This Is How It Feels Parts 1 - 7
TITLE: This Is How It Feels
RATING: NC-17
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Joss owns them. I love ‘em.
FEEDBACK: Yep, tommo27@hotmail.com
SPOILERS: References to Seasons 3 through 5
ARCHIVE: No problem, just let me know eh?
SUMMARY: Set in my own Buffyverse, this story continues the threads from the ‘To The Edge’ series, starting with Faith’s road to redemption and continuing her growing attraction to Cordelia Chase. This story begins in LA, where Faith is now living with Angel at the Hyperion.
AUTHORS NOTES: Quite a few songs are used in this fic; the title comes from an Inspiral Carpets song of the same name as the lyrics suggest where Faith is right now. Also, ‘Glory Box’ by Portishead is used in the nightclub scene, plus ‘Blaze of Glory’ by Bon Jovi (sigh) in the Caritas. Thanks to Nic, for helping me out with ideas and providing such a juicy history from her fic, ‘Neither Angels Nor Demons’. Collaboration, gotta love it. Heh.
Part 1
The cool interior of the hotel offered a brief respite from the sun that bathed the paving stones outside. The potted plants carefully arranged on the tiled floor waved visitors towards the semi-circle of the front desk, behind which the operations office of Angel Investigations yawned lazily in the midday heat. But there were no visitors today. No footsteps scuffed on the marbled floor and no hushed conversations were going on in the office area behind the foyer.
Instead, there was only the insistent sound of tapping keys as Cordelia Chase, self-proclaimed office manager, conducted yet another search on the new laptop computer that Angel had presented to her. She had sighed resignedly at it when he had laid it carefully on the desk in front of her, wishing that the vampire would at least become a computer user. Being the only one with any net knowledge was fast becoming a liability, she had thought. At least all those hours in Computer Science with Miss Calendar had paid off in some way. Even if, she told herself, she was the only member of Angel Investigations who could actually use the computer to some degree of success.
Letting out another short sigh, Cordelia pushed at the lock of blonde that fell forward from her short bobbed hair, tucking it behind her ear. She moved her head from side to side; working out the kinks that had formed from two hours spent in front of the computer screen, and smoothed her palms down the light cotton of her skirt underneath the desk. She wished she’d put a heavier top on, as the sleeveless white shirt she was wearing didn’t combat the growing chill in the hotel foyer as well as she might have liked.
A slight movement to her left flickered in and out of her vision in the corner of her eye. Trying to ignore it, she gazed steadfastly at the screen, not looking over to the long counter running along one side of the room. Perched on top of the counter was a lithe, athletic figure, sitting with denim-clad legs crossed. The black vest top was partially hidden by a comic book that was held open in front of it, although the chocolate brown eyes that had formerly been flicking through it were now fixed upon the girl sitting behind the desk.
Cordelia didn’t mind that Faith wanted to watch her work; on the contrary, she found it rather appealing that the Slayer chose to be with her and not Wesley, Gunn and Angel. The three men had gone off to meet a potential client somewhere downtown, and had invited Faith to go along, but the dark Slayer had insisted she remain in the hotel. She justified it by saying that somebody should be at the hotel in case any trouble turned up. Although Faith knew as well as they did that trouble tended to follow her around, but they hadn’t argued with the firm expression on her face, and the delighted one on Cordelia’s.
So Faith had stationed herself atop the counter, leafing through a pile of comics that Cordelia had brought with her this morning. Faith had never been much of a reader, professing a liking for things that were short and not too demanding. Angel had offered her some of his own books, but she had turned her nose up his collection of classic literature and told him that she wasn’t reading ‘fancy shit’ for anyone or anything. Cordelia had turned to the vampire with a vague smile of triumph on her face when she had presented Faith with a bundle of Batman comics, watching as the Slayer let out a whoop of glee. She had gone through three in less than an hour, her lips moving soundlessly as she followed the storyline, leafing through the pages almost impatiently. But the comic was now resting on her knee, and her dark eyes were resting on the actress.
Cordelia let out another sigh and pressed her lips together. One thing about Faith, she had a stare that you could feel at twenty paces. And it was now fixed upon the actress with an intensity that sent a prickle up and down Cordy’s neck, raising the downy hairs there and putting more than a few goose bumps on her forearms.
“You’re staring,” she said quietly, her voice sounding very loud in the still of the office.
Faith frowned, two tiny lines forming on her otherwise flawless brow. “Huh?”
Cordelia turned and looked over at Faith, her hazel eyes taking in the toned body of the Slayer appreciatively, moving restlessly over muscle and womanly curves, blended together in a body that was barely hidden beneath the low cut pants and cropped shirt. Swallowing hard, Cordelia resisted the urge to chastise herself yet again. She was Cordelia Chase, for god’s sake. She didn’t lust after women. Especially not women who were as overtly sensual as Faith.
As her eyes moved up to the Slayer’s face, she found herself transfixed by the pouting lips that had pressed urgently against her own more than once in the last few weeks. Okay, so maybe she did lust after women. She corrected herself, one woman. She couldn’t deny the butterflies that floated around her stomach every time Faith was near her. And although all they had done so far was kiss, it was enough for a slow burning of lust to sit in the pit of her stomach. Recognising it, Cordelia had been painfully embarrassed. Everything in her life had always been about control; controlling her emotions, controlling her boyfriends, controlling her relationships. And now here she was, plunged into the depths of something that possessed her entirely, washing over her in waves of pure abandon. It edged fear of the unknown into her mind. She hated that. But she kind of liked it a little too. She assumed that it was something Faith carried with her all the time; that danger. It was horribly intoxicating.
Her eyes met Faith’s, the Slayer’s crinkling into a lopsided smile as Cordelia pressed her mouth into a hard little line, trying her hardest not to return the warm brown gaze that enveloped her own. She had noticed lately how infectious Faith’s smile could be, likening it to a mischievous child at times. But the soft curve of her lips underneath her gaze always reminded Cordelia that this was no child. Faith was a woman; unlike any other Cordelia had ever met.
Taking a tiny breath, the actress blinked away her burgeoning feelings and frowned. “You’re staring at me,” she repeated.
Faith shrugged carelessly, sparking a tiny note of irritability into Cordelia’s eyes, flashing gold through the hazel. The Slayer put the comic to one side and stretched out her legs, letting them hang over the edge of the counter. Leaning back on her hands, she cocked her head slightly, eyeing the other girl carefully.
“I like lookin’ at you,” she said, her voice taking on a husky timbre, “It’s a great view from over here.” She raised her eyebrows slightly and sent another thrill coursing its way down Cordelia’s spine.
Shifting in her chair, the actress let out a patient sigh, as though she were about to say something that had been passed between them a hundred times before. Closing her eyes, she shook her head slowly and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms over her chest. When she looked back at Faith, the Slayer had a bemused smile on her face, her legs swinging ever so slightly back and forth in front of the counter. Her stomach exposed, Cordelia could see the taut flesh over her navel, and it sent another wave of lust running into her stomach. Almost angrily, she forcibly pushed it away, clenching her teeth momentarily.
“I can’t concentrate with you looking at me like that!” she said, pulling her eyes away from the other girl guiltily.
Faith pushed herself off the counter and landed with a thud on her feet, leaning back against the dark wood and sticking her thumbs through the belt loops on her pants. She let her gaze drift lazily over Cordelia as another smile crossed her mouth. For weeks now, they had played this little courtship game. If the truth were told, Faith was rather enjoying it. She thrilled in the chase; the way Cordelia often acted like it was all too much for her and backed away. And then those moments of complete capitulation where the two of them would be wrapped in one another’s arms, sharing searing kisses that promised so much more. Yes, the Slayer nodded to herself, she was taking pleasure in the almost masochistic slow burning that was between them.
“Looking at you like what, hmm?” she said slowly, her voice drawling over the words as though they were suggestions of an entirely different nature.
Cordelia Chase wasn’t a girl who blushed easily, if ever. But she found herself flushing furiously at Faith’s inherent ease at this kind of thing. She was almost jealous of it, whilst at the same time, impossibly drawn to it. Like a moth to the flame, she reminded herself. And in some ways, Faith was as dangerous as fire. And as hot, she thought, letting her eyes find their way back to the figure leaning casually against the counter.
“Like…” she began, and then stopped, unable to quite find the right words. Shaking her head, she shot a hard look of reprove towards Faith. “You know how,” she added.
Faith walked slowly over to the desk, reaching out to trail one finger down the hard edge of it before perching sideways on. Cordelia could smell the scent that Faith carried with her, a hint of cinnamon that she seemed to wear like a spice, adding something to her usual drifting odour of cigarettes and leather. Pushing her unruly locks back over one bare shoulder, Faith grinned down at the actress, clearly enjoying the tension between them that had just risen a notch with their increased proximity.
Leaning forwards, Faith watched as Cordelia stood her ground firmly, arms folded across her chest like some kind of protective barrier, eyes hardened against her assault, face set in a grim expression.
“I do know how,” Faith murmured softly, “I just wanted to hear you say it.”
A tiny smile flickered through Cordelia’s eyes, flashing them with light for a second, before it curved the corners of her mouth. Relaxing a little, she met Faith’s intense gaze almost coyly. And the game began once more. Different rules this time though.
“Really?” she asked, her voice controlled and clipped. “And what if I wanted to hear you say it, Faith?”
The Slayer’s head jerked back and she shot a smile of appreciative surprise down at Cordelia, raising her eyebrows. “Aw c’mon Cor, you know I’d say most anything you wanted,” she grinned. “If you asked me nicely enough.”
Cordelia giggled, almost forgetting her stance, her arms dropping slightly so that her hands moved down towards her waist. “So why don’t you just say, I promise I won’t stare at you when you’re working Cordelia, then?”
“Cuz that’s no fun,” Faith said, standing up.
“Well neither’s getting no work done,” Cordelia sniffed, returning to gaze with loathing at her computer screen.
“Yeah well, you know what they say, all work and no play…” Faith moved around the desk to stand behind Cordelia.
“…is the difference between you and me,” Cordelia finished abruptly, her fingers moving back to the keyboard once more.
A fingertip brushing along the back of her neck shivered its way into Cordelia’s nerve endings, making her close her eyes as she felt Faith press up close behind her. The warmth of the Slayer’s body tingled on her shoulder blades as Faith’s fingers continued a deliberately slow exploration of the nape of her neck, trailing down to her bare shoulders.
“Don’t want my Cor bein’ a dull girl though,” Faith murmured, bringing her lips down to follow the path her fingers had blazed on the other girl’s skin. Encouraged by the tiny gasp that escaped from the actress, Faith moved her mouth round to the tiny indentation just underneath Cordelia’s ear. She had learned only the previous week that kissing that particular spot usually sent the other girl crazy. A smile crossed her lips as she realised that it was doing exactly that right now.
Her breathing becoming more ragged, Cordelia found that the computer screen was blurring in and out of her vision. Not that she cared much, as right now the sensation of soft lips on her skin was so absolutely delicious that the computer could have exploded and she wouldn’t have given it much thought. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to revel in the moment, letting the emotions flood through her, pounding their way up to her brain. And it felt so good. Feelings that she hadn’t had in such a long time were finally re-emerging to take her by surprise with their intensity.
“And since when have I been your Cordelia?” she whispered, the notion of such a thing filling her with delight and not a little apprehension.
“Since you wanted me too,” Faith’s breath whispered over her skin, as her fingers trailed up and down Cordelia’s bare arms, going down to the wrist, then up the shoulder with the lightest of touches.
“I do,” Cordelia heard herself saying, twisting round in the chair so that she could grab Faith’s pants by the waistband, pulling the other girl against her. “I do want you,” she repeated, pushing her fingers into the dark tresses that fell luxuriously against her hands, pulling Faith’s mouth to her own.
Their lips met in a hot kiss that brought a groan from the Slayer’s throat. Placing her hands onto the desk behind Cordelia, she pushed herself forwards and deepened the embrace, her tongue pushing its way into the other girl’s mouth, feeling a response that pleasured and thrilled her. Faith loved this feeling, that moment of complete submission to the desire rocketing up and down her body. She loved tipping over the edge into the danger of uncontrollable want, and feeling it returned from Cordelia’s lips to her own. It was the best feeling in the world, she told herself. Well, her mind corrected her, maybe not the best, but the best she was likely to get so far. All this ‘taking it slow’ shit wasn’t her deal, but she was getting to like the build up, that was for sure, she thought, feeling Cordelia’s fingers press against her scalp and pull her closer. She took one hand from the desk and placed it gently on Cordelia’s side, moving it up gently to push against her breast, feeling the curve of the other girl’s body rest tantalisingly against her palm.
Cordelia moaned slightly at the insistence of the Slayer’s touch, although her hold on Faith’s head relaxed slightly. Daring as always, Faith raked her thumb over Cordelia’s breast, firm yet yielding underneath her touch. She wanted so much just to savour her, take every inch of her body and familiarise herself with it. She hadn’t wanted anyone this much in such a long time, it was all Faith could do not to push Cordelia down to the floor and take her right there and then. Brushing the tip of her thumb over the other girl’s nipple, Faith felt it harden and rise gratifyingly. She let out an appreciative moan against Cordelia’s mouth and moved in closer, ready to continue the caress.
Abruptly, Cordelia leaned back, away from her, breaking the kiss, her lips swollen and reddened. Eyes wide, she arched her body away from Faith’s touch and caught hold of her hand.
Confused, Faith’s face crumpled into a frown as she felt Cordelia squeeze her hand gently. Her mouth slightly open, she stood up, leaning back on her hips as the actress dropped her head momentarily.
“Cor?”
“Faith, I – “ Cordelia began, then looked up, locking eyes with the Slayer. Biting at her lower lip, she took a deep breath that sighed itself out of her slowly. “Not here,” she finally said. “Not like this.”
Letting out a dismissive laugh, Faith rubbed her thumb across the back of Cordelia’s hand. “What? Nobody’s here.” Narrowing her eyes, she gazed down at the almost shameful face of the girl slumped in her chair. Doubt formed a tiny bubble in her mind and worked its way onto her face. “I thought you wanted…”
“I do!” Cordelia said firmly, her eyes pleading with Faith’s. “I really do. I just…oh I don’t know. It’s not, you know, not right yet. Not that it’s wrong,” her eyes reassured concernedly. “I’ve just never done this before.”
“Right,” Faith nodded sharply. “And I have, so that makes me what, big bad dyke chick or something?” Her tone hardened and cut into Cordelia like a knife.
“Nooo,” Cordelia sighed. “You know that’s not what I think.”
“Well then,” Faith leant in closer to try and capture another kiss, but Cordelia recoiled sharply, jerking her head back. The instant she did, she wished she hadn’t. A look of such hurt crossed through Faith’s eyes that the actress almost cried out loud in shame. The Slayer stood upright, stiffly pushing her body up and away from Cordelia. Wrenching her hand from the other girl’s grip, Faith folded her arms and fixed a hard stare down at the floor, her bottom jaw jutting out defiantly.
“Faith,” Cordelia attempted to pour oil over troubled waters, realising painfully that in doing so, she’d only succeeded in setting them alight.
“Forget it,” Faith grunted, shrugging her away. The defences leapt up around her so that she was practically humming with her own irritation. Flicking her hair back over her shoulders, she stomped over to the counter, where her denim jacket lay across the pile of comics she had already enjoyed. Grabbing a hold of it, she sniffed loudly.
“Faith!” Cordelia called out, but the Slayer turned on her heel and fixed a baleful gaze upon her, making her almost shrink back in her seat.
“Tell you what,” Faith growled, “when you decide what it is you want, let me know. And then I’ll tell you if I’m still interested.”
She spun around and thundered off into the foyer, her heavy boots thudding against the tiled floor and up the stairs until the door slammed behind her, leaving Cordelia alone in the silence of the office once more.
“It’s just not working out Angel,” Cordelia was pacing the floor of his office, having drawn the doors together behind her. The vampire had returned late in the afternoon to find his co-worker and friend feverishly busying herself around the office, tidying things that were already neat, and moving at a pace that made him somewhat dizzy.
He leant back in his chair and templed his fingers together in front of his face, looking at her with an expression of slight confusion. She stopped pacing for a second, and cast him an anguished glare, beginning her route to one side of the room, then back across to the other.
“What’s not working out?” he asked quietly. Cordelia had mentioned the word ‘Faith’ several times, but, at the rate she was babbling, he had lost the initial thread of her ranting several minutes ago.
She stopped and flung herself into the seat opposite him, on the other side of his desk. Pushing at her hair, she let out a huge sigh that seemed to explain a lot. He hadn’t seen Cordy like this in…well, he hadn’t seen Cordy like this. Fear, sarcasm, outright bitchiness, he could handle. But this, he mused; this was tantamount to sheer desperation. And it was pleasantly unusual.
“I don’t know what to do about Faith,” she said suddenly, a frown crossing her delicate features. Her shoulders drooped dejectedly and she struggled with words for a couple of minutes before simply raising her hands in the air and letting them drop.
