Veroni: Okee... More fic!

Tugger: What? So soon? I didn't have ANY time to heal.

Veroni: I had lunch and now it's time to continue.

Tugger: But what the heck happened to this two day minimum between fics?

Veroni: It's on vacation. Like I am. With all this free time, I can write and write and....

Griz: TADA! I... HAVE.... RETURNED!!!

Dem: Oh goodie.

Lec: Clear the way for Ethel Grizman.

Griz: AH! An actress after my own heart!

Misto: (smiles at Griz and turns to Veroni) You let her play Annie Oakley and I'll---

Veroni: What?

Misto: Have to run and hide FAR away from here.

(When we left off, things were getting interesting onboard ship. Munkly had been mistaken for Public Enemy #1 and was being treated like a king for bringing fame to the S.S. Jellican. As we rejoin the action, it is the evening and both Munky and Gusface are guests at the captain's table as the ship's crew seranades them.)

Skimble: Tonight there's going to be some fun.

Crew: Some fun-o! Some fun-o!

Skimble: For Public Enemy #1!

Crew: Public Enemy Number One-o!

Quaxo: Our gallant captain has told the staff

Crew: The staff-o! The staff-o!

Quaxo: It's time for killing the fatted calf,

As he's throwing a party on behalf

Of Public Enemy Number One.

Crew: PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE-O!

All: (sing ala Church Choir)

Public Enemy Number One

Thank thee for ev'rything thou hast done.

Blessings on thee, thou noble chap,

For putting this boat of ours on the map.

Thank thee heartilly, holy man,

For taking this liner American

For henchforth we'll be crowded on ev'ry run

Due to thee, Public Enemy Number One.

Amen.

(After dinner, the crowd is treated to one of Grizo's notorius and sensuous 'sermons'.)

Veroni: I LOVE THIS SONG!

Griz: I shall perform to your expectations dear director!

Munku: 'Dear' my ---

Veroni: Yes?

Munku: Never mind.

(A trumpet plays grandly in the background as Griz takes up her 'you must love me' pose.)

Griz: Brothers and sisters! We are HE-E-ERE tonight to FIGHT the devil! (trumpet blows) Do you hear that playing?

Cast: Yes I hear that playing!

Griz: DO YOU KNOW WHO'S PLAYIN'?

Cast: No, who is that playin'?

Griz: (jumps up on a table and revels in the cats' surprise that she can still move ANYWHERE fast)

Why it's GABRIEL! GABRIEL playin'!

GABRIEL! GABRIEL sayin'....

"Will you be ready to go when I blow my horn?"

Pounce: Even if he doesn't blow that thing, I'm ready to leave RIGHT now.

Griz: (throws Pounce a vicious look and continues)

OH! blow, Gabriel, blow!

Go and blow, Gabriel, blow!

I've been a sinner, I've been a scamp,

But now I'm willing to trim my lamp

So blow, Gabriel, blow!

I was low, Gabriel, low

Mighty low, Gabriel low!

But now since I have seen the light

I'm good by day and I'm good by night

So, blow, Gabriel, blow

Once I was headed for Hell

Once I was headed for Hell;

But when I got to Satan's door

I heard you blowin' on your horn once more

So I said: "Satan Farewell!"

And now I'm all ready to fly,

Yes to fly higher and higher!

'Cause I've gone through brimstone

And I've been through the fire

And I've purged my soul, and my heart too

So climb up the mountaintop and start to

BLOW, GABRIEL, BLOW!!!!

(The cats start dancing around the ship set, caught up in the music. The older cats do a jitterbug while the kittens and Pouncival do something like "Genie in a Bottle". Tugger rolls around after everyone in his new wheelchair...)

Tugger: This is so humiliating...

Griz: SO BLOW!!!!

Cats: BLOW!!!

Munku: HALLELUJAH!!!!

Griz: BLOW!!!

Cats: BLOW!!!!!

All: BLOOOOOOWWW!!!

Griz: BLO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OOOOW!!!!!

(Everyone gets caught up in the moment and begin lamenting their sins to Grizo and the assembled group. Lord Evelyn steps foreward and confesses a "romp in the rice" with a certain Little Plum Blossum when he was in China. Munkly then foolishly steps foreward and, in the spirit of the moment, confesses that he is not really Public Enemy #1. He is instantly thrown in the slammer for not being a notorius criminal---- wierd, no? A distraught Dope laments over what has just taken place, for it would kill her to loose him now that she has discovered that she DOES love him.)

