WELCOME TO MY UNDERGROUND LAIR.

I AM PLANNING ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD. BEFORE I GO INTO ANY MORE DETAILS THOUGH, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

MY NAME IS DR. EBIL AND I WILL NEVER TELL YOU MY REAL NAME EVEN THOUGH IT IS JACK SCHITT. I am the only son of Awe Schitt and 0. Schitt. The fertilizer magnate married 0. Schitt, the owner of Knee-Deep Schitt Inc. In turn, I married Noe Schitt and we,the deeply religious couple, produced six children, Holie Schitt, The twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. Noe later married Mr Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his bride, Pisa Schitt. MY FAMILY IS A BUNCH OF COWARDS, AND SINCE I MARRIED THAT PISA SCHITT AFTER THAT GUY GOT THROUGH WITH HER, WHICH IS BULL SCHITT, I KILLED HER USING A LONG PIECE OF STYROFOAM. I'VE BEEN IN A STATE OF HYBERNATION, AND I NEED SOME IMMEDIATE ACTION. BY THE WAY I CAN SEE YOU ALL READING THIS. HELLO ROBERT, CLAUDIA, SANDRA, REBECCA AND DANNY. IS THIS CLARICE? WELL HELLO CLARICE. I'LL SEE YOU SOON...

NOW THAT YOU KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT MYSELF, ALLOW ME TO CONTINUE. I WILL CONTINUE TO INFORM YOU ABOUT MY PERSUIT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD ON THE SECOND PAGE OF MY DOCUMENTARY. I NEED TO KNOW THOUGH IF YOU ARE WITH ME... OR AGAINST ME. YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS AND THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. YOU CAN TAKE THE BLUE PILL, AND YOU WILL FEEL NOTHING, FORGET EVERYTHING, AND WAKE UP IN YOUR BED TOMORROW AND CONTINUE WHATEVER LIFE YOU WISH TO CARRY OUT. IF YOU TAKE THE RED PILL, YOU STAY IN WONDERLAND, AND I SHOW YOU JUST HOW DEEP THE RABBIT HOLE GOES. JUST REMEMBER THOUGH, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE AND THERE IS NO TURNING BACK. I LEAVE THE CHOICE TO YOU...