Veroni: Hey everyone! Ready to begin Act 2?

Misto: I’ve been doing some reading on this “Triumph of Love”...... Gosh you were being diplomatic about the critics.

Cori: The phrases, “..far from a Triumph” and “Jeffrey Stock’s ‘Triumph of Love’ lays an egg” come to mind.

Veroni: Where did you find those papers? I thought I’d burned them!

Misto: Hee, hee!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCENE 6

The curtain rises on Act 2 and we see Princess Lectronide preparing to leave the garden....

Lectra: Let’s see.... clothes, my favorite book “Screwing Up Romantically for Dummies”, and a-

Vicky: Where are you going?

Lectra: I’ve made such a mess of things! I have to leave before things become worse.

Vicky: Whaddya mean? Sure, you screwed up... but you gotta have a little faith!

Old D: Do I sense a song cue?

Vicky:
So you’re havin’ a bad day,

So you’re lower than low.

Things began in a bad way,

Hey believe me, I know!

But this drama you’re playin’ could be ended so easily!

All I’m saying is ‘Have a little faith in me!’

Old D: Did I call it, or what?

Alonzo: Shhhh... Your messing up the best part!

Lectra and the Servants:
Like a seven-ton anchor!

Like a fortress of stone!

Like your very own banker!

Like a guaranteed loan.....

Griz: Alright, enough!

Alonzo: Hey! Veroni will be the judge of that!

Veroni: It’s almost over, Griz.... I like this song too!

Alonzo: Have a little faith.....

Cori: Have a little faith.....

Vicky: Have a little.....

All: Have a little faith in me!

Lectra: Alright... Alright! I’ll trust you.

Griz: Famous last words...

SCENE 7

While the servants and the princess are kicking up their heels in a show tune extravaganza..... Deutemocrates and Grizione are together for an afternoon meditation... Only they are each solely concentrating on their love. To open up the conversation, Grizione has brought along her miniature topiary tree, (don’t ask me how that could open up the conversation but...).

Griz: Poor little thing,

Pinched in

Nowhere to go....

Old D: Caricature of a tree....

Alonzo: Yawn. Alright, I'm bored.

Griz: Well, Buzby Berkley you should have thought of that before you started singing.... It's OUR turn now!

To make a long story short, the two receive comfort in their long and hard to follow conversation... both deciding that it’s okay to marry their loves.... Elsewhere in the garden, Mistis is packing the last of his books and weapons when he is stopped by Corimas and Vicorine and suddenly.......

The Black-and-White Stranger: (--who looks *very* familiar--bursts in and motions for Vicorine)

Vicky: His grace, Le Baron Hubert du Viagra du Fromage-Bleu approaches in search of his sly and savory Cecile!

Cori: That was so bad, I can’t even think of a witty response!

Veroni: I’ll take that as a compliment!

Cori: But Viagra?

Veroni: Work with it....

Mistis: I cannot give her to you, you scoundrel.

Alonzo: (who you probably figured is the stranger!) Are you in love with her as I am?

Mistis: Well... Yes I am! And I’ll never give her to you!

Alonzo: Good. Then you must tell her.

Mistis: What?

Alonzo: (Takes off his disguise) You heard me!

Mistis: Alonzaquin?

The Servants: You must tell her that you love her!

Mistis: But I thought that he was.. I mean you are...

Griz: *That* was inventive....

SCENE 8

The princess now has a real problem. All of those she has deceived have come to propose.. Grizione, Deutemocrates, and finally Mistis. The princess laments her troubles and realizes exactly what she’s done in a song that we’ll skip....

Veroni: Isn’t anyone going to complain?

Lectra: Nah....

Veroni: Aaugh!!!!!!!!! The one time I’m prepared to be interrupted..... (hits her head on the keyboard repeatedly)

Lectra: (aside) See? You can get a really good response out of her without stinging insults or really bad jokes.

Cori: Wow. Teach me how to do that!

The servants enter and Lectronide, too caught up in her own problems, doesn’t thank them for their help. They lament as well over how henchmen are forgotten.....

Griz: Another obvious song cue....

Vicky, Alonzo and Cori: HENCHMEN ARE FORGOTTEN ONCE THE DIRTY WORK..... IS.. DONE!

Old D: Nice Harmony! You should start an act together!

Vicky: You know, he could be on to something....

Alonzo: Yeah. A few pieces of correspondence and....

SCENE 9

Meanwhile, all of Lectronide’s suitors have gathered their things together for the wedding and subsequent honeymoon. Everything is in the princess’ favor until....

Griz: I don’t know who you’re marrying, but my heart’s delight is Forcebion!

Old D: Hold on! I’m marrying him!

Griz and Misto: *Him*?

Old D: Well, what I meant was that....

Misto: Oh, don’t worry Uncle. Lots of people are coming out of the closet lately and we won’t love you any less...

Old D: WAIT! If you’d just listen. I’m not g--- like that! Forcebion is a she!

Misto: (stares at Grizione now) This is too weird for me! (realizes something) Hold on! I’m marrying her! Her name is... Cecile.

Griz: Forcebion.

Old D: Aspawsi.

The princess enters and they stare at her....

Lectra: Hi. I guess you figured out that something’s up huh?

Misto: To put it mildly.

Old D and Griz: Who are you?

Lectra: I am... Lectronide.

See what I’ll do for you,

Lectronide.

Give up my throne for you.

Give up my crown, give up my kingdom.

Everything. All of it everything for your love.....

Old D: Singing won’t save you now!

Misto: Wait. She’s shown us love... and that is worth something! She will be my queen!

Vicky: Hey princey! How ‘bout we come along with you?

Alonzo: Yeah! Vicorine, Corimas and I are gonna set up housekeeping together!

Lectra: Good. We need some hired help!

Misto: Let’s go! See 'ya later, Grizione and Deutemocrates!

Lectra, Misto, Vicky, Alonzo and Cori:
Then let the world be told,

How sweet it is to fall.

With heart and mind at last entwined!

WE TRIUMPHANTLY SPOOFED...... IT ALL!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lectra: What a fast ending!

Griz: HEY! What happened to that really cool encore solo-- “If I Cannot Love” that I was supposed to sing?

Veroni: Ehhhh.... Beats me-- Misto, you alright?

Misto: My head is still spinning, but I got the girl right?

Veroni: Yes. You don’t remember that?

Misto: I guess. It’s just I think my mind was trying to grasp what was going on in the plot at the time.

Lectra: So, I manipulated tons of people and still wound up getting the guy in the end? Cool!

Veroni: So, how many of you want take-out? (pops in the “Triumph of Love” CD and hums along as she dials up Speedy-Pita).

So........ is this the last spoof? (The obvious answer is “no”!) Will Speedy Pita *really* deliver in 30 minutes or less? Will that greasy take-out actually be edible this time? Will Grizabella get to sing her big solo that was conviently skipped? And does anyone really care? Stay tuned and remember the only place to find these really bad spoofs is in....... THE SPOOFLITE ZONE!!!!

Hark! I wish-eth to run-eth away-eth!