Angel took in a breath, although he knew he didn’t need to. But being around humans day in day out meant that he had adopted their habits. To all intents and purposes, his intake of air suggested that he was considering what she had said most carefully.
Leaning forward, he pursed his lips. “What should you be doing about Faith?” he asked.
“I don’t know!” Cordelia exclaimed, folding her arms over her chest. “It’s like, one minute everything’s fine and then the next,” she shrugged, “insano girl pops back in and says hello.” She dropped her head and gazed down at her lap. “I don’t know what’s going on,” she muttered.
“Well I’m sure I don’t,” Angel murmured to himself. As Cordelia raised her head and fixed him with a grim gaze, he jerked out of his reverie and adopted a more patient expression. Shifting slightly in his chair, he looked closely at the girl whom he had come to call friend. The worry on her face and the concern in her eyes alerted him to something deeper. He had noticed how she and Faith had become quite close. He had encouraged it; god knows, Faith needed someone to be her friend. And it seemed as though Cordelia had stepped into the breach with gusto. He and Wesley had taken somewhat of a step back, but now he was wondering if that had been the right thing to do. Faith wasn’t easy to manage in the best of situations. But he had trusted Cordelia’s judgement on this one. Looking at her now though, he was wondering if her judgement was slightly impaired by something.
“Cordy, friendship with someone like Faith is never going to be easy,” he began, his tone as knowledgeable as he could make it without tipping over into patronising. “She has a lot of pain to work through, especially what with Buffy…” he trailed off, finishing his sentence in an embarrassed cough that hid his own feelings.
“And,” he continued, “as long as you carry on being a good friend, Faith can learn to trust you. Because when she does, you’ll have her loyalty.” He stopped, as the expression on Cordelia’s face was shifting from irritated, to confused, to downright incredulous. “What?” he prompted.
“You are so incredibly dense,” Cordelia said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “I don’t believe you!” She shook her head and sighed loudly.
“Thanks and er…thanks,” Angel said mildly.
“Angel, do you ever notice what’s going on?” Cordelia jutted her head forwards, questioning him. She moved her finger around in the air, dropping her other hand down to her lap. “Between me and Faith. Faith and me?”
His mouth opened and he wanted to speak, but sensing the irritation building up in the girl in front of him, he decided on mute ignorance, merely shaking his head slightly.
“Faith and me,” Cordelia repeated, moving her finger like some crazed pendulum from side to side. The corners of her eyes crinkled as she narrowed them, shooting deep brown bolts of light across to where the vampire sat, apparently unmoved. “Me. Faith. Together.”
For a moment, his brow furrowed as he gazed at her, nonplussed. Then, like a new day breaking over the horizon, and taking just about nearly as long, realisation dawned on his face. His mouth dropped open even further and his eyes widened. Lifting a finger he directed it towards Cordelia, who merely pursed her lips and glared at him.
“You,” he said slowly. “You and Faith.”
Cordelia nodded curtly.
“You and Faith together,” Angel added. “Together?” Confusion deepened his gaze and he shook his head as though even he could not believe the words that were coming out of his own lips. He nodded slightly, as though accepting it, then the confused expression returned and he gazed in wonder across at Cordelia. “Together?” he repeated.
“And tonight’s winner on jeopardy is…” Cordelia said sharply. “Yes! Together!” She let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head. “Well, I think we are. Not together really as such, but together sort of.” She frowned over at him. “I don’t know.”
Still mulling the idea over in his head, Angel shrugged to himself. It wasn’t beyond all realms of understanding, he supposed. What with Faith being Faith and Cordelia being…well, Cordelia. It only made sense that two personalities like theirs would have some kind of spark between them. But as a couple? Suddenly his head filled with the idea completely and a broad grin covered his face, giving him somewhat of a foolish expression. He couldn’t think of someone more equipped to handle Faith than Cordelia, in all honesty. And apart from all that, it was kind of cute. Especially considering the way Cordelia was now squirming in front of him under his delighted gaze.
“Well that’s just uh…” he grinned, “that’s just really great.”
The look that Cordelia shot across to him may have caused mere mortals to wither. Narrowing her eyes, she curled her lip and leant over the desk, resting her elbows on it firmly.
“I’m so glad you think so,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I thought you might be of more help than just ‘oh that’s great’.”
“Well I – “
“I mean,” she got up off her chair, her voice rising at the same time as her body, “do you know who I am? I’m Cordelia Chase! I was Prom Queen!” She turned back to Angel, her eyes flashing with a sense of lost pride, her feet quickly pacing her back and forth across the room again. Reaching the far end of the room, she whipped back round again, her finger held out accusingly. Marching forwards, she advanced on a rather surprised looking Angel, held hostage in his chair behind the desk.
“Prom Queen, Angel. Queen!” she emphasised firmly. He nodded dumbly, not a little intimidated. Drawing herself up to her full height, she held her head up regally and sniffed. “I had a position of power! I had the power to put boys in positions! I could do anything I wanted to! And now,” she paused dramatically, holding her hands out, “look at me!”
Angel opened his mouth to say something, and then thought better of it. He merely shrunk back in his chair as Cordelia spun around again and headed off for the other side of his office.
“I want another girl. But no,” she let out a mirthless laugh, “not just any girl. That would be too easy for me wouldn’t it? No, not just any girl. I want Faith!” She turned again, her eyes blazing and faced him, literally shaking with her own conviction. “Faith! No other girl but her. I mean, I never went for Ellen, and as for Anne Heche,” she stopped, pausing to pull a face, “crazy lunatic. You do understand don’t you Angel, it’s just Faith?”
“Well,” he sat up in his chair a little, leaning onto one arm. “I think the term crazy lunatic is maybe a little – “
“Angel!”
“Yes, I totally understand,” he nodded obediently. “You can’t help who you fall in love with. And a reformed Slayer, especially one like Faith, with everything that happened,” he nodded as he recalled the history that particular Slayer carried with her. “Seeing someone like her in a romantic sense is probably a little daunting right now.”
“Reformed Slayer?” Cordelia dropped heavily into the chair opposite the vampire again, letting out a groan. She covered her face with her hand and rubbed it slowly across her eyes, pinching at the bridge of her nose. “I don’t care about that,” she waved her hand around dismissively, fixing him with a deep gaze. “She’s a girl, Angel. And me, I’m a girl.”
“Yes,” he said, not quite understanding.
“We’re both girls!” she wailed.
Angel sat back in his chair. “And you’re not comfortable with that?”
Cordelia had to look twice to check that he was totally serious. Satisfied that he was, she shrugged. “When it’s just me and Faith together, I don’t even think about it,” she said. “I mean, I’ve never,” she took a breath, remembering the lucidity of the kiss they had shared earlier in the day, “I’ve never, ever felt like this with someone before. Never.”
“So you’re worried what people might say if you and Faith become an item?”
She nodded sadly. “I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t help it. But I can’t help what I am either. I mean, people expect it from Faith, she can pretty much do what she likes. But they don’t expect it from me. Nobody does.”
Angel leaned forward, lowering his voice kindly and smiled across at her. “People never do, Cordy. Nobody expected Buffy and I to get together in the way that we did.” He caught the distressed expression that flitted across her face and frowned, “Okay, bad example. Look, if you and Faith can find something in one another that nobody else can, then you shouldn’t worry what other people think. Happiness is worth so much more than opinion.” He sat back, pursing his lips at the memories that flooded into his brain; memories that had a frightening clarity and depth, even after all this time.
He let his eyes drift over her once more, wanting to give her some peace of mind, if nothing else. But he knew in his heart of hearts that only she could give herself that. A sigh drifted out of him, almost unconsciously weaving its way out of his breathless body.
“You deserve it Cordy,” he said softly, his voice bringing her eyes up to meet his. “And so does she.”
She almost smiled then. A tiny curve of her lips and a softening of her gaze. Nodding, she knew that he was right. “So what do I do now?” she asked sadly.
Angel returned her small smile with a warmer one of his own, almost making her forget for a moment that he wasn’t human. He shrugged, as though the answer had been right in front of her all along.
“You tell her,” he said.
Part 2
Cordelia could hear the club several blocks before she could see it. A grimace worked its way across her lips as she got out her car and left it in what she hoped was a parking zone. The dull thud of dance music was reaching her ears as she walked down the alleyway towards the entrance, whilst the neon sign above the club proclaimed its name in an array of pinks and blues.
She had been here only once before. Faith had insisted she come along one weekend, promising Cordelia fun. The Slayer, in her inimitable style, had dressed for the occasion, wearing her usual leather and provocative top, showing far more flesh than it covered. Cordelia had barely been able to keep her eyes to herself that night, gazing at Faith as she whirled in and out of the other women on the dance floor. Of course, she’d been far too reticent then, merely watching rather than participating. Whatever her confident outer persona suggested, the idea of spending an evening (and, according Faith, quite possibly the early hours of the morning as well) in the company of women only was pretty daunting. And daunted she had been.
Women of all shapes, sizes, hair colours (including a rather vibrant shade of pink, she had noted) and dress styles had crowded together in the club. Hungry looks darted her way as she entered with Faith, checking her out quite openly. Unused to that kind of attention from women, Cordelia had felt herself draw closer to Faith, literally bumping the other girl in her efforts to remain in that aura of protection that the Slayer carried around her. Turning, Faith had seen Cordelia’s discomfort and had flashed her a wide smile, surreptitiously reaching down behind her to interlace her fingers with Cordelia’s own. She squeezed the actress’ hand once, leading her through the throng of women with something of a possessive air that Cordelia had been more than grateful for. Faith had flirted shamelessly with her that night, Cordelia remembered with a smile. She had kept eye contact with the actress all the way through her bumping and grinding on the floor, whilst other women moved around her like paramours or minions, paying homage to her athletic twists and turns.
When she reached the door, Cordelia steadied herself, running her palms down her hip hugging trousers. Pale blue, with her white leather bodice, she had chosen her outfit carefully, hoping against hope that that in itself would be enough to tempt Faith back again. She tried to ignore the trembling in her legs that bothered her. Faith might not even be here, and then what would she do? She’d only come here looking for her because the Slayer had admitted that it was a favourite haunt of hers. When she had been getting ready at her apartment it seemed like such a good idea. Now though, she thought desperately, it was all a little overwhelming. Taking a deep breath, she walked up the steps to the entrance.
Faith spun around, her hair flying out behind her, unruly dark locks picking up the strobe lighting until it seemed that her hair was full of light, spinning around with her. Lifting her arms above her head, she let the throbbing beat consume her body until she felt as though her heart was pumping in time along with the music. Letting it move around her, she felt as though she was the only girl in the club, the only dancer on the floor. It was times like this that she felt truly happy and free. She had discovered this place on one of her nightly jaunts looking for fun. She’d made a couple of return visits since, maybe more, even persuading Cordelia to come with her one night. Although, she remembered, that hadn’t been a successful date. Date? She almost laughed out loud. Still unable to put a name to what she and Cordelia were, they had ended up here where the women were always on the lookout for a new girl. And Cordelia had been that new girl.
Letting out a laugh as she moved to the music, Faith remembered how Cordelia had huddled by one of the huge pillars, watching nervously as the Slayer took the floor by storm. And she’d been showing off for Cordelia, of course she had. She had wanted Cordy to look at her, to watch her, to want her. So Faith had maintained a steady eye contact with the actress and caressed her with her gaze all night. They had ended up in a serious make out session in Cordelia’s car that night, their breathing the only sound outside the silent hotel when Cordy had dropped her off. But that was all it had been. And Faith wanted more, so much more that it drove her wild sometimes. Holding the other girl against her and exploring her mouth and her neck, hearing her gasp in pleasure, had really gotten to the Slayer. So much so, that after Cordelia had driven off, Faith had felt compelled to go and find something to slay. Luckily, there was always some night breeder wandering around, waiting for her to stake them, or pummel them into submission.
Whirling around, Faith caught sight of a pretty black girl dancing up close to her. She wore her hair in braids and had on what Faith laughingly called regulation outfit. Cargo pants and a plain white t-shirt that covered her feminine body as she swayed close to Faith, catching her eye. Smiling back at her Faith let the girl move up against her, their hips bumping slightly as the music changed somewhat, slowing down a little. The girl put her hand lightly against the small of Faith’s back, her eyes roaming appreciatively over the Slayer’s deep red shirt, barely covering her curves, and her jet-black leather trousers, clinging to her thighs.
“Hey Faith,” she leaned forward and shouted in the Slayer’s ear. “Not seen you for a few.”
Faith shrugged, moving away from the hand that was pressing against her with a greater urgency. “Not been around much,” she replied, turning away and moving back and forth to the beat.
“I missed you,” the girl moved closer again and put her hand on Faith’s arm.
Looking down at the fingers clasping her limb, Faith’s eyes turned slightly steely as she brought her gaze up to look at the girl in front of her. “I told you Diana, I haven’t been around,” she repeated, her tones firm and holding the tiniest hint of a threat, but enough of one to ward the other girl away.
Diana removed her hand from Faith’s arm, once more letting her gaze wander over the Slayer’s body, remembering how that body moved and dipped against her own. Hungrily, she moved closer, letting the music drift her against Faith’s form, turning around to lean back against the firm muscular body of the Slayer. A lazy grin curved Faith’s mouth and she didn’t object, but instead pushed her hips forwards. Might as well have fun, right? She told herself. It wasn’t like she was being unfaithful to Cordelia. Hell, after this afternoon, she wasn’t even sure if they were in a position to be faithful to one another anyway. Diana turned around and pushed herself up against Faith, taking heart when the Slayer didn’t move away.
It was horribly busy, thought Cordelia, as she moved in between two young women and made her way further into the club. She was attempting to look around for Faith, but doing that and manoeuvring around the many women in front of her was proving a more difficult task than she had at first anticipated. Several times she bumped into someone, stood back and apologised loudly, putting her hand onto their arm to steady themselves and her. Turning, they would always fix their gaze on her, running it up and down her body, then smile and say hello. And she always answered. Manners cost nothing; her mother had always told her. And she was right.
It was only when Cordelia felt like every single woman in the club was moving forwards to say hello and smile that she realised something was maybe wrong. She must have said hi, excuse me and sorry to some twenty women before she saw them quite openly looking at her, but not at her face. No. They were looking at her outfit, and, she noticed with a slight chill, her body. And didn’t that make her move even more quickly through the club, subsequently bumping into even more people, and apologising all the more. By the time she reached the edge of the dance floor, she felt like some lesbian Pied Piper, followed by a surge of women behind her.
Scanning around the dance floor, she felt her heart sink. No sign of Faith anywhere, and if she didn’t hurry up and find her, there was always the possibility that the woman behind her was going to stop pressing up against her ass and ask her to dance.
Then, in front of her, the crowd shifted and parted somewhat, revealing the familiar dark figure that Cordelia had longed to see since she stormed out of the office that afternoon. The actress felt her mouth drop open slightly, as she took in the figure that looked impossibly delicious on the dance floor. The leather clung to Faith’s hips and snaked against her thighs, revealing and emphasising her shapely form as it gyrated and moved with a fierce grace. The red shirt Faith wore was fastened by one or two buttons over her breasts, revealing more than a little of her black bra underneath. Cordelia could see a faint sheen of sweat on her breastbone, whilst her stomach peeked out over the waistband of her pants. For a moment, all she could do was stand and watch as Faith moved in time to the music.
Regaining her senses somewhat, the smile that had started to form on her lips faded away. Because Faith wasn’t alone. Faith was dancing all right. With someone. The pretty black girl who was winding herself around the Slayer became the focus of Cordelia’s gaze, as she watched the two girls bend together and move around one another, as though in some ancient courting ritual. Her jaw hardened as she clenched her teeth together, realising with some dread and a lot of pleasure, that she was feeling the tendrils of jealousy creeping up throughout her body, clutching at her chest.
She stood there, doing nothing but watching for a moment, until Faith whirled around and their eyes met. With about twenty people in between them, the Slayer and the Seer locked gazes and looked into one another’s eyes. Was that shock in Faith’s eyes? Or something else? Cordelia couldn’t tell, the charcoal colour of Faith’s makeup blurring her normally soft brown gaze into something gritty and hard. Deep in her stomach, Cordelia felt the flame of lust stir as Faith’s movements became exaggerated and overly sexual, her hips swaying first one way, and then the other. Raising her hands up over her head, Faith pushed her torso forwards, letting the black girl who was with her run her hands over her body, tempting Cordelia onto the dance floor.
Moving closer, Faith narrowed the gap between her and the woman who was caught in her gaze. She noticed how the other women in the club were gathering round Cordelia, letting their eyes wander up and down her body. Red jealousy misted her vision, mixing with desire to make a heady cocktail that danced around in her head. She moved forward even faster, shaking off the clammy attentions of Diana, who tried in vain to keep close to her. Never once taking her eyes off Cordelia, Faith approached the girl until they stood mere inches apart, the Slayer still swaying to the music.
