[Station credits.] COX 11 VO: You're watching Cox Cable Channel eleven... The following program contains graphic violence and language. Parental discretion is advised. [Opening credits.] Wood Enterprises, Ltd. presents: Dark Horse Wrestling's HAPPY HOUR!!! [The Metallica guitar riff that opens up their cover of "Breadfan" blares as the DHW logo appears on the screen.] [West and Joanna emerge from the DHW arena entranceway through their plume of ground-level smoke. L. B. Smoothe performs a Thesz press off the top-rope. Dark Sky kicks the hell out of "Shotglass" Jon Lerner. Dr. Jest gets thrown off the top of a ladder, through a table on the outside of the ring.] ["Grizzly" Jon Kennig gorilla presses and tosses Delgado out of the ring, over the guard-rail, and into the crowd. Ringside announcers, Ray Allen Steele and Alex Tracer, duck out of the way as Wasteland is flung through the announce table.] #Breadfan# #Open up your mind# #Open up your purse# #Open up your bones# #Never, never gonna lose it# ["Shotglass" Jon Lerner is drilled with a spiked powerbomb from the Chicken-Head Crew. The Green Archer hits a corkscrew plancha onto Icepick.] #Breadfan# #Take it all away# #Never give an inch# #Gotta make a mint# #Gotta make me a million# [Dark Sky gets backdropped out of the ring, crashing upside down and backfirst against the guardrail, falling to the ground on his head. Bootsy connects with a running powerbomb on an unidentifiable opponent. A unique image of Fixxxer and West dancing along with some scantily-clad dancers in an obviously choreographed dance routine.] #Breadfan# #You got it wrong# #Some long time friend's gonna lose it# #In the end who's a fool# [King Cujo executing a picture-perfect top-rope elbow drop, followed by Fixxxer hooking on his patented Cross submission on his opponent.] #Seagull# #Give it all away# #Stay a bird# #Stay a man# #Stay a ghost# #Stay what you wanna be# [Cold Dawn executes Tradition: Destruction on a poor under-carder. The Chicken-Head Crew posing inside the ring over the defeated, and unconscious, opponents. The last image is of a bloodied Fixxxer standing atop his '67 red Chevy pickup truck, INSIDE the small Virginia Beach Civic Center, finishing as "Breadfan" fades out and the DHW Armored Core logo appears on the screen.] [When the logo disappears, it is replaced with the shot of the show's host, "Shotglass" Jon Lerner, a semi-retired wrestler who looks sort of like Paul Newman wearing one of those "tuxedo T-shirts" and a bartender's apron. He's standing behind the bar on a set that looks like the kind of place that "Cheers" could have been in. Soul Coughing's "Super Bon Bon" plays softly in the background.] SJL: Good evenin', folks, and welcome to Dark Horse Wrestling's HAPPY HOUR! I'm your host, "Shotglass" Jon Lerner. Good thing you decided to stay up tonight, because we've got a helluva show lined up for ya. [The camera pans to the ceiling mounted television.] SJL: Tonight, our first match pits two of DHW's more up-and-coming brawlers: the CHC's very own Devron St. Cross faces former XWF Brass Knuckles champion, 3M! These two savage men have wreaked havoc all over the world. Now, they're making war inside the Civic Center in Virginia Beach. Let's go ringside... [The show cuts to the Civic Center.] Match #1 "The Vermin" Devron St. Cross versus 3M Referee: Dan Sterling Written by: DHW President Style: ABS Theme: "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit MP: Ladies and gentlemen, about to make his way to the ring, hailing from London, England, the greatest English export ever... 3M!!!! [The arena is plunged into darkness between the flashed of white strobe lights, suddenly the 3M's theme tune, "Twisted Soul" bangs out of the PA. 3M pulls back the curtain and is walking down the aisle with no emotion on his face what so ever. He lifts the mircophone to speak] 3M: How are you Virginia? [Crowd cheer at hearing their state's name] 3M: Everyone has got to start somewhere and today I start here in Virignia... [Crowd cheer again for their states name] 3M: Well I suppose we all gotta start somewhere right? Just why the hell do I have to start here? I mean doesn't the constant smell of crap and B. O. bother you