A diagnosis of secondary breast cancer means that the cancer cannot be cured, although it can be controlled, sometimes for years.
When my oncology told me I had lung secondary and I handled it calmly and unemotionally. But deep inside felt shocked, vulnerable and alone.
The diagnosis of secondary breast cancer is more traumatic than when it was first diagnosed because the hope of a cure is replaced with the realization that this is no longer possible.
And I wouldn't be able to fulfill the plans I had with my family and husband for traveling when he retired.

Suddenly I am facing an uncertain future and my life plans and goals have been interrupted. People around me encourage me to be positive and to fight the cancer. But it is hard to be positive all the time and pressure from other people can sometimes make me feel inadequate and guilty. I tried to deal with a certain amount of stress and tension but it can get on top of me. Sometimes anxiety can become so overwhelming that it results in panic attacks, causing further fear and worry. Later my anxieties lead to depression. The threat of pain is one of my biggest fears, but fear and anxiety can make pain worse and nearly all cancer pain can be controlled.

After four years of regular check-ups showing no evidence of disease, but in Jan. 2001, I have Stage IV Recurrent breast cancer with metastasis to my lung. Two tumours on the right and one on the left near the heart. I have 4 cycle of IV Adriamycin. But no improvement, so doctor change to IV Vinorelbine CI 5-FU for 6 cycles. Result of the CT Scan show no increase of the tumours and its size is also means that cancer have be stable.

I requested for a watch and see situation. So I stopped treatment in August before my birthday. During my "rest period" I travel to Tasmania, Malaysia, Japan, Korea, Hatyai, Hawaii and Harbin in China. So far I am doing well, all tumors have remained the same and no symptoms of it, and my overall health is good.

I believe in herbal medicines. I took Lingzhi (Reishi mushrooms) to boost my immune system and with all kinds of vitamins: A, C, E, and selenium, Echinacea, etc., also drink two glass of herbal tea (mixture of 7years- Renshen (Chinese Ginseng), Yangshen (American Ginseng), Tianqi (Notoginseng Root), Dongchong Xiacao (Cordyceps) grounded into powder.

Learning to Live with Cancer means more than staying alive. It means learning to derive the most from each moment--to be more present to the everyday sources of joy and aliveness. Getting cancer was a very positive event in my life. It taught me to enjoy each moment. Sense of humor helps assure that we have more joyful moments to enjoy. I consider my cancer to such a blessing because through it I have learned soo~ much about how to handle my life, how to speak out my feelings to others, how to throw away the unpleasant things and have more contentment in my life.

My journey is not over. I have to keep up with my checkups every two months for the time being and regular checkup for the rest of my life for reassurance. I am trying to become single-minded, concentrating on my positive thoughts.

To my husband, who has stood beside me through all of my chemo and doctors appointments. He never missed one of them.
Last but not least to my children, aunt and my buddy-Catherine and Charlotte who are a very special part of my life. My children and friends has been a source of great strength and courage to me. I love them all!

I am blessed to have supportive family and friends. It said that a positive outlook may or may not cure you of cancer, but it will certainly make the disease easier to bear, and will help you live life to the full despite the cancer.

Now, I have learned to live with cancer and put the fear of dying from it to rest. I have given my recovery my very best efforts. I live in the moment, laugh a lot, to see much of the world and love with a passion my husband, my three girls and those who have supported me in my time of need.

As a survivor, should understand that metastatic breast cancer is generally not considered curable, but we must believe the goal of therapy for Metastatic breast cancer is to achieve a remission or slow down the growth of the tumor. This belief will bring us the courage to do all we can. So we MUST have a wonderful attitude and deserve to overcome this battle.

So far, my check-ups show no evidence of the disease. There are many ways in which hope can be encouraged and reinforced.

If I should die from this cancer I shall die as happy and peaceful woman. As I have 3 beautiful daughters.