Faith was about to open her mouth to say something, when Cordelia leaned forwards, burying her fingers into the dampened dark locks that fell around her face, pulling the Slayer towards her. Almost roughly, she pressed her lips against Faith’s feeling the other girl’s mouth open invitingly. The softness of her kiss was hardened as Cordelia deepened the embrace, pushing her tongue against the pouting lips that were crushed up against her own. Their teeth clashed as Faith’s hand slid around Cordelia’s waist, pulling her against her own body. And just as the Slayer moved her other hand onto Cordelia’s hip, the actress pulled away, her mouth open and dark, panting slightly.
“I’m going to get a drink,” she told Faith, watching as the Slayer’s eyes deepened to a fiery sienna brown. She gently moved her fingers down to the nape of Faith’s neck and slid them around to her collarbone, before stepping back.
A lazy smile spread itself over Faith’s lips as she felt, rather than saw the reaction of all the women around them, especially Diana, who was standing at her shoulder. The olive eyes raked over Cordelia’s body just once, before coming back to rest on Faith’s flushed face, her eyes alight with desire. Diana’s bottom lip jutted out slightly in annoyance as Faith stepped up off the dance floor and, putting her hand into the small of Cordelia’s back, directed her towards the bar. As they made their way through the crowd of admiring glances, Faith felt her head lift up proudly. Yeah, she thought, she’s mine. All mine.
Cordelia perched on one of the stools at the bar, leaning her elbow on the cool surface that curved almost around one side of the whole club. Faith moved up close so that her leather clad leg rested against Cordelia’s thigh, rubbing against it in an almost comforting manner. Although, Cordelia noted, the sensation of the smooth material against her inner thigh was sending thrills up and down her body. She was quite thankful she was sitting down, especially when Faith reached around and put her hand against her waist, her fingers pressing into the soft skin there.
The girl Faith had been dancing with leant on the bar next to them, her eyes coolly watching the two girls’ caresses with some interest. As Faith and Cordelia shared a smile, she pushed forwards, holding out her hand.
“I’m Diana,” she said briskly.
“Cordelia,” the actress smiled politely, feeling the other girl grasp her hand with a grip that somehow felt too firm.
Leaning back, Diana folded her arms across her chest and glanced across at Faith, before her gaze returned to Cordelia. “So,” she smiled, although her eyes remained a cool brown, “you two are obviously friends.”
Cordelia met Faith’s gaze, the Slayer rolling her eyes slightly. Resisting the urge to giggle, more with the sheer euphoria of it all rather than just at Faith, Cordelia nodded. “Faith and I have known one another since High School,” she explained.
“You went to school?” Diana exclaimed, looking at Faith with interest. The Slayer merely screwed her face up into a look of disassociation and shrugged.
Turning back to Cordelia, Diana let out a snort and smiled cruelly. “So your taste in girls runs to Homecoming Queens now does it, Faith?” she said.
Faith whipped around, her mouth open and defiant, her eyes glinting with a hard light that Cordelia knew could only lead to trouble. Putting her hand onto Faith’s arm, she leaned forward and smiled graciously at Diana, speaking slowly and clearly, as though to a rather stupid child.
“It was Prom Queen, actually,” she said, her voice brittle and icy. “And yes, Faith’s taste in women has moved up the social ladder,” her eyes ran up and down Diana’s body, “obviously.” Sitting back, she pasted a bright Queen of the Prom smile onto her lips and pulled Faith close against her.
A lopsided grin formed over the Slayer’s lips as she rested her body back against Cordelia, feeling the other girl drape her arms over her shoulders and join her hands possessively around her neck. Cordelia even had the tenacity to press her lips against Faith’s sweat dampened temple in an affectionate kiss.
Diana looked at the two of them, her lip curling slightly, before she turned on her heel and stomped away, disappearing into the crowd. Faith spun around in Cordelia’s arms, a delighted smile on her face.
“You,” she grinned, leaning in for a gentle kiss, “are amazing.”
Cordelia returned the caress, putting her fingers onto Faith’s cheek for a moment and caressing the softness under her touch. “Well you know what they say, you can take the girl out of prom, but you can never take the prom out of the girl.”
Laughing, Faith leant against the bar, leaning forwards to try and catch the attention of the bartender. Failing to do so, she let out a frustrated sigh and turned back to see Cordelia eyeing her carefully.
“What?”
Cordelia narrowed her eyes and tilted her head onto one side. “So who was she, Faith? That girl?”
“Uh, Diana?” Faith was at once defensive and apologetic, shifting from foot to foot under the gimlet gaze of her girl. “We had sex a couple of times, that’s all. Nothin’ special.”
“Sex?” Cordelia’s voice seemed suddenly rather loud and a little shrill. She jerked back involuntarily in her chair as though she’d been struck. Her lips curled downwards in distaste. “You had sex with her?”
Shrugging, Faith looked down at the bar, swirling her finger round on the glass top in nonsensical circles. “Sure, wasn’t nothin’ big.”
“And when was this?” Cordelia demanded, her body at once tense and taut in her seat.
“I dunno,” Faith’s nonchalance was beginning to irk the other girl, and she felt it build like an invisible barrier between them. “Cor,” she turned, lifting her hand to place it on the other girl’s cheek, “it’s gone, okay? It wasn’t nothin’. And…she’s…” she faltered for a moment.
“She’s what? Fantastic? A great lover? Inventive?” The staccato sentences blurted out of the actress’ mouth as her face crumpled into disbelief. She felt very stupid all at once. And regret began to pull at the edges of her mind.
“No,” Faith looked up, her eyes meeting Cordelia’s in an honest gaze. “She ain’t you. And that’s what matters.”
The music in the club changed, the dance beat giving way to something altogether more primal and seductive; the quick pace succumbing to a slower beat, the base throbbing dangerously at the heart of each girl’s chest. Faith looked back to the dance floor, then down behind the bar again, realising that they weren’t going to get a drink this side of midnight.
Faint violin strains sounded as the drum marked time and the base tripped down from note to note. Looking across at Cordelia, Faith noticed the other girl swaying slightly to the music. One of her favourites, she thought. By the time the singer’s voice began, Faith had slipped her hand into Cordelia’s and led her to the dance floor, pushing past couples that were drifting towards one another to finally stop in the centre of the floor.
Facing the actress, Faith smiled a slow, sensual grin, curving her full lips upwards in a pout that leant towards Cordelia. The other girl responded by smiling back, lost in a haze of Slayer and black, black eyes. Lifting her hands, Faith trailed her fingers down Cordelia’s bare arms, leaving fiery trails in their wake. Her hips began to sway from side to side, her legs bending slightly at the knee to move her around as she made her way down Cordelia’s neck, her gaze touching it with the silken graze of a caress.
The wail of an electric guitar moved Cordelia to match Faith’s movements. Reaching out, she slipped her fingers into the waistband of the Slayer’s pants, pulling her closer until their bodies were a breath apart. She let go of Faith’s pants and slid her arm around the Slayer, feeling at once the delicacy and strength under her touch, contained in the beauty that was staring into her eyes, swallowing her whole.
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be a woman
The two swayed against one another, hips moving forward to bump gently and meet at the hottest point of both their bodies. Her arms hanging loosely by her sides, Faith leant her head back, exposing the milky whiteness of her throat, caught and illuminated by the brightness of the overhead spotlight for a second. Cordelia caught her breath at the wanton creature writhing against her; almost inhuman and more divine than anything she had ever seen. She shifted her body until Faith’s leather clad leg was between her own, edging up to the top of her thighs. Inching forwards, Cordelia pulled Faith more firmly against her, the Slayer’s head moving down so that their lips were almost touching. Almost. But not quite.
So tired of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For I’ve been a temptress too long
With a daring she had never felt before, Cordelia sunk down low onto Faith’s leg, the Slayer giving her a perfect smile as she finally slid her own muscular arms around the slight, tall figure of the actress. Faith’s leg hardened underneath Cordelia as a guitar took them into a swaying dance of pure instinct, both girl moving as close to the other as they could do.
Sow a little tenderness
No matter if you cry
Drawing Cordelia close to her, Faith finally pressed her lips against the other girl’s neck, aware that most of the eyes in the club were glued to their figures. The two saw nothing, felt nothing, and heard nothing but the other. Cordelia moved her hand up Faith’s back, up the strong, firm body that she desired so much, and closed her eyes, letting the music take her, letting Faith take her, letting the night draw her in. Faith murmured something against her neck, before her lips drew skin between them and velvet kisses trailed up towards that spot just underneath her ear. Letting her fingers grasp strands of ebony hair between them, Cordelia felt pride wash over her in waves almost as strong as her desire for the woman against her, as they danced alone, yet together, moving as one.
Part 3
It must have been at least 3am by the time Cordelia and Faith tumbled through the door of Cordelia’s apartment, giggling and falling against one another. Neither girl could remember when they had had this much fun; in fact, Faith couldn’t remember ever enjoying herself so much without breaking any laws. Although, she snuck a glance across at Cordelia and grinned to herself, their slow dancing had been bordering on illegal at one point.
Faith threw herself onto the couch whilst Cordelia switched on a couple of lamps, giving the apartment a rosy glow. Looking around, Faith allowed herself a tinge of envy. It was a really nice place; great view, nice furnishings and a hell of a low rent. Sure, Cordelia had to share with Phantom Dennis, but, the Slayer shrugged to herself, he was more like a silent roomie than anything else. She remembered the first time she’d set foot in this place after coming back to LA; Dennis had thrown various bits and pieces of crockery at her until Cordelia had explained that Faith wasn’t the same person who had broken in all those months ago. Nursing a bruised nose and a sore sense of pride, Faith had apologised out loud. Since then, she grinned now to herself, Dennis had quite taken to her. That said something. She wasn’t sure what yet, but it was something.
Putting her feet up, Faith settled back against the couch and slid her arms out of her jacket. All the way back in the car, she had hardly been able to keep her hands off Cordelia; the other girl threatening that she was going to crash if the Slayer kept up the constant petting and touching that was going on below the steering wheel. Glancing around the room and pushing her sweaty hair back off her face, Faith wondered where Cordelia had gone to. She had some petting to catch up on, surely.
The actress appeared at the foot of the couch, tutting slightly and shoving at Faith’s heavy boots, pushing them off the upholstery. In her hands she carried two bottles of beer, condensation running down their sides, and a plate of cookies that she knew Faith liked. Setting them down on the table, Cordelia perched at the end of the couch, glancing towards the Slayer with nervous eyes.
“Great night,” Faith said, reaching for her beer and tipping it up, swallowing the ice-cold liquid gratefully.
“Great night,” Cordelia agreed, her lips widening to a smile as she gazed upon the relaxed body of the Slayer on her couch. Just having Faith here was wonderful, she told herself. If nothing else happened, just them being here together was enough.
Setting her beer back on the table, Faith’s fingers hovered over the cookies, whilst her eyes flickered towards Cordelia. A lazy smile passed over her lips and she blinked once, with heavy lidded eyes. Her gaze darkened to deep chocolate that seemed to drink Cordelia in.
“Now,” she said deliberately, “what would I prefer, a cookie, or a kiss from the best lookin’ woman in that club tonight?”
Smiling wryly, Cordelia moved slightly closer on the couch. “Well the cookies are right in front of you,” she said. “As for the best looking woman in the club, well she’s lying on my couch right in front of me.”
Moving with her Slayer reflexes, Faith’s arms shot out and gathered Cordelia up, pulling her on top of her as she lay back. Both girls sniggered lightly as Faith’s hands roamed over Cordelia’s leather bodice, feeling the straps at the back with nimble fingers. They were criss-crossed over large areas of naked skin that Faith found highly erotic, trailing her fingers over them as Cordelia grinned down at her, her hazel eyes closing slowly, blinking like a contented cat.
“You’ve got great eyes,” Faith murmured, her hands moving over Cordelia’s skin. “They’re kinda brown with gold in ‘em. I never noticed that before. Real pretty.”
Bringing her hands up to Faith’s face, Cordelia placed her palms on the Slayer’s cheeks, holding her face steady so that she could look deep into the other girl’s eyes. For a long moment, those brown gold-flecked eyes searched the deep brown pools in front of her, communicating more in those few seconds than either girl had done in the past three weeks.
“So why d’you do it Cor?” Faith asked suddenly, breaking the silence. “Why d’you come to the club tonight? I thought you hated it there.”
Shrugging, Cordelia smirked. “I got the impression you’d need saving from unwanted admirers.” She smoothed her palms down Faith’s face until they rested against thick locks of wavy hair.
“Right, what was it, a vision you had?” Faith asked, raising her eyebrows in an attempt at seriousness.
“Kind of,” Cordelia said softly, “I saw what my life would be like without you in it. And it was pretty icky, I can tell you.”
“Icky?” Faith’s nostrils flared at the laughter she was trying unsuccessfully to contain. She tightened her grip on the other girl, shifting her weight onto her body so that their hips were touching.
“Absolutely,” Cordelia nodded gravely, her eyes twinkling. “A life without Faith is an icky life. From the mouths of The Powers That Be.”
“Sure,” Faith murmured. “Crazy chick.” Reaching up, she pressed her lips against Cordelia’s, feeling the other girl murmur a throaty response. Tongues mingled, rolling and tumbling as the kiss deepened and intensified, sending dizzying messages of desire floating around each girl’s brain. Pushing up with her hips, Faith felt Cordelia press down with hers, the electric pulse of contact racing up and down their bodies as one. Shifting slightly, Faith worked her thigh up between the other girl’s legs, applying the tiniest pressure. A moan escaped Cordelia’s throat and she pushed her mouth ever further down upon Faith’s.
Crooking her knee, Faith pushed her leg harder in between Cordelia’s and thrust again with her hips, revelling in the lust that was rising inside her like a trail of gunpowder had been laced around her stomach. The tingling in her loins and thighs was almost unbearable, racing its way up to her chest, so tight that she could hardly breathe.
Cordelia squirmed on top of Faith, hardly able to focus on kissing the other girl, so strong was the ache inside of her. For all her former protests, she knew this was right. Faith was right. Lying in her arms was the most loved she had ever felt. Wait a minute; she stopped her thoughts from rushing wildly towards the one objective she was sure they had. Did she say loved? Could she even contemplate that something like love could happen here? Her attraction to Faith had not once indicated love. In fact, in all her life, Cordelia had never given serious thought to the kind of love that would make you stay with someone for the rest of your life. And yet…she felt a tiny frown edge at the corners of her features, with Faith, anything seemed possible.
Sensing the other girl’s drawing back from the embrace, Faith laid her leg down flat. She pushed slightly at Cordelia’s shoulders, breaking the kiss, a quizzical look crossing her face.
“Cor? You okay?”
Cordelia leant up on her elbows and attempted a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Faith noticed, she was sure of that.
“I’m lying on top of you and you ask me that?” she attempted a joke.
Neither one of them laughed.
“I just, y’know,” Faith shrugged, “s’okay. Forget it.”
Pushing herself up and off Faith, Cordelia sat back on the couch, straightening her hair with that flicking of the fingers girls like her always had. Primping, her mother had called it. She should know, Cordelia thought grimly. Glancing back at the soulful brown eyes gazing at her, she reached across and patted Faith’s hand. One thing could make this right, she knew that. Despite her own misgivings about the whole ‘gay’ thing, she shuddered inwardly; she knew that being with Faith was totally right for her. Right now, anyway. Thinking about the future was something that she honestly couldn’t manage. In their line of work, the future was something that didn’t figure largely.
“I’ll be right back,” she said, getting up off the couch. “You wait there, have beer, eat some cookies.”
“Cor?” Faith’s questioning tone followed her as she made her way to her bedroom.
“Won’t be long!” she called, waving a hand behind her.
As Cordelia’s bedroom door clicked shut, Faith swung her legs off the edge of the couch and sat back, shaking her head. Reaching for her beer again, she swallowed deeply, letting out an appreciative breath as the liquid slid down her throat. Her gaze roamed over the tabletop, filled as it was with magazines. She pulled a face. Cordelia might be a lot of things, but she was always going to be horribly obsessed with fashion. It was that superficiality that probably helped her keep her feet on the ground, Faith mused. Sometimes, if she thought real hard about it, she wondered how the fuck she could have gotten so involved with someone who was, to all intents and purposes, the complete opposite of her.
Sighing, Faith shoved a couple of magazines to one side and shook her head, letting her hair spill out over her shoulders.
“Where’s the fuckin’ remote?” she grumbled.
A black shape floated through the air towards her. Grinning, Faith realised that she wasn’t quite alone.
“Hey Dennis, thanks man,” she said. Her lips curved into a mischievous smile as the remote floated ever nearer. “Now you weren’t getting all ghostly hot an’ bothered just then were ya? I mean, don’t you get enough kicks from Skinamax without musclin’ in on my action?”
The remote gathered speed, dropping disdainfully against her stomach with quite some force. Faith let out a laugh, reaching for it and flicking the television on. As life crackled into the screen, she swigged at her beer again.
“Alright Dennis, sorry,” she snorted. By means of peaceable acceptance, the plate of cookies floated up towards Faith and she grabbed one. “Thanks man,” she mumbled, her mouth already full.
