Veroni: Alright. I took a pin to Tugger's ego, so now we can resume.

Tugger: (rubbing his sore butt) It didn't have to be a real pin!

(Tugston is kicked out the door and Bomb slips out the backdoor to be alone with her thoughts for a few minutes. As you should know by now, when a character does that, it usually cues in a song, so without further adu..)

Bomb: He asked me to marry him! ME! The wife of that boar-ish, brainless....

(sings)

Madame Tugston! Can't you just see it!

Madame Tugston, his little wife! Ugh!

NO SIR! Not me! I guarantee it!

I want much more than this provintial life!

I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere!

I want it more than I can tell!

And for once, it might be grand

To have someone understand

I want so much more than they've got planned.

(Just then, the family horse returns- minus it's rider. Distraught, Bomb mounts it and it takes her to the gates of a fierce-looking castle. Upon entering, she begins searching for her father. Little does she know, however that she is being closely followed by a large, lurking figure...)

Bomb: Alright, V. This is getting creepy. Macavity is good at lurking as it is without encouraging him with a role that demands he do it in character!

Veroni: Macavity promised he'd behave.

Bomb: AND YOU BELIEVE HIM??!!

(After some more peering around dark corners and a few near misses with moving furniture, Bomb finds her father's cell. They have a heart-wrenching conversation--)

Pounce: And I reach for the Dramamine...

Veroni: Pounce, please!!!

(Just in time for the Beast to arrive and push her away.)

Mac: Who are you? What are you doing here?

Bomb: I'm here for my father! Please, you have to let me help him! He's sick! He may be dying... let him go, please!

Mac: NO! He is my prisoner!

Bomb: (hesitating for a moment, but finally plunges in) Take me instead.

Mac: YOU! (considers) You would take his place?

Gus: (from behind a "locked door") No Bomb! I won't let you do this!

Bomb: (ignoring him) If I did, would you let him go?

Mac: Yes, but..... but you would have to remain here.... forever.

(Bomb considers this for a long moment, and the techies prepare the lighting for the big, dramatic moment)

Bomb: Come into the light....

(The Beast steps foreward and Bomb cowers in fear)

Jenny: NO! HE'S TOO HIDEOUS TO LOOK UPON!!!!!

Mac: Oh, so very funny. I always look like this.

Jenny: My point has been made.

Gus: NO BOMB! I won't let you do this!

Bomb: (approaches the Beast and nods) You have my word.

Mac: DONE! (grabs Gus and drags him away before Bomb can say goodbye.)

Jem: All together now: Awww.... **sniff**

(Left alone, and now very bitter at her captor for not letting her say goodbye, Bomb sings....)

Bomb: Yes, I made the choice

For poppa I will stay

But I don't deserve to loose my freedom in this way

You monster!!

If you think that what you've done is right, well then

You're a fool! Think again......

Is this home? Is this where I should learn to be happy?

Never dreamed that a home could be dark and cold

I was told every day in my childhood

Even when we grow old...

Home will be where the heart is

Never were words so true

My heart's far, far away

Home is too....

Queens: WAH!!!!!! How sad...

Pounce: Oh, puh-lease.

Bomb: (throws an icy glare)

What I'd give to return to the life that I knew lately

But I know that I can't solve my problems going back

Is this home? Am I here for a day or forever?

Shut away from the world until who knows when?

OH BUT THEN! As my life has been altered once

It can change again!

Build higher walls around me!

Change every lock and key!

Nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me

My heart's far........ far away....... home.....

AND.... free-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e

(The Beast takes Bomb away to a separate room in the castle for her to stay in, upon the urging of Mistumiere, the living candleabre. As they leave, the kindly cook turned teapot, Mrs. Dots sings a reprise.)

Jenny: Cheer up child! It'll turn out all right in the end...

(sings)

I hope that we'll be friends, though I don't know you well

If anyone can make the most of living here, than Bomb

It's you!

And who knows? You may find home here too....

