O'DOCHARTAIGH ASSOCIATES

The Magna Carta was signed in 1215. It is an example of a 
communication in which the factual content being transmitted
is very important. Such a communication rarely evokes 
emotional responses from the people who receive them. They
can be filed away in the memory, written down or discarded. 
Other communications are purely emotional (for example, "You
are a red-neck, prejudiced jerk and I hate you"). Usually 
such a communication generates an emotional response with 
little or no intellectual activity. These can also be filed 
away or discarded. However, they are usually felt as a hurt,
especially if they are meant as an assault on one's 
character.

There is a middle ground where communications can carry 
varying amounts of both cognitive and emotional substance. 
For example, "That was a stupid thing to do," may be 
interpreted either as "You're stupid." or "There are other
things you could do instead." The interpretation depends on
the emotional climate, the tone of voice and the existing
relationship between the people involved. Most of what we
communicate to each other has implications on these two 
levels.
As a result, the possibilities for misunderstanding are 
innumerable.

TWO THINGS can be done in order to increase understanding
between parents and their children and to clarify what is
being received and what is being transmitted. The first is
to learn how to label both emotional and intellectual 
responses accurately so that we know what we feel and what 
we think and that we are capable of distinguishing between 
the two. The second thing we all have to learn is to respond 
appropriately. Many feel that if they take the trouble to 
try and "understand" their kids, their attitude may be 
construed as condoning what the kids happen to be saying. 
This does not have to be so. You can UNDERSTAND what someone 
is saying without agreeing with it. The important thing here 
is to realize that by showing that you are WILLING to 
understand, you begin to make interpersonal exchange 
possible. By doing so, the sense of threat is reduced, 
the need for attack and counterattack is reduced, and both 
parties feel free to come out of their corners and TALK. 

  
1997

QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS? SEND THEM TO: O'DOCHARTAIGH ASSOCIATES P.O. BOX 786 LARAMIE, WY 82073-0786 OREMAIL: highplains140@usa.net

"How true! A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes." - ORBEN'S CURRENT COMEDY