All: Even in our worst nightmares!

Electra was in Los Angeles--

Author: Note the punning--

Misto: Which still doesn't work with my name by the way . . .

Author: Darn!

--Ahem! Our Slayer was in L.A., trying to be *normal*. Waitress by day and by night too--

Demi: Waitressing?

Author: A popular job . . .

Tugger: We hear that most famous people were waiters--

Alonzo: Ah, the old routine--except our Electra isn't going anywhere . . .

Electra: Hey!

--and not going anywhere but down as she was stuck in Depression City. She still was haunted by the past because killing your boyfriend (and possibly the love of your life) is not something a girl could forget easily. Especially when it was clear that they still loved each other--

All: Love huuuurrrrtttss---love woooouuunnds and scaaarrrrs--

Author: Enough already!

Tugger; You were the one who wanted a musical parody of a TV show . . .

Author: I'm beginning to regret that already . . .

--and Electra was even having dreams about him.

Electra: Like I have nothing better to do with my time . . .

But as usual we can't just leave her like that--

Electra: Oh yes you can . . .

--so we've got to introduce in a cliched plot device. "Trouble always finds a Slayer", so naturally Electra's going to meet up with some baddies first.

Electra: Wonderful--I get to slay in a waitress uniform . . .

Author: You don't have to if you don't like the uniform . . .

To cut a long story short, there were evil, ugly demon guys kidnapping poor, homeless and familyless people to work in their sweatshop--

All: Producing designer footwear for famous brand names--

(And it was suppose to be some sort of a metaphor for losing your identity but we aren't going into that . . . ) Our heroine stumbles across this scam and winds up fighting a lot of baddies.

Demi: It's amazing--the odds are stacked against her but she's still going to win anyhow . . .

Author: Don't spoil the continuity . . .

Suddenly, there were some very bad special effects--

Author: We can't help it--even the bad special effects are still expensive . . .

And she was suddenly in an office with a Siamese queen in a suit.

All: Uh-oh, we've got a bad feeling about this . . .

"Hello, Electra."

"Whoareyou? WhatamIdoinghereandwhy?" Electra snapped.

"It's your depression problem, Miss Electra--I'm Dr Larissa Mau--"

All: Aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee! Run for it! It's Dr Mau!

"--and I'm your therapist."

All: Nooooooo! That's too cruel!

Author: She's our guest cast today--be nice . . .

"Wha?"

"You need therapy."

"No way!"

"Attitude problem--possibly unreceptive to any efforts to help--"

"What? Look lady--"

"You're obviously a troubled teenager. Destructive relationships, low self-esteem--"

Electra couldn't believe her ears--

All: And darn sharp ones they were too . . .

--her entire sad story was being taken apart by some shrink.

"--heavy denial, self-pity--the list goes on. You need help. You're too young to be going around that depressed and too old to be running away from your problems."

Horrified at being psychoanalyzed, Electra tried to find a way out. In the end, she had to appeal to The Powers That Be. "Oh Everlasting Cat! I'll go back! I'll go back to being a Slayer! Just get me out of here! Plllllleeeeeeeaaaasssseee!!!"

And then in a blaze of bad special effects, Electra was back in that place under L.A., fighting for life and freedom from the baddies.

"Whew--this is the easy part," she said and kicked some major tail before getting away and leaving the monsters far behind.

Electra: That was so . . .

Author: Inspired?

Electra: No . . . *stupid*. And definitely sadistic--you guys just like whipping out Dr Mau whenever you feel like it--

Author: Hey, just trying to lighten the mood . . .

Back in the little town of Junkyard, the Slayerettes were trying to do the Slayer's job for her. (*Trying* being the operative word here . . .)

"Darn--that was the third Pollicle that got away from us tonight!" Pouncival groaned. They had been staking out the graveyards (and the local GalaxyDollars) in the hope that some Pollicle might be weak/stupid/slow enough to be taken down by a bunch of inexperienced teens.

Jemima, Pounce, Vicky and Plato: Hey!

"Face it, when it comes to hunting Pollicles--we suck big time . . ."

"We need something to boost moral--what about a new motto?"

"What about: We're the Slayerettes. When in trouble, don't call us?"

Pounce might have had something clever to say back at Vicky but their little spat was interrupted by the appearance of big mean Pollicles looking for dinner.

"*This* is what we're good at--running away!" And they ran for it.

This might have been the end of our brave but not so skilled Slayerettes but a mysterious figure stepped out of the shadows and the Pollicles turned tail.

It was the Slayer.

Electra: Ooooh, look! I got a reputation!

"Some things never change--I go out of town for a while and when I get back--"

"Yeah, yeah we know--you have to keep saving our tails . . ." But they were so happy about her being back that they didn't mind being rescued in a cliched way again. Life might have gone back to normal, but for the appearance of a hyper, really perky girl who also hunted Pollicles . . .

Munku: Hey, which part of the plot is this--I'm getting confused . . .

Author: Er, you'll see . . .

The perky girl bounced up to meet them and grinned.

"Hi! I'm Etcetera--the *other* Pollicle Slayer! You must be Electra!"

"Oh no--not this dumb sub-plot again!"

"Aren't you happy to see me?? Looks like you need all the help you can get when you've gotta save the world as we know it every week!!!"

Etcetera: What's with the extra exclamation marks? I don't really sound that hyper, do I?

All: Errrr . . .

(Note for viewers who might be confused: Etcetera is the Slayer who can after Exotica who was the Slayer who came after Electra was certifiably dead for a few minutes before CPR.)

Electra: I sincerely doubt anyone who didn't watch the show can get that one . . .

And elsewhere, the real villain of the story chows down on a dinner of salmon paste. He was Bustopher Jones, mayor of the town of Junkyard.

Tugger: Waitwaitwait--Wait one cotton-pickin' second! Bustopher's the chief villain?

Author: Yeah--he's the mayor and head honcho for the conspiracy thingy in town.

Bomb: This might seem entirely uncharacteristic of me and totally pointless--but *why*?

Author: Errr . . . well, y'see, the Mayor's the type who looks like your favorite Uncle Harvey but is really a baddie . . .

"Ah, Gus--there you are. Care for some salmon paste?"

"No thank you sir," said Asparagus--the Mayor's nerdy aide.

Asparagus: Darn! I wasn't quiet enough!

"Just thought you'd like to know, sir--another Slayer's come to town," said Gus.

"Ah, pesky things, these Slayers--like fleas--

Electra and Etcetera: Fleas?!?

"--keep an eye on them--that's a good chap. I don't think they'll be any trouble . . . at least they'd better not be--I've got an Ascension to carry out . . ."

"Yes, sir."

The mayor got up and took out his giant spoon. "Jolly good then. Ah, nothing like a game of golf at the end of a long day . . . I need to improve my stroke too."

Bustopher: *sigh* I'm going to eternally remembered for playing invisible golf with a giant spoon . . .

Author: Look, the bad guy was a golf-playing demon with a thing for hygiene--and I was running out of cats to cast . . . so you were it . . .

We have to cut to another part of the plot so without further ado . . .

There was a big flash of light--and Misto comes tumbling out of some dimensional portal thingy and falls right into the old Pollicle hideout--

All: Owch, that's gotta hurt . . .

Misto: Oh no, I'm back here again . . .

Author: Y'know, you're right, this plot device doesn't work so well with the name "Misto" . . .

All: How long can this go on? Is the end within sight?