(We are instantly whisked away to the pub back in the village where Tugston is drowning his sorrows over failing to woo Bomb in his latest plot.)

Veroni: Uh-oh... forgot about this. More drinking.

Cats: YEAH!

Veroni: (groans) Here we go again... and just when they were doing so well at the AA meetings too...

Tugger: WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? That queen has tangled with the wrong tom!

Pounce: Darn right!

Tugger: No one says no to Tugston! Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly HUMILIATED! It's more than I can bear!

Pounce: More beer?

Tugger: What for? NOTHING HELPS! I'm disgraced!

Pounce: Who? YOU? Never! Tugston, you have to pull yourself together!

(sings, skipping ahead to the main melody)

No one's slick as Tugston! No one's quick as Tugston!

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Tugston!

For there's no tom in town half as tomly

Perfect! A pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on!

All: No one's been like Tugston!

A kingpin like Tugston!

Pounce: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Tugston!

Jenny: (off stage) DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM POUNCE!

Dem: This is a rotten combination...... ego pumped Tugger AND liquor...

All: (skip ahead to make things go faster and avoid a MAJOR Tugger ego trip)

No one fights like Tugston!

Douses lights like Tugston!

Pounce: In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Tugston!

Cet, Lec & Jemi: For there's no one as burly and BRAWNY!

Tugger: As you see, I've got biceps to spare!

Pounce: Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny!

Tugger: THAT'S RIGHT!

And every last inch of me's covered with fur!

Jenny: This is getting out of control!

Veroni: I'm afraid I agree.... alright, Tugger! THAT'S ENOUGH!

Tugger: Awwww....

Kittens: THAT'S NO FAIR! HE WAS DOING GREAT!

Veroni: TOO great..... TOO great...

All: MY WHAT A GUY---

TUGSTO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ON!

(As the song ends, Gusurice races in to gather a search party. He explains that a Beast has kidnapped Bomb and that he needs their help to get her back. He is laughed out of the tavern-- well, what did you expect?-- but he has given Tugston an idea as to how to marry Bomb. He will have her father locked up in the assylum unless she agrees to marry him. Thrilled with his incredible plot and now more pumped up on ego than ever before, he races off with Lefounce to set the plan in motion.)

Both: LET'S GO! (sing)

No one plots like Tugston!

Tugger: Takes cheap shots like Tugston!

Pounce: Plans to persecute harmless crack-pots like Tugston!

Tugger: Yes, I'm endlessly, wildly resourceful

Pounce: As down to the depths you descend

Tugger: I won't even be mildly remorseful

Pounce: Just as long as you get what you want in the end!

Tugger: Who has brains like Tugston?

Pounce: Entertains like Tugston?

Both: Who can make up these endless refrains like Tugston?

And his marriage we soon will be celebrating!

MY WHAT A GUY--

TUGSTO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ON!

(The motion shifts back to the castle now, where Bomb has refused the Beast's invitation to dinner, and he is currently in quite the fit of blind rage. The servants attempt to reason with him, but nothing seems to help as he locks himself away in his room instead. What scares them worse than his isolation is what he does next........ HE SINGS!!!!)

Munku: ACK! HORRORS!

Jenny: MAKE IT STOP!

Jemi: EEP!

Mac: Yes.... please STOP so I can sing!

(gets into character and sings)

How long must this go on?

This cruel trick of fate?

I simply made one careless, wrong decision!

And then that witch was gone and left me in this state!

An object of revulsion and derision!

HATED! Is there no one who can show me

How to win the world's forgiveness?

Jenny: Wow. I wish all the songs went that fast...

Veroni: No such luck.

(Later that night, Bomb sneaks down to the dinning room to see about getting something to eat. When she arrives, the objects are thrilled that she has decided to come out. Munksworth insists that they obey the master's wishes and not feed her, but the ever warm-hearted Misumiere and the others insist that they not only feed her, but prepare a grand feast for her.)

Cats: OH! Not this song...

