Steffi |
WHO WANTS TO BE A DOLLERNAIRE??
Before You Proceed: If you have a low tolerance level, heed my forewarning. My sense of humour often knows no boundaries; it can be downright hilarious [A/N: maybe wishful thinking] , embarrassingly pathetic, repulsively insensitive, or all of the above. >>>>>
Regis: Hi, Regis Philbin here and thanks for watching ABC's “Who WWAANNTTSS To Be A Dollarnaire.”
We have flown 10 contestants from all over the country. They are: Nick Carter Orl, FLA; Howard Dorough Orl, FLA; Brian Littrell Orl, FLA; AJ McLean Orl, FLA; Kevin Richardson Orl, FLA; Lancecine Bass Orl, FLA; JCine Chasez Orl, FLA; Josephine Fat-One; Christine Kirkpatrick Orl, FLA and Justine Timberass Orl, FLA. Ok, let’s begin to play “Who WWAANNTTSS To Be A Dollarnaire.” In a moment, I’ll read the names of 4 extremely ugly breeds of dogs. The first person to correctly put the names in order, starting with the ugliest, will win. Are you ready? Let’s play “Who WWAANNTTSS To Be A Dollarnaire.” Here are the names of the breeds: JCine Chasez, Josephine Fat-One, Christine Fitzpatrick and Justine Timberass.
{confused expressions wash over contestants’ faces}
{Nick Carter puts up his hand}
Regis: Nick, we’re not in school.
Nick: Oh sorry. But there are so many possible, you know, combinations, you know…
Regis: I know Nick, it’s a hard question. But if we didn’t make it hard, everyone would be a dollarnaire, you see. Okay, time’s up! Let’s see who put the names in the right order in the fastest time. It’s, drum roll please. NICK CARTER!
Nick: {jumps up, does a victory dance and starts crying}
I did it, I won a dollar! I’m a dollarnaire! I want to thank BJ, Mandy, Aaron, my mom, my record label Jive, Sears, Polaroid, my pugs…
Regis: {clears throat}
Um…Nick, you haven’t won the dollar yet. You still have to answer 15 questions.
Nick: Oh okay, bring it on Regis. Peace out.
Regis: Well, come on down Nick Carter! Let’s play “Who WWANNTTSS To Be A Dollarnaire.” Firstly, tell me a bit about yourself.
Nick: I’m a singer in the vocal harmony group called, you know, the Backstreet Boys. Being on the road is tough, especially the loneliness.
Regis: What will you do if you win the dollar?
Nick: I don’t know. There’s just so many things I could do with a dollar…Chocolate bar, pencil, eraser…But it’ll be the greatest accomplishment in my life! I mean, you know, MTV Awards, Billboards, even Grammys, they aren’t nearly as special, you know, as winning the dollar from “Who Wants To Be A Dollarnaire!”
Regis: Ok, let’s begin to play “Who WWANNTTSS To Be A Dollarnaire.” For 0.01 of a cent, here’s the question. When you sing, the sounds come out of:
A) your hand
B) your butt
C) your feet
D) your mouth
Nick: Hm…Regis, good thing, you know, I’m a singer, or I probably wouldn’t know this one. Even though butt kinda got me a little misconstrued, I’m gonna go with D) your mouth.
Regis: Are you sure, is that your final answer?
Nick: {looking confused} Um…
Regis: You do have your 3 life lines: 50-50, phone a friend or poll the audience.
Nick: Can I use the, you know, 50-50?
Regis: Ok, computer, please take away two of the wrong answers, leaving the contestant with one correct answer and one incorrect answer. Nick, you’re left with choice B) your butt or choice D) your mouth.
Nick: Oh man…I’m a singer, I know this, just, you know, let me think. Naw, I’m sticking with D) your mouth. I’ve got a friend named D so I’m pretty, you know, sure of the answer. Hey Howie D!
Regis: Alright…{after a 5 minute pause} You’re right, you’ve won 0.01 of a cent!
Nick: Aww yeah!
Regis: Okay, for 0.02 of a cent, here’s the question. Complete the following sentence with the correct word:
I (blank) in Florida.
A) pen
B) millennium
C) resign
D) reside
Nick: Hey, that sentence sounds, you know, familiar. Let me think, where have I heard it before…
{flashback to when Nick was 17}
Hi I’m Nick and I resign, oops, ? in Florida.
Dang! What was the word? Hm…D’s my friend, I’ll go with D.