Thirty minutes later, Faith was glancing agitatedly between the clock on the wall and the television screen. There were only a few cookies left on the plate by now, and although Faith wasn’t really hungry, she kept shoving them into her mouth because that at least, was something to do. Her face had drawn into a mixture of anger and impatience, painting broad lines across her brow and clenching her hand, creaking the plastic casing on the remote as she flicked through multitudinous channels.
Sighing, she started over at Channel 1 and tried not to have the concentration span of a hyperactive goldfish. But her finger began incessantly pressing the channel changer, and the screen hopped from one program to another, barely giving the Slayer time to register what picture she was being shown.
“Chicks!” she sighed out loud, casting a baleful glare towards the bedroom door.
Dennis floated Cordelia’s beer up towards her by means of consolation. Faith pursed her lips and shrugged thanks, swigging heavily at it. Placing it back onto the table, Dennis appeared to share her view of women. Or perhaps it was just Cordelia.
“Cor!” Faith turned suddenly and shouted. Probably loud enough to wake up the neighbours, although she wasn’t sure that she really gave much of a crap about them right now.
“Just a minute!” the muffled sound came back. “Be right there!”
“Sure,” Faith muttered to herself. “That’s what you said before. And I’m still waitin’.”
She reached forwards and grabbed herself another cookie. Might as well fill in the time somehow, she thought. Besides, she honestly couldn’t remember the last time someone had made an effort to get the food she liked. And although she could have quite gladly strangled Cordelia right this minute, it was kind of cute.
The bedroom door clicked open just as Faith bit into the cookie.
“Oh Faith?” a winsome voice called from the doorway, floating over to her in tones of pure feminine delight.
Faith turned on the couch, directing her gaze over to the bedroom doorway. Being a Slayer, she had seen some things that might make mere mortals quake. Being a Slayer, she had learned to up her levels of acceptance somewhat. And, being a Slayer, there wasn’t a great deal in this world that surprised her.
But Faith was surprised.
No, more than that. Faith was amazed. Faith was shocked. And Faith was speechless.
At the same time that her eyes widened to huge pools of brown, her mouth dropped open. The cookie that had been halfway to her mouth remained there, held in mid-air by a hand that refused to move any further. Several unchewed cookie crumbs fell from her lips, tumbling onto the folds of material. The plastic casing of the remote creaked agonisingly as Faith’s grip almost crushed it in one squeeze of her hand. Luckily, Dennis wrested it from her hold and clicked the television off, leaving only silence.
A silence that roared loud and long as Faith could hardly believe what she was looking at.
Cordelia was standing in the doorway to her bedroom. Standing in a pose she had carefully copied from thorough research done on various websites she didn’t want to give a name to, and cable channels that she was sure shouldn’t be for public viewing.
Her left hand trailed down the wooden frame of the doorway, whilst her right reached up and pressed against the frame opposite. Wearing an overly lacy baby doll nightie and a matching jacket, Cordelia looked utterly divine. If she had been taking part in a bad lesbian porn movie, that is. The lace wasn’t the best material at covering her body, and that, at least, provided some brief respite from the vision she was presenting Faith. Spreading her feet apart, Cordelia had positioned her legs into a somewhat coy and girlish stance that involved her crooking her knee daintily as she leaned to one side.
Flicking her hair back over her shoulder, as she had seen done so often in her ‘research’, Cordelia was aware for a moment that she didn’t actually have hair to flick back over her shoulder. But she flicked anyway. Remembering her list of seduction techniques carefully, she reached out with the tip of her tongue and licked her lips, just once. Then she fixed Faith with what she hoped were ‘come to bed’ eyes, and blinked, although, to the Slayer’s amazed eyes, she looked somewhat similar to a deer caught in the headlights.
“Faith,” she said slowly, her voice a tiny pitch higher than normal. She cleared her throat and started again. “Faith, I know you and I have never…” she trailed off, trying desperately to remember all the euphemisms she’d ever learned for sex. She failed. “Uh…done it,” she added miserably. “But I think we should. I think you should show me what it could be like. I want you to show me.”
Faith blinked once, hoping that this was a vision. Opening her eyes, she found to her despair that it wasn’t. Getting up slowly from the couch, she dropped the cookie onto the plate, hearing it land with a clunk onto the china. Walking over to Cordelia, she tried to gather her thoughts together. Which was hard, considering that her brain was in too much shock at the sight of her usually quite normal girlfriend suddenly having gone all ‘bad lesbian porn’ on her.
“Uh…Cordy,” she began, but the other girl silenced her with a fingertip laid across her lips.
“No Faith,” Cordelia said dramatically. “No words. Just take me.” She flicked her imaginary hair back over her shoulder again and licked her lips, just like she’d practised in front of the mirror. “Only Faith,” she added in a whisper, “be gentle with me.” Her overly made-up eyes cast themselves downward in an attempt at shy seduction.
Now Faith’s mind went into overdrive. Firstly, she wanted to burst out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. Then she wanted to shout at Cordelia for her ham handed efforts. Of course, the next thought lurched into her head, it wasn’t her fault. Poor Cordelia had obviously gone to a great deal of trouble to do this; she wasn’t to know what it was like when lesbians had sex. In fact, Faith thought, glancing behind the other girl into the bedroom and catching a glimpse of the ten or so candles dotted at strategic places around the room, Cordelia probably wasn’t to know what it was like when anyone had sex anymore. Poor girl, Faith mused momentarily, it really had been too long. And those candles, her gaze flicked back towards them again, well that was just asking for trouble. They were far too near the drapes and even the slightest hint of a breeze could have those drapes in flames right away. Faith’s ticking mind took the scene one step further; fire fighters milling round whilst the apartment block burned, wanting to know how all this started. Well officer, she mentally told the imaginary fire fighter, it all started when my girlfriend tried to seduce me by wearing a frilly napkin…
Gathering herself, Faith reached up and took hold of Cordelia’s hand gently, folding her fingers around it and bringing it down to rest between them. She smiled at the other girl and cursed herself for suddenly going all gentlemanly on her. But, she reckoned, if they were going to do this, it had to be right. And right certainly didn’t include this kind of thing, she shuddered slightly.
“Cor,” she said softly, as the other girl looked at her, wide-eyed and expectant. “This is really uh…” she paused, trying to think of a word that was truly befitting. “This is all really sweet of you. And it’s not like I don’t appreciate it. Cuz I do. I really do.”
Cordelia’s head dropped slightly down to her chest in defeat. Faith brought up her other hand and put her fingers underneath Cordelia’s chin, tilting it so that sad hazel eyes met warm brown.
“It’s not like I don’t wanna,” she continued. “I mean, god Cor, I really do. I swear, sometimes it’s all I can think about. But this…I know you’re doin’ it cuz you feel insecure about the whole thing and maybe you wanna prove that you can do this. But,” Faith let out a huge sigh and looked down at the floor, her fingers falling from Cordelia’s chin, “I don’t want that. I don’t want our first time together to be somethin’ that you feel you have to do. I don’t want it be because you’ve got somethin’ to prove to yourself. I want…” She lifted her head and gazed solemnly into the hazel eyes opposite her. “I want it to be because you want it too.”
For a second, neither of them spoke. Faith’s fingers tenderly increased their grip around Cordelia’s until the actress blinked once, faint tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.
“Oh,” Cordelia said softly.
“Cor, I swear it’s not because I don’t want you,” Faith urged, worry prickling at the back of her mind.
“I know you do,” Cordelia said, pursing her lips dejectedly. “I know. But I just wanted to make things…I mean, I wanted this to be something special. I wanted it to be…” she shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve made such a horrible fool of myself.” Her voice faded off into a gulp as she began to swallow back the sobs that were biting at her throat.
“Oh Cor,” Faith gathered the other girl into her arms and held her tightly. “You really haven’t. It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me, for real.”
“I’m so stupid,” Cordelia wailed, her voice muffled against Faith’s shoulder.
Rubbing the other girl’s back, Faith got a handful of lace for her troubles and almost laughed. “No you’re not,” she comforted, wondering how on earth it came so easily to her with this girl. “You’re sweet and funny and hey,” she held Cordelia back from her, looking at her with a smile on her lips, “you’re way sexy. And you know what?”
“What?” Cordelia sniffed, her mascara running down the sides of her cheeks in a way that seemed impossibly adorable to Faith right now.
“First time together, it’s gonna be really special, because it’s gonna be you and me wanting to do it. Okay?” Faith peered into Cordelia’s eyes, making the other girl give her a watery smile.
“But…I put clean sheets on the bed!” Cordelia suddenly remembered, giving a half-sob and squeezing yet more tears from her eyes.
Faith put her arm around her and walked her into the bedroom. “Well in that case, I’d better spend the night. I mean, clean sheets, can’t turn that down,” she laughed, feeling the other girl relax against her somewhat. Turning, she put her hand lightly on Cordelia’s face and leaned forwards, dropping a kiss onto the lips that she so desperately wanted on her own all night long. “Kinda like a sleepover, right?”
Cordelia nodded, plucking at the lacy nightie that was now making her feel more and more like a freak. Sulkily, she pulled at the cords holding the jacket on and took it off, letting it drop onto the floor. “I should change,” she said. “I look stupid in this.”
“Oh I dunno,” Faith winked back at her. “You’ve got the whole Skinamax thing goin’ on there. Kinda sexy.”
Dennis closed the door on the couple, blocking out the sound of Faith’s yelp as a rather indignant Cordelia gave her a resounding slap to the arm. The television clicked on again, the screen warming up to a picture of two women held in a passionate embrace. One of them was dressed not unlike Cordelia and was being pinned to the bed by another, brunette woman who was by this point in the movie, completely naked. The woman in the lace negligee gasped, looking up at her lover. “Be gentle with me,” she said, as the other woman descended on her.
Cordelia woke to the thought that she was being attacked. Certainly the thrashing around in the bed wasn’t anything that could be described as pleasant. Her eyes snapping open, she realised that it wasn’t an attacker pummelling her and kicking her, it was Faith.
Hardly able to see in the darkness of the room, Cordelia turned to see the Slayer lying on her side, face crumpled into an expression of pain and anguish. Her mouth was half open and mumbling words that didn’t make sense to anyone but the sleeping girl herself. Kicking out with her feet, she was keeping the actress at bay, whilst her hands whipped out and pushed at Cordelia, now leaning over Faith.
“Faith?” Cordelia put her hand onto the Slayer’s shoulder and shook it a little. For her pains, she got a slap in the face that made her recoil, instantly bringing tears of stinging pain to her eyes. Pressing her palm against her cheek, she tried not to be deterred, and leaned forwards again.
This time she dug her fingers into Faith’s shoulder and shouted her name close to the other girl’s ear. Faith’s eyes opened, she sat up, bringing herself to the present with a speed that made Cordelia gasp and move backwards again.
“Cor? What’s up?” Faith said, confused at the night that still surrounded them.
Cordelia rubbed her palm against her cheek. “You were talking in your sleep, or moving, or something…I don’t know. You woke me up.”
Looking over at the other girl, Faith was about to shrug it off, until she saw Cordelia rubbing her face. “You okay?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.
“You slapped me,” Cordelia said. Seeing the pained reaction of the Slayer, she quickly put out her hand and grabbed hold of Faith’s. “It’s fine. Really, it was an accident.”
“Shit, Cor, I’m so sorry,” Faith wore an expression of shame and privately berated herself for bringing her problems here.
“No really, I’ll be okay,” Cordelia reassured her. Rubbing her thumb gently over Faith’s hand, she tilted her head onto one side. “Were you having a bad dream?”
Faith appeared reticent to share, looking down at their joined hands and saying nothing for a minute. She shrugged, her naked shoulders rising and falling in the vest top that Cordelia had given her to sleep in. She was ashamed for airing her problems with Cordelia here. Usually, nobody got to see her asleep, because she never let them stay long enough. Or she never stayed. Either way, spending the night with someone wasn’t a problem, because she never did.
Fingers brushed at her hair, pushing it back from her face where it had fallen. Cordelia’s eyes seemed to shine in the darkness like a beacon of hope, glinting across at her, peering into her face until she lifted it and looked back at the woman in bed with her.
“It’s okay to have bad dreams you know,” Cordelia said softly.
“I know,” Faith said quietly, hardly wanting to talk about it. The impulse to get up out of bed and run was tugging at her, although she knew that if she did that, she would never be here again. And she so wanted this. She needed this closeness, this warmth from the other girl. Secretly, she knew that she wanted to get into bed with Cordelia and never get out again.
“But you don’t want to talk about it,” Cordelia stated bluntly.
“It’s not that,” Faith started, then shrugged again. “I don’t know Cor, I guess I shoulda just left and not stayed. Bringin’ all my problems here. It’s not right, you know?” She looked carefully at Cordelia, wondering just how far she could trust her.
“And where else are you going to take them?” Cordelia half smiled, her fingers playing comfortingly with a strand of Faith’s hair. “I don’t mind you know. I want to help, if I can.”
A sigh left Faith’s mouth and she felt the sudden urge to tell Cordelia everything. Starting from her teenage years in Boston to the happy times in New Orleans, right up to the time she had gone to Sunnydale. She felt the words forming in the back of her mind, almost pushing at her lips. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she hoped, breaking down that last barrier was always going to be the hardest thing she had ever done.
“I don’t sleep well,” she eventually said, knowing that it was all she could offer right now.
“Okay,” Cordelia said slowly. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yeah,” Faith muttered, almost ashamed to give anything away right now. “Will you…” she stopped, looking into Cordelia’s eyes, then laughing in embarrassment. “Jeez Cor, is this the way you get chicks to tell you shit? By charmin’ them?” Shifting slightly, Faith lowered herself back onto the bed and pulled the sheets up over her body.
Lying down beside her, Cordelia turned and propped her head up on one hand so that she could continue looking at Faith’s face and the amazing series of expressions that were flitting across it.
“Excuse me, Miss We Had Sex A Couple Of Times,” she said in mock sternness, “contrary to what you think, I’ve never had to or wanted to charm women before. And I’ve certainly never shared my bed with one.”
“Yeah? So why me then?” Faith felt a tiny grin tug at the corners of her mouth.
“Because you infuriate me and I need to find out why,” Cordelia smiled back.
“Is that the same as you buggin’ the crap outa me?” Faith turned onto her side and moved closer to the other girl.
“I suppose it is,” Cordelia nodded. “So, is there anything I can do to help you sleep better?”
Pursing her lips, Faith felt herself relax slightly. Looking up into the hazel eyes that were gleaming with gold in the dark, she felt herself be vulnerable for a moment. Just a moment. And it felt, right here and now with Cordelia, it felt kinda okay.
“Can you hold me?” She screwed up her face, expecting rejection.
In reply, Cordelia shifted her position in the bed, reaching out and taking Faith into her arms, scooting up behind her so that she was pressed up against Faith’s back. She felt the other girl let out a sigh that faded into her own body, passing warmth to warmth. Putting her cheek against Faith’s hair, she allowed herself a smile. This felt good.
“You don’t have to, I mean, if you don’t want to do this all night, you can – “ Faith began, her voice unusually tentative for all her Slayer bravado. But she was silenced by Cordelia’s arms tightening around her and the soft pressure of a kiss on her shoulder blade. A tight smile began on the Slayer’s lips before it softened across her whole face as she closed her eyes.
Part 4
By the time Faith yawned herself into consciousness, the bed beside her was already empty. Blinking away the last vestiges of sleep that clung to her eyes and her mind, she squinted in the sunlight that was streaming through the window. She realised that she hadn’t slept so well in a long time. In fact, she couldn’t remember that last time she had slept so soundly. Grinning foolishly, she almost thought she could still feel the arms around her that had lulled her off to sleep so carefully. Something indefinable had touched her; she knew that. The way that Cordelia had made her feel safe, even if only for a few moments, but it had happened all the same. Feeling safe in someone’s arms wasn’t new to Faith, but it had happened so infrequently in her life that feeling it again now was like tearing the scab off an old wound.
Sitting up in the bed, she pushed at her unruly hair, scraping her fingers through it and shoving it back over her shoulders. She wished she could feel resentment for the need she had shown to the other girl last night. But in her heart, it just wasn’t there. So many times in her life she had turned away from emotion, preferring instead the simple thrust of desire or lust. She could understand that; she could control that. Love, she rolled her eyes, well that had never been something she could control or give in to either. And besides, she swung her legs over the side of the bed, what was the point of loving anyone? Everyone she had ever loved was taken away from her. Her eyes flickered down to the silver cross that hung from her bracelet, wrapped carefully around her wrist. Yeah, loving someone meant losing them.
She stood up and stretched, her arms held high above her head. Bending her neck from side to side, she worked out the sleep from her body and took a deep breath of fresh air. What she had with Cordelia right now was enough, wasn’t it? Just being together and having fun. In the end, wasn’t that what it was all about? A slight frown twisted her brow as she reached up and pulled one of her arms across her chest, feeling the muscle flex under her hand. She’d gotten into a routine of stretching and working off the sleep in prison, where they were never allowed to lie in bed until anytime they chose. Some habits were harder to break than others, she guessed.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that she didn’t want to hurt Cordelia. In that quiet place she had visited so very rarely, she knew that the other girl was the centre of that storm whirling around her head. In her arms last night, Faith had felt a moment of such happiness that thinking back on it now scared her more than she cared to admit. Giving in to that feeling was something she never wanted to do. Being in control of it was what she needed, to feel like she had the upper hand all the time. Just in case something happened. Because something always did.
