Title: Clarity
Author: Sha
Disclaimer: I'm only playing, I don't own these people
Rating: G
Notes: Yes, I did hit a cow, so that part is authentic
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Clarity happens many times in life.
Standing in the checkout line, handing your money to
the cashier, five other people with very full baskets
behind you, and *that's* when you remember the milk you
needed.
Bell rings, you're handing the test paper to your
teacher and *that's* when you remember the answer to the essay
question that counts for a third of your grade.
Or, driving down a dark road, alone, when your eyes meet the
stunned eyes of the large black cow in the road. And he's
mesmerized by your headlights.
You're going to hit it, hard and there isn't one thing you can
do to change it. Right before impact....clarity.
Total, complete, one hundred per-cent clarity.
That's how it happened with me.
I slammed on the brakes, tires squealing but the impact still sent
the cow into the grill, up over the hood and half onto the glass, breaking it
the other half onto the roof. The momentum sent the animal down the right
side of the car, taking the side mirror before it landed in the ditch, dead.
The car jolted and every particle in my body wrenched,shuddered. Head hitting the
steering wheel, shock already setting in, the taste of blood and glass filled
my mouth as the car finally came to rest in the ditch on the left side of the road,
150 feet from the initial impact.
I'm still alive, a fact which shocks me, the cow seemed so huge!
But the point of all this is simple:
That was *the* moment when I reached my life altering clarity.
Being the Slayer, I've always searched for normalcy.
Normalcy in this world. *snort*
What is normal? Nothing is, but then again, everything is. All this time
trying so desperately to be normal instead of being who I am. How's that for being a
Cordlia-ite? Great, now I've creeped myself out again.
But I threw myself relationships with "normal" guys and all I did was get hurt.
And pissed. The one un-normal-normal love I had and I let him decide that it
shouldn't be. That it wasn't "right" to be together.
And all this in the name of normalcy.
The truth is, no matter who came along, I would always love Angel until
all ceased to exist for me. I've seen enough to know that even death doesn't mean the
end. Forever, isn't that what it's all about?
Did I love Riley? Yes, but did I love him more or just the idea of being in love?
He's the reason I'm on this dark, lonely road. Seems the pills Maggie gave him to be
strong had a nasty little side effect....becoming a demon.
I visit him once a month at this secret facility. He'll never be released, but I will
continue to visit until being a slayer catches up with me.
As cold as it sounds, Riley isn't what's important right now. I've wasted so much
time as it is, tomorrow wont wait and time is up. I need to see Angel now.
The others would understand. They were all happy and want the same for me.
Oz and Willow never got back together. Willow was with Tara now and Oz told me he
would never be part of a permanent relationship. He enjoyed his solitude too much,
but he was genuinely happy with that.
Giles has Olivia ,and Xander has Anya. Cordy and Wesley are together, not a big shock
but the baby she's pregnant with is. Old Wes is actually cool.
Angel- yes Angel. The subject of the hour. He had Kate for a little while, but it didn't
last. Her choice, the dumb girl. When I first learned of them, I wanted to stake her.
Giles talked me out of it, her being human and all. Pity.
I think of all the old excuses Angel gave me on why we can't be together and I have to laugh.
And get a tad pissed that he didn't give the same lecture to Katie-poo.
But no sex and vampire/slayer thing aside, I'm going to get MY man.
As soon as I get out of this car I am. And get my head fixed with stitches. This time
he's not giving me any noble speeches and tell me how it's all for the best that we stay
apart.
What a crock of bull.Whooops, no pun intended Mr. moo cow. But funny stuff aside,
life is so short and even more so when you're the slayer so I say carp dium or
however that's said and be happy with what time you have.
Besides, I have two things on my side this go-around with Angel.
Cordy told me about the day he was human.How he gave it and his very life away for me
and humanity. Bastard.I love him for that. Undead creep.
The other plus is Willow and Tara. They make an awesome team, nearly unstopable.
If any one can 'fix' Angel's spell, them two can.
So thanks to a black cow and the life it lost, mine will begin again, with the man
I love.
And this time I'm not taking no for an answer. The world be damned if necessary.
The End.....for now
