It's Saturday morning and I was thinking I hadn't done anything on my site in a very long time. I guess I've been occupied with other things instead. I think I do that a lot, I put all my energy into one thing at a time and while I do so, everything else gets put aside, or worse I get these wonderful ideas but never follow through. I don't know why I never follow through. It's daily, for example if it's really sunny out and I'm driving around, I'll decide that when I go home I'll go for a bike ride. This idea stays with me right up until I walk in the front door and I wimp out and decide to watch TV, or go on the computer instead. Another area where I do this is in the job field. I often think about selling my art, or the cards I make but never do. I think about going to book stores and offering my services to read children's books to children, but never do. I think about places were I want to work but never get around to printing off my resume, let alone even going to the places to get an applications. I recently figured out something about myself though. If I know I'm not going to succeed, I won't try at all. This happens with my school work. I'm taking 4th year Spanish and I have been fortunate enough to have done really well the first three years without really trying and now that I have to work to get good grades I don't. I fear that if I don't get an A, then it is not worth even trying. It's terrible, so I do a half-efforted job and get a bad grade instead of putting all my energy into it and getting a decent, respectable grade. This happens all the time in my life and I don't know why it does.
March 9th, 2000
I woke up really early today so that I could continue studying from an Art History midterm. I turned on my computer like always and there was an e-mail waiting for me. I said my granpa had been diagnosed with cancer. I've had my heart drop over many things, and this was another. It's almost too clichéd, but I truly never thought cancer would enter into my family. It's a disease that effects millions of
other people, not people that are close to me. What does one do when news like this is heard? I immediately called my grandparents to get more information. They seem awfully optimistic and praise the Lord for that. They also have a sense of peace and a strong faith in prayer. I do trust that God will continue to work in their lives and that my grandpa having cancer is under God's control, but I still feel sad. I guess what this news has done is bring mortality into my mind. I have never had a loved one die before and so I suppose it scares me. My grandpa is no where near being really sick and fortunately I think this was caught early enough that Doctors should be able to remove most of the cancer, but I am the type of person that will make things out to be bigger then they really are only because I dwell on it so much. I feel as if my grandfather now has a time limit and that really bothers me. On the other hand, he may be around longer than me. Sometimes it would be nice to see God's Daytimer and see where and when everything happens, but then again, if that was available to us we wouldn't need faith, trust or belief in God's omniscience. I guess I'm scared, sad and wishing dearly that my mom, dad, sister and her husband were all here so that we could work through this together. Maybe it's just me that needs to work it out, but the support from them would be a huge benefit.
March 16th, 2000
Today I recieved my bizillionth FWD e-mail and this time it was about shutting of your TV to protest ads. In response, I flamed them. I don't usually respond to such e-mails but it really bothered me today. I find that people are plain rude when it comes to e-mails and no one stops to think that their is an etiquette and it should be followed. Sending off a FWD without deleating the address is plain rude and is dangerous for future spamming. Your address keeps being passed on and on to future people and the result is massed spamming. Another irratable feature are the hoaxes or "Urban legends" that keep being passed on. Does a person honestly think MicroSoft is going to pay $250 for every person's address on an e-mail? Do people seriously think Gap is giving away free jeans? It's the first rule of Consumer awareness,
Nothing, is ever free. The technological age has produced "online" idiots and I think people should quit being so excited for knowing how to e-mail and think that all e-mail that passes through their server is intended for all their friends. I guess I'm a bit bitter today because this entry sounds awfully hostile but it's just like going to the snail mail box and continually finding junk mail. Does anyone keep their flyers and pass them on to their friends? No, because they are seen as a nuisance. Please re-consider a FWD and if you are to FWD it, make sure you clean it up first. For more, go to
E-mail Etiquette
March 27th, 2000
I am sitting at my computer, avoiding homework, listening to MP3's and eating Ben and Jerry's
Coffee, Coffee, BuzzBuzzBuzz!. This ice-cream is so delicious! I'm thrilled to have found it. Last night was the Oscars and I can not express through words my utter and sincere disgust at the Best Picture award. American Beauty is the most immoral, crude, inappropriate movie I have ever seen. They mask their disgusting plot with a face of humor, which entices people to sit and laugh through the whole film. I could not believe America had sank so low in their ethics to have given a movie like this the award for Best Picture. The moral code of the States is gone and it is a drastic and terrible shame that it is.
How can one compare Shakespeare in Love, The Titanic, and even Gone with the Wind (all winning Oscars for Best Picture) to this eye candy of a film. I won't go on, but I just wanted to voice
my opinion on the subject. On another note, I am having terrible sleeping problems. I have an inconsistant sleep because of frequent tossing and turning. I'm awake for small portions everytime I do turn, so I feel unrested and tired when I wake up. I'm trying different things to help me sleep, none have proven successful for more then 2 nights. Maybe once school is over I'll have better luck. Well, that's all for me tonight. See ya.