people? [Crowd start to hostile towards 3M] [3M steps through the ropes and is now sat on one of the top turnbuckles] 3M: So after a while you learn to live with the smell but doesn't it bother you that the cockroaches have better paying jobs then you people! [One of the crowd at ringside bellows some gibberish that 3M] 3M: I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I don't speak redneck. Anyway I'm going to give you a break tonight as I'm going to try and teach you what good sports entertainment is about so you have an alternative to pig wrestling! So come on out Devron St. Cross and prepare to get taught a lesson in front of all these married cousins. [3M throws the mike down to a stage hand and motions towards the ring entrance for St. Cross to come out.] MP: And now, introducing to you- standing six-foot-four, weighing in at two-hundred-and-thirty-five pounds, from Ocean City, Cuba, here is... "The Vermin" Devron St. Cross! ["The Vermin" Devron St. Cross hops out of the crowd, sans music, sans pyro, sans intricate jumbotron video. Good-size heel pop. With him, as always, is a singapore cane in one hand, and a cooler filled with plastic bottles of Faygo.] [St. Cross enters the ring by rolling in under the ropes. He sets the cooler down in the corner, taking out one of the bottles. St. Cross shakes the plastic bottle up, and pops it into the crowd, to an enormous "Boo!" in unison. St. Cross half-smiles, and flips off the crowd.] AT: That's just great, two conceited assholes are about to face each other... I hope they both kill each other. RAS: YEAH! DEATH!!! AT: God, you're sadistic. RAS: I'm not into that "S&M" stuff. AT: Not sa- Ah, fuck it. Nevermind. Dan Sterling signals for the opening bell. *DING* *DING* *DING* [St. Cross, cane in hand, charges at 3M and- CLACK!!!] AT: DAMN!!! [-takes down 3M with a vicious cane-shot to the head.] RAS: Vermin with the quick cover... [Dan Sterling hits the mat.] ONE! TWO! THR- AT: Kickout! RAS: [Snidely.] This is going to be an interesting match-up. AT: I don't know how long it's going to last! [St. Cross, tossing the cane aside, goes over to his corner. He tosses the cane to the mat, and as 3M makes it back to his feet, charges.] RAS: The Vermin bull-rushes Triple M and- [3M sidesteps the charging Vermin and SLAMS face first into the turnbuckles.] AT and RAS: OL-E!!! [3M spins around and grabs St. Cross.] AT: 3M immediately takes advantage and plants St. Cross with a backdrop! RAS: Not bad. Triple-M hops onto the second turnbuckle and delivers an elbowdrop across Vermin's throat! AT: Cover by 3M! [Dan Sterling hits the mat.] ONE! TWO! THR- AT: Kickout! 3M taking it to Vermin early off in this contest. RAS: I just want DEATH! I want to see blood, guts, and razor blades!!! [Both men get back to their feet.] AT: I thought you weren't into that?! RAS: No, I said I wasn't into that Sado-masochistic crap! I just like WATCHING! AT: OH! So you're a "voyeur?" [3M kicks St. Cross in the gut, and hits a sit-down gut-wrench powerbomb.] AT: Doctor bomb! [3M holds on for a pin attempt. Dan Sterling hits the mat.] ONE! TWO! AT: Kickout! RAS: What the hell is a "Doctor bomb???" AT: It's a damn gut-wrench powerbomb. idiot. It's "Doctor Death" Steve Williams' signature move. RAS: Who? AT: He's a really big guy who could kill you. RAS: Never heard of 'im! Whoever he is, he ain't big enough! [3M climbs to the top turnbuckle.] AT: Triple-M up on top for a high-risk maneuver. What's he gonna try here? RAS: Maybe he'll take a swan dive into the concrete. [St. Cross groggily staggers to his feet, Singapore cane in hand. He staggers around a bit, turns around, and- CLACK!!! Smacks 3M over the head with the cane, who takes a dive to the outside and- CRASH!!!] Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! [Ends up on the inside of the timekeeper's table!] RAS: DAMN! I was pretty close! AT: Any closer and 3M would have KILLED the timekeeper! RAS: He should die! The bastard owes me money! [St. Cross works quickly, rolling to the outside. He immediately grabs a empty steel chair, having forcibly vacated ring announcer Mike Piston from it.] AT: [Sarcastically.] I wonder what he's gonna do with that. RAS: [Just as sarcastically.] I bet he's gonna hit someone with it. [St. Cross tosses the chair into the ring, and also rolls 3M into the ring.] AT: The Vermin rolls 3M into the ring. RAS: I was wondering, what exactly does "3M" mean? AT: Why don't you ask him? RAS: Why don't YOU kiss my ass? [3M staggers to his feet. Hopping in the ring, St. Cross grabs the cane and proceeds to cane the crap out of 3M. Head. Arm. Nothing is safe.] Head shot: CLACK!!!] AT: Hey, now! I was just- [Back: CLACK!!!] AT: -making a suggestion. [Back again: CLACK!!!] RAS: Well, I don't need- [Head: CLACK!!!] RAS: -your coddling! [Back: CLACK!!!] AT: Uh, okay then... [Shoulder: CLACK!!!] AT: Vermin is- [Head: CLACK!!!] AT: -really taking it to- [Shoulder: CLACK!!!] AT: Triple-M. [Head: CLACK-CLACK-CLACK!!!] AT and RAS: DAMN! AT: Vermin winds up again and- [Head: SNAP! The cane snaps in two as 3M collapses.] Crowd chant: Holy shit! Holy shit! AT: Vermin just broke that Singapore cane over 3M's HEAD!!! RAS: DAMN! Look at all the blood that's pouring out of Triple-M's head! That's cool! [3M stumbles around a bit, while St. Cross grabs the steel chair. St. Cross jabs the chair into 3M's stomach, drops it on the mat, and plants 3M with an "X-Factor" mat slam onto the chair!] AT: CUBAN FACEBUSTER! RAS: DAMN! AT: I'm amazed that 3M is even CONSCIOUS at this point. RAS: Why? He's thick-skulled like the Neanderthal that he is! AT: Wow! That was actually an intelligent thought, Ray! You should try it more often! [St. Cross gets to his feet, to the small face pop in the audience. He looks down at 3M and grabs the steel chair.] AT: Ocean City Splash coming up! RAS: You ever been there? AT: Ocean City? Nah, Cuba ain't my kind of vacation spot. RAS: Well, then, what is? AT: You know! AT and RAS: TIAJUANA!!! [St. Cross climbs to the top-rope, chair in hand. He flips off the crowd one more time. 3M quietly stumbles to his feet.] AT: Here goes! [St. Cross, steel chair across his body, leaps off the top rope. He sails high in the air and... CRASH!!! Gets smacked in the face with the steel chair as 3M dropkicks the chair into his face!] [Huge crowd heel POP!!!] AT: DAMN! [St. Cross drops the steel chair on the ground and reels backwards into the corner, dazed. 3M places the chair on the canvas and grabs St. Cross. 3M spins St. Cross around and hops onto the second turnbuckle.] RAS: 3M signals for his finisher! [Coming off the turnbuckle, spinning in the air, all with St. Cross' head tucked under his arm, 3M crashes down on the canvas, drivng St. Cross headfirst into the steel chair with a tornado DDT!!!] AT: TWISTED SOUL! TWISTED SOUL!! TWISTED SOUL!!! RAS: Calm down, J. R.!!! AT: Cover! [Dan Sterling hits the mat.] ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING* *DING* *DING* [Mike Piston gets on the mic.] MP: Your winner- 3M!!! ["Twisted Soul" blares onto the amplifiers as Dan Sterling raises 3M's hand.] AT: An amazing win for 3M, who came back from the verge of DEATH to come back and get the win here on the first match of Happy Hour! Good luck to him during the Master of the Squared Circle tournament. RAS: YEAH!!! DEATH!!! AT: You're an evil bitch, you know that, Steele? RAS: I might be "evil" but I'm not quite ~EVIL!!! AT: Whatever. Now, here's a look at another young man making his appearance in DHW... ---------------------------- Marauder ---------------------------- (The scene opens in Burlington, Iowa. The hometown of well known professional wrestler Marauder.The camera pans over the city, you see the Great River Bridge, And some of downtown Burlington. The camera goes out of the downtown area, over to a residential area, and zooms in on the house on the bluff, overlooking the mighty Mississippi River. This is a rather large home, with a great backyard view. As the camera zooms in closer, you can make out the large size of the home, complete with a driveway in a circle, with an extremely nice decorative water fountain in the center. The camera then cuts to an inside view, and pans through the house, on the mantle above the fireplace you see the ETW Prince of the Ring Trophy, and a plaque above it, telling all about the prestigous tournament. As the camera pans through the home, on the walls you see replicas of all