Padding on bare feet from the bedroom, Faith walked across the apartment to the kitchen, where the radio was playing softly. The smell of food reached her nose and she inhaled, her eyes closing ever so slightly in pleasure. For someone who’d spent most of their life being waited on hand and foot, Cordelia was learning to use the kitchen for something other than creating disaster. A wry smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She’d spent endless days teasing Cordelia about her cooking, until the other girl had gone out and bought some books. She had surprised Faith one night with a meal fit for a king. Or at least, fit for a hungry Slayer. Faith’s mouth began to water at the mere memory of it.
Cordelia was sitting at the breakfast table, flicking through a magazine. The plate in front of her was covered with crumbs that didn’t seem to match the delicious smells wafting across the room towards Faith. The Slayer tugged at the chair opposite the other girl and dropped lazily into it, stretching out her legs underneath the table.
Looking up from her magazine, Cordelia cast an eye over Faith. The Slayer was still wearing the vest and shorts she had slept in. She looked impossibly gorgeous, and brought a faint smile to Cordelia’s face. When she had dressed, picking out a smart beige skirt and white shirt, her eyes had lovingly raked up and down Faith’s sleeping body, almost wanting to get back into bed and join her again. She had literally forced herself to leave the bedroom and get into the kitchen, her sudden need to prepare food for Faith surprising and embarrassing her. She assumed that this was what couples did for one another. Not that she would know, she thought wryly, seeing as most of the men she had known expected it and she had never delivered.
“Good morning sleepyhead,” Cordelia sat back in her chair.
“Morning, mom.” Faith emphasised the last word sarcastically, making Cordelia’s eyes narrow imperceptibly.
“Now now,” Cordelia held up her hand as though in remonstration, “A grumpy Slayer doesn’t get a nice hearty breakfast.”
Faith folded her arms across her chest and nodded towards Cordelia’s plate. “Neither does a perky vision girl either, apparently.”
“Oh well,” Cordelia stood and whisked the plate out of Faith’s line of vision, turning to the stove where a pan spat and bubbled. “I never eat much for breakfast, I have to watch my figure,” she explained.
Faith reached forwards, grabbing Cordelia’s glass of juice and gulped at it. “I dunno,” she grinned, swallowing audibly, “how’s about I watch your figure for you? In the interests of humanity or some shit like that.”
Cordelia turned, giving her a smile that lifted the Slayer’s spirits somewhat. Having fun, sure, that was what it was about, Faith sipped at the juice again. She sat up in her chair as Cordelia put a plate in front of her that steamed with a pile of food; hash browns, eggs, bacon and two gleaming sausages. A pair of brown eyes lit up in pleasure as the combined smells almost intoxicated Faith’s senses. Picking up her knife and fork, Faith attacked the food, shoving in a huge mouthful of eggs and hash browns all at once and chewing madly.
Sitting down again and reaching for her juice, Cordelia realised that it was now marked property of Faith, sitting in front of the Slayer at her end of the table. Pursing her lips, she sighed and poured herself another glass from the jug sitting in the centre of the table. For some bizarre reason, she enjoyed watching Faith eat. To most people, it looked coarse and undignified, but to Cordelia, it always gave her great pleasure to feed the Slayer. She ate with such gusto and enthusiasm, like some feral beast. Certainly the appreciative grunts coming from her right now were making Cordelia squirm in pride. That cooking course she’d done without anyone knowing had really paid off.
Flicking through her magazine again, she glanced up at Faith occasionally before her eye was caught by something of a less culinary nature. “Ooh!” she exclaimed, her voice rising to that girlish note that Faith knew heralded no good. “Vogue says Penfolds are the next big thing, look,” she held up the magazine towards Faith, who merely grunted and continued with her chewing. Cordelia sniffed and turned her attentions back to the magazine again. “I have to have one,” she added, looking across towards the Slayer again. “Buy me one, please?”
Faith licked at her lips and cleared her mouth. “What the fuck is a Penfold?” she asked, shaking her head.
Cordelia scanned the article again, not really reading it properly for the second time. “I don’t know but,” she turned a pleading gaze onto Faith, “get me one?”
In reply, Faith raised one eyebrow and shoved another forkful of food into her mouth, clamping her lips down firmly on the utensil. Cordelia tapped the magazine impatiently; unable to understand how Faith couldn’t get excited about something like this.
“It’s in Vogue!” she insisted.
The Slayer remained unperturbed by that fact. Sighing, Cordelia rested back in her chair and let thoughts of Faith coming through the door loaded with expensive gifts for her slide unhappily from her mind. She glanced down at the plate that was by now barely half full. “How’s the food?”
“Mmf good,” Faith mumbled through a mouthful of food, pointing down at her plate with her fork.
Smiling, Cordelia sipped at her juice. “Although the rate you’re eating, I’m surprised it’s even touching the sides,” she said fondly. “Honestly Faith, you eat like you don’t know where your next meal is coming from.”
Swallowing hard, Faith cleared her mouth and paused to catch her breath. Pointing her knife across at Cordelia, she shrugged. “When I was a kid, I didn’t,” she explained simply, turning back to attack the sausages with force.
“I can’t imagine what that must have been like,” Cordelia said softly, wondering if the other girl would ever tell her anything more. Bits and pieces, that was all she ever got. Hints and suggestions, but nothing firm. And her curiosity was piqued, of course it was. She felt a desire to know all the details about Faith, and it just grew day by day. She wanted to know everything there was to know about the Slayer sitting across from her. Sighing inwardly, she was aware that she probably never would.
“You don’t wanna,” Faith said abruptly, swallowing her next mouthful. A tiny frown crossed her brow as she licked her lips, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She noticed the look of reprove that crossed the other girl’s face and shrugged. “Never did learn much about table manners,” she half apologised.
“Clearly,” was all Cordelia said. Not a criticism, just a fact. Her eyes moved up and down Faith’s body again, “I don’t suppose you ever got dressed for breakfast either.”
Faith grinned back at her and met a pair of hazel eyes with a distinctly wicked look. “That all depends on who I was having it with,” she answered, giving a snort of laughter. “I’m not really a great lover of breakfasts with other people,” she added, hoping that Cordelia understood how different this was for her.
Despite herself, Cordelia couldn’t help smiling, shaking her head gently. She watched as, in a matter of minutes, Faith cleared the plate, reaching for a slice of bread and butter to wipe the crockery clean, shoving that into her mouth and finishing it off. Letting out a huge sigh of relief, the Slayer leant back in her chair and stretched out her arms.
“Jeez Cor, you’re gonna make someone a hell of a wife someday,” Faith sighed in pleasure, letting out a belch of appreciation.
“Gee, thanks.” Cordelia pursed her lips and made Faith laugh with her obvious lack of delight. She reached over the table for the plate, but found her wrist caught in a tight grasp, pulling her closer to the pair of brown eyes that softened as they looked over her face.
“No, really. I mean, that was nice,” Faith said gently. Her mind once again flickering back to the night they had spent together, and the way Cordelia’s arms had felt around her, she felt a smile push at her lips. “It was all nice,” she added, letting go of the other girl’s arm.
Taking the plate over to the sink, Cordelia put it down and laid her palms flat on the surface, closing her eyes for a minute. The breakfast had been a placebo of sorts, something to make up for her awful gaffe the previous evening. Thinking about it now, a flush rose up her throat and coloured her cheeks. She had wanted Faith last night, she knew she had. She still did, she thought ruefully, the Slayer’s body imprinting images on her mind that she was now too weak to push away. Trying to make the perfect night together had turned into a disaster, just like most of her relationships. And Cordelia Chase was nothing if not a perfectionist. Failure just wasn’t a word that sat well in her vocabulary. Grimacing, she shook her head and wondered why this was all so hard. And why so important. God knows, someone like Faith could have anyone she wanted. So why did she want her?
“I’m sorry about last night,” Cordelia said suddenly, turning to face Faith, her hazel eyes darkening with embarrassment and shame.
Faith shrugged, wanting to laugh but knowing that right now might not be such a good time. “Forget it,” she said carelessly, “it was sweet of you. Uh, I guess, in a bizarre and basically scary kind of way.”
“I just wanted it to be something you’d remember, something we’d both remember,” Cordelia said in a rush, her voice breathless and full of anxiety.
“Cor,” Faith grinned lazily, “I don’t think I’m gonna be forgettin’ that in a while. Guaranteed.”
Cordelia dropped into the chair opposite Faith, her face lined with distress. The Slayer reached for her juice again realising that when Cordelia was embarrassed, she found it impossibly cute. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who put up a brave front, she mused. The more she got to know Cordelia, the more she realised that even ex-Prom Queens could have depths.
“Look,” Faith said, bringing a pair of hazel eyes up to meet her own, “nobody’s ever dressed up for me before, okay?”
“Okay,” Cordelia muttered, dropping her gaze.
“And the breakfast more than made up for it,” Faith added cheekily, bringing a pair of startled eyes flashing up to her face once more. “’Sides,” she said nonchalantly, “I kinda think you made Phantom Dennis’ night.” Her gaze flicked to the doorway, where the jacket to Cordelia’s Skinamax ensemble was floating seductively in mid-air.
A look of sheer horror crossed over Cordelia’s face as she shrieked and leapt to her feet. “Dennis!” she bellowed, lurching for the jacket. It skipped playfully from her reach, pulling her into the living room as Faith gave way to laughter, clutching at her stomach. Further sounds of shouting and cursing the day The Powers That Be ever sent Dennis back as a ghost only made the Slayer laugh even harder.
“And that concludes the briefing,” Wesley clicked the top of his ballpoint pen and put it smartly back into his shirt pocket, letting his fingers dally over his tie.
Angel, Gunn and Cordelia sighed as one, having sat through the English man’s rhetoric for at least thirty minutes. Rising to her feet, Cordelia flashed him a look of distinct boredom.
“Well that was worth getting out of bed for,” she murmured, hearing Gunn give a grunt of agreement.
“So we’re basically down to no activity then,” Angel said, moving behind his desk and dropping heavily into his chair.
Wesley looked round at the three, almost surprised by their lack of enthusiasm. He scratched at his head for a minute, then frowned. “Which is a good thing, surely?” he questioned.
“Maybe you’re forgettin’ that we get paid to be active?” Gunn folded his arms and perched on the edge of Angel’s desk.
“So once again, the Chase wardrobe remains full of last year’s fashions,” Cordelia said sadly, thinking fondly of her copy of Vogue.
“Which is hardly the issue,” Wesley shot her a look of reprove. “We must be doing something right, if there’s very little demonic activity.” He looked at the two men for reassurance. But they merely shrugged off his enthusiasm and he sighed inwardly.
“Kinda makes you wonder what’s brewin’ though,” Gunn suggested, standing up. “I’m gonna check out the gang, see what’s up with them.” He nodded towards Angel and left the office.
The vampire looked curiously at Cordelia, his interest in her passing to more personal matters. Catching his glance, she frowned and shrugged. After their conversation yesterday, she had rushed off with grand intentions to find Faith and do something positive. Much as he wanted to ask her what had happened, he somehow felt as though he was intruding. Certainly her distracted expression throughout Wesley’s diatribe just now had told him that perhaps things weren’t all hearts and flowers between her and the Slayer. And she’d turned up alone this morning. Faith’s room had been empty all night. He pursed his lips, confused. One of these days he’d understand women, and then perhaps he would gain some idea at least of what was happening here.
“No Faith?” Wesley turned from the bookshelf and looked at Cordelia.
Angel noticed how the other girl bristled. So perhaps things hadn’t gone exactly to plan last night, he thought to himself. He caught Wesley’s questioning glance and shook his head slightly, warning the other man not to press the issue.
“I’m not her keeper!” Cordelia stood up, gathering her pad and pen haughtily into her chest. “You’re a Watcher. Why don’t you watch?” She stalked out of the office into her own, leaving Wesley staring open-mouthed at Angel, who looked back at him blankly.
“What was that?” the Englishman exclaimed, a hint of offence in his tone.
Angel shrugged. “Cordy and Faith are um,” he began, then stopped, wondering if it was his place. He hadn’t noticed, so why should Wesley?
“Having a relationship?” the Englishman offered, to the vampire’s surprise. Angel nodded, speechless. Reaching up to straighten his already geometric tie, Wesley sniffed. “Well I would have thought that was obvious, hence my asking her where Faith is,” he said, shaking his head.
“How did you…?” Angel asked, clearly baffled.
Tilting his head, Wesley smiled kindly, albeit a little smugly. “Angel, for someone who’s been around for over two hundred years, your analysis of human behaviour often leaves a lot to be desired,” he said slowly. Moving towards the door, he shot a final glance towards the vampire, “I suppose it’s up to me to smooth over troubled waters then.”
As Wesley entered Cordelia’s office, he saw the girl sitting disconsolately behind her desk, playing with a pencil, twirling it round and round. She appeared lost in thought as he approached, breaking out of her reverie only when he sat on the edge of her desk. Pursing her lips slightly, she narrowed her eyes suspiciously as he leant towards her kindly and opened his mouth to speak.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said bluntly.
Wesley recoiled slightly, gathering himself, then tried again. “Well if you do, you know where I am.”
“Right,” Cordelia let out a snort of dismissive laughter.
“Cordelia,” Wesley’s voice took on a tone that she instinctively warmed to. She had forgotten how nice he could be when he wasn’t being all English and stand-offish. Relaxing slightly, she leant back in her chair and folded her arms. Taking this as a sign of peaceable acceptance, he gave her a tiny smile and adjusted his glasses.
“I take it that all is not well,” he said quietly.
Sighing, Cordelia pushed a lock of hair back behind her ear. “This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me, you know,” she said frankly. “I mean, how can I deal with something that’s never happened before?” A frown coloured her face with confusion as she gazed up at him.
Thoughtfully, he shrugged and smiled again. “You take it day by day,” he said. “It’s the only way you can.”
“Which is kind of difficult with someone like Faith,” Cordelia mused. “She’s around, then she’s not. She wants to be with me, then she disappears. Like now, for instance, I mean, she promised she’d be here today, but you know, where is she?” She held up her hands in confusion.
“That’s not your fault though,” he insisted.
“No, but I can’t help feeling like I spoiled things. You know, really spoiled things.”
Wesley leant forward again with interest. “That all depends in what…ah…how far your…” he struggled slightly, a faint blushing reddening his ears.
“Oh please,” Cordelia waved her hand dismissively. “Like I’m some kind of slut who jumps into bed with anyone.”
“Well, this is Faith we’re talking about,” he offered, only half-joking.
“Which makes it all the harder,” she sighed. “I’m not really great at that kind of thing.”
“Well who is?” Wesley sighed with her, thinking of his own failed attempts at relationships.
Eyeing him carefully, Cordelia nodded. “You know, maybe I’m not talking to the right person here,” she said.
“No, wait,” Wesley caught hold of her hand as she rose from her seat. “All I meant was that, anything with Faith is going to be a long, difficult process. She has so many issues to deal with. I’m sure being in a relationship is going to be quite far down on her priorities. But don’t give up on her. She of any of us needs someone to be with her right now. To reassure her.”
Cordelia looked down at the floor, letting out a sigh. She knew he was right. In Faith’s world, getting out of bed in the morning and getting through a day was probably as much as she could do right now. She guessed that no matter how hard she tried, she was always going to be living in some kind of shadow. As Angel had said, the road to redemption was truly a rocky path. Perhaps Faith needed someone to help her over the more tricky parts.
“If she knows you truly want her, then she’ll come to you. But you have to assure her of that,” Wesley added softly, letting go of Cordelia’s wrist. He watched as she took in his words, thinking them over for a minute. Then she lifted her head and smiled at him.
“Wesley,” she pushed affectionately at his shoulder, “you think like a girl!”
Part 5
Faith hadn’t had any trouble getting served at the bar. Even though it was barely lunchtime, there were already several booths in the dingy place that were occupied. She had been here a few times before, but it wasn’t somewhere that she exactly liked very much. It seemed that the proprietor wasn’t fussy about his clientele, serving humans and demons alike. The last time she’d been here, she had scared away a few vamps with a mere flick of her wrist, so much so, that she was already receiving some dark looks from the furthest reaches of the room, where shadowy figures lurked in contrast to the bright day outside.
Swallowing a mouthful of beer, Faith wondered for the fifth time that minute what Cordelia was doing. She had promised to meet her at the hotel later on but, she thought, later was later. Now was sitting back enjoying being the Slayer. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about Cor, it was just that she felt a sudden urge for some alone time. All that coupley crap this morning had scared the shit out of her, in all honesty. Her kickback to that was letting her old self out to play for a while. She figured that Wesley and Angel and hell, even Gunn might comfort Cor for a while, whilst she, true to form, sought out the darker places to mull over her feelings.
