Something that is pulled or clicked;
Puts me back in the jungle thick;
Somethings that go on in my ears.
Don't know why, after all these years.
Saw and experienced so much in the war...
At times I'm triggered and back there once more.
I hide away to be alone, by myself,
For I trust no one to see what's on my shelf.
Hearing a chopper coming for miles
At that very moment I'm back there ... And with no smiles.
All the feelings within begin to rise with an adrenalin rush -
It's then that I'm back there, deep in the brush.
"One day soon it will be over", I keep telling myself,
But: Deep down inside I know it's still on the shelf.
One trigger sets it in motion ... Then all the commotion
The taste and smell of death, you see
Are a big part of me - and will probably always be.
All caught up in this P.T.S.D. that's a part of me,
It's all so devastating to m friends and family.
I hang on to hope with all the strength I can muster -
Hoping that it won't come back to me one day in clusters.
I would be lying,
If I told you I don't think of dying;
But: Giving up is not the way - my family has seen enough.
This helps me to "suck it up" and go on with life ...
Hoping one day it will be better than it has in the past -
Disarming the trigger and hoping to have some class.
I want out of this isolation, you see -
Gets old hiding inside, out of the sun and away from people,
Lord, please take all these triggers that be ...
And: Make them no more a part of me.
Continuing to see my Doc and go for treatment.
To all that served, especially the 173rd Airborne,
Lets keep helping one another, hand in hand.
Hopefully one day, we will all understand.
God be with us all,
And: Never forget those on the Wall ~
And: Keep up the hope for our POW's and MIA's
That's the American Way ... Please have a good day!
© January 15, 1998 by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68
Being a Vietnam Vet in 67 - 68
They assigned me to the 173rd Airborne Brigade.
Being 18 years old and not long out of the nest `
Later found out I was serving among the best.
Being at home, feeling the comfort and trust,
But: Soon I was alone in the thick jungle bush ...
Around people I knew nothing about;
And: Listened, and wondered, as brothers began to shout ~
Bitching and raising hell about the hump, and all.
After a firefight or two, that's when I knew ~
I had to put some trust in these guys I barely knew.
Once proving myself to a few,
That's when the trust began to emerge;
Because: A life was always close to a purge.
The bonding and trust that was earned,
Was many times returned.
The friends that I got to know ... Grew too close ...
Then losing one was when I felt, "This is too gross".
I began to distance myself, not wanting to know
Any one else ... But: Then again came the trust
That bound us together, as was a must.
To survive the war and its' bloody battles,
Had to, once again, get and use the trust.
To the Brothers of the 173rd :::::::::::>
Be it heard - We will ALWAYS be the "HERD"
Trusting and caring; And: Also sharing -
Brothers to the end, always trusting.
People back here were truly disgusting.
Never will they understand what it was all about ...
But: We, the HERD, can shout all of it out.
For we know what trust is all about.
"173RD AIRBORNE ALL THE WAY!" ~
Was, and is, the American Way.
For our Brothers who were lost,
They paid the price for our trust at such an awful cost.
In closing, if I may ...
The fallen Brothers will always stand tall
In my shadows of trust and friendships ~
For in all ways, the HERD paid the way ...
And: From this day on, it will remain the way - to stay.
© December 1997, by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68
THE BIG VOID
VIETNAM 67 THROUGH 68
SOON FULL OF HATE.
ANGRY AT WHAT I WAS IN
AND WHAT WAS HAPPENING!
AS THE DAYS WENT BY
SEEMED LIKE AN ETERNITY AT TIMES.
NEW PEOPLE ... SOUNDS OF WAR, AND OF THE JUNGLE
SILENCE AT TIMES MADE ME VERY ALERT
THEN LIKE OUT OF NOWHERE
THE SOUNDS OF RIFLE FIRE BREAK THE SILENCE!
ALL TAKING POSITIONS AND RETURNING FIRE!
AFTER A PERIOD OF TIME, IT'S OVER ~
THEN YOU SEE WHAT DEATH AND WOUNDED CAN BE!
SOMETHING CHANGED INSIDE ME ...
WHAT, I MAY NEVER KNOW;
BUT: AS I SIT AND PONDER HERE NOW,
I FEEL A LARGE HOLE INSIDE OF ME.
I REFUSE TO FEEL AND DENY THE REAL
LIKE A VOID THAT NOBODY BUT THOSE THAT BEEN
CAN BE AWARE OF AND UNDERSTAND.
AT TIMES IT CONSUMES ME TO NO END!
JUST ANOTHER NAM THANG WE GET FOR DOING
WHAT WE WERE CALLED UPON TO DO, "FAIR"?
NO, I THINK NOT ~
AND: I TRY AND FILL MY VOID WITH GOD
AND FRIENDS BETRAY ME. GOD IS WITH ME;
BUT: i SEEM TO NOT BE ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF.
A P.T.S.D. THANG, AND AM GLAD FOR MY MEDICATIONS,
ONE DAY I WILL UNDERSTAND MY PURPOSE;
AND: KNOW WHY MY LIFE HAS HAD TOO MOVE AS IT HAS.
EVEN THOUGH I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
THE VOID LIKE AN ENDLESS STREAM
FLOWS THROUGH MY VEINS CONSTANTLY
MAY I FIND MY PEACE IN SOME WAY
THAT THIS VOID WILL GO AWAY?
SO HARD HEARTED AND SELFISH IT SEEMS.
I DO THOUGH, FIND HOPE WITHIN MY DREAMS.
WILL KEEP DRIVING ON.
© DECEMBER 2, 1998, by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68
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