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Alesandra's Poem #2

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     This was written for and in response to a friend who shared
some of his written work with me.  I am not able to
comment on those "thoughts" as his is a work in progress.  
I will pass this work to him, and hope he feels it is worthy of
posting on my html pages at Michael Beamer's site.

      I do not think it in anyway interferes with his work.  
Eventually would like to dedicate this to him officially
when the time is right, this man is I think a true "keeper"
of mankind's hearts minds and souls.

     Thank you, you know who you are!

     It is becoming harder each day to be one of these people.  
So many have forgotten or do not understand that PTSD
can take a grip on your life at any time, not all came
home from Nam "shell shocked" a term we all know. It is
insidious and can strike at any time. This writing is a
composite of feeling I have felt along with things that were
shared with me by wives, family and friends of PTSD
suffers, and some of the men themselves.

     I have often, in my work as an RN, who traveled to various
free clinics stopped to give someone my lunch or give some
one $5-$10.  I have been ridiculed by other nurses,
saying why give them cash they will just drink it away. My
response to those nurses was always "Yes, you are right he
may try to bury his demons, but have you thought that it is
so cold, if he goes into DT's on the street he may not be here
tomorrow to make a change. I believe I have changed
a few of those nurses.

     So to this end I felt I had to write this response to my
friend, just a very small inkling of what may go on in
PTSD relationships from a ladies point of view. It would
be impossible to address all of its dynamics, violence
poor interpersonal relationships in the home and at the
workplace, failures and the slow destruction of
marriages and selves by self-incriminations!

     This work, for me, has been one of my hardest to write.
Many tears were shed in the birth of this piece ..

     If you take the time to read this please share the message
with those who will hear!

Thank you,


I See You Each Day

You left when I was just a girl,
and you were my young "man",
You held and assured me, don't cry.
"Will be just for a time".
I wrote you each and every day,
But my letters must have lagged behind!
But Dear on the day I first heard from you,
I felt all your love came shining through!

Time went on, the "war" slowed down,
soon you would be home,
Alas! My dear no flags for you,
you came "home"in the night
I was so dismayed!
But that ominous sign faded behind
in my mind because,
I could not wait! It was our fate
you know
to spend this life as one!
I just knew we would work together,
and travel toward our goals!
We had such dreams,
our love, a home,
and most of all
a child of our own!

But soon darkness descended
and our house was not a safe haven,
And though we lived there together,
our house was not a home.
We shared our bed together
as it is supposed to be, but oft time
When I glanced at you,
You were not there with me.
Days went by I cried alone
for no one understood,
Things that happened in this house
were not always very good!

It was always frightening,
to see you awaken suddenly,
Screaming in confusion and terror,
your eyes open and unseeing!
But even with your open eyes,
You knew me not twas plain
Thoughts tearing wildly
through your mind like a run away train!
I couldn't even help you,
as I knew not what you'd see,
A loving caring gentle wife
or the enemy!?

When the government took you,
you went with so much pride!
When you came home
in the middle of the night -
only part of you left inside.
So many times I looked at you
to see you far from here,
And you no longer took the time
to try and calm my fears.
I finally had to walk away -
If I was to survive!
It was not that I loved you less,
but could not watch your demise!

Today you are now gone from me,
And finally have found peace
I am left to wonder
"What took you away from me"
They told me it was cancer
Not related don't you see?
But in my heart
I think I know,
why you lived in such dread,
The government practiced to deceive
and tore your heart to shreds!

Even now you are still in my heart,
I cannot let you go!
You were with me from the first,
Oh God how I loved you so!
Nor will I ever leave you,
Your with me to the last!
Nothing threatens you or me
from the dreaded past
What a waste of our true love!
What a price to pay!
The death of you,
and nearly me
from our broken hearts!

© September 21, 2000 by Alesandra

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Since Sept 23, 2000


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