And so she had come here. Surrounding herself with the lowlifes and demons that she felt she belonged to. Always, she thought, always the same. Always going back to what you know, because going forward into something as scary as love was only asking for trouble. Loving someone and being loved, she thought ruefully. She’d done that shit. Loved and lost. Only, she thought to herself, in her case it was more like lost and lost. Finding something to keep, now that was the challenge. One she really didn’t much feel like taking up anymore. She was tired. Tired of the endless wanting and needing. Tired of giving her heart to someone only to have them go away and leave her all alone. All the people she had loved and given her heart to had left her in one way or another.
Pursing her lips, she lifted the bottle of beer for another gulp, trying not to think about Buffy. Going back further than that, she thought of Anna. Her gaze flickered once more down to the silver cross at her wrist. Yeah, Anna had been the first. And Buffy, she swallowed the liquid hard, her throat clamping down on the sorrow that rose inside it. Well, Buffy would be the last. The unease with which Cordelia had entered into their relationship said it all. It said, don’t expect anything else because you ain’t getting any. So Faith had learned never to expect a thing, other than perhaps a few nights of passion. And that was it.
It didn’t quite succeed in stopping her wanting more though.
“Hello Faith,” a voice at her shoulder said smoothly.
Turning from the bar, Faith looked up into a face she hadn’t expected to see, and hadn’t wanted to see again. The tall woman eased herself down onto a bar stool beside the Slayer, her hands smoothing over her tailored suit, defining her tapering legs and elegant stance, even in this shithole of a place.
“Lilah Morgan,” Faith said slowly, her face holding an expression that was a mixture of apprehension and dislike.
“Long time no see,” Lilah said, her lips curving into a smile that didn’t quite melt her icy gaze.
“Not long enough Cruella,” the Slayer grunted.
Lilah let out a musical laugh and pushed at her expensively styled hair. She oozed money from every pore, even down to the leather shoes she was wearing. Her dark suit fit her perfectly, screaming money from its lines and cut. She looked horribly incongruous with her surroundings, although that didn’t appear to bother her one bit.
“We never did make good on that deal we had, did we?” Lilah said, her eyes piercing Faith’s steady brown gaze.
The Slayer felt herself tense in response. Wolfram and Hart spelled out nothing but trouble. When they had given her money to kill Angel, she had jumped at the chance, knowing that he, above anyone, had the strength and the darkness to match her own. Little did she know that he, ultimately, would be her salvation. She remembered how Lilah had turned up at the club where she was dancing, coming on to her. A lucrative prospect; that was how Faith had seen her. Nothing more. Running her eyes up and down the figure of the lawyer in front of her, Faith was reminded again of just how lucrative someone like Lilah could be.
“I’m not into that shit anymore,” she told the lawyer tersely.
“So I hear,” Lilah said, nodding towards the bartender, who placed a glass of vodka and tonic in front of her. Lifting the glass, she eyed the rim carefully, pursed her lips in disgust, then set it down again. Turning her attention back to Faith, she smiled tightly. “Fighting the good fight now, are we?” Her tone was inherently sarcastic, although her voice was light and chatty.
“What do you care?” Faith shrugged.
“Oh, we care an awful lot,” Lilah said calmly, arching her eyebrow. “You see, Faith, Wolfram and Hart are wondering why you took our money when you failed to deliver.”
Faith let out a short laugh, as though Lilah had said something very stupid. “Because you gave it to me,” she said.
“Payment for a job. A job that was, to all intents and purposes, never completed.”
“So, what? You want the money back?” Faith turned and leant in close, enjoying the startled expression that flitted across the lawyer’s face. “Cuz I spent it.”
For a moment, Lilah looked as though she might turn and run. Biting her lip, the lawyer’s eyes filled with apprehension before she regained her sense of calm and smiled back at the aggressive stance the Slayer had adopted.
“It’s not about the money Faith,” she said slowly. “It’s never just about the money.” She put her hand onto the Slayer’s arm, feeling the taut muscle underneath the skin with some relish, smoothing her fingers down to the girl’s wrist. “Let’s just say that Wolfram and Hart are looking into other areas now, shall we?”
Wrenching her arm from the woman’s hold, Faith curled her lip, feeling the disgust rise inside her. She slipped down off her stool, her feet thudding onto the floor. “You can say what you like,” she snarled, “but I’m not listenin’. Got that? I’m not ever gonna listen to you.” Without a backward glance, she turned and stomped from the bar.
Lilah leant her elbow onto the counter beside her and pushed at her hair again, smoothing her fingers down over her cheek as a smile turned her mouth upwards. “No Faith,” she said quietly to herself. “But you will.”
“She didn’t say any more than that?” Angel turned from the corner of his room and cast a quizzical look towards Faith, who was shifting agitatedly in the doorway of his office.
She shook her head curtly. “Nope.”
“Well, unless there’s something specific…” he walked to his desk and sat down behind it, his brows drawn in though.
“She looked all smug,” Faith growled, shoving her hands into the pockets of her leather pants. Her face had been set into a snarl ever since she had returned from the bar, and her encounter with Lilah Morgan. The shame she felt about her own dealings with them had never quite dissipated, only serving to fuel the anger she felt within herself. Angel had explained to her on one of his many prison visits that forgiving herself was a good place to start. But, she sighed inwardly, how could she do that when she was constantly reminded of how true evil had settled inside her and confused everything she touched?
Angel could feel the girl’s bristling from where he sat, and attempted to calm her somewhat. “She does that, it’s her job,” he explained gently, a faint smile covering his lips.
Faith rolled her eyes and kicked at the floor. “I coulda taken her out right there you know,” she said. Whether she intended it to or not, her voice held more than a hint of warning.
“But you didn’t,” Angel said firmly. “You didn’t, Faith. That in itself says more about you than it does about her.”
Again, Faith cast him a derisory look, her lip curling. “Figured I didn’t need another stint in the big house,” she grumbled. “Chicks like her, rich chicks, they’re always trouble for people like me. ‘Sides, that Wolfram and Hart set-up, they’re into some deep evil shit. I don’t wanna take them on all by myself.”
Angel sat up in his chair, resting his elbows on the table in front of him. “Faith,” he said softly, “you’re not by yourself. You have us. All of us.”
She snorted with a mirthless laugh and pulled her hands out of her pockets, folding her arms in front of her. She remembered how patiently the vampire had sat and listened to her talk in prison. He had told her that, no matter what happened, she would always have him as a friend. She didn’t believe him at the time, wondering in her insecurity if he was just saying that to stop her hurting other people. Or herself. But his insistence, even now, nagged away at her, giving her hope. She wondered if he knew how hard she clung to it some days.
“We’re family here,” he said, by means of reassurance. “You’re a part of that now. It takes a long time to feel it, but in the end, the people who are around you now will still be around you when you do. I’m not going anywhere,” he smiled wryly.
Relenting a little, she stood down from her terse stance, letting her shoulders droop somewhat. Her face softened and Angel was reminded once again of just how beautiful Faith could look when she wasn’t hiding behind layers of defence. He watched as she took in his words, biting at her lower lip thoughtfully.
“It still hurts,” she said eventually, her voice low and pensive.
“I know,” he nodded. “And it keeps on hurting. But you’re doing the right thing. You know that.”
Shrugging, she deflected his compliment with the carelessness of a girl who was unused to such platitudes. All her life, she thought, nobody had ever cared much whether she did the right thing or the wrong thing. As long as it kept her out of the way and alone. Alone. That word again. Pursing her lips, she wondered if it would ever stop haunting her. Her fear of solitude was sometimes so great that she walked the streets in a daze, just wanting to be where other people were. But even in the crowded walkways and clubs that she frequented, she looked around and saw other people just like her, desperate for the warmth of company, remaining cold with isolation.
“Angel, what if I don’t make it?” she asked suddenly, her brown eyes wide and fearful.
The vampire seemed alarmed by such a suggestion, his brows rising above his normally calm features to direct a gaze of questioning towards her. Shaking his head, he dismissed the feeling of doubt that rose inside him.
“You have to keep believing you will,” he answered. “I do. Cordelia does.”
At the mention of the other girl’s name, Faith shifted from foot to foot. A certain tenderness flickered in her eyes, albeit too briefly, before it was shadowed again by the hard exterior she liked to keep around her at all times. Angel nodded inwardly. Faith knew that Cordy was on her side. All she needed now was to believe that she had a side to be on.
“She cares about you, Faith,” Angel told her simply. “Maybe you should try giving her a chance to do just that.”
“I can’t believe you’re sitting there giving me advice on my love life,” Faith remarked sardonically. “Not like you’re relationship guy is it?” she raised her eyebrows knowingly.
“But we’re not talking about me,” he shot back, almost grinning at her sudden leap to the defensive. “Loving someone is hard, and I know all about that.”
Grunting, Faith reached up and pushed at her hair. “She couldn’t love me,” she said, almost to herself. “Wouldn’t work. She’s like, up there,” she raised her hand in the air, “and I’m just way down below. I mean, even if things did work out, it’s not like I’m good enough for her. And she’s got all this crap in her head about being with me…” she trailed off, a look of misery creeping into her dark gaze. “She’d leave me sooner or later, and you know what? I don’t need that shit again. Everyone leaves, Angel. Everyone does.”
The vampire shook his head, hardly wanting to see the pain flitting across the Slayer’s face in monochrome. Love and loss, was that, in the end, what it was all about? Did loving someone mean ultimately losing them? By his own definition, relationships ended badly. He winced, remembering too many painful separations. Was there ever a relationship that ended in a good way?
“I just don’t see the point in startin’ something that’s going to end,” Faith continued sadly. “Why would she wanna stay with me? Not like I’ve got a bright future is it?” she twirled her finger around in the air, mocking her own words.
Angel took in a breath, letting it out slowly. When Faith had been in prison, she had often talked of the future in terms that indicated it was an unreachable goal for her. Something that she knew she would never have. He supposed that was why she lived for the moment, instead of the hour, or the day, or the week. Certainly never a year, or beyond that.
“Your future’s what you make it Faith,” he told her, his eyes deepening in sympathy. “If you want one, that is.”
Sucking in a breath, she shook her head, her hair falling about her shoulders in a dark mane. “I dunno,” she shrugged. “Have I got one?”
For a moment, Angel said nothing, drawing his fingers in front of him. He sat thoughtfully for what seemed like a long while, as Faith gazed across at him. At that second, she trusted him more than anyone she’d ever known. When his eyes finally rose to meet hers, he blinked once.
“I know a way to find out,” he said quietly.
Part 6
Cordelia tapped lightly on Faith’s bedroom door. The hotel corridor was dim and dark around her, the shaded lights offering little illumination. She shivered slightly and wrapped her arms around her, feeling a prickle rise up and down her arms. Rubbing her palms against her skin, she tried not to think about the lurid history the hotel had, instead focusing on the night ahead. Angel had planned to take her and Faith out somewhere; he hadn’t said where exactly, but Cordelia had merely sniffed and said it was about time he treated his employees to something other than dry cleaning bills that never quite got rid of demon slime. His embarrassed glance back at her had been recompense enough.
Raising her knuckles, she knocked again at the door, this time a little louder. Screwing up her face, she tried to listen for any sounds coming from the room, but heard nothing of any importance, only the dull tinny beat of the radio Faith insisted on playing all the time.
Sighing, she reached for the doorknob and twisted, pushing the door open tentatively. “Faith?” she called, peering around the door. A tang of cinnamon met her nostrils and she inhaled the scent, instantly reminded of the other girl. The faint smell of cigarette smoke hung in the air, lingering along with the fresh mist of steam coming from the bathroom as Cordelia entered the room, closing the door gently behind her.
“Faith? Are you in here?” she called again, moving forward to survey the room with curious eyes. Clothes lay everywhere, hung on the back of the chair at the desk by the window, hurriedly thrown across the rumpled sheets of the bed, and slung carelessly over the armchair in the corner of the room.
Pursing her lips, Cordelia moved over to the bed, trying to ignore the raging dance music that was bleating from the old radio perched on the desk, almost hidden amongst a pile of shirts. She pushed a pair of jeans to one side and sat down on the bed, her hand instinctively moving over the pillow where a couple of dark hairs lay. It was still warm. Sighing, Cordelia reminded herself that Faith didn’t exactly keep conventional hours, and pretty much slept when she felt like it, whether it was six in the morning or three in the afternoon.
Her eyes roaming over the mussed up sheets, she inspected the bedside table close by her knees. Faith’s various pieces of jewellery lay strewn across it, together with a couple of dollar bills and some change. A faint smile crossed Cordelia’s face; she liked the bracelets Faith wore, simple yet pretty. Her smile broadened as she imagined the Slayer’s reaction if she was ever to tell her that. Faith balked at the word pretty, considering it something akin to an insult. But, Cordelia wondered, didn’t every girl want to be pretty? Even Faith?
Reaching out, she touched one of the bracelets gently, looking at the silver cross that hung from it. A frown creased her brow as she fingered it, feeling the smooth surface against her fingertips. It wasn’t unusual for Faith to wear a cross; she was a Slayer after all. But why on her bracelet? Why not round her neck? Leaning in closer, she examined it with some interest. It was so simple, almost too simple. And yet, she realised; it was beautiful precisely because of that.
The music stopped abruptly, the click of the dial snapping off making the actress turn suddenly, her head whipping around to the desk.
“What’s this Cor? Snooping around?” Faith’s wry grin was all she wore.
The first reaction Cordelia had to a very naked Slayer was acute embarrassment. A flush crept its way up from her neck to paint her face a vivid shade of puce. Not only had she been caught going through Faith’s things, but she had been caught in a blatant display of the very body that had often filled her thoughts. Unable to speak, her mouth dropped open and she found that she was quite powerless to wrestle her gaze away from Faith’s nudity. Sure, she’d wondered, imagined and even fantasised about what the Slayer looked like with no clothes on. However, the reality of it was so much more than she had ever created in her head, and it embarrassed her terribly. But more than that, it excited her too.
Swallowing hard, Cordelia closed her mouth audibly and blinked at Faith, who stood with her hands on her hips, grinning widely back at her, not in the least bit self-conscious. And why should she be, Cordelia thought in something close to awe. The Slayer’s tanned skin seemed to glisten with energy in the lamplight of the room, curving wonderfully around her muscular legs, up to a firm torso, marred only by the faint scar across her stomach. Her breasts jutted out almost defiantly, framing her chest and running smoothly down to her light brown nipples. Her hair seemed almost jet black in the light, from the tiny patch between her legs to the luxurious tresses that fell around her shoulders. And in the midst of it all, two brown pools of light gazed firmly back at Cordelia, who was by now almost trembling.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t…I knocked but you didn’t answer…” the girl mumbled and stuttered over her words, wishing that the earth would open up and swallow her right now.
“I was getting cleaned up,” Faith said easily, never once taking her eyes from Cordelia’s face. “Gotta look my best for a night out with Angel,” she laughed, gesturing up with her finger towards her perfectly made up face. The black kohl around her eyes made them seem very deep, like two pools drinking Cordelia in. It was all she could do to nod in reply, feeling her mouth drop open again.
Folding her arms across her chest, Faith tilted her head onto one side and cast a quizzical look towards the other girl. “Enjoy what you see?” she enquired, her lips twitching in amusement.
Jerking back to reality, Cordelia dragged her gaze away from the Slayer and shook the image out of her head. Closing her eyes momentarily, she stood up, twisting her fingers together.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, “I’m really sorry. I’ll go.” She made for the door, but a hand on her arm stopped her. Faith had moved quickly across the room and was standing behind her, the clean scent of the girl filling Cordelia’s senses evocatively.
“No, wait,” Faith said, her voice low and tingling its way huskily down the other girl’s spine.
Turning, Cordelia saw a momentary flicker of vulnerability in the Slayer’s deep brown eyes, before it was quickly shrouded in something else, something that the actress couldn’t quite decipher.
“Might as well stay,” Faith said easily, her fingers moving up and down Cordelia’s wrist. “I’m only going to be puttin’ clothes on. Seeing as you’ve already had the floor show,” her lips curved amusedly. Shrugging, she nodded towards the bed, “Stay.”
Obediently, Cordelia sat back down on the bed, her eyes once again drawn towards the tiny silver cross on the bedside table. By the time she looked back at the Slayer, the other girl was already wearing a pair of hip hugging leather pants and was clasping her bra around her back.
“Any idea where Angel’s taking us tonight?” Faith asked, her back turned as she fumbled among the pile of shirts on the desk, finally holding up a white vest with black piping around the shoulders and collar, shaking out the faint creases in it with a flick of her wrists.
“Um, no,” Cordelia tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible. She watched as Faith slipped the shirt over head, pulling her hair out of the neck and shaking it around her shoulders. “He seems kind of excited though,” she added.
“Huh,” Faith turned, flashing a smile towards the other girl that was received and returned gratefully. “Guess Soulboy doesn’t get out much then?”
Letting out a relieved giggle, Cordelia shook her head. “Angel’s social life is worse than mine,” she said ruefully, “which is saying something.”