the belts Marauder has won during his career. The ETW Tag Title(s), the ETW World Title, the SWA TV Title, SWA North American Title, OWC TV Title, and OWC Hardcore Title, the camera pans fades out...the words, "Marauder Has Arrived" appear on the screen. The camera fades out.) ---------------------------- [The screen switches back to the "Happy Hour" set, where "Shotglass" Jon Lerner is sitting at a table.] SJL: Excellent win by 3M over one of DHW's toughest, Devron St. Cross. Up next, the man you just heard from, Marauder. This talented young man is a mult-time champion around the world. He's up next in this match against none other than the leader of the Chicken-Head Crew himself- Two-Jack! Let's get back to action! Match #3 Two-Jack vs. Marauder Referee: Miguel De Pinna Written by: DHW President Style: ABS Theme: "Party Up" by DMX [The scene switches to the interior of the Norfolk Boathouse. It's a small, cramped place. Two-Jack is currently in the ring.] MP: Making his way to the ring, from Burlington, Iowa, standing 6'1" tall, and weighing in at 247 lbs., MARAUDER!!! [Marauder makes his way from the back, jogs down the aisle, and slaps the fans hands on the way. He jumps in the ring, over the top rope, and raises his arms. He stands on the second turnbuckle, and jumps down after a 15 second pose.] RAS: I hope this kid DIES. AT: Shut up, Ray. Marauder's a multiple time champion, you should appreciate his ability. RAS: Why? The last time I remember him, he only won the Prince of the Ring back in 1997. Ain't heard nothing about him since. AT: Well, you should've paid more attention these last two years... oh, De Pinna signals for the starting bell. *DING* *DING* *DING* [Two-Jack walks forward, extending his hand as to shake Marauder's hand.] AT: Two-Jack is being honorable??? [Marauder pauses, and shakes Two-Jack's hand. Two-Jack holds on and yanks Marauder in, attempting to drive a knee into Marauder's mid-section. Marauder, however, counters with a clothesline that nearly takes Two-Jack's head off!] AT: That no-good, back-stabbing sonuvabitch! RAS: Yeah, I can't believe Marauder would take advantage of a friendly show of respect by sneak-attacking Two-Jack! AT: I was talking about Two-Jack! [Suddenly, "Grizzly" Jon Kennig comes tearing down the aisle.] Crowd: BOO! AT: Geez! That didn't take long! RAS: Here comes the other half of the greatest tag team that ever set foot in a Roughneck Wrestling Alliance ring! We're about to see an OWC TV title holder DIE! WHOOOO!!! DEATH!!! [Marauder bodyslams Two-Jack, and follows up with a quick elbow drop.] AT: Marauder wearing down the leader of the CHC. RAS: What does CHC stand for? AT: Chicken-Head Crew! RAS: Uh... okay. [Marauder jumps on the second turnbuckle, raising his arms.] Crowd: YAY! [Marauder quickly hops to the top-rope, and comes off with a moonsault!] AT: Marauder Deathsault!!! RAS: Cover! [Marauder hooks Two-Jack's leg in a pin. He waits for a few seconds, expecting referee Miguel De Pinna to make the count.] Crowd: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!!! FIVE!!! RAS: De Pinna is currently occupied there, buddy. [Marauder gets up and turns around, to see that De Pinna is verbally berating "Grizzly" Jon Kennig, who's now standing on the apron with a chair in hand.] AT: Kennig just cost Marauder the pin here. RAS: How much would that cost? Six bucks? AT: Wha-? Shut the fuck up! [Two-Jack weakly gets back to his feet, and is met with a couple punches from Marauder. Seeing that Kennig is distracted, Marauder attempts to irish-whip Two-Jack into the ropes, but Two-Jack reverses it, instead whipping Marauder towards Kennig. Marauder jumps and- CRACK!!! ... CRASH!!! Marauder dropkicked the chair, smashing it into Kennig's face. Kennig then fell through the recently replaced timekeeper's table!] AT and RAS: DAMN!!! Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit! AT: Kennig damn near DOVE through the timekeeper's table! RAS: The Stainless judge gives that an 8.2 on his scale. [Marauder again hops on the second rope, hands raised in the air.] AT: Ah, nooo! Now is not the time to be posing! [A recovered Two-Jack surprises Marauder, sliding Marauder onto his shoulders and falling backwards!] AT: Shoulder-mount suplex catches Marauder off-guard! RAS: Isn't that like, Al Snow's Snow-plex? AT: Yes, it is, Ray! Good job, you've been doing some homework! [Two-Jack quickly hops to the second turnbuckle, leaps off and delivers a diving headbutt into Marauder's groin!!!] Crowd: OOOOOOHHHHHH!!! RAS: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! AT: DAMN! Gangbanger's Ball! Gangbanger's Ball!! Gangbanger's BALL!!! RAS: [Rather weakly.] I can see why it's called that! Two-Jack: YEAH, MUTHAFUCKA!!! [Two-Jack drags a wounded Marauder to his feet and delivers a few fists into Marauder's face. Two-Jack then whips Marauder into the ropes. Marauder ducks under a clothesline, and falls over the top rope, as "Grizzly" Jon Kennig appears out of nowhere and pulls down the rope!] AT: Where'd he come from? He was just annihilated by that table earlier! [Kennig grabs a steel chair and- WHACK!!! Hits Marauder over the head with the chair- WHACK!!! -twice, dropping Marauder.] RAS: There's some payback for ya, ya damn hippy bastard! [Kennig tosses the chair in, and rolls Marauder back into the ring. Two-Jack takes advantage and hits a spinning backbreaker.] AT: Two-Jack connects with the spinning backbreaker... does that mean we're gonna see a little double-team action here? RAS: You mean like a little Dutch-door action? AT: Ewwwww... Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?!? RAS: Nothin's wrong with me! What the fuck is wrong with you!?! Fuck you! AT: No, fuck you! RAS: No, fuck you! AT: Fuck you! [Kennig climbs to the top turnbuckle.] RAS: Fuck you and your monkey's uncle! [Kennig leaps off the top-rope for a splash, only to get a boot in the face for his trouble!] AT: Fuck you and your damn orange suit! [Marauder jumps to his feet and quicly plants Kennig with a DDT!] RAS: Fuck you in the ear! [Two-Jack goes for a punch, which Marauder ducks. Marauder ends up behind Two-Jack and locks him in an inverted headlock. Marauder signals to the audience, and drops Two-Jack with an inverted DDT!] AT: Fuck you in the eye! RAS: Fuck you, Mother fucker! [Marauder makes the cover.] AT: Nah, FUCK YOU!!! [De Pinna Makes the count.] ONE! RAS: Fuck you! TWO! AT: Fuck you! THREE! *DING* *DING* *DING* [Mike Piston gets on the mic.] MP: Your winner- Marauder! RAS and AT: Huh? What the fuck happend? RAS: We missed the whole match! AT: We were too busy fighting to notice that Marauder won the match with the Marauder Deathdrop... [Long, drawn out pause, as Marauder celebrates in the ring.] RAS: Al, I'm sorry. AT: I'm sorry, too. RAS: Can we forgive each other? AT: Yeah... [Further pause.] AT: [Overly sappy.] Gimme a hug, ya big lug! RAS: NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!!! AT: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Back to Jon in the studio!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! [The show switches back to the Happy Hour set, where "Shotglass" Jon Lerner is pouring a bottle into someone's glass.] SJL: Thanks, guys! That was one helluva match that Marauder put up against Two-Jack and "Grizzly" Jon Kennig. [Lerner finishes pouring and steps out from behind the counter.] SJL: Our last match of the evening pits Cold Dawn member, Emerson Winter, against a rookie named Insomniac. [The show switches to the Norfolk Boathouse.] Match #3 Insomniac vs. Emerson Winter Referee: "The Magistrate" Leon Tolchinsky Written by: DHW President Style: ABS Theme: "Die Die My Darling" by Metallica (cover) ["Man in the Box" by Alice In Chains blasts onto the amplifiers. Insomniac tears out of the crowd, over the guard rail, and slides into the ring.] MP: Introducing first, weighing in at two-hundred sixty-three pounds, from Seattle, here is- Insomniac! [Heel crowd pop as Insomniac kneels down in one corner, hands put together as if he were praying.] AT: What is he doing??? RAS: He's gonna put his opponent to bed tonite! [Cirrus XL.] #STOP AND PANIC# [Cirrus XL's "Stop and Panic" opens up on the amps. Emerson Winter, followed by Dre Crowley, walks out of the DHW entrance way.] AT: God, I hate this guy. RAS: Me, too. He's not as bad-assed as I thought he should be. [Winter skips the introductions and tears into the ring, immediately attacking