowing MTV they will give it to that song featuring Method Man.
Since MTV needs to be schooled on hip-hop, they will give it to that song featuring Method Man thinking that's hip-hop. If I had my way, it would be Juvenile (booty anthem of '99) or Sisqo (booty anthem of '00).
Best Dance Video:
Britney Spears, "(You drive me) Crazy"
Jennifer Lopez, "Waiting for Tonight"
NSYNC, "Bye Bye Bye"
Ricky Martin, "Shake Your Bon Bon"
Sisqo, "Thong Song"
Isn't Ricky Martin's career over? This is a crap category. I can tell you who's not going to win and that is Sisqo.
First of all, these videos are old. "Crazy" and "Waiting for Tonight" was last year and Ricky Martin was such a one hit wonder. I'm giving this to NSUCK.
Best Rock Video:
Creed, "Higher"
Kid Rock, "Cowboy"
Korn, "Falling Away From Me"
Limp Bizkit, "Break Stuff"
Metallica, "I Disappear"
Rage Against the Machine, "Sleep Now in the Fire"
Since this is a Fred Durst Hating Nation, I want everyone but Limp Bizshit to win. MTV threw Creed in there because they are feuding with Limp Bizshit right now. But it would be cool to see Creed win just to see the look on D@#%head Durst's face. But Bizshit will win.
Since this is a Fred Durst, I Hope You Rot In Hell Nation, I hope he loses. But MTV love their darlings and Lump Bizshit will win for that God-awful video. They should give it to Rage since they are performing that night.
Best Pop Video:
Blink 182, "All The Small Things"
Britney Spears, "Oops...I Did it Again"
Christina Aguilera, "What A Girl Wants"
Destiny's Child, "Say My Name"
NSYNC, "Bye Bye Bye"
Damn. Blink 182, you sold out. I don't care about this category very much. So, I don't give a damn who wins.
Blink 182 sold out?! Well, that's not news. F@#% who wins this. I don't give a s@#%.
Best New Artist In a Video:
Christina Aguilera, "What a Girl Wants"
Macy Gray, "I Try"
Papa Roach, "Last Resort"
Pink, "There You Go"
Sisqo, "Thong Song"
Sisqo has got to win something. Let's hope its this award. But we gotta think MTV and Cars-hoe Daly so--Papa Roach.
NSUCK has got some clout with MTV. They have to convince them to give something to Sisqo and let Pink have this one. They toured with them, dammit! Watch Papa Roach get it. Since they are also butt buddies with Carson Daly. I used to like "Last Resort". That was until Carson started promoting them like crazy. Like he does with Kid Crock and Lump Bizshit.
Best Video from a Film:
Aaliyah, "Try again" ("Romeo Must Die")
Aimee Mann, "Save Me" ("Magnolia")
Metallica, "I Disappear" ("Mission Impossible 2")
REM, "The Great Beyond" ("Man On The Moon")
Sisqo, "Thong Song (remix)" ("Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps")
Why did they even nominate Aimee Mann and REM? I'm hoping Aaliyah or Sisqo but knowing MTV it will be Metallica.
Metallica. I just found out Lars is gonna be there so why the hell not?
Viewer's Choice:
Britney Spears, "Oops...I Did It Again"
Christina Aguilera, "What a Girl Wants"
Eminem, "The Real Slim Shady"
NSYNC, "Bye Bye Bye"
Sisqo, "Thong Song"
I know who it won't be: Sisqo.
I'm voting for Sisqo but I know that the ten year olds that watch MTV will vote for their favorite. This category is for the Total f@#$in' Request f@#$in' Live crowd. How much for the call? I'm helping Sisqo win, dammit!
Well, me and Twig know this show is gonna suck. I just found out that DMX and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are gonna perform. Now, I have three reasons to watch. Chris Rock should be hosting this show, man. Oh! It's so gonna suck. I'm not even gonna watch. We have to wait until September 7th to see if we are right.
Twiggy: We probably are.
Hush up, Girl.