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Prank Calls

"Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss?" "Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss!
Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?

Barney: "Maybe your standards are too high!"

You little S.O.B.!
Why, when I find out who you are,
I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat
and stick starving dogs in your butt!"

"Uh, is I.P. Freely here?" "Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
Wait a minute...
Listen to me you lousy bum.
When I get a hold of you, you're dead.
I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!"
"Uh, Jacques Strap!" "Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap?
It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt?
When I get a hold of you,
I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!"
"Hey, is there a Seymour Butz here? " "Seymour Butz?
Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!
Oh, wait a minute...
Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket!
When I get my hands on you,
I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!"
"Mike Rotch!" "Mike Rotch!
Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
Listen to me, you little puke.
One of these days,
I'm going to catch you,
and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!"
"Ivana Tinkle?" "Ivana Tankle?
All right, everybody,
put down your glasses,
Ivana Tinkle!"
"Oliver Clothesoff!" "Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
Listen, you lousy bum,
if I ever get a hold of you,
I swear I'll cut your belly open!"
"Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh?
First name Wayland, is it?
Listen to me, you;
when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes
and stick 'em down your pants,
so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay?
Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!"
"Eura Snotball?" "What? How dare you!
If I find out who this is,
I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!"
"Uh, hey, everybody!
I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt
and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt!
Oh, wait a minute..."
"Bea O'Problem!" " Bea O'Problem!
Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?'s you, isn't it?
Listen, you. When I get a hold of you,
I'm going to use your head for a bucket
and paint my house with your brains!"