Insomniac.] AT: Referee Leon Tolchinsky calls for the starting bell. *DING* *DING* *DING* [Winter and Insomniac circle around each other for a moment.] AT: Winter and Insomniac size each other up. RAS: They lock up and Insomniac quickly bulls Winter into a corner. AT: Winter's giving up about four inches and sixty pounds to Insomniac. [Insomniac breaks the lock and immediately starts punching away at Winter.] AT: Insomniac wasting no time. RAS: As it should! Winter disappoints me! [Right jab. Left jab. Right body punch. Left body punch. Right body punch. Left hook. Right uppercut.] RAS: I suppose this is better than the last Lennox Lewis fight. I was hopin' Grant would've KILLED Lewis! I hate English fops! AT: Grant was leaning into EVERY punch that Lewis threw! RAS: I lost a lot of money on that fight. Damn! [Insomniac snapmares Winter out of the corner. Insomniac quickly kicks the sitting Winter in the back, hard!] AT: Ouch! [Insomniac drags Winter to his feet, and, bullying Winter into the ropes, whips him across the ring. Insomniac bends down as if for a back body drop, but Winter catches him with a driving kneelift into his face!] RAS: HEY! Does Triple-H know that Winter's using his move? AT: I don't think anyone cares. RAS: I CARE! [Insomniac makes it back to his feet in time for Winter to level him again with a flying shoulderblock!] AT: Winter just speared the hell out of Insomniac! RAS: Huh? That wasn't a spear! Goldberg does spears! Rhino does spears! Hell, David Arquette does spears!!! AT: Before you get too wrapped up in this, that was the original Ultimate Warrior "spear." RAS: Oh, okay. But I suggest you stop calling it that. AT: Fair enough. RAS: Pin attempt by Winter [Tolchinsky hits the canvas for the count.] ONE! TWO! THR- KICKOUT! AT: Insomniac kicks out at two-and-a-half! [Winter and Insomniac quickly get back to their feet. Winter kicks Insomniac and puts him in a standing headscissors.] RAS: Winter quickly gets back to his feet. Boot to Insomniac's midsection, followed up by a... a... [Winter just drops to his knees, driving Insomniac's face into the canvas!] AT: Winter just PLANTED Insomniac with that Pedigree-like face driver. RAS: Again, does Triple-H know that Winter here is using all of his moves??? AT: That move is always the set-up to Winter's move! [Winter immediately climbs up to the top-rope, where he poses before the crowd by flicking them off.] [BIG heel crowd pop!] RAS: One serving of Murder of Crows, coming up! AT: Here goes! [Winter leaps off the top-rope, gaining a lot of height. He comes crashing down, fist towards his foe, and- WHAM!] RAS: Nothing but canvas! AT: Insomniac rolled out of the way at the last second! [Winter starts running around the ring, cradling his hurt hand.] RAS: Serves you right, ya bastard! [Winter runs right into Insomniac, who hits Winter with a quick boot to the midsection. Insomniac whips Winter into the ropes, and greets Winter on his return with a spinning heel kick!] AT: Night Light!!! RAS: Good night, Gracie! [Winter groggily gets back to his feet. Insomniac turns to face Winter and puts his hands together like he's praying.] [Heel crowd pop!] AT: A final prayer for Emerson Winter. RAS: Now, I lay me down to SLEEP! [Boot to Winter's midsection, followed by a Stunner!] AT: Sweet Dreams! Sweet Dreams! Sweet Dreams!!! RAS: Nighty night, Winter! AT: Cover!!! [Tolchinsky hits the canvas.] ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! *DING* *DING* *DING* [Mike Piston gets on the microphone.] MP: Your winner, by way of pinfall... Insomniac!!! ["Man In the Box" by Alice In Chains kicks up on the amps again, as Insomniac celebrates.] RAS: Insomniac celebrates his first win here in DHW. AT: Maybe he'll luck out and get another! RAS: Back to you, Jon... [The Show switches back to the "Happy Hour" set. "Shotglass" Jon Lerner is sitting at the bar.] SJL: Thanks, guys. [Pause.] SJL: Well, that's it for the first edition of Happy Hour! Join us next week when Robert Mula takes on Delgado and West takes on Icepick. We'll also have a special word from Michael Bellamy, the president of DHW. So tune in next week! But for now, this is "Shotglass" Jon Lerner, saying good night, and cheers! [Fade out.]