{back to “Who Wants To Be A Dollarnaire”}
I’ll go with D) reside.
Regis: Is that your final, final answer?
Nick: Man, I don’t know! How come winning a dollar is, you know, so hard in this game?
Regis: Sorry, if the show was easy, everyone would be a dollarnaire. You can use a life line.
Nick: Ok, poll the audience.
Regis: Audience members, please punch in the letter you believe to be the correct answer. Ready, vote. Alright, the votes have been tabulated, and they are 100 % in favor of answer D) reside.
Nick: Right, how could I be so stupid? D’s my friend, I’ll go with D.
Regis: Is that your final, final, final answer?
Nick: Yeah man.
Regis: You’re right, you’ve won 0.02 of a cent. Now for the 0.05 of a cent question. What is an un-plugged concert performance?
A) the singers no longer have colds
B) the singers lip-sync
C) the plumber fixed the problem in the toilet
D) nothing except the microphones are plugged in
Nick: Oh man…I wish I had listened to Kevin a little more carefully.
{flashback to “A Night Out With The Backstreet Boys”}
What did Kevin say again? “The microphones use el-ect-ri-city. We’re gonna be on te-le-vi-sion. An unplugged performance is when the ? are unplugged.
Oh man, not again, what was unplugged again?
{back to “Who Wants To Be A Dollarnaire”}
I’ll go with D, cuz he’s my friend.
Regis: Is that your final, final…
Nick: Yo, knock it off. It screws up my concentration.
Regis: You’re right! Now for the 0.1 of a cent question. You get this one right, you’re guaranteed at least 0.1 of a cent! The question is as follows: Why was Ben Stiller kicked out of the Backstreet Boys?
A) It’s not that he got kicked out really, he likes to think he kicked them out of his band, but they retained the name.
B) You have to have tight abs to be in the BSB. Ben decided to get some liposuction and he was never the same again.
C) His dancing sucked and he threw everybody off.
D) All of the above.
Nick: Ben Stiller was the sixth member? Hm…Do I have any of those life-line thingies left?
Regis: You have the phone a friend line.
Nick: Ok, I’ll use it. I wanna call Ben Stiller.
Regis: Alright, our friends at AT&T are calling Ben Stiller. Ben, are you there?
Ben: Yeah, it’s 4 am in the morning, what do you want?
Regis: I’m Regis Philbin of “Who WWAANNTTSS To Be A Dollarnaire.” We have your friend Nick here, on the verge of winning 0.1 of a cent.
Ben: Nick who? You called me because of 0.1 of a cent?
Regis: Nick has 30 seconds to talk to you.
Nick: Hey Ben, wassup? It’s me Nick. Here’s the question: Why did you get kicked out of the Backstreet Boys: A) you weren’t kicked out, you actually threw us out, but we kept the name B) bad liposuction that you never healed from C) your dancing sucked or D) all of the above.
Ben: Nick you bleeeep, bleeep…It was only a bleeping bleep bleep bleep joke. You wake me up at bleeping bleep bleep in the morning to ask me a bleeping question. The bleeping bleeping bleeping bleeping bleeeeeep…
{Ben gets cut off because he used up his 30 seconds cussing}
Nick: What happened to Ben man? What happened to him?
Regis: You ran out of time, you’re gonna have to count on yourself for this one.
Nick: D’s never let me down, have you Howie? I’ll go with D. Yes, its my, you know, final answer.
Regis: You’re right. Now, onto the 0.2 of a cent question. How often will the Backstreet Boys visit western Canada in the next 1000 years:
A) once
B) twice
C) never
D) always.
Nick: Since D has brought me such good luck, you know, I should pick it.
Regis: Final answer?
Nick: Is my name Nick? Of course, you know, its my final answer. I’m 100 % positive.
Regis: I’m sorry, the answer is C) never. But you still walk away with 0.1 of a cent.
Nick: I guess the idea of me being a dollarnaire got misconstrued.
Regis: Well thanks for watching and tune in to “Who WWAANNTTSS To Be A Dollarnaire” next time.
FANFICTION.NET REVIEWS
-
c-melissa-egan 2002-08-20:
it wasnt bad at all, im still crakin' but 1 question; do u get out often?
lol
- Abigail 2002-08-19:
You got me laughing all the time! It's sooo funny! Specialy the Ben Stiller part!
- qwert 2002-08-19:
wow. just wow.
Copyright 2001
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Steffi |