2002- In March, my X-ray shows slight increase of the right lung tumour. Doctor wanted to wait for another two months for observer the speed of the growth.So wait till May.

May : X-ray shows increase from 11mm to 15mm in the lung. Still Dr. thinks it can wait for another 2 months but this time in July I need to have full CTscan and blood test.

June: I went for my CT Scan and have to wait till next week 4 July 2002 to get my result. At this time my health is still good , just came back from Mount Kinabalu in Malaysia.

My situation now is that, one out of my 4 tumours in the lungs has been growing slowly from 10mm to 17mm since last Oct. However, I do not suffer from any symptoms from the disease.

July: Dr commented that since I have a slowly progressive metastatic disease and my quality of life is good. I may decide to delay treatment, enjoy my life without treatment, and reevaluate my decision periodically. At present, I able to live comfortably for almost 11 months with slowly growing metastatic breast cancer involving Lung, without treatment. (If not because of the X-ray, will never suspect of the reoccurrence).

If my disease progressed further and developed significant symptoms, then I will decide to try chemo again. It will not be late. My Chinese Dr do also agreed about the decision that my husband and I made and we feel good about it. I went to see him and he is going to increase my Chinese Chemo medience.

Well!! Will be going for more trips. Next week in July will be going to Thailand for a 5 days retreat.

Nov. No change, still growing slowly from 15mm to 19mm. Still stick to do without treatment, but this time might stop taking the Chinese Medicine for awhile.
Next month Dec. Will be going to Greece with family and friends for two weeks. Celebrating Christmas there.

2004- April - No one can predict exactly how long your life is likely to be after a diagnosis of secondary breast cancer. I will need to face the fact that I may not live as long as I want if the breast cancer hadn’t spread. And whether I have months or years left to live I will almost certainly think about my death from time to time.
Understanding more about how my symptoms can be effectively controlled and being aware of the support that will be available to me towards the end of my life can help take away some of the fears.
However painful, once you begin to consider these issues and possibilities it can be easier to think about what you will leave behind and how things will be after you have died. It may help to remember that there is no right or wrong way to deal with these fears.
When someone in my support group was dying it really helped me to get the message she sent to the group saying she felt quite serene. She hadn't expected to feel like that because she had fought her cancer, but she did, and it gave me a lot of hope that I could feel the same when my time came.
How long will I live with this cancer? I don't know, no one knows, but I am full of hope. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. So I try my best to treat this disease as a chronic illness and live as full and productive a life as I can
Thinking about life going on after I have died can be painful for me and those around me but putting the affairs in order is a positive thing to do. This can be a way of making sure my wishes are carried out after I died.
I hope I can continue to have a good quality of life for quite a while. My fear is that I will become a burden to my family.
My situation now is that, my tumours in the lungs have been growing from 17mm to 5cm since last Aug. Now, I do have cough symptoms for past three months. My next visit will be 29th April, might want to start chemo again.

Hope I can have more Mets Surviours here to Chat.

The Power of Affirmations

Nothing is more important than a healthy state of mind.
Affirmations are a powerful way for conditioning the mind
to maintain optimum health throughout our life.

My Favorite Quotes-

Medicine for My soul
Never let life's hardships disturb you.
After all, no one can avoid problems,
not even saints or sages.
-NICHIREN-

Dare to…
Ask for what you want.
Believe in yourself.
Change your mind.
Do what you Love.
Enjoy each and every day.
Follow your Heart's desire.
Give more than you Receive.
Have a sense of Humor.
Insist on Being yourself
Join in more
Kiss and make up.
Love and be Loved.
Make new friends.
Nurture your spirit.
Overcome Adversity.
Play more.
Reach for the stars.
Speak your Truth.
Take personal Responsibility.
Understand more, Jude less.
Volunteer your Time.
Walk through fear.
X-perience the Moment.