Veroni: It's my absolute favorite, so WE'RE DOING IT!

Misto: (sings, rolling his eyes)

Be depressed, be depressed

Cuz Walt Disney is the best!

Now the biggest Broadway musical's

A cartoon from the west!

Children say it's a feast seeing Beauty and the Beast

Now what turns the Great White Way on

Is a drama drawn in crayon

Guys who sing, dolls who dance!

Mob auditions for the chance

To play dinnerware that seems to be possessed.

And Broadway, while you're fading,

We will be invading!

BE DEPRESSED! BE DEPRESSED! BE DEPRESSED!

Veroni: MISTO!

(No one is listening to her...)

Jenny: (sings full voiced)

What a trip, what a trap!

Dressing up inside this cra--

Veroni: JENNY!

Jenny: (continues) When I'm stuck inside a teapot,

Everybody gives me flap!

Veroni: ALRIGHT! I'M PUTTING THE BREAKS ON THIS RIGHT NOW!

Misto: People just don't appreciate good parody lyrics these days.....

(They finish singing and Bomb decides to poke around the mansion. Mistumiere and Munksworth take her on a walking tour of the castle, being careful to keep her away from the West Wing....)

Munku: Because that NBC drama is just TOO bizarre!

Veroni: Wrong West Wing.

Bomb: What's up there?

Munku: Oh! Nothing! Nothing at all of interest in the West Wing!

Bomb: Ah! So THAT'S the West Wing.

Misto: (glares at Munku) Nice job.

(They attempt to steer her away from the forbidden part of the castle, but once they are out of earshot, she doubles back and heads back to the West Wing. She eventually comes across the Beast's room and within she finds the enchanted mirror, the rose and a painting of a handsome young man. When her inquisitive paws get too close to the rose, however, the Beast appears and chases her out.)

Mac: Ah, yes. My big moment. **clears throat** GET OUT! GEEEEEEEET OOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

(She gets out of the room alright.... AND the entire castle. Once she has fled, the Beast realizes exactly what he's done and sings in agony and confusion as he catches sight of his hideous face in the mirror.)

Mac: (sings as tenderly as he can)

And in my twisted face

There's not the slightest trace

Of anything that even hints at kindness

And from my torchered shape

No comfort, no escape.

I see, but deep within is utter blindness

Hopeless, as my dream dies

As the time flies.

Love, a lost illusion

Helpless. Unforgiven.

Cold and driven to this sad conclusion

No beauty could move me

No goodness improve me

No power on earth, if I can't love her

No passion could reach me

No lesson could teach me

How I could have loved her and make her love me too

If I can't love her, then who?

Cats: **sniffle** Beautiful...

Dem: I never knew Mac could handle a beautiful soul bearing ballad...

Veroni: What about in "Rocky Tugger"?

Dem: That was different..... this song actually requires an actor to have some substance....

Veroni: I think I'm going to let that insult pass without a comment. (looks over at Pounce) Are you getting teary-eyed?

Pounce: (wipes his eyes quickly) I..... uh, no! No way! Just dust in my eye.

Veroni: I bet.

Mac: (continues, tears spilling from the corners of his eyes)

Long ago I should have seen

All the things I could have been

Careless and unthinking, I moved ONWARD!!!!!

(The music swells and the cats shivver)

NO PAIN COULD BE DEEPER!

NO LIFE COULD BE CHEAPER!

NO POINT ANYMORE IF I CAN'T LOVE HER!

NO SPIRIT COULD WIN ME!

NO HOPE LEFT WITHIN ME!

HOPE I COULD HAVE LOVED HER AND THAT SHE'D SET ME FREE!

BUT IT'S NOT TO BE

IF I CAN'T LOVE HER

LET THE WORLD BE DONE..... WI-I-I-I-I-I-ITH....... MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Cats: (give him a standing ovation) WHOO-HOO!

Veroni: Break time!

Mac: (grinning proudly, heads back to his dressing room with kittens following him close behind, enraptured.)