Walking over to the bedside table, Faith picked up the bracelet with the cross on it and fastened it around her wrist, leaning down against her thigh to do so. She looked across at Cordelia, her face only inches from the other girl, her leather clad legs brushing against the bare knees that were drawn together. The touch, faint as it was, sent an electricity shooting into the nerve endings of both girls. Bending even closer, Faith put her hands either side of Cordelia on the bed, feeling the mattress sink underneath her touch.
“You didn’t mind did you?” she murmured.
“Mind what?” Cordelia felt Faith’s breath tickle her cheek and caught a faint scent of toothpaste. She moved her hand from her leg onto the bed, brushing her little finger imperceptibly against the Slayer’s hand.
“Me bein’ all naked when you came in,” Faith said, her lips moving forward to brush against Cordelia’s cheek, revelling in the smooth paleness of the skin there, warm under her mouth.
Cordelia’s hand slipped onto Faith’s and travelled slowly up her arm to her elbow, trailing her fingertips over the skin. “Of course not,” she whispered, feeling again the same lurch in her stomach at the mere memory of Faith’s body, how easily the Slayer had shown it to her. The image her mind was throwing at her, together with the feel of the other girl’s lips on her jaw, moving down to her neck, was making her rather dizzy.
“Uh huh, so any chance I get the favour returned one day?” Faith reached out with the tip of her tongue and licked the hollow underneath Cordelia’s jaw.
Wishing she could stay in the moment forever, Cordelia’s mouth opened, a tiny gasp escaping her lips. But her hand took hold of Faith’s arm firmly and moved it to one side, enabling her to stand up and gather the shreds of her nerves about her. She let go of Faith’s arm and smoothed down her skirt, pulling briefly at her bodice top. Looking across at the Slayer, Cordelia gave a tiny grin of triumph at the disappointment in the other girl’s eyes, and leant across to lay her palm on Faith’s cheek.
“You never know,” she answered playfully. “Stick around Faith, and you just might.” She felt a surge of pleasure as a gleam entered the Slayer’s eyes. “Now come on, let’s not keep Angel waiting,” she said briskly, tugging at Faith’s hand. Sighing heavily, the Slayer threw her a dark look and grabbed her denim jacket from the bed.
The club was already more than half full when Angel led Faith and Cordelia over to a table near the bar. When they had arrived at the Caritas Bar, Cordelia’s heart had sunk somewhat. Karaoke and her never spelled out anything good, she remembered painfully. And if her last visit was anything to go by, she wasn’t especially enamoured of showing off her singing talents, or lack of, to an audience of humans and demons alike. Glancing around as they sat down, Cordelia pursed her lips disdainfully at the various underworld figures hunched over tables and muttering in corners to one another. The lure of Caritas, however, wasn’t the ambience, but the Host, who read people’s futures when they sung. Plus he offered a twice-nightly floorshow that pretty much blew your socks off. If, Cordelia thought, casting another glance around at the mixed clientele, you wore socks at all. Giving Angel a look that was more disappointed than anything else, the vampire nodded towards her as though he’d brought her to the Ritz or something. Sighing, she leant back in her chair. Fat chance anyone she hooked up with would ever take her anywhere like the Ritz, she thought. Turning to Faith, she couldn’t help the grin that spread across her lips. Maybe some sacrifices were worth it though, she added mentally.
The Slayer, on the other hand, was gleefully intrigued by Angel’s choice of nightspot. Her eyes flickered around everywhere and she almost forgot the way that her stake had been unceremoniously pulled from her jacket upon entry. Angel had explained that the Caritas was something of a dead zone as far as slaying went. The Host didn’t stand for any kind of violence, and the two burly doormen underlined that way of thinking with a broad, heavy-eyed score.
She’d seen at least three vampires since sitting down, and kept on looking across at Angel with something like pleading in her eyes. He seemed to find it almost amusing, smiling at her with a twinkle in his gaze that was unusual for the taciturn vampire. Reaching over the table, he murmured in her ear that this place was unusual; a safe haven for demons. He was about to explain what Caritas was all about, when a familiar green figure floated across the floor towards them, wearing a truly hideous and overly expensive suit of vivid yellow, offset by the purple cravat that the Host was wearing.
Carrying his usual drink in one hand, he leaned over the table with a smile as Faith recoiled in a combination of horror and amusement.
“Well now, Angelface,” the Host said, putting one hand lightly onto Angel’s shoulder. “I haven’t seen you here for so long I was beginning to think you were a figment of my over active imagination.” He nodded towards Cordelia, “And you’ve brought the ever lovely brown eyes with you.” His eyes flickered over towards Faith and the two stared at one another for a long minute before the Host stood upright, letting out a sigh and shaking his head. “No prizes for guessing what you’re here for, girlie,” he said. “I don’t want to be offensive but you’ve got an aura like you wouldn’t believe. It’s like LA on a smoggy day, which,” he gave a short laugh, “is most days.” Tilting his head onto one side, he eyed Faith carefully, “It’s like that for you too, isn’t it sweetcakes?”
Faith turned to Angel with a confused look on her face, simmering over a desire to punch the Host on his hooked nose. Clenching her fists, she curled her lip as the Host shrugged off her glowering stare.
Putting his hand on Faith’s arm, Angel squeezed it, nodding at her. She calmed down a little, but not enough to prevent the Host from clucking at her once more.
“We were hoping you could do a reading,” Angel said, jerking his head towards Faith. “For her.”
The Host held up his hand in supplication, wiggling his green fingers in the air by his face. “That’s what I’m here for,” he sighed, as though it was a great effort for him. “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride,” he gave a huge sigh of discontent before looking down at the three seated in front of him. “I’ll get some drinks whilst our young friend is choosing her poison,” he said, moving away. Then he stopped, and leant back, shoving his head between Angel and Cordelia. “You two aren’t gracing us with your voices are you?” he asked.
They shook their heads definitively and a look of relief and some amusement crossed the demon’s face. “In that case, have a drink on the house,” he said, patting Angel’s shoulder as he left to move across to the bar.
Rolling her eyes, Cordelia shook her head and took a deep breath, looking across at Faith. The Slayer frowned, her mind still lingering over the Host. She opened her mouth to say something, just as an Agnite demon stepped up to the microphone on the stage, just a few feet away. Opening his mouth, the seven foot brown beast began to gurgle out a song. Shutting her mouth, Faith could only stare in horror as several things became startlingly clear. For a couple of seconds she listened to the Agnite demon’s attempts to sing to the club, before turning to Angel and Cordelia.
“Oh God,” she said, her eyes wide.
“I know,” Cordelia sniffed, her nose wrinkled in disgust. “Way to murder a perfectly decent Britney Spears song.” Biting her lip thoughtfully, she held up her finger. “No wait, that’s wrong,” she added.
“Mandy,” Faith growled at Angel, her eyes narrowing.
He glanced apologetically at her. “I said I didn’t want to dwell on it.”
“Well if you think I’m getting up there and singing then you’ve got another think comin’, Soulboy.” Faith leaned back in her chair and folded her arms, lifting her chin defiantly.
Leaning over towards her, Angel lowered his voice, barely heard above the struggling demonic howling on stage. “You said you wanted to know about your future, if you had one,” he said softly. “Well here’s the place to find out.”
Pursing her lips, Faith glared at him, although a nagging feeling in her gut told her that the temptation was almost too much to bear. Looking over at the Agnite demon, she comforted herself with the fact that, although she might not have the greatest of singing voices, at least she wasn’t as bad as that. A sheaf of papers appeared over her shoulder, followed by a tray bearing three glasses. The Host planted a gleaming glass of blood in front of Angel, and two cocktails in front of Faith and Cordelia.
“I went with my instincts and got you two girls a Screaming Orgasm,” he said calmly, avoiding the hard stares both women gave him. “And O Neg for you, Angelcakes.” Rubbing his hands together, he looked down at Faith. “So, what’s it to be? Tragedy? I Will Survive?” Tilting his head onto one side, he blinked innocently, “Or perhaps It’s Raining Men?”
Several beers later, Faith finally stepped up to the microphone on the stage, trying desperately to ignore the sight of Cordelia’s upturned face in between that of Angel and the Host. If her legs were trembling, she certainly didn’t show it, as she removed the microphone from the stand and clasped it firmly in her hand, closing her fingers tightly around it. The backlights shone off the leather on her trousers, and her skin gleamed in the whiteness behind her. She even found the time to wink down at Cordelia, who smiled up at her, her own nerves barely disguised.
A ripple of cymbals heralded the guitar that struck a lone note, giving way to the drumbeat that joined it. The twelve string sounded out the harmonised intro to the heavy electric guitar that brought in the dull thud and held the note for a minute, counting Faith in.
I wake up in the morning
And I raise my weary head
I’ve got an old coat for a pillow
And the earth was last night’s bed
I don’t know where I’m going
Only God knows where I’ve been
I’m a devil on the run
A six gun lover
A candle in the wind
The patrons of the club appeared to stop talking all at once as the girl on stage opened her mouth and began singing, tentatively at first, then growing stronger as she moved from line to line. She didn’t need to look at the screen, knowing the words by heart. She draped her voice from line to line, easily moving from one lyric to another as her confidence grew.
Cordelia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Faith’s voice was tuneful, no, more than that. It was husky and full, open with a raw quality that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, bristling with appreciation. Taking a quick glance around the club, Cordelia was aware that the Slayer’s voice was having the same effect on practically every other being sitting listening to her. Her eyes were inextricably drawn back to the figure on stage as the girl bent her body over, pushing out the notes with incredible force, rasping her voice over them like she’d always done this kind of thing.
When you’re brought into the world
They say you’re born in sin
Well at least that gives me something
I didn’t have to steal or have to win
Well they tell me that I’m wanted
Yeah, I’m a wanted man
Faith felt exhilaration pulse through her body as she moved her hips along to the beat. Looking down at Angel, she saw a tiny smile form at the corners of his mouth. And then there was Cordelia, looking at her with deep eyes, tainted with something that looked like open lust. Smiling, Faith curved her mouth around the next set of lyrics, leaning forwards to throw them out to the girl sitting at the table. Half kneeling, she bent down at the front of the stage and pushed herself up to the chorus, stamping her foot down on the stage.
I’m going down in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
I’m going out in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I’m no one’s son
Call me young gun
The Host sat up straight in his seat, his hand leaving his glass for the first time that evening. His sense prickling, he could barely take his eyes from the young woman giving it her all on the stage in front of him. Taking a deep breath, he felt his own emotions rise and soar along with her voice, impossibly old and raw for a girl of her age. The throaty sound filled his ears and he felt himself listening carefully to her every word, for the first time in what seemed like aeons.
You ask about my conscience
And I offer you my soul
Faith locked eyes with Cordelia, feeling the energy rush through her like adrenalin, surging her on to communicate something, anything, to the girl who was watching no one but her. She felt an old urging tug at her heart, and knew, no matter how much she denied it, it was there.
You ask if I’ve known love
And what it’s like to sing songs in the rain
Well I’ve seen love come
And I’ve seen it shot down
I’ve seen it die in vain
She closed her eyes, letting images dance in front of her mind for a second. She remembered the day when she’d listened to this song on repeat for about an hour. Funny that, she thought in the back of her mind. She’d never really understood the lyrics until now. And forcing them out with the full power of her lungs, she felt the words course through her. As the electric guitar moved into a solo bridge, Faith spun around and faced the back of the stage, concentrating only on the notes that worked their way through her senses. Turning back to the front of the stage again, she closed her eyes, waiting for her cue.
Aware that the Host was paying particular attention, Faith wrenched her gaze away from Cordelia and fixed it instead upon him, watching as he tilted his head to one side, listening intently to her. Grabbing hold of the microphone stand, she clenched her fingers around it, half leaning into its firmness on the stage beside her. Lowering her voice somewhat, she half whispered and half sung the lyrics into the microphone, holding it close to her mouth.
Each night I go to bed
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
No I ain’t looking for forgiveness
But before I’m six foot deep
Lord I got to ask a favour
And I hope you’ll understand
Cause I’ve lived life to the fullest
Let this boy die like a man
Staring down a bullet
Let me make my final stand
The music faded to a brief pause. Nobody in the club stirred, held spellbound by the girl in leather on stage, her body poised in position, hair falling forwards over her shoulders to cover her face momentarily.
As she moved into the final chorus, Faith gave it all she had, lifting her voice high in the silent club, echoing it around the room. She brought her boot crashing down on the stage to accentuate her words, hurling them out to the audience. Her voice curled huskily around the song, accompanied by her animated movements on the stage, as though she were letting the music breathe through her.
But I drew first blood
And I’m no one’s son
Call me young gun
I’m a young gun
She held onto the final note, making it last, moving the microphone away from her mouth as the guitar echoed the opening phrase. As the music died away, she set the microphone back onto the stand and pushed at her hair, realising how damp her brow was with the exertion. A tiny frown put two lines into her brow as the club fell silent for a split second.
Then it erupted.
Demons, standing on their feet, clapping their hands, or whatever they had instead of hands together. Even vampires, who recognised Faith as the Slayer, stood applauding, feral grins plastered all over their faces. And, Faith smiled, looking down towards her table, Cordelia was clapping harder than anyone, a proud and astonished look covering her pretty face. Pleasure surged inside of the Slayer as she bounced off the stage and back to her table.
Dropping into her chair, she grabbed her beer and swallowed a huge mouthful of liquid gratefully, before anyone could say anything to her. Placing her beer glass back onto the table, she looked round at the three faces gazing towards her and grinned, tilting her head onto one side and pushing at her hair.
“So?” she directed her question to the Host.
He clapped his hands together and bent his head in a dramatic bow. “Oh my sweet girl. We haven’t had a performance like that since I wowed everyone with a rendition of Superstitious back in ninety nine.” Turning briefly to Cordelia and Angel, he pursed his lips proudly, “They were talking about that for weeks, let me tell you.” Directing his gaze back to Faith, he shook his head, “You, girlfriend, have the makings of an alternative career if you ever want to give up slaying.”
Leaning her elbows onto the table, Faith let his compliments slide over her head and bit her lip nervously. “So what can you tell me?” she asked.
Part 7
As a rather drunken businessman took to the stage, offering a slurred rendition of ‘It’s Not Unusual’, the Host took a deep sip of his drink and adjusted his sitting position. He ignored the agitated urgings of Cordelia on his right and leaned across the table towards Faith, who was reaching into her coat pocket for a cigarette, bringing out a pack and dropping them onto the table. As she located her lighter and pushed a cigarette into her mouth, lighting it impatiently, he gathered his thoughts together.
“Well now,” he said dramatically, “where to start?”
Faith narrowed her eyes against the plume of smoke rising from her mouth. “How’s about the beginning?” she said in a low voice.
“Oh sweetcakes,” the Host sighed, rolling his eyes, “we don’t need to go back there do we?” Sipping at his drink again, he swallowed and smiled in appreciation, waving gaily to the bartender. Turning his attentions back to Faith, he put a finger to his pointed chin. “I see so much for you, Slayer girl,” he begun. “You’re on a road, and aren’t we all?” he gestured round the table in a dramatic expansive gesture. “But your road,” he pointed at Faith, “has many hills and valleys. Sometimes you’re not sure where you’re going, and other times you’re so sure it’s like you’ve always been travelling in that direction. But what you have to remember is that the road must be followed. You’re stopping yourself sometimes because you’re afraid of what’s to come and what you are.”
Faith shifted in her chair, tapping her cigarette into the ashtray on the table. Shrugging, she fixed the Host with a penetrating gaze. “So? That sounds like everyone else.”
“Ah,” the Host held up his finger, “but what’s different about you is that you’re almost ready to accept your destiny. Being a Slayer isn’t all it’s cracked up to be is it sweetie? Long hours, low pay, literally no thanks from the hundreds of people you save each day.” He watched as Faith shrugged again, this time adding a faint nod of agreement. “But you’re going to find out soon enough what being a Slayer is all about. Fighting the good fight and all that jazz.” He reached for his drink again, punctuating his speech with a wave of his hand in the air. When he put his drink down, he looked at Faith again, grimacing slightly. “So much pain in you, young one,” he said gently, his eyes roaming over her face. “Some things are harder to let go of than others. But you need to keep on keepin’ on, if you get my drift.”
Faith sucked on her cigarette and inhaled deeply, letting the smoke trail out of her nose. She eyed him carefully and gave a non-committal shrug. She knew what he was talking about. Her gaze flickered over to where Cordelia sat; the other girl hadn’t taken her eyes off the Slayer since she had returned to the table, and Faith, despite herself, was rather enjoying the attention.
“Love and redemption,” the Host said, jerking Faith back to the present again. He put his hand over his heart and leaned back in his chair, rolling his eyes. “Same old story,” he sighed. “Love and redemption, always the same. And you, honey, have it in spades. Comin’ right at you. Just be prepared, that’s all I’ll say right now.” He smiled briefly at Faith before turning with a grimace to the stage, where the drunken businessman was struggling with his Tom Jones impression. Standing, he half bowed to the table and its occupants. “And now I have to go and put this poor darling out of his misery,” he excused himself, leaving them.