Be True to Yourself,
No Matter What
Right now, you are struggling
with your inner world.
You are asking yourself
how you feel about everything
and if you are really happy.
You are changing into the exact person
that you were hoping to become,
but now you find that theses changes
are causing difficulties for the
people around you.
They want you to remain the same person
that you've been;
they may even want you to be something
for them rather than being yourself.
But now is the time to make a statement
about your life.
You must continue to follow
your own chosen path
and make alterations in your lifestyle.
You will find your new place in the circle
of your loved ones,
but keep in mind that everyone must create
their own sense of self and happiness.
No one should be shaped
or confined by someone else's ideals
of what they should be.
Strive for your own beliefs and desires;
continue to make your world complete
by being yourself.
Every day, discover something new
and unique about yourself,
and remember that happiness
and contentment in life come
when you focus on your own goals,
being yourself,
and making the most of every minute of your life.

 

Always Hope for the Best

Don't let go of hope.
Hope is a beautiful answer to many
difficult questions
Hope gives you the strength to keep going
when you feel like giving up.
Hope only asks that you believe.
Hope only wants you to receive.
Hope is "hanging in there" until help arrives
Don't run away from love but towards love,
Because it is our deepest joy,
Learn how to laugh and
Be proud to cry.

Always Do Your Best

Find your strength.
Search for that smile of yours
that makes everything brighter.
Hang in there, even though
that can be easier said than done.
Have faith.
Don't give up.
Make a commitment…
between your determination,
your hopes, and your heart…
that your sun is going to shine
in the sky.
Live your life a day at a time,
and things will get better
and better.
Find your way through the days
with the light that shines within you.
Leave a smile where there wasn't one before.
Help a hurt; make it mend.
Find the strength to make things
right again.
Reach out a little farther.
If you believe you can'
then will make it through.
Listen a little more often to what your heart
has to say.
Do the things that are important to you.
Always do your best.

AN Energy Theory of
Health and Disease
Diet, relaxation, visualization, QI-gong,
emotional support, spiritual practice
and natural approaches to health all
have one thing in common;
They all help to raise
the energy level of the person.

Tribute to My buddy Catherine

I TURN TO YOU
When I'm lost in the rain
In your eyes I know
I'll find the light to light my way
When I'm scared, losing around
When my world is going crazy
You can turn it all around
And when I'm down
You're there pushing me to stop
You're always there giving me all you've got

For a shield from the storm
For a friend
For a love to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you

When I lose the will to win
I just reach for you
And I can reach the sky again
I can do anything 'coz your love is so amazing
'Coz your love inspires me
And when I need a friend
You're always on my side
Giving me faith, taking me through the night

For a shield from the storm
For a friend
For a love to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you
For the strength to be strong
For the will to carry on
For everything you do
For everything that's true
I turn to you

For the arms to be my shelter
Through all the rain
For the truth that will never change
For someone to lean on
For a heart I can rely on through anything
For the one who I can run to

Everything Is Possible
© by Max The Poet
Everything is possible,
Nothing is too great,
Do not be afraid,
To make the choice you make.

Everything is possible,
And within your arms reach,
Listen to your heart,
And what it has to teach.

Everything is possible,
And waiting for you there,
Run and grasp your dreams,
Not one more moment spare.

Everything is possible,
Make it all come true,
You can do it, I know you can,
Because, I believe in you.

Be Your Best

Wake UP to your magnificent potential.
Let UP on the "shoulds" in your life.
Dress UP however you want.
Loosen UP and be silly.
Give UP trying to do
everything for everyone.
Get UP your courage to be you-nique.
Stand UP for yourself and your opinions.
Face UP to what needs changing and do it.
Lift UP your spirit in thanks for who you are.
Open UP to the love around and within you.

Shift your focus
"Count the garden by the flowers,
never by the leaves that fall.
Count your life with smiles
and not the tears that roll."

"Let no one who loves be unhappy...
even love unreturned has its rainbow."
-- James Matthew Barrie

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