Sharp's Corner
I don't always agree with Sharp, and sometimes he just plain pisses me the fuck off, but when he makes an argument, it's usually pretty colorful, so for your entertainment I'll let the man bitch. It's my intent that he'll piss off enough people to get an interesting response from all of you. So if you have an opinion about anything, just email it to me and I'll post it.
12/6/00
BITCH BITCH BITCH
Fortune Cookies
This is coming in response to a request by one smart girl in AJ named
Eileen. Maybe she should fucking become a fortune cooking maker and fix
this annoying problem.
Ok so I head into Owens Dining Hall and I decided to get some Chinese
grub-yeah Im a big redneck from Beijing thats why I talk this way. So I get
my damn rice shit-which is pretty damn good and pick up my complimentary
fortune cookie. I eat that shit that I'm hungrier than and Ethiiopian child
on a Kate Moss diet. Then I open my fortune cookie to reveal the "fortune."
It reads: You are good with People. My eyes examine this piece of white
paper-who was obviously made by some fucking dumbshit motherfucker at Old
Dominion University. Why the hell cant people understand the fucking
word-Fortune? A fotune does not tell me about myself. It says what will
happen. For instance, I dont want it to say-You have a damn hot girlfriend
and you are annoyed by Bruce. I want it to say you will marry your damn hot
girlfriend and Bruce will stop being a big jackass. Everyone needs to email
Ben Wells (bwell002@odu.edu) and tell him to stop fucking putting in these
damn facts in the fucking fortune cookies. Its starting to piss me and
Eileen off and it need to stop before I get really aggravated. Fuck ODU and
Fuck these fuckidy fuck fuck fuckin "fortune cookies!"
I fail to see the connection between ODU and fortune cookies. Your fortune: You are a whiner.
12/5/00
BITCH BITCH BITCH!
Election 2000
Ok-heres the scenario-its early November and as a Bush supporter everything
is looking good-my candidate has a 4% lead on Gore and the election is
looking more and more in my favor. To all you fool democrats-like Thomas
whose page this is don't bitch or moan at my damn views. You say
pro-choice-I say pro-murder, you say environment-I say I want a damn Ferarri
which is really bad for the environment, you say peace-I say military all
the way, you say you invented the internet-I say you you didn't do shit, you
say Pepsi-I say Coke. You can obviously see my disdain for
democrats-although the fact that most of my friends are democrats shows I
have enough tolerance to talk to them and be halfway friendly. So along
comes Nov .7, 2000. I'm so excited as this was my first opportunity to
vote. To bad the damned election committee of Tennessee didn't send me
shit-yeah thanks Al-sounds like youre taking away my Republican vote!
Anyways, I start watching CNN at 1600 EST. The following 14 hours 30
minutes will be full of anger, joy, then anger again.-I am however not
prepared for this. Around 2100, CNN announced Gore has won Florida. Then
at 2200. Michigan; then at 2230 Pennsylvania. This is not looking good.
Mary Matlin seems confident (Shes some republican person married to ultra
democrat James Carville who is a bastard enough to be on Clintons
administration-damn bastard)-she says that Bush thinks Florida is still up
in the air. I remain skeptical. Around 1230 CNN reverses its choice and
gives Florida to Bush-YAY! So CNN has Bush's lead somewhere around 25
points. My friend Branson is watching NBC which has Bush losing by around 5
and my other friend Ben is watching FOX-needless to say-FOX is way off.
This brings me to another point-only an idiot who goes to ODU would watch
FOX for news converage-how the hell do you believe anything they say? I
remember once theyre headline story was local theatres letting 16 year olds
into R-rated movies. What the hell is that? Stupid, useless crap-thats
what-just put Family Guy or Simpsons on-and keep that Futurama shit off my
damn tv!. So then around 0100, CNN gives Florida to Bush. All stations
follow and the election is over. Then ol good natured Gore calls Bush and
concedes-however, Gore looks at the internet results-which he invernted-and
he realizes there might be a way he can bullshit his way to a victory. So
he calls Bush back and starts telling Bush to not be mad-like he doesnt have
a right to-when Gore is basically saying-"I am a liar-I will not lose! I
never lose! I'm gonna beat you! So I take away my concession!." Needless
to say this pisses me off. Then around 0200 its turned over again to
undecided. At this time, the joke emails start to come in about Florida and
how it should be kicked out of the US-I am not amused. At this point I am
too angry to be amused or catch a wink of sleep. I talk to my dad-who is
also pissed off for about an hour-he has to go into the field at 0300-shit!
No one to talk to. At this point, PK and Mutant Fingers come into the room.
Good thing Bruce stays out or I'd have to strangle his liberal ass-and yes
I'd do that-trust me-Bruce and only Bruce-well maybe PK-yeah definitely PK.
As usual PK and Mutant Fingers shout out idiotic liberal statements-I am not
amused or in the mood to argue-fighting PK will come later. I watch tv
continuously until 0630 when i catch 2 hours of sleep. I keep up this tv
watching pattern for 2 days. Then I get sick of it. After about 2 weeks, I
start to find the patheticness of American amusing-yes I know that bad.
However, there is a ray of light. The public is turning against Al Gore.
Most people say he should concede. However, Al Gore is a whiney conceited
whore bag asshole who will never concede. So cases here, cases there. And
thats where we are now-we get to wait and watch all the decisions and
objections and shufflings of cases from one court level to the next.