Demeter: (sings)

Goodbye, little dream, goodbye,

You made my romance sublime, now it's time to fly

For the stars have fled from the heavens, the moon's deserted the hill

And the sultry breeze that sang in the trees is suddenly strangely still.

It's done, little dream, it's done,

So bid me a fond farewell, we both had our fun.

Was it Romeo or Juliet who said when about to die,

"Love is not all peaches and cream,"

Little dream.... goodbye....

Skimble: It must have been Romeo.

Veroni: How do YOU know?

Skimble: I would have remembered if our little parody-buddy Juliet had said that.

Veroni: NOT THAT JULIE--- Never mind.

(Meantime, in the brig, Gusface tries to cheer up Munkly with a little ditty he heard somewhere, but wouldn't ya know? He can't remember where...)

Lec: Not that surprised.

Cet: Gus would loose his head if it wasn't attached to his neck.

Gus: (probably didn't hear the kittens, for he just continues) You know your problem, Munkly? You ain't got no philosophy! It's like... someone told me once.... "Remember, it's always darkest right before they turn on the lights."

(sings)

There's an old Australian bush song

That Melba used to sing,

A song that always cheered me when I was blue.

Even Melba said this bush song was a hell----

Jelly: GUS!! The kittens!!

Gus: Whoopsie! heh heh. How did that ever get in there?

(gets back into character)

So be QUIET while I render it for you.

When your instinct tells you that disaster

Is approaching you faster and faster

Then be like the bluebird and sing,

"Tweet, tweet, tra-la, tra-la, tra-la."

Cats: (stifle laughs, but fail and start roaring with laughter)

Tugger: That's *HAH* quite the song there, *snort* Gus.

Gus: I wouldn't talk, sit 'n spin.

Veroni: Oooo, vicious. Go Gus!

(Gusface turns to face (l love my puns!!) Munkly, who is unmoved, for he's a wee bit too busy brooding over his stupidity. Actually, he is unmoved UNTIL a note arrives for him from Dope. He is heartened by her words and knows things will work out somehow or other.)

Pounce: Wow. Such faith! Even though he's been apprehended and chained in a cell with a birdbrained tom, he still presses onward!

Veroni: Shhh! Realists spoil the fun of 'insurmountable' odds being overcome.

Jem: Whoa.

Veroni: See? Jem agrees with me!

Jem: Huh? No, I was just thinking--- Those are big words you used there.

Veroni: AURGH!

Munku: (starts singing as the lights dim)

All through the night I delight in your love

All through the night you're so close to me

All through the night from a height far above

You and your love bring me ecstasy.

When dawn comes to waken me, you're never there at all

I know you've forsaken me

Til' the shadows fall,

But then once again, I can dream I've the right

To be close to you all through the night.

Dem: (standing in the middle of a haze of stage fog---- he's dreaming of her singing to him)

All through the night I delight in your love.

All through the night you're so... *COUGH!*

Veroni: STAGE CREW!! Tone down the fog! Dem's vanished out here!

Dem: I'm blind! Blind! (starts stumbling around in the haze) Wait! I found a scooter or something. I'll roll out on it.

(Demeter rolls out on Tugger's empty wheelchair)

Veroni: Uh, Dem? Where's the Tug?

(a low moan is heard from somewhere in the haze)

Dem: Whoops! I thought it was just a large furry mat on the seat.

Tugger: I REALLY hate tap dancing!!

(Up on deck, Lord Evelyn is composing a poem for his intended. When Grizo appears, he confesses to her that he has fallen for HER, but that his family would never approve. They KEEP their promises. Grizo questions how his "romp in the rice" would sit with his family, and he confesses a deep, dark secret to her....)

Veroni: GUYS? Misto can't sing if it's still foggy out here!

(Backstage Cats wheel out an industrial fan and flick it on high. The fog blows away, along with half the cast and part of the set. Misto tries to start singing despite these 'distractions'.)

Misto: I've never told this to anyone before Ms. Sweeney. It's the Mistoakleigh family secret. There's something dark and savage in our blood. In mine especially! You see...

(sings)

Long, long ago

So long ago

I hardly know when

My great-great-grandmother

Stepped out with a gypsy.

Of course you will say she was

A little bit tipsy.

But tipsy, no, no.

Of their love, there wasn't a doubt.