Faith took one last drag on her cigarette before stubbing it out firmly in the ashtray. She sighed, looking at Angel, who moved his shoulders up in a comforting shrug.
“Did that help?” he asked her gently.
Looking over towards Cordelia, Faith allowed herself a smile of acceptance and leaned back in her chair. Rubbing at her face, she couldn’t help smiling as she watched the Host try and oust the poor drunken businessman from his prime spot on the stage.
“Is he always that gay?” she frowned at Angel. “Or was that just for my benefit?”
Angel had offered to drive them home. Indeed, Faith’s room awaited her at the hotel. But she and Cordelia had wanted to walk for a while, as the night was balmy, even though it was past midnight. So he had driven them part of the way back to Cordelia’s apartment, with constant warnings that he could smell rain in the air. But they had got out of the car and his comments about the weather had gone unheeded.
Walking in silence, it seemed as though there was no need for words between them. For the first time since she had become so involved with Faith, Cordelia felt truly happy. She kept hearing Faith’s singing voice in her head and was enjoying the shivers the memory of it sent down her spine. When they got five blocks from her house, Cordelia reached across to the Slayer beside her, slipping her fingers into Faith’s hand. The other girl looked over at her with some surprise on her face, but didn’t pull away. Instead, she interlaced her fingers with Cordelia’s, and the two continued walking hand in hand, peaceably happy and more content then either one would let the other know.
A searing flash of light above their heads made them look heavenwards as a fork of lightning split the sky, followed by a guttural rumble of thunder. Grimacing, Cordelia could only let out a squeal as the rain followed, coming down with such force that it was as though needles were falling onto their skin.
Pulling Faith along, Cordelia began to quicken her pace, knowing that it was pointless, as the rain was lashing down with such force that the two girls were soaked through in minutes. The Slayer let out a laugh amidst the thunder and lightning that accompanied the rain, feeling the energy in the air around her, crackling with impenetrable force. Letting out several whoops of delight, she ended up literally chasing Cordelia around the streets near her apartment building, until the actress capitulated and allowed Faith to grab a hold of her and dance her around in the rain until their clothes hung from their bodies, sodden and heavy.
By the time they reached Cordelia’s building, both girls were breathless and excitable, the lightning flickering white through the living room as they entered, dripping on the tiled floor.
Closing the door behind them, Cordelia let out a sigh of exasperation. Looking over at Faith, she watched the Slayer remove her jacket and run her fingers through her hair, hanging shiny and black over her shoulders. Flashing a grin at the actress, Faith dropped her jacket and flicked her wrists, sending an array of droplets flying onto the floor.
“You’re all wet,” she drawled, her eyes viewing the thin skirt and bodice top that the other girl was wearing. Her gaze raked up and down the body that was easily viewed through the wet clothing, and a lazy smile spread itself appreciatively across her lips. Folding her arms across her wet chest, Faith tilted her head onto one side. “Quite a night,” she said slowly.
In the darkness of the room, Cordelia’s eyes shone brightly, gleaming in the faint light that came from the street outside. She slid her feet out of her shoes and sighed lightly, smiling back at Faith, standing there in her heavy leather trousers.
“You were amazing,” she ventured tentatively, knowing how Faith liked to shrug off compliments. As her eyes met the Slayer’s, a flash of lightning outside lit up their faces, and Cordelia saw Faith smile slowly, her teeth gleaming brightly in the room for a second. “I didn’t know you could sing,” she added.
“I can hold a tune,” Faith acquiesced, feeling a faint remnant of the adrenalin rush she had gotten whilst singing to a rapt audience. Despite herself, she felt a shiver run through her body. Only, she thought, looking over at Cordelia, it probably wasn’t all due to her own wet clothing and hair, dripping down her back as it was.
For a long moment, both girls gazed at one another in the darkness of the living room, before Cordelia sucked in an audible breath and alerted herself into action. “We’d better get out of these clothes,” she said suddenly, motioning towards the bedroom.
“Oh I thought you’d never ask,” Faith grinned, receiving a glance of reprove from the actress as she followed her through to the bedroom. She kicked off her boots, sending them flying across the room in abandon, hearing them thud against the floor somewhere near the kitchen doorway.
Pausing in the doorway, Cordelia was aware of the heightened presence of Faith behind her. Ever since she had returned to their table in Caritas, she had been unable to stop looking at her, remembering how her naked body had danced around her head, almost taunting her. Shivering now with desire, she wanted nothing more than to see that body again, to hold it close to her, to feel her fingers trail over Faith’s skin. Putting a hand to her forehead, Cordelia reached out with one hand and grasped the wooden doorframe.
“Cor? You okay?” Faith’s voice, filled with concern, reached her as though from a distance.
Turning, Cordelia blinked as another flash of lightning lit the face of the Slayer in front of her. Faith’s eyes caught the light and shone back at her, her face set into a frown as she gazed at the pensive form before her. Without even thinking, almost without knowing, Cordelia reached forwards and grabbed Faith’s upper arms, twisting her round and slamming her against the door of the bedroom. The Slayer let out a whoosh of air as her shoulder blades hit the wood behind her, her mouth falling open to object. Before she had the chance to give voice to her reservations, Cordelia’s body was pressed up against her own, her lips seeking Faith’s with an urgency hitherto unknown.
Cordelia’s mouth pressed hard against Faith’s, kissing her with abandon and a rising lust that filled both girls’ bodies. Her hands moved from Faith’s arms to press against her head, holding her mouth steady as she pushed her tongue into the Slayer’s mouth. Surprised, but not deterred, Faith’s arms slid around Cordelia, holding her close as the kiss deepened. Tightening the embrace, Faith moaned softly as her own tongue tumbled and played with the other girl’s.
The hands on her head moved to pluck at the hem of her white shirt, Cordelia’s fingers sliding underneath the wet material to pull it up Faith’s stomach. As the fingertips grazed against her flesh, Faith felt another chill rise inside her body, turning to a deeper fire as it plunged down towards her stomach. Peeling the shirt up Faith’s body, Cordelia pushed it around her neck, forcing the Slayer to lift up her arms so that the other girl could remove it completely, dropping it onto the floor where it hit the ground with a wet slap.
Leaning her head back slightly, Cordelia gazed once again at the curve of Faith’s breasts, hiding beneath her bra. A hungry light filled her eyes as she bent her head to the Slayer’s breastbone, nipping and kissing her way down the dewy skin until she came up against the material covering Faith’s breasts. Reaching around, her fingers knocking against the door, Cordelia unclasped the bra and that too, joined the shirt on the floor. Faith’s fingers slid up into Cordelia’s wet hair, spreading over her scalp as she felt the other girl’s mouth dipping ever closer down the sensuous curve of her body, lips tugging on skin and tongue flickering a line of heat that peaked her nipples into hard points of lust. Leaning her head back against the door, Faith let out a gasp of delight as Cordelia took one of her dark nipples into her mouth, sucking on it gently at first, then taking it more firmly between her lips and pulling on it.
Feeling the hard peak in her mouth, Cordelia was amazed at how rough the skin felt, puckered against her tongue. She hadn’t realised the many textures of skin, the way it moved and undulated under her moist touch. Closing her eyes, she gave herself over to the warmth spreading throughout her loins, revelling in the sensation that was in her mouth and her body all at once. Sliding her hand up over Faith’s stomach, she continued the trail until her fingers brushed over the other nipple, cold and hard to her touch. Running her fingertip softly over it, she felt a clenching in her stomach as Faith’s grasp on her head tightened, and she squeezed down hard with her finger and thumb, making the Slayer cry out loud; an odd mixture of a groan and an exclamation of joy and surprise.
But it wasn’t enough, Cordelia realised, as her desire took hold of her and made her free hand wander down to Faith’s pants. Pulling at the sodden leather, she popped the button out of its hole and wrenched the zip downwards. She wanted, no, she corrected herself, she needed Faith to be naked again. Needed to feel that skin against her own. Needed to see that body that she had desired for so long. As her fingers made their way between the open mouth of the zip, she felt Faith’s hands on her shoulders, pushing her back a little.
Confused, Cordelia stood back, her hair mussed up, open mouthed and breathless. Panting, she gazed at the Slayer, who was fixing an intense stare into her own eyes, two bright spots in the otherwise black room.
“Cor, you sure about this?” Faith asked, her voice low and urgent in the silence between thunder and rain.
Leaning forwards, Cordelia pressed her mouth against Faith’s, just once, before drawing back and gazing, heavy lidded, at the object of her desire. She put her palm up to rest against Faith’s cheek, feeling the heat there.
“I’m really sure,” she said, amazed at the way her voice sounded, so low and full of lust. “I want you Faith. I want you right now.” Almost like an exclamation point to her sentence, the thunder crashed outside and faded away, rumbling like a feral beast, caged and anxious.
Faith’s hands slid down to her own, holding them tightly, pulling her over to the bed. Sitting down, the Slayer pulled Cordelia in front of her, resting her fingers on the actress’ slim hips momentarily. Lifting her hands, she moved to unbutton the bodice that clung to Cordelia’s upper body, her fingers nimbly and delicately parting the material to reveal the actress’ taut stomach and naked breasts. Taking in the sight she had wanted to see for so long, Faith’s hands smoothed over Cordelia’s body, dipping into the scar tissue on the girl’s stomach. Cordelia caught Faith’s hands in her own, her head dropping shamefully as the Slayer traced the pattern of the scar that held memories the actress would rather have forgotten.
“Don’t…” Cordelia whispered.
Looking up into her eyes, Faith only smiled briefly before bending her head down to kiss the scar tissue softly, flicking the tip of her tongue over it, tasting the other girl’s skin and letting out a soft moan. An answering sigh came from Cordelia, who wound her fingers into Faith’s wet hair, feeling the cold tendrils wrap around her hands and tempt her in closer.
Faith’s hands smoothed up the back of Cordelia’s thighs, up to where her skirt fastened around the back. Undoing it, Faith pushed it down the girl’s body to the floor, reaching back up again for her panties, sliding them down over slim hips and firm legs until Cordelia stood naked before her.
Leaning back slightly, Faith let her eyes roam over the body that she had thought about constantly for god knows how long. Appreciatively, her lips curved upwards in a smile as she observed how the other girl looked down at her almost shyly, her hands still entwined in Faith’s hair. Standing up, Faith turned Cordelia around and lowered her onto the bed, her strong hands around the other girl’s waist. Kneeling on the bed, Faith stretched her own body along the length of the sighing girl underneath her, pressing her own breasts against Cordelia’s, letting out a groan from the base of her throat as skin made contact with skin. Surprised at her own gentleness, Faith felt Cordelia’s hands move from her hair down to the waistband of her leather pants, pushing at them.
Grinning, Faith wriggled out of them, hating the way they clung to her damp skin. A surprised ‘oh’ escaped Cordelia’s mouth as she realised Faith wasn’t wearing any underwear. Her hands smoothed over the cold skin of the Slayer’s ass as Faith returned to her position over Cordelia on the bed, dropping her head down to kiss the other girl passionately, their tongues meeting in a rough and tumbled embrace. Faith’s hair fell wetly onto Cordelia’s shoulders as girl pressed against girl in the glow of the night outside.
When Faith’s mouth moved to bite at her nipple, Cordelia let out a gasp of pleasure at the flickering sensations travelling up and down her body. She writhed underneath the Slayer’s caress as her thigh slipped up between Faith’s legs and was immediately covered with a wet warmth that only served to dizzy her head even more.
A hoarse moan came from Faith’s throat as she grasped hold of Cordelia’s hands, raising them up above the other girl’s head and holding them firmly in her own fingers. Lifting her head, a lazy grin spread across Faith’s mouth and she hung her mouth only inches above the parted lips of the actress. Tightening her grip on the other girl’s hands, she could feel the quickened breath falling against her chin, giving a rhythm to the pattering rain on the window outside.
“You know I wanted to do this for a long time, don’t you Cor?” she whispered. The other girl nodded mutely. “I think about you and I swear, I wanna be right here all the time,” she punctuated her sentences with a thrust of her hips, pushing her wetness down onto Cordelia’s thigh. The other girl moaned, struggling against Faith’s hold on her wrists, arching her back and pushing her breasts into the Slayer’s.
“Damn, Cor,” Faith muttered, her throat thick with desire. “Tell me you want me,” she dropped her mouth to the other girl’s throat, pulling skin in between her lips and flicking at it with her tongue.
Closing her eyes as a droplet of rain fell from Faith’s wet hair onto her chest, Cordelia let out a gasp, her breath ragged. “I want you Faith,” she moaned. “Oh god, I want you.”
Faith’s free hand moved down Cordelia’s body, feeling the flushed patches of skin blur with the cold dampness of rain soaked flesh. Raking her fingers down past the curve of breasts that boasted agonisingly hard nipples, Faith spread her fingers over Cordelia’s stomach, moving her body to one side and curling athletically over the other girl. Inching down towards the patch of dark hair between Cordelia’s legs, she watched as the other girl closed her eyes, turning her head to one side on the pillow and muttering under her breath, her chest rising and falling with increased excitement.
Slipping one finger inside Cordelia, Faith felt her touch enclosed in a soft wetness that slipped deliciously against her skin. Lust rose inside her chest as she leant down to take a nipple between her teeth, biting down gently on it. A guttural groan came from the other girl that pleasured Faith more than she had expected. Running her finger upwards, she touched the engorged clitoris and pressed down on it, the sensation plucking at a range of nerves running up and down the actress’ body.
“Do you want me inside you?” Faith breathed harshly, lifting her lips from Cordelia’s breast. The other girl lifted her head momentarily, looking down in the darkness to see Faith’s blackened eyes gazing up at her, like two pools of onyx, hypnotising her. And she, powerless to resist the sexual urge that was raging inside of her, could only gaze back.
“Well, do you?” Faith growled, her fingers flirting around Cordelia’s pussy.
Biting her lip, Cordelia lifted her hips, pushing them towards the Slayer’s hand. But Faith drew them back, the tips glistening with wetness, and smiled, the corner of her mouth lifting lopsidedly.
“Yes,” Cordelia muttered, “yes, inside me. Please Faith.” Her words trailed off into a moan as Faith plunged two fingers into her, shoving them in deeply. It was as though the Slayer’s touch was filled with fire, spreading a hotness throughout Cordelia’s body. Catching her breath, she let out another groan as Faith’s thumb brushed over her clitoris, swirling around it and occasionally pressing down hard.
Using her thigh, Faith began to push her hand deeper into the other girl, the motion of her body rubbing her own pussy along the smooth leg beneath her. She let her mouth fall open, sucking in great lungfuls of air as the dizzy sensation begun to rise inside her, bringing a force to her movements, a deliberate thrust to her own hips. Pressing down on Cordelia’s wrists, she felt the other girl buck underneath her, sighing loudly with each exhalation.
Lowering her face over Cordelia’s, Faith pressed a hard kiss onto the open mouth below her own. Lips moved against lips as both girls gave way to a peaked passion bursting inside of them. A hissing whiteness filled Cordelia’s head as she raised her hips fully off the bed, Faith’s knuckles bumping against her pubic bone. Wrenching her mouth away from the Slayer’s kiss, she took in a deep breath of air, holding it as her senses rushed to a summit of completion. Her eyes flicked back to Faith’s face, startled in a moment of realisation.
Suddenly, Faith’s mouth was at her ear, her breath hot and heavy against her damp hair, clinging around her face. “Come for me baby,” the Slayer murmured, “come for me Cor, please baby.”
Her lungs almost bursting, Cordelia let out a cry as she exhaled. A cry that was long and true, carrying with it all the tension and fear, taking it right out of her body. Arching upwards, she froze against Faith’s body, the sweat on her torso clinging against the Slayer’s skin, melding them together in a bizarre sculpture of sated need. As soon as Faith’s hand left her wrists, releasing her, Cordelia’s arms snaked round the Slayer and held her tightly, both girls breathing heavily.
“Who set off the fireworks?” Cordelia mumbled, her chin resting on the damp hair of the Slayer, a faint scent of the shampoo Faith used rising up to her nose.
Turning her head, Faith settled her cheek against the other girl’s chest and frowned. “What fireworks?” she asked, laying one leg over the long slender limb below it.
“The ones in my head,” Cordelia smiled, closing her eyes.
Faith let out a little snort of laughter and leant up on her elbow, breathing in the faint salty scent of perspiration from the actress. A quirky smile pulled at her lips as she reached down to the bottom of the bed, grabbing the folds of a blanket and pulling it up over their bodies. Settling back against the inert body of the woman beside her, Faith cast a glance towards the window.
“It’s stopped raining,” she observed, her voice sounding very loud in the quiet of the room. Receiving no response from the other girl, she looked down at Cordelia’s face, only inches from her own. She was already asleep.
Laying her head down onto the pillow beside the other girl’s, Faith gazed at Cordelia for a long time before she too, slipped into slumber.
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This Is How It Feels Parts 8 - 15