Ultimately, as most people know and feel should happen, Gore will be sent
back to Tennessee (The state that hates him) crying. His political career
will be in shambles and he'll come up with some other bullshit invention to
get nominated for the senate or something. Bush will be president, but the
asshole democrats wont work with him at all. Atleast, he will put some
conservative judges on the Supreme Court-all in all it will work
out-especially for Al Gore-he's succeeded in making the world laugh at the
US. FUCK Al Gore! BUSH BUSH BUSH!
C'mon people! We can't let a Bush supporter stand up here thinking he's intelligent. I know someone else has an opinion. I'm obviously too lazy to write anything, so it's up to you.
Why the hells does Sharp get his own corner on your web page? I mean sure
the boy is opinionated, which is cool. But obviously he is a lazy fuck
because he is using you to voice his opinion rather than creating his own
damn corner on his own damn page. We all know he can make his own web page,
obviously because you linked it up and such. He's using you man. Lazy
Shiba Sharp.
-Eileen
12/5/00
BITCH BITCH BITCH
Bruce Carney
Bruce is a fool from New Jersey who lives in my hall. I don't really have a
big problem with him, he just fucking annoys me sometime-I'm sure I do the
same to some other people but only I have a column on this site so fuck
them. It especially pisses me off when Bruce comes in to watch football.
He continually makes assinine statements which are far from the truth and
downright idiotic. Here's one statement: "Air McNair-whats he doing!? He
doesnt run!-he's trying to be like Michael Vick!" What the hell is this?
Air McNair is one of the best runners in the NFL-and obviously-he's
attempting to mimic a college quarterback who has an injured ankle at the
time-Right Bruce! This is not a simple unusual incorrect statement. He
always bitches about football players and he attempts to make it sound like
he knows one thing about it-oh Bruce-you dont know jackshit-and thats the
truth. Oh here's the kicker-besides from acting knowledgeable, he acts as
if he really cares about college football. I guess this is why you realized
Kansas State had beaten Nebraska the day after it happened when I (I am
addicted to college football) watched it on TV-cause I care and knew this
fact a day befoe he did. I also guess this is why he said "What is this
shit with us going to the Gator Bowl?" at 2130 last night. I was like-
"yeah youre 6 hours late-you obviously dont care." If you had cared, he
wouldve turned on the damned channel 13 at 1530 like I did. What
bullshit-damn Bruce-get a damn hobby-cause college football obviously aint
it. Well only 1 semester of puttin up with is shit-Oh dont get me
wrong-he's nice and I dont hate him, he just annoys the hell out of me. I'm
quite sure I do the same to him.
Here's the point!
Fuck Bruce and his idiotic college football statements!
No comment. Keep em comin though Sharp, you're a goldmine!
12/5/00
BITCH BITCH BITCH
Fire Drills
Damn to hell all these fucking fire drills here-I would say the only damn
good thing about these is it forces some people to leave their dorm room.
For instance, Chris Demulders roommate is forced to halt his masterbating
for around 15 minutes while we are forced to vacate the bldg. This
obviously has no damn benefit on me. Too bad I don't like Eileen or she
doesnt like me, cause Pritchard and AJ have had so many damned fire drills
we could have sex every damn day to pass the time during them-oh well. This
is finals week and the fire drills have turned up-none today though-damn I;m
surprised. I finally figured out the trick though which I did yesterday-to
stop that ringing in your ears put duct tape over them and thenlay under
your pillows and a big blanket-works great! Oh and if you pull these damn
alarms fuck you and if I saw you, I'd have to beat the shit out of you-you
big whore!
Oh man, this is bad. Good thing it's 2:30 in the morning because otherwise I would bitch all day about all the goddamned fire drills we have. First of all let me say that Sharp you don't know a goddamned thing about fire drills unless you live in Lee Hall. Every fucking three days we have a goddamned fire drill. They make me even angrier than the goddamned redskins. Especially now that Winter is coming and it's about 2 fucking degrees outside. I can't even describe the rage I feel when it's 1:30 in the morning and I've just fallen asleep, only to be woken up by the most excruciating noise imaginable, and forced to stand outside in the deathly abyss that is a December night in Blacksburg. After the time outside, which generally ranges from ten to twenty-five minutes, I get to come back to bed, where I'm unable to fall asleep because I'm just stewing in my anger. I swear to god if I ever catch you pulling my fire alarm I'm gonna beat the living shiba out of your mouse. Be warned.
I think it's damn bitchy that people are stupid enough to pull the fucking
alarm when someone burns their popcorn. That has happened once or twice on
our floor let me tell you. Stupid fucks live on my floor. Fire drills are
damn pointless. It's as if we are incompetent about filing outside in an
orderly manner. During fire safety week there was a damn fire alarm every
fucking night at like 2 in the fucking morning. Then they complain about
the fucking attendance being low and how they'll hand out JR's if you are
still in your damn room. Whatever. Stop pulling the fucking alarms every
fucking night then! You all cannot complain as much as me because the
fucking alarm went off when I was in the damn shower. I didn't finish
conditioning my fucking hair, the bastards. Damn the institution!
Home
Shiba Sharp's Page .
Email: thomasdotcom@hotmail.com