So I can't wait to get the stage all set

So I can let the gypsy in me ou--- YIKES!

(Gets to this line and jumps into Grizabella's arms as the still active industrial fan blows the wheelchair bound Tugger by and into the backdrop.)

Misto: That's it. I'm done now.

Veroni: But you haven't even start--- (a backstage cat blows by) I see your point. Let's move on here. Where's Cetera? Her song's next.

(The next morning at the wedding, a bunch of sailors surround Erma, emploring her: "If there's going to be one wedding, why not two?". She asks if they've considered what married life with her would be like.)

Veroni: Cet? CET! Psst... That's your cue!

Cet: Sorry, sorry... (gets into character) Come on fellas! Gettin' married's for the birds!

(sings)

Buddie, beware,

Buddie. better take care

Though at heart I'm a pearl

I'm a difficult girl

So, buddie, beware!

When I go to a show

I prefer the first row

When invited to dine

I can't eat without wine.

So, buddie, beware.

During Christmas holidays

I develop taking ways

And I'm not at all anti

Pretty things Santy

Brings from Cartier's

Your devotion I prize

But you must realize, my boys,

Other girls' luxeries

Are my necessities

So, buddie, beware!

Lec: Tugger'll never want you now, gal. You're too high maintainance.

Cet; What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Veroni: (holding a stopwatch) Well, that was close, but not quite the record for longest sustained 'no'.

Cet: Drat.

(The big moment arrives at long last and all are assembled. Even Gusface and Munkly are there-- albeit in something different than normal clothing. They are dressed as Chinese, and interrupt the cerimony to bring "Little Plum Blossom" to Lord Evelyn, (who is really Grizo in disguise) so that he can marry her and make her an honest woman. The marriage is off between Dope and Evelyn. In a triply happy ending, Dope marries Munkly, Grizo marries Evelyn, and Jellangine marries Mr. Whitney.)

Munku: Alright Captain! Let's get on with it. You've got some weddings to perform here!

Griz: Come on Cap! I've waited all my life to be a lady!

Macavity: (appears in a minister's robes) I'm comin', I'm comin'. Sheesh!

Munku: MACAVITY'S THE CAPTAIN?

Veroni: Actually, he was originally going to be just the minister, but then I realized that the two characters were played by the same guy. So... here he is.

Cet: Well. (inches away from him) Isn't that... surprising?

Dem: I AIN'T GETTIN' HITCHED BY HIM!!!!

Mac: Please. I can do this.

Alonzo: Without hurting anyone?

Mac: Pfft! Give me a little credit! If anything, I'VE been the victims of these parodies... What do YOU have to worry about?

Alonzo: You.

Veroni: OKAY BOYS! Back to the show please?

Griz: (to Evelyn) I get no kick from champagne

Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all

So tell me why should it be true

Both: That I get a kick out of you?

Munku: (to Dope)

Some get a kick from cocaine

I'm sure that if I took even one sniff

That would bore me terrifically too

Dem & Munku: Yet I get a kick out of you

All: (join in, waltzing around the stage)

I get a kick every time I see

You standing there before me.

Sailors: (to Cetera)

I get a kick though it's clear to me

You obviously don't adore me

All: (face front, in a 'this is the end of the show and we're really thrilled 'bout it' look on their faces)

I get no kick in a plane

Flying too high with some guy in the sky

Is my idea of nothing to do

Yet I get a kick... OUT... OF.... YOU-OU-OU-OU!!!

(Tugger starts to wheel himself off the stage, when the music strikes up once more, Bombalurina grabs him and rolls him back onto the stage)

Bomb: We're not done yet!!!

Tugger: Huh? What more?

Bomb: (clicks her tap shoes) ENCORE!!

Tugger: Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! SAVE ME!! (wheels off the stage so fast that he doesn't see where he's going, and we hear a crash come from off in the wings where he left.)

(Cats shrug and start to sing and tap again)

All: The world has gone mad today

And good's bad today

And black's white today

And day's night today

When most toms today

That queens prize today

Are just silly gigalos

And though I'm not a great romancer

I know that I'm bound to answer

When you propose

Anything Meows!

(the sign that reads "Anything Meows" is raised on a pulley, along with the Tugger who thought he'd tied his chair to something sturdy so that he WOULDN'T go anywhere.... oops!)

ANYTHING... MEOWS!!!

Tugger: (sighs as he swings about on the rope) I really hate tap dancing....